anu had gotten so used to the problems being life or death that she was relieved and amused at how trivial, but not not important, danny's problems were. he had managed to just about finish his last sentence before she pulls him into a hug with a chuckle, smoothing down his hair like she would do to a young child. "don't ever change ⎯ please." she'd seen the harsh world rip the joy and optimism out of too many people that she couldn't bare to see it happen to anyone in the sanctuary. "let's solve one thing at a time. coffee, face masks and a chill movie? actually, maybe peppermint or camomile tea might be better if you have a stomach ache."

He sighed, again, but only because if he didn't do that he would probably forget to breathe altogether. Anu coming in for the rescue did help with that though, and after about five whole seconds of silence, he let the flood of complaints rush out of him in one big breath. "I couldn't sleep, not a wink, not after the nightmare I had! Ancient roman soldiers teamed up with Godzilla and tried to take over the Shire! Then when I could finally fall asleep it was already mornin' and by the time I got to the kitchens there wasn't any coffee left, or warm water in the showers, my favorite t-shirt ripped and three kids puked on me in three different occasions! I got a stomach ache, a zit on my forehead and stress rash on my back! Why I'm stressin'? Don't ask, I dunno, but I am on edge all day!"

there's nothing but respect and an overwhelming warmth that anu feels for aurora. if anyone deserves the world, it's her and hasen. being a new mom was scary enough in the world before, but she couldn't imagine how scared she must have been. this new world that she had to navigate, to try to keep herself and her child safe. "he'll always be your baby though, i bet. my mom used to say that to me all the time, even when i was 22 and moved out." there's a wistful smile on her face; there's not many memories of her parents that she can recall, but the ones that she can remember, they were the ones that she would cherish until the end of time.

it's the million dollar question that anu tends to stick with the one answer she knows she can get away with. "i'm fine," she replied with a smile. even without aurora saying a single word, anu can feel herself squirming like she would whenever her mom would question her. like she had laser eyesight that could see through her lies. maybe it was a mom thing. she shrugged, "colder months are tough, y'know. despite not having been there for 10-ish years now, i'm still a cali girl. winters aren't so harsh there. i guess i still miss the weather there."

Like every day, after Aurora did her work, she would take Hasen to walk around the university. They would talk about what he learned, with Aurora teaching him further with her knowledge, and then he would listen to his mother talk about the weather and the stars. While he didn't understand much of it, many of the words being too big & complicated for the eight year old to understand, he still loved his mother talking to him about it. Sometimes he would ask about stories of life before or about his sisters and father. They both missed their family more than anything.

They found themselves relaxing on a bench, Hasen looking up at the sky and pointing out shapes of clouds, creating a story about them for his and his mother's entertainment. Aurora offered a smile to Anu as she approached and nodded in agreement, a chuckle following after. "He has. It feels like I gave birth to him just last year. And now he's already eight." She accepted the flower, her smile getting bigger as she tucked it behind her ear. "Good!" Hasen chimed in with his grin. "And you? How have you been?"

she feels as though she's a glass that's been dropped but not shattered yet; the pieces quietly sat in place, undisturbed, seemingly looking as though it was perfectly fine. until it's touched. and then it shatters. a million of shards scattering across the floor, waiting for someone to put them back together again. she's already teary-eyed, biting down on her lip trying to stop the quiver, trying to stop herself from falling apart. then it happens all so fast that she doesn't have time to register what's happening except that she's unravelling and she can't reel it in fast enough. the familiarity of it all, a decade of bottled up emotions and unsaid words spilling out with very little said and she just falls in. it's the most peace she's felt since, probably since she left the cabin all those years ago.

her fingers are clutching onto him, like he's about to disappear any moment, like he's the lifeboat when she's stranded out at sea. he feels like home. the comfort that she's been searching for all these years, the kind that she found in noor when they reunited but there was always a piece missing. there's an overwhelming fear that it's all just a dream, that she'll wake up any moment. it was too good to be true and in anu's experience as of late, those moments never lasted and only existed in her imagination. but that moment doesn't come. the other shoe doesn't drop and she finally allows herself to breath properly, let that breath that she had been holding in, for what seemed like eternity, out. she's too busy in her own head that it takes her a moment to realise that she's not the only one crying and it only makes her cry harder.

