strider-rambles
ramblin'
neurotic ahh :skull:
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#this may be 2 years old but#holy shit this feels like a gutpunch#actually it feels like ive been gutted#fishmode#the fishpilled sashimimaxxer#you guys asked for me at organs-in-body town and they didn't know who i was#thanks op#(said with the intent of krilling myshellf)#<- fish pun for the themes#misc
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oh yeah no thats a grade a sin over here
*opens google image search*
guys am i going to be crucified if i don't include credits in my web weaves or does it not matter
because my dumbass forgot to keep track of the sources and so i think i'm a little cooked
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guys am i going to be crucified if i don't include credits in my web weaves or does it not matter
because my dumbass forgot to keep track of the sources and so i think i'm a little cooked
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I don't know if it's out of line to be in your inbox but I see you around tumblr pretty often and I'm bro strider myself so i figured I'd say good on you for posting your shit in a reasonably articulated way. You're one of the least obnoxious strider kids in the tags. Not saying this just cause you don't hate your bro I'm a little more couth than that i mean in a literal sense you format alright.
if i had anyone in specific i wanted to shut out from this blog id have something in my intro which i don't, (except for stridercesters, but that's a general group) so for everyone out there that aren't them y'all are gucci
ok tangent over time to get to the meat
i try and air on the side of coherence a lot of the time both to maintain my self respect and kind of like. add something that's like. actually valuable to the space other than word vomit and like. whining or wtv. generally i also don't really interact with other daves due 2 the fact that a grand majority of the time we just don't see eye to eye on things, especially regarding our identities as striders, our relationships to other individuals, and just vibes, too. so although i can't personally verify your statement regarding the not being annoying thing, i guess i agree
but thanks (?)
+ before i yap your motherfuckin ear off mike tyson style imma cut to the shit and tell you that if you wanna have a like. full ass conversation sometime i'd be down, i guess.
#strider asks#bro writing his dissertation#getting his phd in yapology#didn't mean for this to get this long but fuck it we ball
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yknow, i think its kind of nice to hear the perspective of a dave who doesnt hate his bro. like, its good you acknowledge that hes fucked up, but honestly? its more complicated than a lot of people make it out to be. even other daves sometimes. i could never feel anything but disgust for the man, because my own dave was so messed up by him, but you know. what you feel is what you feel. and theres nothing wrong with loving someone who meant a lot to you - a jade who hopes things go well for you
yeah a lot of the nuance totally gets fucking stomped on for the sake of being like "oh my god he was SOOOOO BADDD!!!" and results in a lot of infantilizing and whatnot toward daves out there, while also like. direct ignorance toward the factors that led bro to BE bro you know
+ to avoid tweaking out on the internet like a fucking loser i'm going to just quietly acknowledge the latter half of this. tell your dave i said hi or wtv as well. have a good day op
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an interesting side effect of having a blog like this is that i suddenly am thrust into the limelight regarding my comfort with having multiple people, people that i can’t like. control, i guess, watch me split my brain open like a rotting pomegranate
it’s not bad, actually. it’s almost a bit of a comfort to have individuals sending asks with their perspective or something or other, having clearly read the whole thing or to just drop a like or something. like holy shit. people are reading the whole thing? that’s cray-z
but yeah. i mean. keep on doing it if you have something to say, i guess. it’s nice to not have it be so much of an echo chamber, because we all know how that ends up haha
i’ll see if i have any time (and or energy) tonight to get up to some of that sweet sweet yapping because i have a lot of things to say and a lot of ways to say them, just not enough. er. time.
those time powers would be toootally sick right now.
#misc#<- ish#strider rambles#ramble about a ramble and the response to the ramble?? that’s nuts#i’m getting meta up in here y’all better watch out
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i feel a lot differently about my bro than most daves do
like, a lot of daves (rightfully) despise him. just completely hate him, hate his ideals, his values, his morals, etc.
and i get that, i really do. in fact, i wish i felt like that, because it’d be massively easier. like the sheer amount of ease it would exude would be enough to break the charts. enough to redefine the whole entire word across the world, like. for centuries. like it’d be a shakespearean level of influence.
but i don’t get that. i don’t hate my bro.
and part of me feels like i should. like. i don’t know, if i were to see this from an outside perspective, i’d be like. dude. how the fuck can you even tolerate this dude. why the hell are you not turning and running and hiding or screaming at this fucking awful son of a bitch that hurt you so much
but i dont hate him.
i should, shouldn’t i? but i dont. i. i guess it’s just because i’m not the type to hold a grudge. ever. i don’t know why. it’s one of those things that’s also just a general problem, my inability to like. feel angry at things that happened to me? i think it might stem from learned helplessness, or maybe something more fucked up, like a lack of self esteem or whatever. who knows.
i just know that i love my bro. i love him a lot. and. it’s definitely more than i should, especially after everything that happened, but what happened wasn’t. that bad. (everyone gasps and looks at dave motherfucking strider—he just said something batshit crazy)
but like. ugh. okay it was awful. but it wasn’t that bad. it could’ve been worse. i’m glad it wasn’t worse.
