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spikedfanta · 3 years

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ah fuck it's gonna take some time before i fucking feel okay with this. trying to write a music review but failing terribly. ugh.

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spikedfanta · 3 years

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- what it is

- where it came from

- where that came from / what were materials involved

- what were processes

- how has it travelled

-

13-03-2021

Ragi Ganji for breakfast

Ragi from santhe // milk from guru

lays chips

a smoke

things used

clay / potting mix

curd as face mask

face mask

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spikedfanta · 3 years

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CAFE CONCEPT GARDEN LAB

- A LIST OF PYSCHOGEOGRAPHIC EXERCISES

- A LIST OF MAPPING EXERCISES

- EXPERIMENTS YOU CAN DO AT HOME! THINGS TO MAKE

EXPERIENCE:

- people getting food at home, tracing their journeys

- sense mapping together - creating unique pieces/experiences of their relationship to a place -- creating their own sense map

- building a hunter gatherer map - experiencing through sight, sound, etc.

- roleplay game - herbal salve, tonics, foods, teas.

- zines / hand outs

- psychogeographic interventions

Final output:

- website

- a stall/cafe experience - zines, tinctures and brochures, small products/explorations, videos to go through, maps.

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spikedfanta · 3 years

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organizations and people

suresh kumar

yashas shetty

whofeedsblr

rewilding

5) suresh kumar farm - re-wilding - indian english garden, chakota, etc. //

experience ((the wild garden ))

today, i've been thinking about the internet and all its knowledge systems - there is much that the internet doesn't contain. it does not contain so many stories, the ability to generate respect and mindfulness for one's surroundings, to help one better be in touch with reality -- but at the same time it can connect one to others trying to do the same.

The raintree - I never knew how dividied people were about it.

those blogspot blogs - so many people had/have one. and the articles still pop up now when you look for hyper niche information - particularly during this project, when i look for information on places - flora and fauna - and general nature, food, and life related information on bangalore! a blog that someone started out of their own interest to share a part of their lives - carve out their own space on the internet. and it differs from instagram, or facebook - it really does. while super useful for sharing what youre up to - you dont really get to sit and share long form content about your life. and i wonder if that has reduced ones capacity to then read about these happenings in someone elses life. it's only now, when so much of the information i am looking for (related to experiencing places in and around bangalore - treks, markets, spaces of nature, etc. + food + flora and fauna, lakes, edible weeds + bangalore nostalgia) happens to be on blogs. an unofficial networked document of the city that is coming together with google searches. the way we gather information on the internet, so disparate yet all coming together - which is why a resource bank for the project is important.

we learn on the internet by gathering all this information from all over - sources from youtube videos to blogs to even comments (which can be very useful!) to forums and niche old websites.. and they become a psychogeography of place on the internet. we then synthesize it together to create our own understanding which we can then share, i think. and it all has such a personality...

i think this research combined with actively going out of my way to engage with people in the real world is really building a sort of image in my head. i think what i am trying to do is express that image in a project, and using all these tools from people abroad etc etc to express it in a very bioregional local way - a sort of 'back to the land' for the internet. it's astounding to see the amount of videos for things like making henna or flower garlanding or gardening -- anything you want to learn, and there is a video. it wasnt always this way wasnt it? i remember that there were so many western videos you had to shuffle through. at any rate, one part of the project is documenting my creations and what im learning in a bioregional way -- by creating a sort of alter ego and making an internet personality/blogger type.

what kind of personality can i give my alter ego? she'll be allowed to say and do a lot more than i can, i think. but she still lives in my body and experiences what i experience. she is a curious scientist of the world - she is the child forever in me. she picks up things and runs with them. she is playful and mindful.

speaking of mindful, i am back in bellandur and i havent been doing much sense mapping. i havent done much sense mapping at all. im not sure what im scared of... well, im going to hear the birds and smell the dust and feel the dust and hear the construction and taste the rose apple see the kind of boxy room i live in, in an apartment .. where all the noises echo louder and loom off further into the distance.. as well as make their way here. what is the difference from yelahanka, with the trees? covering me with their canopies? what about suresh's farm - further from the hubbubububub.