she pulls away, sniffling as she wipes her tears away, eyebrows furrowed as she looks at him. if anyone were to be sorry, it should have been her. she shouldn't have run that night, she should have turned back when she realised she made a mistake but anu was stubborn and didn't want to give reuven the satisfaction of being right even if it meant she didn't have to suffer alone for all those years, trying to fend for herself with the little skills she had. years of replaying the moment everything fell apart made her realise that she shouldn't have reacted the way she should have. emotions were running high, for both of them. they had both lost, both dealing with it in their own way, and for anu, it just so happened that she tried to overcompensate for blinding optimism and hope, even when all hope had been lost. even if she didn't believe in it herself, not truly at least.

a humourless laugh slips between anu's lips as she blots her face with the sleeve of her sweatshirt. "you're sorry? i should be the one to say i'm sorry." she takes a breath. the words don't feel so foreign on her tongue anymore. not now. "i'm sorry. i'm so sorry." it's a mantra that she repeats, almost as if she's in the confessional booth, begging for her forgiveness. "i should have turned back, i should have stayed and talked it out instead of running out like a scared child. i don't know what i was thinking but it was too late by then and i'm sorry. so, so sorry."

    𝑺𝑶𝑴𝑬𝑾𝑯𝑬𝑹𝑬, 𝑯𝑰𝑮𝑯 𝑨𝑩𝑶𝑽𝑬 𝑻𝑯𝑬𝑴, and far into the thicket of forestry, there is an owl hooting at the moon. Perhaps for its lover, or to feel the breath in its lungs and the force of its voice, or perhaps the owl sings out of pure necessity: I am alive and therefore I must speak. Reuven gazes down at Anu softened down to his core for her, and he wonders if he were an owl, that perhaps this might be easier; simpler. Might he call out into the moonlight for her, lungs full of this winter wind. Might he call out for her to come back to him; to please come back, I miss you so much. The man was trying not to stare, at those chocolate doe-eyes, the perfect slope of her nose, the way her hair pillowed out over her shoulders. Features he once had been so enamored with he would take a moment to compose himself before glancing her way, even when he was just the guy who's kids she watched a for a few hundred dollars. Funny, how both she and money had disappeared, slowly and then all at once. Now, she felt like some dream, standing here in front of him. Some lost relic come back to fruition. They both had been disappearing at the end. He was certain of that now—the grief had been too insurmountable; the circumstances too tumultuous. Like trashing against your lifeguard against the water that threatens to consume you, Reuven had thrashed against Anu until she let him sink back into the ocean. He had had no one to blame but himself for it all, and yet, she tells him he can stay.

    It feels like an invitation, in her roundabout way. Or, perhaps, because he wants it to be an invitation. Either way, he does not move, and instead his heart begins to pound sickeningly against his sternum. His abdomen floods with feathery surprise. He thanks all the stars in the sky for his military training, because he calls on it now to not burst into nervous laughter and rosy cheeks himself. Inside, he feels so strange — like a youth again, learning that his crush wants to sit with him at the lunch table.

    Reuven does not care that Anu is rambling, because the sound of her voice in more than one, or two, or if he was lucky—three, syllables is like the most intoxicating of melodies. He could melt into her. He could listen to her complain all night. In fact, he wants to. He shakes his head in protest at her self depreciation, and murmurs, "No," in tone baritone and certain; quiet and gentle. "No, you're not spoiled for wanting to go home." He pauses, and gaze finds hers, and he hesitates before untethering from this horrid, wretched apprehension. "I miss laying on the couch and watching 24," he offers, and then remembers he should smile. Smiling has felt so foreign to him these past few years. He had gone almost a decade without doing so. Lips tug up and over a defined canine, in some sad but genuine half-grin. "I miss grading papers, and... getting bitched at by my Corporal. Hell, I even miss eating that really shitty hummus you and the kids made." It's a joke that falls from his lips with soft humor, and when his smile relaxes, it leaves the imprint of something happier in his dark and saddened eyes.

