@memoryoflost asked: “  i can see beneath your smile.  ” from Aku-

prompts for emotionally stunted idiots

Of course Akutagawa would notice. He hated it, how the two had become so aware of eachother to be able to point out things like this. None of the kids had noticed, Mori and Elise hadn't noticed, hell - even Kyoka hadn't noticed. But Akutagawa did, and he wants to wring the other's neck for it

The air grows tense as he lets the fake smile drop, staring out over the fields that surrounded the orphanage. It was so bright and colorful since he was last here. Almost too bright. For someone such as him, who had crawled out of the darkness of hell itself - did he truly deserve to be in such a place? He lowered his head slightly so he wasn't blinded, a sigh escaping him.

"I need you to punch me." He says out of the blue as his hands clench into fists at his sides. He's shaking. "Or restrain me, or do something. I don't know what's wrong but--" He gasps for a moment before one hand is covering his neck and the other his mouth, his eyes flashing gold as if he was using his abilities. He didn't know what it was about today, but the Tiger within him had been so restless. It had been a month, maybe two, maybe even three - since he had last killed someone. Since he had let the tiger roam free. It felt as if he was keeping part of him within a cage, and today was the day it was going to bust out.

He didn't have his choker on him. Mori didn't like it when he wore it as he caused him physical pain. But that's the only avenue he knew to truly deal with the situation, hence his request to Akutagawa. He needed to feel some kind of pain, then maybe he could gain control of himself long enough to lock that beast up once more and figure out what to do about it later. But how long would this tactic work? How long until his next fit? Could he even stay here, knowing that these kinds of moments could happen?

"I-- I don't-- want to hurt the kids--"

His voice cracks as both hands grip the front of his turtleneck, then a low growl escapes from the back of his throat. He needed to run into the forest, or Akutagawa needed to do something - He couldn't hold it back anymore.

@theircurse

"Yu-kun?" For a moment, he forgets he's not at home. He forgets that he's in the streets of an almost unfamiliar city. For a moment, he's home at the orphanage, looking for his little sibling among the other children to spend some time with them.

He jogs up to the child, a small smile on his face before he stops suddenly. The Yumeno he knows doesn't wear those clothes, nor do they carry around their doll in broad daylight anymore. They didn't need it, they had mentioned to Atsushi one day. If they got hurt at the orphanage, he hoped it would just be from playing with the other children, and they could forgive them for that.

The smile becomes somewhat sad as he puts his hands into the pockets of his black coat. "Sorry, I mistook you for someone..."

@memoryoflost - akutagawa (beast)

"I...didn't think you'd be dropping by..." How Akutagawa had even found out he had been moved to the orphanage was beyond Atsushi. Maybe Mori had spoken to him, maybe someone from the ADA helped move him here while he had been unconscious after Dazai's death. There were a dozen possibilities, so Atsushi had long since stopped trying to make sense of it all.

But what absolutely didn't make sense, was how Akutagawa was so good with the kids. The kids had all rushed towards him and he had used his ability to make something of a play area for them out of his coat. Had he experience with this kind of thing? Maybe now was the time to ask as the kids had been moved inside for their lunch time and it was just the two of them outside underneath the overcast sky.

"...-" But it was so awkward!! He took a deep breath before trying again. "Any...any luck finding out about those groups Dazai-san spoke of?" Yes, work, he could talk about work. "I could ask Mori-san if he has any old contacts we could possibly talk to..." He had considered it, disguising it as helping the ADA out with a case. But he felt....bad, lying to his new father like that. Though there wasn't much he could do there, explaining looking for certain groups could eventually lead to explaining the book's existence, and they couldn't allow anymore people to know.

"It's okay- really - I'm used to it." He's used to his neck bleeding cause of the collar he wears that's more than a bit too tight??

@memoryoflost asked: Akutagawa didn’t know what else to bring, so have a jar of sugar cubes to use for your drinks Atsushi- “Here. I thought you would prefer something like this-“ Akutagawa had never really bought gifts before and it shows

He didn't know that Akutagawa had even known about his birthday, so the fact that he had shown up at the orphanage was strange to Atsushi. Wasn't he just here the day before yesterday? Why would he come again so soon? Did he have new information that was vital to tell in person, or...?