symbols.. hmm.. the home garden tulsi. a tincture or tonic water. a weed popping out of a pavement. two birds playing. construction sounds. far off construction red light. dust. colours... faded blue, grey, white, green, red. crushing. the act of it. the sound. the sound of simmering. the sound of ticking and an oven. chopping. plucking. leaves rustling. crushing in your fingers and smelling.

scent of tulsi and basil as i rub it and it makes me less anxious and less nauseous and very calm and minty. henna and its bittery herbal smell. the tonic waters.. sweet basil, a bit anise like. and lemon, no citrus just sweet lime leaf. malabar spinach and a stain like blood. royal purple blood. the sweet pannir of a rose apple,, a delicate. treat. what if i added rose petal? rose water? a gingery affair, spicy.. floating suspended in water. a bug. i like how they call it that. how long till it comes alive? lemon and fenugreek and black tea in henna - the goopy mixture, ready to go on my hair. soapy - the leaves. clay like - the powder. visually.. the leaves go sop and lose their green on so much boiling. on pounding. the malabar spinach goes POP. there are greens and a pumpkin. visually, i feel satisfied by the rainbow today. purple malabar. indigo.. uh.. i suppose the malabar satisfiesx that. green.. the tulsi, the aloe, thee lemongrass, the basil, the ajwain, the betel leaf.. the spinach greens.. the henna. wow. a lot of green. taste.. well all of it tasted nice. chewing a tulsi and betel leaf. yum. yellow.. lemon and panir. orange hmm. papaya? carrot. red.. hibiscus. a curry leaf.

well, anyway. i got a lot out of my head today. i shall have to spend some time organziing and planning tomorrow. i am a in a little bit of a 'do mode' flow. tomorrow morning, i will wake up by 7.. meditate. hear birds. sense check in. go for a walk to soul kere lake. sense map/check. come back. drink herbal tea. plan - covid test, things to buy and do today, places nearby to go (if any) - make a trip outside (wrap up by 12 hopefully)

lab work today -- hopefully 12-4 and later at night, with time for research (new media, blogs, projects related to tools, etc.) and some checkin in - sense journaling, symbolism, relfection, artistic expression. evening. we henna.

documentation of research for these recipes! going through comments, that only comment from soemwhere who has the same question as yours.. bringing that back to my regional level and answering it here.

at an experience leve.. suresh kumar. i am astounded by someone like him, and i wonder if i can ever be someone like that. i feel like such a privileged city girl around him, in awe of everything, dumb and stupid. but this is not true right? idk. he is a very cool man and i love how friendly he is which is required to work at such a community level. how can i imbibe that level of community gathering and effort? it is by dedication to your work but also a level of genuine respect for everyone around you. i wager that i dont have that respect? for myself? maybe? i dont know. no, and for others either. because there is competition - what is it he said. i gained my confidence through my work. there is no other way. holy shit. there is no other way. i must gain my confidence through my work. just do a lot of it. and be as open and genuine as i can to others. work on EneErgIes. no? somewhere, i know there is something that drives me to do things. and even if it might be 'shit'.. i think i have a vision, perhaps.

there are things to plan.. tomorrow, i will spend an hour just 'starting'. i suppose. blog posts be damned. i suppose as the idea comes, make a tumblr draft and let it sit with a quick note and memory. tomorrow is also a making day. so is saturday. saturday evening i plan the next week, and finish what i 'started'. and sunday i make teasers with whatever content i have right now. no time to build new content. just enough for swati and co to get a gist of what im about. and dont share everything. keep a few teases.

