songandflame
Happiness Itself
She had gold and pearls for her dowry; but her gold was on her head, and her pearls were in her mouth.
Independent and semi-selective Fantine from Victor Hugo's Les Miserables; book and musical inspired.
Loved by Lychee
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❥ 𝐁𝐎𝐓𝐀𝐍𝐈𝐂𝐀𝐋 𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐃𝐂𝐀𝐍𝐎𝐍𝐒 [ 𝚆𝙾𝚁𝙳 𝙿𝚁𝙾𝙼𝙿𝚃𝚂 ] .
headcanon prompts with questions based on plants & what they represent in flower language . happy roleplaying !! ♡
abatina : is there anything in life your muse has changed their mind about over time ( due to becoming more educated on the topic , certain experiences , etc . ) , or that they would change their mind about under certain circumstances ?
acanthus : is your muse deceptive , or willing to lie or deceive to achieve certain means ? why or why not ?
aloe : how does your muse handle grief ?
amaryllis : what is something or someone that your muse takes pride in ? how do they express that pride ?
anemone : how does your muse view the world ; as a cruel & unforgiving place , a land full of wonders , or something in - between ? where does that world view come from ( what experiences , life lessons , etc . ) ?
angelica : where does your muse draw inspiration in life ? what motivates them ?
apple blossom : how does your muse go about expressing or not expressing their sexuality ?
bachelor’s button : does your muse actively seek romantic companionship , or cherish the liberties of being single ?
basil : does your muse have a love - hate relationship with anyone or anything ?
bay tree : does your muse seek glory & accolades , or do they favour a simpler , more personal life ?
begonia : how cautious is your muse ? are they prone to noticing red flags , or paranoid to the point of untrusting most everyone ? why or why not ?
belladonna : how does your muse respond to silence ? do they take comfort in soundlessness , or seek to fill the void with noise ?
bluebell : does your muse learn from their past , or are they prone to repeating the same mistakes ?
carnation : what is your muse’s relationship with their gender ? how do they express or not express this relationship ?
chamomile : what is your muse likely to take away from a painful experience ? are they one to be haunted by adversity , or to use what they’ve gone through to become stronger ?
chrysanthemum : how does your muse express romantic love ? how do they feel about love as a concept ?
daffodil : is your muse one to be loyal in relationships , or are they likely to quickly move from one bond to another ?
daisy : did your muse ever feel as though their innocence had been lost ? what moment in their life could be described as the end of their innocence ?
edelweiss : what was the bravest moment in your muse’s life ? are they known to be courageous from then on ?
fern : does your muse believe in magic or cosmic forces , or are they more likely to think their life is ultimately a matter of their own control ?
forget - me - not : has your muse ever forgotten something that is or was important to them ? are they afraid of forgetting things like that ?
gardenia : is your muse one to confess romantic feelings early on , or to conceal them for long periods of time ?
gladiolus : describe a moment from your muse’s life that they will never forget .
goldenrod : does your muse believe in luck or fortune ? why or why not ? where do they believe these things come from ?
heliotrope : does your muse believe in soulmates ?
hibiscus : how does your muse view the gentler , daintier things in life ? as things worth preserving & caring for , or things only bound to wither & disappear ?
holly : how strong is your muse’s sense of intuition ? are they aware of it ? do they ever fear that it is only paranoia ?
hollyhock : how strong is your muse’s sense of ambition ? what’s something they strive for in life ?
hyacinth : is your muse athletic ? does it come naturally to them , or have they had to work for their physique and/or skill ?
hydrangea : how much does your muse value communication in their relationships with others ? are they prone to being misunderstood ?
iris : if your muse could convey one last message to someone they have lost or left behind , what would it be ?
ivy : what are your muse’s views on marriage ? do they believe it is something strictly for love , or an institution rooted in business & social benefits ? do they desire or have they desired to be married ?
lavender : how easy is it to gain your muse’s trust ? once their trust is broken , how might one go about mending it ?
lilac : what was your muse’s childhood like ? how has their upbringing affected them as they’ve aged ?
lily : how does your muse view their mother ?
lotus : has your muse ever felt as though they’ve been reborn ? have they ever desired the feeling of a fresh start , or a better understanding of themself and/or the world around them ?
magnolia : describe your muse’s relationship with nature & the natural world .