When he's given the jar of sugar cubes, he stares at it for a few moments. He turns it around in his hands, looking up at Akutagawa and then back down at the jar. After a few moments of - probably awkward - silence, Atsushi can't help the choked laugh that escapes his lips. It eventually turns into full blown laughter, even having him wipe a few tears from his eyes.

"I love it!" He smiles at the detective, something that he had only done once before, when they had met in that diner and were bonding over their past. Atsushi always thought that there was no one in this world that could understand him, but-

maybe he was wrong.

"Want to stay for some tea?" Atsushi asked once the fit of laughter was over. "Mori-san asked the kids to leave me alone today, so we can use one of the rooms to relax in."

@nonhumen asked: " what are you hiding? and don't you dare try lying to me. " (from beast dazai)

prompts for emotionally stunted idiots

He wasn't planning on hiding it. How could he? With how he stalked through the halls of the headquarters covered in blood. From head to toe, it didn't matter if he was wearing black - the red stained his coat, the fur around his neck, his face, his hair, everything. It would be a disaster to clean up - had he cared about that sort of thing right now.

He stalks up to the highest floor, having taken the stairs instead of the elevator to avoid dragging blood through the whole building - Dazai would have been even more angry if he had done that, Atsushi thinks. He didn't have to wait too long after opening the door to the correct floor, having been greeted by Dazai before he even made it to the boss's office. There's a blank stare he gives the boss. There's a whirlwind of emotions behind purple eyes, but tears start forming in the corners of them. He thought he cried everything he had to cry at the orphanage, but apparently not. When faced with his boss, the one who he had just betrayed the orders of, he fear and sadness came rushing back up again.

He drops to his knees infront of Dazai, lowering his head as he got onto his hands aswell. There was a flurry of apologies that leave the tiger's mouth, mumbled together like some kind of mantra that he just kept repeating and repeating.

' I'm sorry ' ' I won't do it again ' 'I killed him, I killed him ' were a few of the sentences muttered over and over. How was he supposed to tell Dazai that he disobeyed the one order he had given him straight out of his training?

Do not go to the orphanage.

It was a simple order. But he couldn't resist. He wanted to put an end to that chapter of his life. He wanted to burn every bridge there was, kill anyone involved, and then finally he would be free.

But he wasn't free, he just added more chains to himself. More burdens, more weight. He should have listened, damn it, HE SHOULD HAVE LISTENED.

Even if he had planned to hide it from Dazai, one of the men Atsushi brought with him would have told him, as they made it to the top floor just now in the elevator. The tiger pays the sound of the doors opening no mind as he drops his face into his bloodied gloves. The blood was dried by now, but he could still smell it. It was all around him, consuming his overpowered senses.

He was never going to get the smell of the Director's blood off of him.

@nonhumen asked: "happy birthday, atsushi-kun." the mafia boss smiles at his protege. he reaches out, releasing the tiger of his collar before pulling him into a gentle hug. no longer human quiets the beast within, if only for a little while.

Super Late birthday asks. | No longer accepting.

"D-Dazai-san- Don't-" He's worried, but doesn't stop the mafia boss as he reached for his collar. Today, of all days, he needed to keep it on. Or else he didn't know what would happen, what he would do. He had been debating finding an empty warehouse to just let loose in because the beast was just so loud today. For good reason, but still--

But then Dazai hugs him, and his brain needs a moment to catch up with the action. Slowly, he feels the tiger cease turning in his body. His mind and heart quiet, and for a moment, there is peace. His tense posture quickly melts as he lays his head onto Dazai's shoulder and gives a shaky exhale.

Instinctively, he wraps his arms around Dazai, fingers digging into the back of his coat. He knows this moment can't last forever, but god damn does he wish it could. He could fall asleep in an instant if he wasn't careful, that's how relaxed it made him. But he was determined to hold onto this feeling for however long Dazai was willing to give it to him.

"....Thank you, Dazai-san."