but it was still bad.
he was like this impenetrable wall of like. i don’t know. i. i remember thinking to myself that it must take a special kind of self hatred to force yourself to not outwardly feel. it’s like masking but on hard mode, and it makes you mad depressed. i always hated shoving down the smiles and the laughter for fear of him getting on my ass about it or whatever. and i remember thinking that like. i was kind of glad that i never saw him falter?
because it never took him off of that pedestal when he was alive, and it never. it never made me hope, i guess. because if there were any of those tender moments, those honeymoon stages where he was actually kind or anything like that, i feel like it’d make me feel so much worse. because it would prove that he didn’t have to act like that. that he didn’t have to hurt me like that. that he didn’t have to do any of that. that he was CAPABLE of being something more beyond the fucking monster under my bed.
and i feel like if i had known he was capable of good, of love and affection, i would’ve been. i would’ve been so much more desperate for his affection than i already was.
and like. it’s always so hard to look at other daves who have it simple and are solid in their position and perception of their bros because like.
i forgive him. i forgive him so much and i cant not forgive him for reasons i don’t. fucking understand
i forgive him and i love him and i miss him and i shouldnt but i do. because if i were in his position, if i had lived whatever life he had, and i knew i had to raise a kid to be something greater than his potential, i’d be. equally as hard on me. maybe different methods, but the method doesn’t matter when it’s abuse, kinda.
“i’d abuse myself too,” (the crowd gasps again. dave, really, will you ever learn?) is like. a great way to sum up what i just said if you’re from twitter. lmao
but i uh.
i don’t know. and i want to reach out to bros that i find circulating around tumblr, but.
a lot of them are better people, so it’s not. it’s not him, now is it? or they hold back on the fucked up shit to avoid getting like. cancelled or something which fucking. yeah. i get. but
i miss him. i wish i could say so many things, and the thought of whoever it is being. i don’t know, restrictive, when my bro was so fucking. fucked up and so openly messed up and so unquestioned in his fuckedness is weird.
obviously i hope they’re mentally sound, whoever it is, but i just. i want to know that MY bro is out there, in some capacity. i’m not some fucking kid who needs things sugarcoated (and part of that is because he raised me not to be) and the thought of someone looking me in the eyes and going “i’m sowwy 4 being like this 🥺🥺” or some fucking babying type shit is nauseating. you hurt me so grow some balls and apologize like a real man. give it to me straight, or whatever.
i don’t want those fucking. traits to be suppressed in a way that erases them entirely. you fucked me up. you fucked me up and to have zero fucking proof of you being someone who fucks up their fucking brother-kid things then like. i.
i guess i’m afraid of this hypothetical bro being better because of just how much it would erase, or. demean what i meant through, i guess.
and it. it’s not love if it’s not served with a knuckle sandwich, now is it? haha
i’ll probably be adding to this, but.
i don’t feel the hatred other people feel. i feel grief and remorse and love and respect and affection and i don’t know why. i don’t want to hurt him. i’ve never wanted to hurt him for what he did to me. i just. yeah.
chat am i cooked
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“sideburns are ugly” counterpoint theyre beautiful and sexy. reblog if you would fuck the pronouns out of that old man. is this anything
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yooo hi still kinsidering so idk how to introduce myself but congrats on the T dude :] i like the vibes on yr blog a lot
congrats on the first ask bro
and thank you. im on that fucking pinocchio shit rn. im not made of wood anymore it’s crazy. real boy type shit. boypilled manmaxxer
ill use this as an opportunity to say that i’ve got some real hardcore rambles cooking up too so stay tuned 👍
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had my very first dose of t today
i had to do it myself
and they didnt tell me how to do it aside from uh, telling me which needles to use
which is weird
but hey. im a man now
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how many times am i going to reblog something accidentally to this blog. how many fucking times.
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i love you pesterchum you're the best thing to have ever happened to the world
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okay whatever i'm biting the bullet or what fucking ever
official canon call post (what thats sooo crazy)
looking for:
johns, roses, jades, terezis, karkats, uhh. that's it for now i think
i'm dave, and davesprite, and. yeah. uh. my memories all suck dick AND balls believe it or not so no mem sharing publicly quite yet idk
dm me on here i guess?? send me an ask?? i don't know how tumblr works dude im a discorder unfortunately
#homestuck#davesprite#dave strider#kin canon calls#homestuck kin call#homestuck canon call#homestuck kin#homestuck sourcecall#fictionkin#SURELY thats enough LMFAOOOO
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holy shit the first motherfucking ramble is an emo one
this shit crayz
anyway. uhm. man.