    He reaches out to trail a gentle touch around the silhouette of her shoulder, down to her elbow. Like offering fingertips to moistened nose, asking for permission to fall into her orbit; to encroach upon her personal space; to become her personal space, and drown her in his embrace if only to feel that she is alive, too. To know it for certain, that she has not been some hallucination all this time. "You're not awful," he murmurs, and when she does not back away, reaches out to tug her, gently, closer, into his arms, where he can properly hold her. The moment his arms secure around her, his chest floods with an involuntary sigh, as if finally feeling relief after ages of agony. His face falls into a nestle into her hair. His heart pounds in his abdomen now, and he murmurs into her dark mane. "I'm so sorry."

    It happens before he can even register that he's crying. Suddenly, he is sobbing—sobbing twelve-years' worth of pain and anger and yearning and regret, into her hair, holding her like he'll never let go again. "I'm so sorry," he says again, louder, more desperately. His voice breaks in its croak, but its stronger; purposeful. Reuven can't look at her yet. His tall form is all but consuming her—one arm secured about her shoulders; the other beckoning her in at the torso. He's terrified that when he pulls away, she will be rejecting. That she will finally confirm for him,. after all these years, just how much she truly does despise him. Can he face that now? Is he ready for that stone hard punch to the gut? It's going to kill him when he sees the disdain he expects on her features, as though he was not prepared. Had he not enough time to ready himself for this? Over a years' worth? Now, here it all was, coming to a pinnacle. The man waits for her to push back against him; to push him away, to go storming off and never speak to him again, because he knows that is what he deserves.

woo do-hwan in bloodhounds (episodes 1x07-08 = 434 gifs); for the link go my discord server or ask me (off anon). use/edit however you want. reblog if you find the gif pack helpful.

(TW // injury mention)

(   WOO  DO  HWAN.  CIS - MAN.  HE / HIM.   )   ⸺   Ꮺ  ⋆   greetings,  buffalos !   walking  around  campus,  sporting  his  letterman  jacket  we’ve  spotted  JAMES  "JAE"  CHOI,   a  THIRTY - TWO  year  old  who  contributes  to  our  thriving  community  as  a  GENERAL  TRAINER  +  HANDYPERSON.   according  to  our  intel,  he’s  been  around  the  sanctuary  for  TWELVE  YEARS  and  what  we  know  about  him,  aside  from  the  fact  that  he  DOES  agree  with  the  decision  to  close  the  gates,  is  that  what  he  lacks  in  book  smarts,  jae  makes  up  in  street  smarts  and  people  skills  ( he  may  not  be  able  to  do  complicated  mathematic  equations  but  he  can  talk  his  way  out  of  anything );   jae  loves  cars  and  his  nissan  skyline  is  his  prized  possession.   it's  pretty  beat  up  as  a  result  of  the  outbreak  but  that  doesn't  stop  him  from  working  on  it  even  if  most  people  think  it's  a  piece  of  junk;   he  has  a  slight  limp  due  to  a  severe  acl  injury.   doesn’t  that  make  him  fantastic ?   we  think  it  does,  and  that’s  why  we  appreciate  him  so  much,  grateful  for  what  he  gives  to  our  community.  

stats

full name: james jaehyun choi

nicknames: jae, jamie, jj

date of birth: 25th march 1992

age: thirty two

gender & pronouns: cis man & he/him

education: high school diploma

occupation: general trainer & handyperson

hometown: seattle, washington

language(s): english, korean

faceclaim: woo do hwan

personality

positive traits: funny, adaptive, playful, spontaneous, extroverted

negative traits: dim, judgemental, quick tempered, irresponsible, absent-minded

mbti: esfp ⎯ the entertainer

enneagram: 7w6 ⎯ the pathfinder

moral alignment: chaotic neutral

temperament: sanguine

zodiac sign: aries sun, aquarius moon, leo rising

character parallels: jason mendoza (the good place), jesus foster (the fosters), joey tribbiani, jason street (friday night lights), andy dywer (parks and rec), troy barnes (community), dean winchester (supernatural)

bio

(tw: injury mention, hospital mention, allusions to depression, alcohol mention)

youngest of the choi family, but the eldest and only son, jaehyun was born into high expectations before he even came out of the womb. the weight of the family name rested on his shoulders, the vice man of the house if anything were to happen to his father. he was his parent's pride and joy. it was just a shame that he couldn't quite live up to the life they had paved for him. there were only two options for jae, take over the family restaurant or become a doctor/lawyer/successful business owner. except jae didn't want any of those things. he wasn't particularly good at anything either like his sisters were. he was just very average at school, barely scraping in some of his subjects but one thing he was good at was sports.