@theircurse asked: They're still very confused by Atsushi but you know what ? He can have this cat toy they won off the gachapon machine ( with stolen change ). They got the white one when they were hoping for the blue one.

He's stunned, for a moment, simply looking at the toy that the child was offering him. There's no way that this Yumeno knew that his birthday was today - that today was one of, if not the, worst day of his life. After a moment of staring, he takes the toy into his hands. He's wearing gloves, but he can tell that it is soft.

The reaper tilts his head, turning the toy around in his hands a few times. This....This is the first toy he's ever gotten, thinking about it

"You're-....giving this to me?" What would he do with it? He didn't even have a permanent place of residence here - and didn't want to all things considered - so he didn't really have anywhere to display it. At least he had gotten himself a backpack that he could carry it around in. He stares for a moment longer at the toy before bringing it close to himself and hugging it. He had seen kids at the orphanage hug their stuffed toys and mimicked the action.

......

"Thanks." He smiles at Yumeno and gives the toy a slightly tighter squeeze. He could understand the appeal now. "You know, this is the second thing anyone has ever given me." On his birthday, at least.

@nonhumen

"D---Dazai-san?"

No, no that couldn't be him. Dazai's dead. Dazai died right in front of him. The scene plays out in front of him as if it was just yesterday. Dazai told them about the book, and then willingly killed himself to keep the world in balance. To make sure that the world wouldn't collapse.

But now he wasn't in his world, was he? Dazai was alive, dressed differently -- This wasn't his world. They had failed, somehow, someway. Atsushi's knees are week as he takes a few more steps towards this Dazai. In his mind, it wasn't the 'real' Dazai, it was the one who had trained him, who had raised him, who had fired him. The one who wanted him to be free from the mafia and protect the book. That's who he saw in front of him.

His hands grip at his head as he lowers himself in front of this Dazai, still trapped in the past as he held back a sob. His words are a jumbled mess. ' I failed you' ' We failed you ' ' I'm sorry ' ' Why did you die ' ' Why are you here ' ' Are you haunting me, is that it? '

At the very least, this breakdown wasn't happening in the public eye. They were by the water. Unknowingly to this Atsushi, this is where the real version of him and Dazai met. How ironic, how cruel. But at least, Atsushi could sink down to his knees in peace, taking a couple ragged breaths as he tries to gain control of himself.

"You-You're not him - You ca-can't be -" He finally stammers out, but he can't look up at Dazai. No, because if he looks up, he'll just see his Dazai standing there. The man haunts him, any time Atsushi's in a high place, he sees the man there. Now he's seeing Dazai at ground level. Dazai haunts him like the death he is so afraid of, tempting him closer to the edge himself. But he can't, not yet. He needs to protect the world that Dazai left behind. He has to. He has to.

His eyes go wide at the realization. He has failed, though. He's not in his world - was there anything left to be protected? If not - what was the point of even still living?

@lunargifted asked: “ do i trust you? absolutely not. next question. ” Atsushi

prompts for emotionally stunted idiots

He flinched. Okay, that stung abit, but he wasn't entirely surprised. If their roles were reversed, he wasn't sure if he'd trust the other tiger either. Especially if he had still been in the mafia, it would have been a blood bath on sight.

"....Next question." The reaper echoed as he shoved his hands into his black jacket pockets. It likely didn't help he was dressed in his old get up, large black coat with a few dried bloodstains on it, and the white fur around his neck. His eyes meet the mirror's, and they narrow and start to turn gold.

"Are you fine with having a million death's on your conscious?" He lets the question hang in the air for a moment. It was cruel to come at it from this perspective, but maybe it would finally get through the 'real' Atsushi's thick skull. "My world might have been born from the book, but it was real. My friends, my new family, the children at the orphanage...They were real. I could touch them, feel them, laugh with them, cry with them....and I'm here asking for help to get them back."