marigold : is your muse prone to jealousy ? how might they handle envious feelings ?
mint : does your muse view themself as virtuous & moral ? what do these words mean to them ?
nasturtium : describe your muse’s relationship with their birthplace , or homeland .
oak : who would your muse consider the strongest person they know ?
pansy : does your muse often reflect on their own actions ? do they ever think a lot about the past , and what they could have done differently ?
parsley : describe a holiday your muse enjoys , and why they enjoy it .
peony : what would a ‘ happy life ’ look like in your muse’s eyes ?
poppy : what comforts your muse ?
rhododendron : is your muse receptive to warnings & advice given by others ?
rose : how much does your muse value other people ? do they wish to have many friends , lovers , and/or associates ? are they an easy person to love ?
sage : what is your muse’s legacy ? what do they want to be remembered for & what might they actually be remembered for ?
salvia : is your muse possessive over people or things that matter a lot to them ? how do they express that possessiveness , or lack thereof ?
snapdragon : is your muse merciful ? why or why not ?
southernwood : how seriously does your muse take themself ? do they prefer a solemn & intellectual atmosphere or do they delight in jokes & banter ?
sunflower : what brings your muse the most joy in life ?
tulip : how does your muse view people in general ?
violet : how does your muse respond to betrayal ?
willow : how does your muse handle sadness & depression ?
zinnia : how has the loss of fallen comrades and/or loved ones affected your muse ? has it taught them anything or given them any new perspectives ?
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yeah vanilla sex is great but have you ever felt the satisfaction of tying up a man who is easily twice your size and hear him whimper at your every touch?
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"To dream the impossible dream, that is my quest."
Answered here!
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Find Your Strengths!
Nature: You are sensitive to nature and environment. You probably know the names of rocks, flowers, birds, and trees. You love to be outdoors. Here are some ways to use your nature intelligence in your learning:
Spatial: You remember things visually, including exact sizes and shapes of objects. You like posters, charts, and graphics. You like any kind of visual clues. You enjoy drawing. Effective techniques of enhancing your learning using your spatial intelligence include creating and/or using pictures, maps, diagrams, and graphs as you learn things.
Self: You have a very good sense of self. You like to spend time by yourself and think things over. You will often take in information from another person, mull it over by yourself, and come back to that person later to discuss it. You like working on projects on your own. You often prefer to learn by trial and error. Effective techniques to enhance your learning include keeping a journal and giving yourself time to reflect on new ideas and information.
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Various Literary Prompts
@fortrivmph asked: "to dream the impossible dream, that is my quest." (thank you!)
"Yes, because you find it in the slums of Montreuil," she retorted, her mocking echoing from rain-dampened walls.
She would hardly ever be so bold, but after reading how her daughter was dying, Fantine had to allow her anguish some relief. Perhaps the man would strike her; even better, perhaps he would involve her pimp like the coward most men were. Either way, Fantine would feel something other than all-consuming grief. She did not care if it came as a foot to her ribs or the back of a hand to her cheek.
"You'll be more likely to find it between my legs, Monsieur." She paused, only to drink whatever watered-down brandy remained. "I assure you, a good woman is far better than any dream. Come, let me be your quest."
#fortrivmph#c; haytham kenway#v; then it all went wrong#answered ask#suggestive cw#suggestive tw#sorry for her drunk self#hope this is okay for you!