think i really want to do a clay texture map tomorrow. and also work on the animation. and childhood. and topography. Oh! spring equinox celebration meal as well. and chill climate weather bengal oo roo. and nostalgia mapping. def some mapping. animist... POV.. herbalism and energy and nature of plants. the ability to stain. to scent. to taste. my experience of the plant.. and what is the plant experience of me? to crush and chew and nibble. but my reality isnt a plants reality. i dont know if it 'hurts'. it exists differently. it exists. i exist.

i want some jasmine flowers definitely to make some jasmine hydrosol..

need to read some diance ackerman, and some animism / that camden art festival thing before i sleep. some

todays kitchen mapped out

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spikedfanta · 3 years

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a transitional zone, an area made of land and water. a gurgling ecosystem. a huge depression in the ocean brings the first rains of april.

in the boggy marshy dump

behind what the kids call rao aunty's house

the dark side of the park

where no one really goes

except couples and no-good-oers

the swamp takes its time. if you are in a hurry, you might not see it. covered by the

kudzu and the reeds

algae covering the top of the boggy marshy water

it could just be another mushy muddy ground in the abandoned lots and the

at night, the glow cloud arrives.

notes of a wetland interloper

i've just seen something very, very strange. i'm not sure where to begin describing it.

it had just rained, very very heavily, and i was stuck at 28 longer than i wanted to be. when i left, it was around 1 am. it was very lightly drizzling, but not very bothersome. i

the ballad of the swamp

i crossed a bog one night

after a heavy rain

there lurked a cloud on top the mound

heaving with the weight of rain

is light the evidence of humans?

light in no light

10 million glowing creatures stared back at me

in the cleaned rain

a silent moment where there meant no harm

strange sightings

blog clipping

25th april 2001

the swamp cloud:

etc etc etc

list of plants and animals formed around support:

properties:

if sighted, please add to the database!

recipes:

a glowing salve that seems to heal

on ingesting, my dreams get vivider

creatures list/weed list:

fabric explorations:

EMBROIDERY

https://www.instagram.com/p/CLpeCJZJhD-/ (1) pinch and sew (2) fabric flower making

DYEING:

https://www.instagram.com/p/CPEv9d3pLMm/ (dyeing circles?)

https://www.instagram.com/p/CN74LkrDbk6/ (layered cyanotypes)

cloth cut:

https://www.instagram.com/p/CNnLZwbHLV7/ baby doll dress length

https://www.instagram.com/p/CNYtqijA1Fh/ corset cut

https://www.instagram.com/p/CNxJZCVHLBz/

PAINTING:

https://www.instagram.com/p/CMlA8nqplrb/ (minimalist painting)

https://www.instagram.com/p/COdcq35pAcx/ (bleach? painting) https://www.instagram.com/p/CI1c8_ZFhE2/ (symbols)

https://www.instagram.com/p/COdwHjMj_rE/ (purple painted flowers)

https://www.instagram.com/p/CJ_ObHEHk1e/

https://www.instagram.com/p/CL-nHpyF_t7/

visuals to accompany:

https://www.instagram.com/p/CONdMxUFS2T/ (spring)

https://www.instagram.com/p/BwDal0WBU3M/ (kiddish style)

https://www.instagram.com/p/CDmWg9eJdC9JyYNptdMk5VbzbwomZ6M2gqYusI0/ (aesthet drawing)

https://www.instagram.com/p/COWnJUxJyph/

https://www.instagram.com/p/CNzE2vnBcGG/

jewelry:

https://www.instagram.com/p/COxTCUmnRL_/ trinkets

clay:

https://www.instagram.com/p/COCd8bvJATN/

artifacts:

weed symbols:

https://www.instagram.com/p/COLhb53rFF4/

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spikedfanta · 3 years

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over the garden wall

i suppose i had a moment of clarity of sorts. and i just want to express it before it goes away.

