“Relax. You will become an adult. You will figure out your career. You will find someone who loves you. You have a whole lifetime; time takes time.”

— Johanna de Silentio

Nothing hits like hyperpop. It's everything. It's so powerful. It scratches my little stupid rat brain in the best way.

It seems like it’s happening again. All my friends are disappearing. I just sit back and watch it all unfold, I can do nothing about it, but sit back and watch it unfold.

What’s the point of a body? To hold me back. To tell the world what I like… who I like… what I do? Is it meant to decide the clothes I wear. The way I walk, the way I talk. Is it meant to determine who I am?

I didn’t understand how real hookup culture was till I met him. A whole culture, surrounded by blood thirsty hormonal teenagers. All craving that one thing. Letting in to their deepest darkest desires. I knew I had mine, it felt good to release myself from my cage. Quite literally releasing a beast. Until my heart got in the way, it always does. Telling me I should only give myself to someone who truly loves me. But it seems no one else seeks that. It feels I’m the only who is. Who wants love anymore… ? Who wants to be tied down and forced to accept and grow with someone? Who wants to make sacrifices and plan for a future?… Why do I? Why am I so ahead? Why are they so behind? Why do we never seem to meet our lovers at the right time?

Heartbreak helps me create. I like to think I put myself in these situations. Chasing unrequited love to feel a slither of emotion. My days are filled with beauty, that i know. Yet somehow without pain… I can’t seem to appreciate it. It’s as though there must a be a balance to everything now. I cannot simply indulge myself in one single thing like I used to. Friends, hobbies, tv shows… there has to be a balance. But truth is, I don’t know how to feel anymore, I don’t allow myself to… Unless I’m in love. Unless I’m in pain.

“Sometimes there comes the right person in the right moment in your life. And even if she or he doesn’t stay forever, it is just right for the moment.”

— Thoughtkick

“I care. I always care. That is my problem.”

— Unknown

king

I don’t like social media anymore. I don’t like that we’re so used to not telling people things personally. Passively ‘updating’ and ‘catching up’ with people. It’s so superficial, nothing is real about it. As we post and share, the AI gathers. It knows us better than we know ourselves. It seems people no longer think for themselves, I wonder how often I do. How much of what I do and say has been shaped by autogenerated videos and photographs. I consume them, everyday, every hour, and it slowly rots away my brain. I want to give it a break. Find peace and beauty in the little things. Let go of the feeling of constantly being observed and expecting immediate feedback. We live in a fake world, a fake world we each trapped ourselves in and created. There’s a real one, with things and events waiting for you. Nothing is happening in your phone. Give yourself a break, you’ll see.

not sure who will find this. But I love this beauty, don’t know what will come of this.