unbeknownst to his parents, jae traded piano lessons for football practice instead, forging permission slips and shoving his jersey at the back of his wardrobe but there was only so long he could hide his secret from them. he didn't have the heart to tell them that he was barely scraping by school either. but then came college applications and the schools that his parents wanted him to apply to were way out of his league with his grades even with a miracle. luckily, his football coach thought jae could have a chance at getting into college on a football scholarship, but that meant that he also had to break the news about his extracurricular activities. they were furious at first but they couldn't stay mad at him if it meant a full ride college scholarship. there was still a chance for him to become something.

except nothing interested him. all jae wanted to do was play football, box or work on cars. he must have switched his majors at least 3 times before settling on something that he thought would be easy and low effort. he couldn't lie, he still struggled but being one of the star football players had its perks, such as getting other people to do his assignments for him or getting an extension from professors because he didn't have time due to his "gruelling" practice schedule. looking back, he let the reputation get to his head, like he was untouchable, treating people like they were beneath him.

it all came crashing down in a split second. third degree acl tear. surgery. you won't be able to play pro football again. jae wasn't sure what hurt more ⎯ his injury or the fact that he wouldn't be able to play like he did again. when he was sat in that hospital bed, looking at the lone balloon and obligatory "get well soon" flowers from his team, he started to regret all his life decisions. maybe he should have listened to his parents when they told his that football wasn't forever and he had to think about the future. maybe he shouldn't have been so cocky, treated people so badly.

the recovery months were probably the hardest ⎯ learning to walk again, not being able to do things by himself, and worse of all, having to see his teammates prepare for the next season without him. for months he felt like he had no purpose in life. his future was looking bleak with no sports career, nor promising professional career. he'd sit in his room, making mixes on his dj deck and watching practice, critiquing them play like he was a commentator on espn. something must have worked because the coach offered him a deputy coach position, soon to become full-time when he retires. it wasn't quite the same as being on the field but it was as close as he could get and he took it without hesitation.

soon after though, the virus happened and his plans were derailed once again. jae found himself in the same position as before, unsure of what his role was in all of this, spending his days drinking beer in his room and gaming, hoping that it'll blow over soon. 12 years later and he's found himself in a trainer position and helping around as the group's handyman.

tldr: a himbo, fail-son, former athlete who had a life-changing injury that changed his whole outlook on life and is trying to find his purpose.

dependent multi-muse blog for survivorsfm penned by ness

anuksha "anu" rai ⎯ intro | inspo | playlist | threads

james "jae" choi ⎯ intro | inspo | playlist | threads

she knows that noor is more than capable of taking care of herself but there's a part of anu that just wants to needed by her still and she's a little disappointed that noor won't even let her indulge in that for a moment. it's been so long since she's been able to care for someone like she can with noor and seeing her almost transports her back to when times were easier and she can pretend like everything's okay for a moment. "i know, i know" it almost comes out as a whisper as she smoothes noor's hair, taking in her baby sister's face like it's the last day she'd ever see her again. it seems so familiar yet different at the same time. she wondered if that was how she thought of anu, or did she feel like no time has passed?

as if anu had been shocked, she jolts back, guilt on her face for not thinking about noor's needs, like how tired and hungry she must be after the mission. it's so selfish of her to be only thinking about herself and being preoccupied with her own concerns. "no, no. sit, eat, rest. you must be tired. what do you want? what can i get you?" her hand sits gently on noor's arm, trying to not be so suffocating but also keeping her close to anu, like she's scared that noor might disappear any moment now.

it's in these moments that she thinks she might finally understand the tight leash her parents kept on her and her subsequent siblings. it wasn't necessarily because they wanted to be kiljoys but it was out of fear. the outside world was scary, they couldn't control what other people might do, what might happen there. their home, however, was their sanctuary. there, they could keep them safe, even if it meant smothering them in the process because they were guaranteed the safety of their kids at least. but eventually, you have to let go and anu doesn't know if she's gotten to that point yet. she's lost too much and she doesn't want to lose anything again. "am i doing too much? i'm doing too much, aren't i? if you want peace and quiet, i get that. i can just sit here and read or do something else."

