star-prinxe
my gender is a ten minute violin solo
Music is my life |24|Panromo|He/They|
Summer|Eat Moss| 2023...Im still here babes
Hey, I'm Noah, I'm interested in a lot of stuff right now and I'm a writer, artist, and student just trying my best.
228521 posts
Don't wanna be here? Send us removal request.
Last Seen Blogs
kampanianews
kampanianews.gr
idv-twins
Tick... tock... tick...
animation-is-my-jam
Bi panic
lesbianlotties
it's just witness-less me
vitalves
vitalves
Text
Note: I am by no means a professional in health or otherwise. This is personal experience. I made this as a metaphor to help my parents understand me better.
3K notes
·
View notes
Text
Things that work in fiction but not real life
torture getting reliable information out of people
knocking someone out to harmlessly incapacitate them for like an hour
jumping into water from staggering heights and surviving the fall completely intact
calling the police to deescalate a situation
rafting your way off a desert island
correctly profiling total strangers based on vibes
effectively operating every computer by typing and nothing else
ripping an IV out of your arm without consequences
heterosexual cowboy
93K notes
·
View notes
Text
idk if anyone has made an isopod one so i decided to create this.
FUCKING IPOD.
9K notes
·
View notes
Text
When ogres travel, they do so in human shape.
They hate doing this. They think it’s beneath them. But they do it anyway.
The Vicomte Graoul de Saucisson – and this is another thing about ogres. Ogres as a species are nobility. There is no such thing as a low-born ogre. There is always room in the ogrish peerage for another vicomte, another prince, another branch to tie to the rotted tree – strode up to the chateau in human shape. The roses in the garden shivered as he passed by. The huge, high doors opened by themselves and he walked through them without a shift in his stride.
When the doors slammed shut behind him, he moved to shrug the shape off his shoulders like a coat.
Then he saw the woman.
He froze. He stared. She stared back.
He slowly pulled the shape back on. “Who are you?” he asked.
She looked mildly appalled. “Who are you?” she asked. “What are you doing in my home?”
“Your home? This is–” He stopped. He reconsidered. “I am the Vicomte de Saucisson,” he said. “I’m looking for the Marquis de Pamplemousse. He is a… colleague of mine.”
“Oh,” she said. She could’ve looked more abashed. “I’m sorry, monsieur, he’s never mentioned you before. You must be here to share your congratulations, of course, I can fetch him right away.”
“He’s never mentioned you either,” the vicomte did not say. “Of course,” he said. “Congratulations. What about?”
She looked surprised. “Have you not heard? Monsieur, the curse on my husband has been lifted.”
He stared. His lips started to form the words “What curse,” and then there was a sound like a horse falling down a set of stairs and a man he had never seen before wearing the marquis’s clothes came barrelling down the hall.
“Vicomte!” said the man with the marquis’s voice. “My human friend! The curse has been lifted, and I am a human once again!”
He was slightly out of breath when he reached the woman. He clasped her arm and grinned at him with manic desperation. “This is wonderful news! You must be here to share your congratulations!”
“Lie like hell,” said the man’s eyes.
The vicomte stared. “Oh!” he said. “My – human friend! Human once again! Words fail me. After all these–” (there was the slightest hesitation) “–years?”
The woman put her head at an angle and narrowed her eyes at him.
The man walked up, still grinning like a rictus chimpanzee, and clasped a hand on his shoulder. “Yes, of course! Darling, me and the vicomte are going to have a manly one-on-one conversation while he shares his congratulations, as we human men are wont to do.” And then with a strength that could only be ogrish, the marquis pulled the vicomte by the shoulder down the hall and into a drawing room.
When the bolt of the lock clicked into place behind them, the man wearing the marquis’s clothes visibly sagged.
“What the hell,” said the vicomte.
“You should’ve sent word ahead that you'd be coming today.”
“I never do.” He gesticulated and tried to conjure a single question out of the swarm buzzing in his brain. “What the hell is going on? Who was that? Why are you pretending to be human? What curse are we talking about?”
The marquis groaned and crumpled into a chair. As he did he shifted out of human shape, clothes magically tailoring themselves to contain his ogrish form. He looked a bit like a moose crossed with a wolf.
“I had a moment of weakness.”
“Are you sure it wasn’t a stroke?”
“I got married.”
“And that’s another thing–”
“Graoul, please.” He sighed and put his face in his talons. “Last winter a merchant broke into my home. He stole one of my roses, and in exchange I asked him to send me one of his daughters to be my bride.”
The vicomte nodded. This at least was a sacred and recognizable ogrish custom, and he did like to see the old ways in practice.
“And it was fine! It was perfectly lovely. She’s a wonderful woman, but one night I decided to put on a human shape to change things up in the bedroom, and she lost her mind! Started talking about how I was clearly an enchanted prince and that her love for me must’ve broken some curse and turned me human again! I had no idea how to tell her otherwise, and now I’ve done it for too long to back out.”
The vicomte stared. “Sorry,” he said. “You decided to turn into a human to spice things up in the bedroom, and that was the face you chose?”
The marquis growled. “If I knew I was going to be wearing it for the rest of my life I would’ve gone with something better.”
264 notes
·
View notes
Text
i love six o clock because the clock looks so stupid. "|" like get real
21K notes
·
View notes
Text
Why am I getting ads about how the government is giving $6k to undocumented immigrants crossing the border im supposed to believe that? What do you take me for ?
3K notes
·
View notes
Text
2K notes
·
View notes
Text
just learned there's a war going on in stardew valley with zero explanation and since the game swings wildly between anti-corporate utopianism and classic kill 3 skeletons for 100 gold this opens up some fascinating world-building possibilities, namely: 1. it's a regular war that's just kind of happening while you wake up each morning, tend to your radishes and then go fight monsters down level 80 of an abandoned mineshaft so you can get iridium for the wizard living in a mysterious tower behind your farm; or 2. it's a magic war that a regular guy named kent voluntarily left his family for, and if you complete his request for a fresh starfruit he'll start telling you about his ptsd
224 notes
·
View notes
Text
the sigh of relief i let out after clicking on the last block of spoiler text
4K notes
·
View notes
Text
Straight man jumped in Gay City for refusing to twerk
2K notes
·
View notes
