Normal behavior when I scroll thru my tiktok saved sounds and completely zone out for like 30 seconds while envisioning an animatic/edit and then click the next one and do the same thing over and over again

actually i changed my mind i'm doing liner notes while fic is stlil fresh in my brain

i wanted so so badly to title this "how could i ever be so dumb to believe i'd be the one you would adore" but it was too long. heartbreaking. this would still have been such a baller title. i did consider "the one you would adore" but i think the title i settled on was better lol

i also wanted to use smth from no love in february which is also pretty dyssol for this exact scenario u kno. wnating sol to have reached out to him and hten not getting it <3 "where were you when i needed to hear you say / turn around i'm right behind you!" all that shit its soooo good for htem tbh

originally sym emerged "from the shadows of the forest" and my beta was like "there's no forest this is the ridges, the whole point is there's no forest" and i had to pull up the literal in-game text that has him emerging, quote, "from the shadows of the forest." they were so angry it was immesnely funny. i did cut it tho bc it's technically inconsistent w/worldbuilding LMFAO

i kind of wish it'd come up more but part of this sol is characterized by being unaugmented. real fucked up that people just give u extra kudos for not being augmented lmfao i do think abt that as the perk a lot

this sol's also super poly. i wanna go into this in another ficlet maybe but she was genuinely really vibing with dys's crush on sym from the start (which is part of the reason he was confused abt whether or not she liked him, lol)

originally this run was gonna be ot3 but i fucked up the timing of sym's last event but honestly? ive mentioned this before but hinge poly sol/dys/sym? does vibe. tfw ur boyfriend is clearly in love w/ur girlfriend who shes not dating also and u jsut ahve to deal w/that

a lot of the convo ended up rearranged from canon to better flow, and some stuff got cut. im still SO sad i couldnt work in dys droppign his entire dinner in the fire thats like one of my favorite parts. dyssol is best when they are both STupid <3

also sad in retrospect i had to cut the whole "where were you" but again it did not fit. i just wanted them yelling stupidly at each other tbh LAKHSGLKAHSLDKG

so i wrote this entire fic out of order starting with "you absolute spacehead, i am in love with you" which means when i wrote the part where sym cuts in my beta, who never got this scene, went SYM WAS JUST THERE? and i was like. yeah. thats canon btw thats part of the canon scene. and they lost it

"i am so stupid into you, i love you more than anything or anyone in this whole dumb universe" as a dramatic love confession is fun i think. simultaneously very like...... desperate and aching and also kind of stupid u kno. very nineteen of her. one of my fave lines from this in general tbh

the funniest possible note from my beta on the middle of the kiss

"i want all those kids tammy and i picked out dumb names for when we were nine" is another personal fave lmfao. again. dumb teens trying to talk abt the future and what they want

it was really important to me that sol didn't look pretty while she was crying. snotty + wet-faced and kind of ugly about it u kno. dyssol are a little gross and they love each other about it! it's aprt of the love

ive always thought abt dys not having anyone to find him on the spaceship (if hes not sols childhood friend) and connecting that to him disappearing on the ridges. the vibes. impeccable. of course he goes home with sol then if they ask, it's the first time anyones come looking. god. (thinking abt dyssol) GOD

dys: hey does anyone think its weird youer both just dating me now. no? just me? okay

i mean obviously the polyam negotiations DO come but again. this sol+sym in general are both just like. sweet more people to love dys

i didnt tag this as marz+dys or utopia+dys but it is immensely importnat to me that he has multiple people who love and worry and care for him. marz fucks up a lot as kids but i like how if u try to bully dys in her 10 shes like :/ no you moron im trying to KEEP him from dying :////

"clinging like he's five years old" This One Was On Purpose

originally at the end there was a joke sol made abt jumping him but it didn't fit tonally. i do think its immensely funny conceptually still tho

WOW THESE GOT LONG LMFAO anyways i lvoe ridgefic the whole ridge confession really did smth to my brain. enjoy the fruits of my disease

Summer Books Reviews

I’ve said I’d do a book review for the Grisha verse and then I remembered I also said I’d try to do more book reviews because of reasons (like the fact I had a book blog once upon a time, you know) so I thought I’d do a pot pourri of my summer readings.

I’m actually happy because I read a lot this summer. I think I managed a book a week give or take, without taking into account the  various comics (I’ve read all the Buffy comics I could find, sue me, I am in a PHASE). So without further ado, here are my summer reads with a short review that may or may not be spoilerish.