the hardest part of any mission, noor thinks, is not the long hours spent outside of the sanctuary - the freezing temperatures that feel as if she's going to get frostbite at any minute, or the danger that comes with being away from protectors at gates. no. for her, the most difficult part is coming home, feeling enclosed once again. safe, yes, but out of sorts, almost like she's been shoved into an alternate dimension where nothing makes sense anymore and she can only wait before she's allowed out of her cage again. maybe people would deem her as crazy for thinking that. they probably do, behind her back, where she can't call them out for it. or that's just a paranoid thought that crosses her mind and exits just as quickly, because noor doesn't care what they think. they've all been through hell, every single person here. but their hell isn't hers. their experiences don't line up perfectly with what she was forced to carry on her plate from a young age. leaving, even for short periods of time, just makes sense in her head. it makes her feel like she can breathe, even if she's willingly going back out into the world that had made her, well, the way she is. she already knows anu will be there, as she has been what feels like every time in the last year. she already knows there will be fussing and motherly-like affection given. but still, noor has to brace herself for it, because she's tired and all she wants is to find a bite of warm food and the comfort only her own bed can give her for a few hours. as the gates open, she tries to ease the hard line her mouth has become, a frozen expression she's been wearing for the last several days of her mission. and as her eyes land on anu, noor nods to her, managing to push a little softness into the gesture, though she doesn't smile. instinct demands she pull away from anu's coddling, but she has enough self-discipline to stay where she is, though she looks a little exasperated. it's affectionate exasperation, at the very least, and noor rolls her eyes with that same energy. "i'm okay, anu. i was okay the last time, and the time before that, and the time before that, and i'm okay now." she takes anu's hand and leads it down to the jacket tied around her waist, tapping it to make her sister aware of its presence. "i worked up a sweat walking so much. didn't need it." she grimaces at the smudge being wiped off and finally pushes anu's hand away. "are you done or should i forget about eating anytime soon?"

maybe she had overstepped, anu could see the discomfort on lucky's face. she got it ⎯ kinda. it always made her feel weird whenever she opened up to someone and they looked at her with those pitiful eyes, like she was a charity case or something, like she needed a saviour but she had it handled.

she laughed as she playfully punched lucky's arm. if there was one thing that anu was not good at it was definitely any physical activity other than running. too gentle to land a punch that would cause any real harm, too mindful about whether or not she's hurting the other person. but she knows that when it comes to it, when it's life or death, she'll have to toughen up and do what she must to survive. that's what it is now, isn't it? survival. "puh-lease, you'll kick my ass even blindfolded. i'm pretty sure hasen could beat me in a fight to be honest."

Lucky's smile faltered. She didn’t miss the way Anu's eyes softened, and it made her want to squirm in her seat. The pharmacist had always been sweet and compassionate - neither of which were bad things - but now Lucky wished she were just a touch more apathetic.

"Ah, yeah," she replied brusquely, "don't worry about it. I've just been a little...yeah." Her lips tightened into a sheepish grimace and she averted her eyes. "Well, if I'd tried anything, at least I know you would have given me a run for my money."

It was the truth. Both Lucky and Anu were new to combat, and as such they'd had more than a few training sessions together. Neither of them were good, per se, but as Lucky had found out the hard way, that didn't always matter.

you’ll be okay *puts flowers in your hair*

anu 's eyes flickered to danny momentarily before turning back to her book. she's not completely sure if danny's speaking to her or just ranting out loud but either way, she can't concentrate now. not when it was unusual for danny to be like this. her big sister instincts come kicking in and she shuffled closer to him, eyes softening as she's ready to lend a sympathetic ear. "hm, i'm sure you're not being overdramatic. what's wrong? what happened?"

closed starter - danny & anu @syncrgistic

“I don’t want to be over-dramatic, but today felt like a hundred years in hell and the absolute worst day of my life.” With an exasperated sigh, Danny leaned back in his seat, head tilting back against the headrest as he squeezed at the ball in his hand. So, yeah, he was being a bit too much, and not many people at the sanctuary had seen him be anything but a positive little ray of sunshine, but there he was. Huffing and puffing, probably needing a drink and a smoke, or perhaps a very long nap. It was a rare thing, to have him be on the other end of being in need of a cheering up.