as a kin(?) <- dubious but thats how ill be referring to myself for now ive always like. had such a tough time finding not only canonmates, but just.. sourcemates. in general. that i vibe with. i think perhaps my vibes are occasionally mad atrocious, but it's also like. OTHER PEOPLE are half of the issue too you know
takes two to motherfuckin tango, and bro, i'm stepping on these bitches' feet like it's dance dance revolution
and like
as a dave kin specifically. one who like. was quite young when i got into the fandom however many years ago and, even if i didn't know the term kin back then, i kinda.. knew. or, maybe the fuckin chicken (me) came before the egg (the kin) or whatever but
whatever. it resulted in me being.. kind of in a kinshift for like 4 years during the most formative years of my life
cray-z right
doesn;t matter
its just like. because it's been such a present thing through my life ive met.. so many individuals who are like. you know. other kins which is great and all, but like
i haven't found people that i've vibed with for homestuck. the majority of the people i know and interact with now are comfortably in my little kin circle or whatever, are sort of the closest thing that i have to canonmates
nothing for homestuck. well nothing beyond a dirk. but i got lucky with him and i KNOW i got lucky with him because i. we're both kind of outcasts in the community, in the sense that we're. neurotic striders, i guess.
but he's like. helped a lot with the whole feeling alone and being all emotionally constipated about it thing.
but that doesn't help with the other shit
the missing my friends shit, the approaching so many fucking people bein' all like yooo whats GOOD bros and being hit with vibes that clash with mine or WORSE. vibes that WORK WITH ME. but they already have their dave
so whats the point you know?
i'm not going to be THEIR DAVE.
i have so many diverging fucking timelines and like
im dave. im davesprite. im every goddamn iteration of this stupid fucking asshole and MORE.
and
i hate the idea of being the secondary one, i guess. which is funny because. gestures. but like
it's gotten to the point where im so DESPERATE to find people. so DESPERATE to find my bros and my homies and my gals that i like
i promised myself i wouldn't do this but i'm actively going "hey i can be your secondary dave, haha" you know. all fucking pathetic and shit
but i just.
i MISS my friends. so bad. and i think part of my struggle is like
this is an OLDASS FANDOM. at least in terms of the internet, and so its harder to find people who have those roles unfilled, because like
it's already.. you know.
and so like.
i'm stuck here. rambling into the fucking VOID on tumblr because i'm too. fucking. i dont know
late??
funny to be late as a time player but womp womp motherfucker, pull yourself up by your bootstraps and start damage control
but like
in all seriousness. i'm losing mad hope
ive gone from being like hey, yall need a dave? to hey, yall need a davesprite? to. radio motherfuckin silence.
and as a result i kinda yap at dirk too much, which totally makes me tweak the fuck out, like, dude. he has a life (albeit a totally like. chill one, that aint all that busy) and he doesnt have the time to like
tend to you like youre a child with scarlet fever, and every last word that your whiny little vocal cords can muster could be like... you know. your last. like his ass is NOT writing your obituary
and so like
i pull away kinda. and like. because of that pulling away i suddenly have this like. yapping desire that needs to be fulfilled but like
i like having peer review. like
it keeps it from being a massive fucking echo chamber of just misery and bullshit and like.
yeah
and so i.
i don't know, man. i made this blog for a reason.
i don't know if i thought it would help, or if it would like. help me connect to people, or what
what am i even doin here dawg
like theres just this existential feeling of DREAD here. doomed timeline type shit lmfaoooo
i don't know though i
it could bring something good
or this could be something terrible for me
or it could be like journaling. which i used to do in physical books, because i liked doodling back then, but, ive lost that hobby, so like
this exists
but i only journaled when i didn't have friends
i have friends
i think
i just understand that those friends don't want to listen to me. frankly i wouldn't either, i mean like. read this shit again. would you really wanna sit down with your bro and hear this type of shit
i don't know. this kinda turned into. something horrible haha
i'm better mentally than i was 4 years ago but whats the point when i be bitchin and moanin and whinin like this still
point is:
i miss my friends. i miss yapping (at) with them. i miss having friends in the first place. i miss feeling like i'm home, kin wise. the irony of the matter is im LOCKED OUT OF THE HOUSE. instead of uhh (checks notes) HOMESTUCK.
haha. im so funny. haha. yeah. uh. ramble over for now. i might pick this shit back up.
#emo shit#homestuck kin#homestuck#this will probably be the only post i tag homestuck. just to really get myself out there. you know. see if someone. sees this shit#shinji chair image
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intro post ig
hey. i'm dave. at least for this blog
my pronouns are he/him/his. that's kinda all that's really. important to know. no lore drops just yet
this account is just to let me ramble. i'm a kin, but, between you and me, this might be a different kind of mental illness
i might do a bit of web weaving idk yet but yeah. uh
tags i'll probably be using:
#strider rambles <- general rambles
#strider asks <- for asks
#emo shit <- for the emo shit
#weaving webs <- weaving webs. these are most likely just gonna be homestuck related. one trick pony up in here
#music <- MAYBE? probably not, but just in case
#misc <- obviously for other shit
ALSO. very important. forgot to fucking say this, but if you're into fucking stridercest or wtv. please leave me alone that shits weird as hell amen
this'll be updated later on probably lmfao but yeah. welcome to the shitshow, homies
if any other kins wanna interact feel free to. no guarantee i'll respond buuut you know
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