The Night Circus – Erin Morgensten: I think I talked about this one already actually. I gave it a 5/5 on goodreads even though it took me a while to really get into it. It’s very very slow paced and although I liked the characters, I think it’s one of those books you either love or hate. The atmosphere is everything, it’s really awesome because the circus itself is like a character of sort. I loved the two main characters – I loved all the characters actually and I loved how the ending tied back to the beginning as well as the whole meta-reflection about storytelling and stories in general. I think it’s definitely not for everyone but it’s really worth a go.

The Stolen Throne (Dragon Age #1) – David Gaider: I gave it 4/5 on Goodreads. Well it’s no secret by now that I love fantasy and video games and that Dragon Age might be my most favorite franchise. Hell, how many times did I play the whole series by now? I think I’m at three Wardens, Two Hawkes, and at least 4 or 5 inquisitors. This first novel takes place decades before Origins and it was nice to have some more context than just the codex you find on the games. I think the story works very well without further knowledge of the games and everything and it was a nice little fantasy story. I adore Loghain, you have to understand and what I loved about the love triangle (and you won’t hear me say I love a love triangle often so enjoy) is that… They all could be together. I mean, I’m not really into OT3 but for the three of them I’d do an exception.

The Mercy Thompson Series – Patricia Briggs: I re-read the whole series which took me I think more or less the whole July month since there are ten books. I can tell you I give this serie a definite 5/5. It had been so long since I read it and I hadn’t finished it so I thought why not? If you love urban fantasy (modern world with vampires, werewolves, witches and the likes) this series is for you. I just love Mercy. I love the way the author handles sexual trauma as well as trauma in general. I mean, often it’s trashy and written for shock value ( I’m looking at you Career of Evil) and here it’s just… very well handled. It doesn’t fade in the background after a book, it’s something Mercy has to deal with recurrently, it’s just a master lesson in how to write trauma. BUT those books are also full of fun, love and family. I love all the characters in there and I plan on reading the spin off series very soon.

Opal (The Raven Cycle 4.5) – Maggie Stiefvater: Ok it’s a novella but it still counts. I gave it 2/5 and nobody is more disappointed than me by this rating given how much I loved the Raven Cycle (go read if you haven’t seriously). It just… Didn’t click for me. The point of view was very limited, it was hard to relate and it left too many stuff unexplored. But I guess it’s just a way to link TRC with the next series and I’m still very much hyped for what comes next whenever it comes.

Ready Player One – Ernest Cline: ah, that one. I slaved through it. I gave it a 1/5 but really I think it would be more of a 0.5/5. To me, it’s one of those rare rare times when you can say the movie was better than the book. What was even this book? I hated it. This book is an enabler. I say this being an introvert who has problems with social situation and who love video games, considers herself a geek and proud to be and had grown up in the 90s. This book is an enabler. It gives far too much excuses and never quite set out a clear morale. And it was boring. Really, I was surprised by the movie. I liked it a lot more than I expected it too – probably because it was very little like the book.

Fairest Of Them All: A Tale of The Wicked Queen – Serena Valentino: Another one I was disappointed it. I had a strike unfortunately. I gave it 1/5. It was all very… shallow. I wished for more depth and characterization but it was all very confused and confusing. I have little more to say about this one because I honestly don’t even remember. It was that unremarkable. I know I’ve read better fanfictions.

The Infinite Sea/The Last Star (The 5th Wave #2 and #3) – Rick Yancey: I’ve read those two back to back because I knew after The Infinite Sea I would never read the last one if I waited. I gave 2/5 to The Infinite Sea and 3/5 to The Last Star. I was so pumped by the 5th Wave. I remember reading it what… Two years ago? And I loved it. It was fresh and interesting, lots of plot twists… First thing I didn’t like about both books were the shifting povs. Some pov are first person (like Cassie’s, the main character) and some are third person. And that’s just plain weird. I know I have a problem with pov, I usually don’t like first person pov much but re-reading Mercy Thompson helped me get back on that horse. But if you constantly shift from I to he/she, it gets annoying really fast. The second book is mostly full of length and doesn’t have much happening except for Ringer (but I will come back to Ringer) and the third one was… confusing. Ok maybe I’m very dumb but I didn’t get it. Were they really aliens, was it all a plot, who were the real villains… I didn’t get it. The only positive point of both books was: RINGER. She’s the best character ever and she’s the only reason I slaved through those two books. She’s an ass kicking bad ass with a tactical mind to rival all and although the love story with Ben and the spoilerish thing I won’t talk about but let me say REALLY could have been maybe introduced a little better and would have deserved some more depth, I really really loved her arc. I saw a people say the ending was cliché and I might have thought so too but I think if the writing had been consistent and a little better, it might have been emotional despite the cliché.