it was funny how the thought of snow used to be so magical to anu, especially being a kid growing up in california. it always looked so lovely, so soft. she used to dream about white christmases and sledging down snowy hills. even when she lived in new york, people used to groan when they had snow days but it was like anu's inner child came out. rushing out first thing to build a snowman outside of her building, the sound of the satisfying crunch beneath her boots. but now, it feels her with a dread. questions that she's not sure she wants answers to. "anything i can do to help out? i'm a fast learner if you need any extra hands on the farm." anu feels like she should be doing more in the sanctuary, like she's still a guest that needs to repay the people that let her stay. it almost feels like she's not doing enough on the physical side, not enough manual labour to help out. that she's sitting too comfortably in that pharmacist position, nose buried in books. she nods her head, "yeah, weird huh? though i guess weirder things have happened. i like to think of it as a sign that better things are to come though."

her  pace  carries  her  back  from  the  last  lecture  of  the  day,  mind  wandering  far  away  from  the  place  her  body  is  occupying,  and  perhaps  that’s  the  reason  she  startles  the  moment  anu’s  voice  rings  in  her  ears.  at  the  sight  of  the  bright,  unexpected  flower,  though,  her  surprised  expression  turns  into  a  tender  smile,  one  that,  as  very  rarely  happens,  reaches  her  dark  eyes.     “  oh,  anu,  ”     she  murmurs,  so  softly  it  tickles  the  corners  of  her  lips.  the  moment  her  brain  processes  the  question,  however,  makes  the  gesture  tremble.     “  oh,  i—  i  was  just  …  uhm,  thinking  about  my  to  do  list  for  the  farm  tomorrow,  ”     the  lie  comes  easy  as  she  takes  the  offered  flower,  so  used  to  answer  something  else  every  time  she’s  caught  thinking  about  her,  about  them,  it  seems  to  work  on  auto - pilot  by  now.     “  there’s  a  lot  to  do  since  the  snow  hasn’t  given  us  a  single  break,  you  know,  ”     a  soft  caress  to  the  sunflower’s  petals  accompanies  her  small  pause.  then,  she  prompts,     “  where  did  you  find  this,  by  the  way ?  here ?  ”     awe  permeates  her  tone  with  clarity  as  she  ponders … maybe  risking  oneself  here  in  the  cold  has  its perks,  she  supposes. 

she clicked her fingers, large smile on her face, eyes gleaming brightly. "exactly!" once upon a time ago, she used to be that person that would be baking cupcakes or cookies in the middle of the night because she couldn't sleep. more often than not, the timer waking up from when she dozed off while watching them in the oven, mug of half drunken tea on the counter that had gone lukewarm. "my favourite used to be a bowl of cocoa pops with slightly warmed milk. there's something about cereal outside of breakfast times that makes it taste ten times better. all i could find was a granola bar though."

“Yeah,” Jun huffed a breath and stood up. His server duties technically hadn’t ended, right? He could go for some tea, anyway. The radio operator picked up his belongings as his heart rate returned to normal. At least the quiet was gone, now. “No worries,” He replied. The embarrassment was quickly fading, so he continued on, commenting “Eating something sweet with tea always makes me sleepy.”

vanity wasn't wrong. being an overachiever, a perfectionist, was the burden that anu carried. her parents were tough on her, but she was probably tougher on herself. nothing but the best was good enough for her. late nights, long study sessions. and in the end, did it even matter? no one cared what school she went to or what her SAT score was, not when there were more pressing matters like hell breaking loose on earth. anu shifted slightly uncomfortable at the observation and gave a weak smile. "probably not." she laughed a little as she ran a hand through her hair. "in honest truth, i just like to keep busy. it keeps my mind from running wild, y'know. i guess it comes from growing up in a busy household. there was rarely much time for peace and quiet so i never got used to it."