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SOFT(ish) ANGST PROMPTS
“ i thought you were gone. for good. ”
“ you left and— i thought you weren’t coming back. ”
“ i miss you. i know i’m not supposed to, but. i just had to see you. ”
“ please don’t scare me like that again. i can take a lot of things, but not losing you. ”
“ i can’t even take the very thought of you getting hurt. ”
“ you could’ve gotten yourself killed! you could’ve— fuck! you scared the shit outta me. ”
“ yes. i am telling you what to do. i’m telling you not to pull something like that again because— ‘cause fucking hell. i care about you. okay? ”
“ i found myself driving home and then. well i was on my way here. ‘cause i guess…you’re still my home. ”
“ please, tell me why you’re upset. tell me who did this? ”
“ you don’t have to come over here and take care of me you know. i can clean up my own messes. ”
“ don’t talk. just get the fuck over here and hold me. ”
“ loving you is like having my heart just out in the world. outside of my body walking around. every time i see you hurting, it kills me. ”
“ i made you cry. and i hate myself for that. i swore i wouldn’t be one of the people who left you hurting. ”
“ you really hurt me this time. but i want to let go of that. i really do want to forgive you i’m just scared you’ll hurt me again. ”
“ i know you’re mad at me right now, but i’m the one who’s here. let me be here. let me help. you can be angry later. ”
“ i’m here now. i know i wasn’t before. but i should’ve been. and i’m not going anywhere. i’m not gonna let that happen again. ”
“ it’s time to come home now. ”
“ that’s enough. you’ve got your revenge. let’s go. ”
“ i know you’re hurting. and i can’t fix that. but i can refuse to let you hurt alone. ”
“ i’m never letting go of you. i missed you so fucking much. ”
“ look at me, you’re safe. and you’re not alone. and i’ll never let you be alone again. you understand? ”
“ i broke my promise to you once. i’ll never do it again. ”
“ i don’t need you to go white knighting and fix all this. i just want you here. with me. that will make me feel better. ”
“ just stay still and let me hold you. ”
“ you don’t have to hide your tears. let it out. then we’ll move on, together. ”
“ i just. needed to talk to you ‘cause. somehow you always know what to say. ”
“ don’t bury your feelings. sadness. hurt. rage. feel it. acknowledge it so you can decide what you want to do with it. not what it will do to you. ”
“ i miss your smile. and not that sad one you try to fool everyone with. the real one. the one you used to show me. ”
“ come here. i’m taking care of you tonight. and you’re gonna let me. ”
1) our muses reunite after sender thought receiver was dead.
2) our muses reunite after receiver thought sender was dead.
3) sender shows up at receiver’s house drunk after they’ve broken up.
4) receiver shows up at sender’s house drunk after they’ve broken up.
5) our muses are on bad terms but reunite after one of them nearly dies.
6) sender finds receiver crying and approaches, clearing the tears with their hands while demanding to know what happened.
7) receiver finds sender crying and approaches, clearing the tears with their hands while demanding to know what happened.
8) our muses haven’t been speaking, but sender rushes to take care of receiver after they’ve been injured or fell ill.
9) our muses haven’t been speaking, but receiver rushes to take care of sender after they’ve been injured or fell ill.
10) sender hurt receiver in some way, which led to receiver doing something reckless and sender shows up to stop them/or deal with the aftermath.
11) receiver hurt sender in some way, which led to sender doing something reckless and receiver shows up to stop them/or deal with the aftermath.
12) our muses are in a fight, but cuddle anyway because they don’t like sleeping alone.
13) receiver wakes sender from a nightmare.
14) sender wakes receiver from a nightmare.
15) sender wakes up in the hospital and finds receiver at their side, who is in the same clothes as the day they were admitted because they’ve refused to leave their side.
16) receiver wakes up in the hospital and finds sender at their side, who is in the same clothes as the day they were admitted because they’ve refused to leave their side.
17) our muses are currently on the outs, but receiver goes through something traumatic and sender pushes past their friends to get to them.
18) our muses are currently on the outs, but sender goes through something traumatic and receiver pushes past their friends to get to them.
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"I wish I could even feign surprise," she sighed, exasperation both in her words and expression. Cosette was sometimes like a moth to a flame, not understanding—or refusing to—that the flame would simply burn her in the end. "I am sorry, she can be like a dog with a bone." Like a starved dog with a bone at times.
His recognition in what lies were doing to her exposed her in a way she hadn't felt for years. Every time she had tried to encourage Valjean to relieve such heavy burdens, he changed the subject or vehemently refused. Fantine had resulted in juggling both their secrets and the attempt to expose them, relieve the burden for everyone involved. "You should try telling Jean that. Perhaps he'd listen more to a former officer than his ward."
Frustration stained words. She was grateful for his curiosity, rewarded with a small, amused smile. "To be entirely honest," she began, "I'm not entirely sure." Fantine had needed to lie since Cosette's birth. The continuation of fables wasn't unfamiliar to her. In fact, it seemed to come far more naturally than the truth. "There are other things to sate her interests if you know what they are, but you, for better or worse, are a novelty to her."
