starvies-blog
s t a r v i e s
she/her | 19
my life in a blog
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why is it so hard for me to just stay off of social media . . .
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i hate eating in the morning, but it's the only way to make sure i don't fall from lightheadness. fuck being home, i wanna go back to college.
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turns out this kid is also clingy so we'll see where this goes.
if it turns out bad tho, it's gonna cause me to be even more depressed then i already am.
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i don't even know this kid and i already want him to respond.
is it because he showed interest in me, and now my brain thinks that it's the most attention ill ever get so i need to be clingy? so that he wont leave?
i fucking hate it
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why the fuck am i so clingy!?
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do you ever get in those moods where you don’t know how to feel and everything kinda feels mixed up and you’re just sitting there alone in your room trying to figure out what the fuck is wrong with you
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common misconceptions about eating disorders
(aka what i made bc some people are smart asses :D)
we’re all stick thin.
sis. let me begin by saying that not everybody with an eating disorder is bone skinny. sure, some of us are underweight, but a lot of us are average weights, over weight, or obese. those are the facts. there are no standards for an eating disorder, we come in a lot of different forms.
we’re all white and female.
the stereotype for anorexia or bulimia is that everyone who has it is a white teenage girl who is obsessed with her looks.
newsflash.
not all of us are white, some of us are black. some of us are hispanic. some of us are asian. there’s no requirement or test you have to pass to say you have an eating disorder.
and not all of us are girls. eating disorders affect males too! boys can struggle with the same things as girls, similar to how girls can struggle with the same things as boys.
anorexics don’t eat at all.
now to an extent, your right.
it’s the truth, anorexics mostly don’t eat anything.
but do you understand that in order to function, we have to run on some sort of food???? like we don’t just slump around for months with nothing in our bodies. we fast for days, but we don’t just eat nothing all the time???
there are these things called safe foods. why is it called a safe food? because it’s safe to digest and not burn off.
we eat. we just don’t eat a lot. or as much as we’re supposed to. we purposefully give up nutrients, but it’s not like we don’t receive them ever.
bulimics throw everything up.
again, while this is mostly true, we have safe foods.
there are certain things that we are okay with having in our stomachs. but for the most part, everything we eat gets removed.
anorexia or bulimia is a thing you can “try”.
yes. i did see the meghan trainor thing about how she “tried anorexia”.
first of all, what the fuck. who just says that.
second of all, an eating disorder isn’t something you can try out. it’s not a diet. it’s not a weight loss regimen. it’s a disease. you don’t get a 30 day trial to see if you like it or not.
if you are eating ice and celery for two hours, you can’t go around telling people “oh i’m anorexic!” that shits not funny. some of us have fasted 50+ hours. some of us have passed tf out and not waken up until the next day.
if you think that self starvation is a quick and easy way to lose 10 pounds, buckle up sis because your in for a ride.
people with eating disorders either don’t eat anything or eat the same things.
have you heard of a binge?
everybody who has an eating disorder has experienced one, truth.
a binge is basically where you’ve been restricting for so long, that you lose control and eat everything.
and by everything, i mean e v e r y t h i n g.
i’m talking you eat food from every place in your kitchen. you open the fridge, freezer, pantry and you reach on top of that fridge and grab the cereal too because nothings fucking stopping you.
and then you regret it and wanna die.
that’s what a binge is.
so the next time an ignorant mother fucker comes in my messages and asks me if i even eat at all, i’m gonna write another one of these.
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"I feel as though my feet are off the ground, and my head is filled with clouds, fogging over my hazy memories and mind. I feel as if I can't grasp onto anything, like I have nothing to hold me down. No one to hold me down. This is how I always feel. Hopeless. Afraid. Scared. Anxious. Alone."
-me
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can't stop fantasizing about how people would react to my death.
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I’m damaged as fuck but I’ll never hurt anyone the same way I’ve been hurt
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tw.
you know your depression is getting worse when every waking moment you are thinking of the different objects that you could kill yourself with.
the different drugs you take, the pocket knife hidden away so it won't cause a trigger, etc.
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i hate my father.
everything has to revolve around him, one second were are talking about one thing that has nothing to do with him then the next he turns it around to something that connects to him.
self centered people have got to be my biggest pet peeve.
and not only is he self centered, he's manipulative, loud, and never shuts up.
i just wanna go back to college already. is that too much to ask.
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