1) we are all on our own path

despite knowing there is no point comparing myself to others, thinking about their paths and how i need to do what they are doing to get to the future i think i want - i still do it. i self sabotage by spending my time thinking about what they're doing while consequently feeling bad about the fact that i am not doing anything. i wonder if this root of procrastination comes from my brain just being very fearful of doing work (and also the fact that i haven't been able to do anything for a month) and what i am even going to do in the time i 'wasted'. and from the self hatred of not being able to do the work and then latching onto how much others have achieved. but perhaps i will never be able to get any work done with this hyperfixation and comparison.

but. a) we literally all are on our own path. and i don't want my path to be thinking about others paths. there is a world expanding around me and i don't wanna miss it. i can be in tune with this world. i will allocate 15 minutes a night to self doubt. and when it comes i will remember, i can eat this fear up. i have done it before and i can do it again. b) time is time. time is a moment i spent living. time is me in my house enjoying being here, watching tv shows i like, spending a summer vacation, making clouds and paintings. now time can be doing things that fulfill me, consistently, till my submission. there is no wasted time.

2) consistency and faith

i also had a bit of a moment of clarity where i remembered or realised what this project is about. consistency and doing things every day. the process. spending time on that process. learning how i work. and for that i will have to fail, fail, fail. for that. but if i can write a blog every day recording what worked and didn't work, isn't that great? fearful of doing the 'wrong' thing the 'right' thing... what if i just did things and see what happens?

mindfulness. is the crux of it all. wasn't the point to just be very very very mindful, and live in the moment, as an experiment? why did it end? it must continue. i can use spikedfanta to brain dump and on the blog, make more well thought out posts.

3) adhd

to solve this, to accept this, i need routine. i liked waking up early (by 7), doing a yoga workout, some strength stretches, meditating, hopping into the shower and being mindful throughout. and then sitting down and just 'starting'. and see what happens.

remember, i am a garden, and i need to be tended to. sometimes i need to move my body, other times i need to move my hands. sometimes i need to read and think (but externalize this thinking).

4) characters

some characters i would like to embody this coming month:

manic artist. shaman. getting calls and signs and symbols and creating with everything i have. mixing art and design - design to provoke and surprise. not allowing myself to think about others because there are no others and there is no ((I)). there is only good humor and being nice to others. and chanelling my fears and anxieties into work. even on days where i dont feel like it, putting in the effort. 21 days. let us try this.

embody who i want to be - light, light, light. spreading that lightness and teachings to others. kya hi hai.

i resent that my friends don't understand me, then again i don't talk. there is no point building resentment, i suppose then, cuz it is only harming me. i keep thinking the only way is to distance myself from these people?

paint and make stuff for the room and clothes as well. paint the top ((acrylic)).

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spikedfanta · 3 years

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spikedfanta · 3 years

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Ok vibes are scary

They are scary rn and my brain is doing that thing where it is scared and to calm it i usually go and do some work but now i know i have to plan and i am feeling so UNABLE to sit with it right now. Its organization work and that is work so maybe just do that and nothing else today.

Today...

Figure out how to present work for long term doc book etc

Show an example of it w the weeds

Make a timeline-ish

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spikedfanta · 3 years

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i just want to be focused on a few things

and do those consistently every day. i have a hard time doing that and that's my plan. to figure out how to do that. i just care about evoking a sense of place. being a conduit to express that i guess. and using other theories like internet and pop culture and philosophy and psychogeography to express those ideas i guess. it's not that hard.

write some blogs about it. make a journal/insta thing i was doing on the side. frame it on the website.

being impeccable with my word entails... my deep connection to yelahanka

the activities i did in my docbook

today i will

1) order all materials i need to

2) plan AKA

- compile a list of blog posts to make -- start writing one about home gardens and nature in personal space // to help me formulate my ideas + a journal of drawings

- make outlines for each of the things i kinda plan on doing (3 of them) -- more like the outputs for each? - compile the ideation i have done so far

- work on docbook a little

3) on friday - 3 more + finesse for swati

- work on docbook a little

- continue blog posting and journaling with some concrete visuals for each, doing while making