His eyes followed her progress, both similar and miles apart from the way that gaze had been used as a weapon. When she paused, so did his travels. With head stilled, his amused smile stood out all the more. "Of course she has. I've just managed to put her off until I could discuss options with you." Between Valjean and Fantine, he felt as though he was walking a tightrope blindfolded. They each guarded their secrets from Cosette in a way that must be tiresome, but Javert recognized that just because he also held those secrets did not grant him the right to disclose them.
"I don't suppose advice meant for criminals will be very reassuring," he began by way of introduction, "but you will feel better when you've told her. Whatever the outcome. That exhaustion may be weighing on you more than you think." His (supposed) error had eaten him up like acid until he had been allowed audience with Madeleine and confessed. He couldn't imagine hanging onto it for years. "How did you do it? And how did she let you get away with it?" Perhaps it was just the factor of his novelty, but she had descended on him like a ravenous jackal; he wondered how all their secrets had survived as long as they had.
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PROMPTS FROM VARIOUS LITERARY SOURCES.
I have not broken your heart — you have; and in breaking it, you have broken mine.
I cannot make you understand. I cannot make anyone understand what is happening inside me. I cannot even explain it to myself.
Since we're all going to die, it's obvious that when and how don't matter.
When life itself seems lunatic, who knows where the madness lies?
To dream the impossible dream, that is my quest.
When we set the carriage afire, her flesh will be roasted, her bones will be charred: she will die an agonizing death.
What isn't part of ourselves doesn't disturb us.
I have been and still am a seeker, but I have ceased to question stars and books; I have begun to listen to the teaching my blood whispers to me.
The bird fights its way out of the egg.
I have no right to call myself one who knows.
We who bore the mark might well be considered by the rest of the world as strange, even as insane and dangerous.
I have no idea whether parents can be of help, and I do not blame mine.
At one time I had given much thought to why men were so very rarely capable of living for an ideal. Now I saw that many, no, all men were capable of dying for one.
I will not make a gift of myself, I must be won.
Examine a person closely enough and you know more about him than he does himself.
One cannot apologize for something fundamental, and a child feels and knows this as well and as deeply as any sage.
The tree does not die. It waits.
Fate and character are different names for the same idea.
As soon as you trust yourself, you will know how to live.
A man sees in the world what he carries in his heart.
All theory is gray, my friend. But forever green is the tree of life.
I am not omniscient, but I know a lot.
Everything transitory is but an image.
One mind is enough for a thousand hands.
Man errs, till he has ceased to strive.
Words are mere sound and smoke, dimming the heavenly light.
But you will never know another's heart, unless you are prepared to give yours too.
The Devil's in the house and can't get out.
Men's wretchedness in soothe I so deplore.
To go wrong in one's own way is better than to go right in someone else's.
It takes something more than intelligence to act intelligently.
Your worst sin is that you have destroyed and betrayed yourself for nothing.
When reason fails, the devil helps!
A hundred suspicions don't make a proof.
The man who has a conscience suffers whilst acknowledging his sin. That is his punishment.
The fear of appearances is the first symptom of impotence.
Break what must be broken, once for all, that's all, and take the suffering on oneself.
Have you ever heard of 'a genius who had been stuffed and preserved'?
Every day I am fated to die.
All the activities of life seem unbearably dull to me and I have renounced them.
If you would be nice to me, I would gladly die for you this moment.
Having made an utter failure of my life, I found myself one day in the midst of my poverty and wretchedness, thinking about the female companions of my youth.
So, surrender to sleep at last. What a misery, keeping watch through the night, wide awake -- you’ll soon come up from under all your troubles.
Man is the vainest of all creatures that have their being upon earth.
There is a time for making speeches, and a time for going to bed.
For there is nothing better in this world than that man and wife should be of one mind in a house.
I swear by the greatest, grimmest oath that binds the happy gods.
Few sons are the equals of their fathers; most fall short, all too few surpass them.
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&. 𝐬𝐨𝐟𝐭 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐬𝐰𝐞𝐞𝐭 𝐬𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐬.
