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suck-my-moss-balls · 2 years

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weird things my friends have said in high school

found this beauty in my drafts from sophomore year

- *after licking table* “I probably have hepatitis a-z”

- “NATURAL SELECTION. WHOEVER’S DUMB ENOUGH TO STEAL MY COOKIE IS GONNA DIE FROM THE POISON.”

- “STOP CHUGGING MY COFFEE YOU FUCKIN LEMURS”

- “and I was like oh nO SHE’S A FURRY” *friend chokes on fry*

- “THE EASTER BUNNY. HIDES HIS EGGS. BECAUSE. HE DOESNT WANT ANYONE TO KNOW. HES FUCKING A CHICKEN.”

- “you have a stalker now.” “HA now it’s YOUR TURN.” “Some girlfriend you are.” “AT LEAST YOURS ISNT UP YOUR ASS.”

- “who’s more of a dad: Shrek or [an iconic teacher]?” *after a pause, completely straight faced* “shrek’s more of a daddy.” “dAdDy sHrEk”

- “I’d kill myself with you.” “The peak of friendship.”

- “I just want some sweet, sweet mayonnaise.”

- “I got the last ice cream cone and the guy behind me called me a bitch :)”

- *on the bus* “I LOST MY CHEERIOS!” *shrieking*

- teacher: “profanity will land you in ISS. “Oh fuck.”

- “YEAH I GOT ABS! A Bunch of Sadness.”

- “peppaaaaaa... what are you doing in my tv?” “Her job??”

- “Jesus is a virgin.” “No he’s not! He fucked wine into water!”

- “I can’t find any gay jokes.” “*points at gay friend* that’s a gay joke.”

my friends are crack heads send help

#funny #i_cant_make_this_shit_up #real life #real quotes #wtf is going on #wtf was that #literally wtf #im crying

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suck-my-moss-balls · 2 years

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so i have this casual guy friend i talk to sometimes but i don’t know him that well but anyways i hadn’t replied to his texts in about 8 hours and had been combing through my Percy Jackson pinterest board — i guess it’s also important to mention that i’d gotten two calls from “no caller ID” and a wrong number text within the past hour also — and i was thinking about annotating the series when suddenly i get this text saying “Want a free Percy Jackson the last Olympian book? 😂” and thought i was either losing my mind or had a stalker

anyways i’m getting a free book for my favorite series and revealing to this poor naive boy that i am, in fact, a crazy nerd

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suck-my-moss-balls · 2 years

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my friend and i were talking and they said, “imagine peter parker and mj playing the marble game from squid game”

these are the ideas we came up with (and yes, we both cried)

• peter ofc being a super hero would want to save her, plus he's head over heels for her he'd do anything to protect her right. but mj is quick on her feet and she would absolutely pull a fast one on him because she's seen him save so many people and she wants to save him for once, plus what would the world be without spider man? and then he watches in horror as she dies

• i feel like she would do what the girl who played with saebyeok did, purposely lose and would thank him for everything before she got shot - friend

• and before that they’d be talking and probably crying cause well yeah and so they agree they'll leave it to chance so neither of them have to make the choice, live with blame, or feel like they’re letting the other die

• she would def be like "go save the world, peter parker" - friend

• she tries to tell him that the world needs him more than he needs her.

• “I’ll be waiting for you.”

• “Mr. Stark died to save the world; now I'll die to save mine,” - Peter, right before forfeiting the game

#marvel #spiderverse #spiderman #peter x mj #mj #squid game #im crying

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