stateofirrelevancy
Wondering Why We Created This Wasteland
Hi I'm Aky and I despise Calum Hood
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Don't let the queue fool you, I'm never not on this hell site.
Aesthetic blog: @notanaestheticblogfr
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If by next Sunday nothing has improved I will commit to the serious talk tm
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Technically I think no preemption would only be broken if he just picked up when I called. The deadlock exists when he has priority because he doesn't call because he needs more free time which doesn't exist
Cough cough coffman conditions to break the deadlock that is my relationship
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Wait why is this literally the case
Mutual exclusion: we need to share the same resource (his free time)
Circular wait: I'm waiting for him to be free to talk to him about it but he is also waiting for himself to be free to call me
No preemption: I'm too much of a wuss to confront him and get the ball of a serious talk going
Hold & wait: he is holding the resource of free time and then waiting for to have more time
Coffman conditions tells us that deadlock can be broken with even just one of these being not true, and since most of these are dependent on him, I guess I need to bring up the serious talk convo. :(
Cough cough coffman conditions to break the deadlock that is my relationship
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Cough cough coffman conditions to break the deadlock that is my relationship
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The way that I'm stuck in a literal cycle. I need to talk to him about how I'm feeling to keep the resentment from growing, but he is never free for me to talk to, so then the resentment grows even more.
I don't know what the solution is.
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#i saw this advice video that said you shouldnt let your best days overshadow your typical days#and i realized thats literally what i was doing#to soothe myself i was just reminding myself that at the very least ill see him in october#our best days aka when we can see each other in person every few months#me ignoring the typical day of anxiety over him not talking to me when we're apart#i wish i could just shake him and scream DO BETTER#im not asking for much#i just want to feel like i have a partner :(
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#i wish future me could come back and just tell me what is to come#because i dont know.#is he the one for me? will our communication get better?#will it not and ill continue to feel last choice?#if i did leave. would i find someone better?#would the pain of a loss of relationship and the grieving of that take longer than the time for him to learn better (assuming he does)?#i just. i dont know
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#or is it an age thing?#ex at 18 yrs old was worse than ex at 21#and that ex was worse than my current bf#so is it like.#fourth times the charm LOLOL#one things for certain#if we do break up#im never doing ldr again#legitimately traumatizing
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#thats the other thing#men ALWAYS switch up#my ex switched up only a few months in#which was honestly a blessing#but this guy?#first year we dated i would've told you hes the once exception tm#the rare breed weve all been waiting for#but its just not true. men will always switch up#and that's why im nervous too.#no man can ever fully have your trust because no matter what they will dissapoint you and disrespect you eventually
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#LMFAO not my post from last month questioning how we'll survive med school#one month in and past me was right we are not surviving.#idk what to do ahh!!!!#I feel like#im delaying the inevitable#because i don't feel respected/valued#and he doesnt seem like he needs a partner right now#i wish breaks were a thing that worked#and i could go be with someone for the time being#he is just not someone who knows how to be in a ldr#im amazes his poor communication skills got us this far#more like my actual skills dragged us this far#but do men with good communication skills exist?
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#why do men always stop trying#should i break up with him#but i also don't want to start over with someone after i thought so dearly he was the one#it just. sounds so exhausting#but I'm so exhausted now too.#exhausted and resentful#what is a relationship if you never communicate#like i would hardly put him in my top 10 friends of the week at this point#my heart aches#:(
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Eat rock? Nay! I shan't!! ...Lest?
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I need 5sos blogs and funny blogs to follow can someone send me suggestions pls
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I want to make gifs again 😳 what is happening
#i am. 24 and have a full time big girl job#the last time i made 5sos gifs was at age 19#what is going on
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5sos skewed my view of men fs cause they're just 4 sweet funny wholesome dudes and then you meet the most average man and it will still somehow be a slightly traumatic experience
#not talking about my bf but about his friends#woof lol#i came in with too much faith and i do blame 5sos about it
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Michael laughing in this video my heart is melting 😭❤️
https://youtu.be/cz-CB-kYxTM
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