The Secret Wife – Gill Paul: I gave it 1/5 I’m not even going to talk about it because I skimmed through the last of the book because it was SO bad I couldn’t keep reading. The premise looked soooo good, I usually love the dual present/past story and the Romanov aspect made me very interested but it was badly written and boring and simply meh.

Shadow & Bones / Siege & Storm / Ruin & Rising (The Grisha #1, #2, #3) – Leigh Bardugo: We’re here at last. OMG. Did I love this trilogy (with it’s many linking novellas?) YOU BET. I gave them all 5/5. Let me tell you something, this is MY JAM. I loved Alina Starkov. I LOVED her. She’s so relatable. All the cast of characters is amazing. The writing is just as amazing and I think it’s safe to say I will read anything by this author because I trust her completely. If you love fantasy, young adult and a good villain, this is the story for you. I didn’t like the main ship I won’t lie. I would have loved a good redemption final twist and the love interest was a little too bland compared to the villain and the King but… It didn’t spoil my enjoyment at all. I’m so HYPED on this verse right now.

The Obsession – Nora Roberts: I’m a big fan of Nora, I’ve read a lot of her books and I was a bit disappointed in this one. I gave it a 2/5. The story is okay and it’s nice to read. I mean, it reads easily, it doesn’t as for a lot of reflection. It’s a good story all in all and I would have put it a 3 or a 4 if not for something that has been jumping at me for the last couple of her books I read. I’m not one to jump up and down and scream misogyny at every turn but there’s a certain idea of a woman in her books that is starting to make me a bit… meh. Let me be clear. The male lead is cliché as can be, full of testosterone, riding a bike, a mechanic, a dog lover with a sensitive side because of course he loves books and while the female promised to be extremely strong and independent career woman, it’s not long before we fall into the a happy woman = a husband, a dog and a kid cliché. And that bothered me.

Six Of Crows (Six of Crows #1) – Leigh Bardugo: Ok there was such a hype around this one I was a little disappointed when I read it. I’m not much into incredible heist stories and to be fair, I read it right after I saw Ocean’s 8 (which was awesome) and it suffered from the (unfair and unconscious) comparison. I gave it a 2/5 BUT this being said I just loved the characters. I was already one hundred percent on board the Kaz/Inej train (didn’t you hear me shout as I passed by?) and the Jesper/Wylan one. Matthias and Nina both left me a little indifferent I will admit and I had troubles with so many povs crammed in one book. It was  lot of information everywhere and from every angle. I’m still happy I read it, do you know why? I will tell you. First I love the Grisha universe and it takes place in the same world a few years after and then: CROOKED KINGDOM BABY.

The Lies They Tell – French Gillian : I gave this one a 3/5. It’s a little detective story that reads very easily. It’s nothing exceptional but it will give you a good time.

Kindred Spirits – Rainbow Rowell: I have a problem with short stories/novellas. Always had. it always leaves me wanting more and that was my problem with my book. The moment I got into it, it ended so I gave it a 2/5 but it was really cool nonetheless. Would have liked to read more.

Crooked Kingdom (Six Of Crows #2) – Leigh Bardugo: OMG OMG OMG OMG. Ok, needless to say I gave this one a 5/5. I finished it yesterday so I’m still very much having FEELS. Maybe I wasn’t that much in Six of Crows but this book makes the read worth it, I promise. THIS IS JUST AMAZING. THE FEELS. FEELS EVERYWHERE. Kaz and Inej and their perfect love. Matthias… Nina and her addiction… Jesper and Wylan being cutiepies. I cried at the end. Do you know how often I cry reading books? very much not often. What I mean is: READ IT. READ THE WHOLE GRISHA VERSE. DO IT. DO IT. YOU NEED TO MEET DIRTHANDS AND HIS WRAITH. YOU NEED TO. THIS BOOKS IS PERFECT. IT WILL GIVE YOU FEELS. IT WILL GIVE YOU LIFE.