OR

today what if i just go through everything i've done so far/wanted to do and made notes

and similarly tomorrow do the same

plan it out on MIRO with a timeline

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spikedfanta · 3 years

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okay here goes

okay i need a blog to be unhinged and this shall be it. i am very inspired by ((youknowwho)) and even though what she says triggers me because it reminds me of ((youknowwhos)) mentality as well

god i need to come up with codenames cuz it feels very cringy writing down their actual names, while the chances of them finding this blog is nil you can never be too careful.

i've been at such a weird foray between spirituality and nature and missing my old 'intellectual' self and i want to return to being an 'intellectual' aka reading everything and anything. and really reading it. and collecting the things that stick with me. wasn't that the plan of this project? well, i failed at that.

it kind of feels like i need to continue doing my own shit basically. being around my friends makes me feel unhinged and insecure which is complete shit. i've been working on ~growth mindset~ stuff you know which is all like u can do it! just gotta try harder! like i am insecure around my friends because they're all very sorted people and i feel so fucking off the rails compared to them, like i'll never be able to do anything. is it true that i genuinely can't sit and focus on something? i definitely take longer than most people to get things done. i am slow like that. i need to give myself time. it sometimes bothers me that they never really say anything to motivate me idk although i do that whenever they come to me with problems. like idk i barely get any compliments or nice words from them and it bothers me to no end and uhhhh it kind of just solidifies for me that i am so insecure that i just need to quietly work on myself and not worry about what they're doing, and if they're working on themselves, good for them.

i am grateful that i have parents who understand kinda what i'm going through even though i have been irreparably 'damaged' or whatever

i am so grateful for the internet and everything it has taught me and i am sad that i kind of forgot about it and i guess i am going to work back into the slow process of being involved with it

i am grateful for my room in yelahanka 116

i feel like i am so scared to list the things i'm grateful for because all the 'buts' come to fore. fuck that then. i feel very mad that i shared all my media with that person mainly because they never acknowledged it and it will bug me forever and so therefore, i guess we'll just move on and be people we used to know. i honestly can't wait for that cuz she fucked with me on other levels , like idk maybe i'm just an oversensitive person who can't adjust with how others are supposed to be but it was very very cruel man. and sure i've been cruel and toxic too so like clearly we are not a good match. but she has annoyed me forever and i'm sure if i go back to my journals i will find pages and pages of all the shit that i've said about her and how much it affected me, and god it still makes me cry and makes me angry. i don't know how i will let this anger go but i shall try. i can't keep letting it wallow me down and bring me down to those very very very dark places.

that sorry message she sent.... i don't forgive her dude. and you know, it sucks. i will just have to work harder to erase her from my memory and do the things i want to do to become the person i think i want to be.

i'm just upset at all coronavirus took from me. i am a bit of a doormat too yes. the resentment of what people do to me builds up and manifests in ugly ugly ways. i guess i'll just have to start saying what i feel is wrong man.

#pp

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spikedfanta · 3 years

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spikedfanta · 3 years

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Affirmation - you have to do it even if it sucks it is OK if It sucks

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spikedfanta · 3 years

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quilts by Gee’s Bend “The women of Gee’s Bend—a small, remote, black community in Alabama—have created hundreds of quilt masterpieces dating from the early twentieth century to the present. Resembling an inland island, Gee’s Bend is surrounded on three sides by the Alabama River. The seven hundred or so inhabitants of this small, rural community are mostly descendants of slaves, and for generations they worked the fields belonging to the local Pettway plantation. Quiltmakers there have produced countless patchwork masterpieces beginning as far back as the mid-nineteenth century, with the oldest existing examples dating from the 1920s. Enlivened by a visual imagination that extends the expressive boundaries of the quilt genre, these astounding creations constitute a crucial chapter in the history of African American art.”

#textile

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spikedfanta · 3 years

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I have been a little burned out lately from painting so I decided to make something a little different than what I usually make. This painted “quilt” is comprised of lots of what I’m excited about for spring. Snails, sun, ferns popping back up again.

#textile

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spikedfanta · 3 years

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