He takes a few steps closer to Atsushi, standing right in front of him. For a moment, there's a low growl as the beast reaches up to grab at the original's collar, lifting his feet just barely off the ground as he continued to speak. "They aren't just dead now, they're gone. As if they never existed. The ADA, the port mafia, the orphanage, anyone and everyone I know - they're gone. So you can trust me when I say I would burn this world down to get them back." He had been making so much progress, but now...now he is back at square one. Any kindness he thought he had built up was gone now. Kyoka wasn't here to calm him, and who knew if Akutagawa had made it to this world to help him either. As far as he knew, he was all alone, again. Not even Dazai could help him this time. His only hope was to get the original world's book and bring his world back to life again. He had to bring everyone back....or die trying.

"You're either going to help me, because that's what detectives are supposed to do. Or you're going to stay out of my way." He drops Atsushi then, and whether or not he catches his balance when his feet hit the ground is not the reaper's concern.

"You don't have to completely trust me to work with me." He decides to say after taking a few deep breaths, rubbing his gloved hand over his face in an attempt to calm himself down. This is the exact kind of situation where he would lose control. He tries to focus on the coping mechanisms he's learned from Mori, but it just makes the pain worse. Damn it, he just gained a father only to lose him within a few weeks....Did Dazai curse him by letting him know the information of the book? He thinks he would have rather been ignorant.

What else could he say? What would convince the real Atsushi to work with him? He could understand why the other was hesitant. The reaper was the worst version of the original. Atsushi likely didn't want to see himself in a mirror looking and acting how he was now - but he couldn't change in the blink of an eye. And so many weeks of therapy and coping was going down the drain now.

He turns his back to Atsushi, taking one more deep breath. "Think on it." He grits out through his teeth. "I'll be waiting at the port." He couldn't be here anymore, he needed to remove himself from the situation. So he starts walking, however slow the pace might be, he's walking. His shoulders are hunched as he grips the front of his jacket while he does so. Breathe, he reminds himself, don't lose control, not here.

@hiircgi asked: ❛ do you ever think about the future? ❜

Atsushi looks down at the watch he had on him at the question. He had thankfully been wearing it before...before being separated from his home, before ending up here. He stared at it for a good while. He had spent so much of his life in the past, He had been trying to find a new reason to live, a new representation for who and what he was.

"Yes." He finally answers, sighing softly as a thumb rubs over the glass of the watch gently before he tucks it back into his coat's pocket. "I do, alot. I try to think of who I want to be. I haven't found out yet, but that's okay." He tries to convince himself of that, at least. "Some things...just take time." Atsushi sounds like he's reassuring himself more than speaking advice.

"What about you?" He turns to the other, a child who he had come across up on entering this world. He has learned more about himself from children in the last few months at the orphanage than he had the years he spent in the mafia, so it didn't phase him at all that he was having such a deep conversation with someone seemingly younger than him.

@giftandguile - ranpo

A call of his name causes him to stop in his tracks and he turned around. ".....Yes?" He hesitantly answers, looking around for a moment before his eyes fall onto the detective. There's a brief moment of 'he looks familiar' flash across his eyes. He had never met Ranpo, in his own world or any other. He only knew the descriptions that Akutagawa had given him.

Still, that didn't explain why he had known Atsushi's name. Especially not here, in the 'real' world. He didn't look anything like this world's Atsushi, aside from the hair and eyes. But maybe from behind, it just looked like the 'real' Atsushi had a coat on. So he would forgo trying to figure out the logistics of that and focus on the man infront of him instead.

".....---" He says nothing for a moment, but the slightest shift of his feet was obvious. He was ready to run at any given moment.

@sigmadolos

How....How did he end up in the air?!

When he finally manages to find a window that will show him where he suddenly awoke at, he's surprised to find that clouds are in view. His mind runs wild with questions: How did he get here, Where was here exactly, What had happened while he was asleep - and the list goes on. He only knows a few things for certain. He had been shopping with Kyoka, and then they both started to feel a little under the weather so they decided to head home early. Kyoka fell over and Atsushi not to long after her. They were painted in darkness, and when he came to he was here.

