Vibe-spotting: INFJ

>> “Wait, you’re an introvert?!” Of all the 16 types, INFJ is the hardest to spot. While they could be seen daydreaming in the shadows, they may also be the life of the party. Because they are curious about the human mind, enjoy learning about and understanding people, and are invested in their friendships, they’re the most outgoing and social out of all the introvert types, to the point where they’ll have others fooled into thinking they’re an extrovert. But if you examine their patterns more closely, you’ll realize they are indeed true introverts, internally-focused individuals who need alone time to recharge. Because they are so perfectionistic, they’ll only socialize when “mentally prepared,” as socializing requires a lot of effort for them. Last minute hangouts are not their cup of tea; they prefer to arrive put-together and “ready” to engage. When busy introverting, they’ll hide for days to recuperate and you won’t see them, and will emerge only when they have the energy: thus presenting a perfectly crafted picture of themselves to others as being social or charismatic ALL. THE. TIME. At 1% of the population, INFJs are the rarest and most easily misunderstood type, and the “veil” of extroversion makes them even harder to pin down. 

Even though they may be quite social, respecting their (oftentimes unrecognized) need for space and solitude is a must; they can become burnt out and irritable if they don’t get enough alone time.

>> May seem slightly menacing or intimidating. May initially seem cold, as if they’re judging you, but that’s because they’re working out who you are with eerie accuracy and hope to advocate for you. Once they do, assuming they like you, they’ll unrelentingly support your visions, help you reach your full potential, and encourage you to be your highest self. They are actually quite friendly, peaceful, and warm-hearted. They can be unexpectedly pushy and forceful for an introvert, hence the “J” in INFJ.

>> Something otherworldly about them, they seem to have an inherent wisdom (hence INFJs are often portrayed in fiction as characters such as Dumbledore, Gandalf, Yoda). They dance to their own rhythm, seem a bit psychic, can predict how situations will unfold frighteningly well. This also applies to social situations, though they can have random socially clueless/ oblivious moments.

>> Can seem accessible on the surface, but is secretly very private. You’ll think you’ve gotten to know them, only to discover another layer. Despite being guarded themselves, they can be quite probing in getting to know *you,* which they’ll do with keen insight and perceptiveness. You may find you feel more comfortable revealing your true thoughts and secrets to an INFJ than you do other types. The fact that they’re able to be so highly accomplished and bring so much energy into living out their goals and dreams only contributes to the aura of mystery. Although they’re daydreamers with vivid imaginations, they are equal parts dreamer and doer.

>> The most cerebral, intellectual, and rational out of all the Feeler types.

>> Often staring off into the distance, zoning out. But when they really *look* at you their gaze is intense and penetrating as if they’re x-raying your soul. However that same that same gaze can also make you feel safe and adored.

>> Can get irritable if they feel their time is being wasted. They often seem slightly restless as if they’re always on a schedule. (Hence the “J”).

>> Take what they say at face-value. Don’t bother trying to ‘psychoanalyze’ them, you’ll only wind up more confused. Because they’re highly complex, you can be assured no one knows them better than themselves. They tend to avoid people who are unnecessarily critical or abrasive. This is primarily because as perfectionists, they are already so hard on themselves; they set high expectations for themselves and don’t like to let others down. They often have very specific reasons for doing the things they do, and act out of what they believe to be the best intentions, so others’ judgments may only contribute to their already present patterns of feeling misunderstood or isolated/alienated.

>> Express themselves better through writing, so may hide behind a screen as as a replacement for actual socializing. It’s okay to remind them that facebook messages and texts can’t replace face-to-face interaction.

>> Dressed simply but well.

>> Best matches: other INFJ, INTJ, INFP, INTP, ENTP, ENFJ, ENFP

Communication & consent while ~hooking up~

Consent isn’t just sexy. Consent is *Mandatory*

Normalize saying things like:

- “Do you want to _____” (kiss?make out?cuddle??) Idk, just *ask* before. We like to think that we’re good at reading body language, and even if we usually get it right, it’s ALWAYS better to ask before you just ~lean in~, especially when crossing a physical boundary with someone new.

-This may be obvious, but I’ll say it anyway: when hooking up with someone new, *don’t* do it when they’re blackout drunk! This isn’t consent, not to mention likely won’t even be enjoyable or fulfilling for *either* party. Especially if that person hasn’t told you they’re interested before.

-It’s okay to say you’re not in the mood when you’re not in the mood! “E.g., I’m not in the mood right now and am stressed about finals, but let’s ___ after my exam.”

-Normalize asking “Is this okay?” frequently. A guy once did this with me where he asked literally every few minutes “is this ok” (and I mean EVERY few minutes) and I was pretty nervous so this was incredibly comforting to me. It might not sound sexy, but it totally *was*. It’s also an opportunity for your partner to give you feedback. “How's this feel?” Make asking sexy.

-If you’re making out and wanna enter ~further~ territories: “can I let my hands wander” etcccccccc ;)))))

-*IDEAS* *IDEAS* to spice things uppp: “Have you ever fantasized about me?” “What happened in your fantasies?” ~Maybe you can even do them~ (unless it’s too wild, like fantasies about doing it on Mars. Or maybe go to Mars idk)

-This should go without saying but...AFTERCARE! Especially after you do anything BDSM-y. Or after literally anything sexual at all. Or anything involving making either or both of you vulnerable, whether sexually, romantically, emotionally, etc. Ask how it was and how they feel. Instead of assuming, make a habit of CHECKING IN.

-Direct???your???partner??? e.g. “can you go a little slower”, or “I’m not ready for that yet.” Or if you’re ~into~ it, “faster” and “right there” etc blahblah JUST TELL THEM. I’m not the type that likes a lot of talking while hooking up, but you’d be surprised how much just a LITTLE extra verbage can make the scenario that much better.

Consent shouldn’t be hesitant. Listen to not only their words but their tone. If there’s *any* ambiguity, JUST ASK. Read. Their. Body. Language.

Yes doesn’t mean yes. ENTHUSIASTIC yes means yes.