"I like the sound of that last part. The whole 'them looking dumb for ever doubting me'." Vanity smirked, even if her life story proved that she had a hard time with the whole 'going above and beyond', but it might be time to change that. If not in the aftermath of the apocalypsis, when? "You are always going above and beyond, aren't you? Every time I see you you're working. Is it being a pharmacist as busy as you make it seem?"

closed for @mommabcar

it's bittersweet when she sees hasen around. how anu wishes he didn't have to grow up in such a desolate world, that he could experience the world as it was before at least once in his life. it's one of her driving forces when she has little hope in her research, a reminder that she needs to push on even when she feels like her fire had dwindled to nothing but embers. it was bigger than her, people depended on her (wasn't that what anu was best at anyways?).

she watches him for a moment, smile on her face recalling some of her better memories of her siblings. the ones that aren't riddled with a crippling guilt knowing she failed to protect them in the end. "it seems like he's growing up so fast. time flies by huh?" she waves to hasen and passes a slightly wilted but still beautiful flower to aurora before she takes a seat next to her. "how have you two been lately?"

closed for @heartxsighs ⎯ noor rai

when she looks at noor, she sees the little girl she knew before she left for her phd. so much time has passed since then, anu can't remember how many years exactly but it's been a lot. all she remembers is that noor was half her size now, big brown eyes looking at her, probably not fully grasping the concept that anu wouldn't be back that evening for dinner or that she would't live in the same house as her anymore. it nearly was enough to not make her leave, she'd stay in this suffocating bubble until her siblings flee the nest and then maybe, just maybe, she'd finally go. but no, anu had to do this, she'd spent so much of her life living for others, giving back to her family that it was time for her to have this one thing even if it was quite possibly one of the most hardest things she'd have to do.

even though anu knows that noor probably doesn't need her in that way anymore, that noor's an adult now, the virus being the catalyst that threw her into the deep end of independence and forced her to grow up fast maybe before she was even ready to. anu would always regret not being there for that. for not being there when she had to go through the loss of their parents and the subsequent losses of their siblings alone. no one should have to bear that kind of weight by themselves, especially not someone so young. maybe anu was making up for lost time, trying to fix her past mistake of abandoning her when noor still needed her, or maybe in anu's head, noor would always be that 11/12 year old girl even now and she's not ready to let the baby of the family go yet.

mission days were always the hardest for anu. if she could have it her way, she'd wrap noor in bubble wrap and keep her in her pocket, safe from any harm in the world. except she had already seen and experienced the horrors so the damage had been done. her eyes kept darting at the gates, knee bouncing up and down as she awaited their return. as soon as she sees a glimpse of noor coming through the gates, she's up and running towards her, hands reaching up to cradle her face inspecting it for any new injuries. "are you okay? are you hurt? it's cold out, where's your jacket? you'll catch a cold if you're not careful." she instinctively licks her finger and wipes off a smudge of dirt off noor's face. anu's being overbearing, maybe embarrassingly so but she can't stop herself from doing so. it's engrained in her, it's written in her code.

anu had to admit that it was something that crossed her mind often, though the outcome was never one that she liked much. it was more thought of running out of food and medical supplies that worried her. she's tried to do the maths, but she can never bring herself to finish the calculations. it's something she'd rather live without knowing. the answer's probably not going to be one that she'd like so it's probably for the best that she doesn't know. "i guess we'd have to go back to the olden days, y'know reading sun dials and using polaris to find our way back home." she tried to make light of the situation, ease lucky's seemingly nervous demeanour. "i'd give you mine but clearly it's no use to neither of us in this state." her eyes soften, "are you okay though? it wasn't my intention to scare you like that at all."

Anu kept talking, and it comforted Lucky more than she expected. It made the whole thing feel less embarrassing, and it gave her time to decompress without having to scramble for words herself. But she found them soon enough, as she was wont to do - it never took too long.

"It definitely highlights the importance of good craftsmanship," she laughed, twisting further in her seat so as to face Anu. "Sometimes I wonder what'll happen when everything runs out of juice...but it's been twelve years already and it seems like there's a way to fix most things, you know?" Lucky shrugged. "But as far as what time it is? I don't know. The library is supposed to close at six o'clock, but I closed it around five. So it can't be much later than five-thirty, I'd say." She flashed a bare wrist. "Not much of a watch girl. Never was."