Kyoka was nowhere to be found. It made him more anxious than ever, but he tried to keep his wits about him. He wasn't going to find Kyoka just by freaking out. He pushes himself from the window and continues stalking down the halls. Atsushi felt like the white reaper again, for a split second, eyes blank and walking as if he was death itself. Most people he would try to stop would run from him, and he couldn't exactly blame them. But the longer this went on, the more he was starting to lose his cool.

@lunargifted for atsushi

It was unnerving, really. It was like looking into a mirror, but that mirror showed the self he would never be. The self that made it out of the darkness. The self that had control, the self that had been working to move on from his past - while the reaper was still stuck in his own.

He opens his mouth to speak, but no words come out. He bites down on his lip as he thinks of what to say, but what could he say? 'Hi I'm you from another world made by the book?' Yeah, right. He wasn't even sure if this version of him, the 'real Atsushi', knew about the book. The 'real Dazai' had known, but Dazai was...well, Dazai. He didn't think the man wouldn't be in an enigma in any world.

The silence is deafening, and Atsushi buries the lower half of his face beneath the large collar of his jacket. Though trying to reform himself, he kept his black cloak and fur scarf, it is simply what he felt comfortable in. But what he wasn't comfortable in, was this situation. Perhaps it would be better to leave the scene. He wasn't prepared in any capacity to meet the 'real' self.

So despite making eye contact for an almost uncomfortable amount of time, Atsushi turns to leave from where he came, from the depths of an alley.

tags

[ Atsushi Nakajima ] ⲕₑₑ𝒑 𝑚𝑦 𝒑ᵣₒ𝑚ᵢ𝑠ₑ

[ Ryunosuke Akutagawa ] 𝑐ₒᵤ𝑔ⲏ ᵤ𝒑 𝑦ₒᵤᵣ 𝑏Լₒₒ𝑑

[ Osamu Dazai ] ₐ ｗₒᵣ𝑑 ₒ𝑓 ₐ𝑑ᵥᵢ𝑐ₑ

[ Kyoka Izumi ] 𝑓Լₒｗₑᵣ 𝑏ₒᵣ𝑛 𝑓ᵣₒ𝑚 𝑑ₐᵣⲕ𝑛ₑ𝑠𝑠

[ Chuuya Nakahara ] 𝑡ᵣᵤ𝑠𝑡 ᵢ𝑠𝑛'𝑡 𝑡ⲏₑ ᵢ𝑠𝑠ᵤₑ

[ Ogai Mori] 𝑡ⲏₐ𝑡'𝑠 𝑔ₒₒ𝑑 ₑ𝑛ₒᵤ𝑔ⲏ 𝑓ₒᵣ 𝑛ₒｗ

[ IC ] ᵢ ₐ𝑚 𝑔ₒᵢ𝑛𝑔 𝑡ₒ Լᵢᵥₑ

[ OOC ] 𝑓Լₑₑ𝑡ᵢ𝑛𝑔 𝑠ⲏₐ𝑑ₒｗ

[ Ask ] 𝑑ₑԼᵢᵥₑᵣ ₐ Լₑ𝑡𝑡ₑᵣ

[ Musing ] 𝑡ⲏₑ 𝑚ₒ𝑛𝑠𝑡ₑᵣ ᵢ𝑠 ᵢ𝑛𝑠ᵢ𝑑ₑ 𝑚𝑦 ⲏₑₐ𝑑

[ Development ] ᵢ'ᵥₑ 𝑛ₑᵥₑᵣ 𝑡ₐԼⲕₑ𝑑 𝑡ₒ ₐ𝑛𝑦ₒ𝑛ₑ ₐ𝑏ₒᵤ𝑡 𝑡ⲏᵢ𝑠

[ Aesthetic ] ᵢ𝑛 𝑡ⲏₑ 𝑚ₒₒ𝑛Լᵢ𝑔ⲏ𝑡

[ Ask Meme ] ᵢ'ԼԼ 𝑛ₑᵥₑᵣ ⲏₑₐᵣ 𝑡ⲏₑ𝑚 ₐ𝑔ₐᵢ𝑛

[ Dash Game ] ₐ 𝑐ᵤᵣ𝑠ₑ𝑑 𝑐ᵣ𝑦