( various fluffy dialogue prompts so soft, so sweet, just for you! )
❛ i just wanted to make sure you’re okay. ❜
❛ there it is, there’s that smile! ❜
❛ you got me flowers? ❜
❛ i’m not afraid of you. ❜
❛ aw, did you miss me? ❜
❛ you’re lucky that you’re cute. ❜
❛ wait, you think i’m cute? ❜
❛ you’re not alone. you never were. ❜
❛ i don’t think i’ve ever seen you smile. ❜
❛ good morning, sleeping beauty. ❜
❛ it’s better with you here. ❜
❛ don’t worry, i’m staying right here. ❜
❛ you’re welcome to stay, if you want. ❜
❛ don’t be a stranger, okay? ❜
❛ i haven’t laughed like this in a long time. ❜
❛ hold still. this might sting a little. ❜
❛ you can hold my hand, if you want. ❜
❛ i knew you would be here. ❜
❛ i just wanted to say thank you for protecting me. ❜
❛ before you do anything, try this and tell me what you think. ❜
❛ wow i really can’t speak, huh? must be because of how pretty you look. ❜
❛ we can order pizza, watch a movie, whatever you want. ❜
❛ what, am i not allowed to look at you? ❜
❛ i’m not giving up on you. ❜
❛ is that my shirt? ❜
❛ this is a good look for you. ❜
❛ pinky promise? ❜
❛ c’mere, you. ❜
❛ honey, i’m home! ❜
❛ you remembered? ❜
❛ you’re my family too. ❜
❛ let’s go somewhere, just you and me. ❜
❛ i’m here for you. don’t forget that. ❜
❛ you’re the only thing that matters. ❜
❛ was that your first kiss? ❜
❛ i was worried something happened to you. ❜
❛ your heart is beating so fast right now. ❜
❛ relationships are built on trust, and i trust you. ❜
❛ you always see the good in people. even me. ❜
❛ do you think the moon is jealous of how pretty you are? ❜
❛ nope, puppy dog eyes aren’t going to work this time! ❜
❛ thanks to you, i know what it means to love again. ❜
❛ how about a kiss before i go? ❜
❛ i’m just glad you’re okay. ❜
❛ here we are, home sweet home. ❜
❛ thanks for being here with me. ❜
❛ seeing you happy is all that matters. ❜
❛ keep it. it looks better on you. ❜
❛ i couldn’t stop missing you if i tried. ❜
❛ you feel like home to me. ❜
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Tears pricked at eyes, laughter bubbling from lips at his reply. She didn't think he would mind, but she had to check, she had to seek his permission. "Whenever I like?" she replied, her tone teasing, "you spoil me." She did not think a man with his past would welcome such terms of endearment, but she would take full advantage of it with his blessing.
She watched his hand fall, his chest collapse with a sigh. For a moment she believed to have offended him before concern cocked her head. "You give me more than you realise." Her assurance was confident in its delivery. Fantine did not need much; love, companionship, someone sturdy with quiet confidence. "I get the man you are and the one you are becoming. We have both been forced to rise like a phoenix from the ashes. I have crawled, also. And, mon chéri, you do not get to decide the value of worth I place in people, nor the love I have for them. That includes you."
Peace would have to come later and not without grit and patience and hard work. For now it was more than enough to be granted a term of endearment- him! Formerly the scourge of the criminal class and not much else. Not only that but its source was undoubtedly the best woman he'd ever known.
He couldn't hope to put the enormity of that into words so he settled for raised eyebrows to convey the absurdity of her question, intended to marvel rather than critique. “Mind? Why would I mind? I have been called much worse and what's more, I cannot think of any higher praise. Feel free whenever you like.” It put him in debt again, but he vowed to find one suitable for her that didn't taste false on his tongue. She deserved all these niceties but he refused to turn them into trinkets.
Like that simple gesture, a mere touch given such deep meaning. He no more took it for granted than she did. Allowing time to chew on the thought, Javert didn't reply immediately. Instead he wondered just when his true self had been devoured by his duty, and if it was hopeless to try and disentangle the two now. But if not, what was even left of him then? Obviously the only way was forward. Sighing, he let his hand drop, eyes resting where it had been. “You give so much, it feels- well. If you get something in return then that's good.” Otherwise he felt doubly frustrated at his slow pace, like it was an insult to her as well. “I'm grateful of course but it hardly seems fair. I get sympathy, understanding, and you get… what? A crusty fool, honest but ill-tempered, just learning how to crawl like a baby. I wouldn't sign my worst enemy up for it.” Although in a way he had, hadn't he?
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taylor swift lyrics, the tortured poets department edition, part one
fortnight
▸ i was supposed to be sent away but they forgot to come and get me.
▸ i was a functioning alcoholic till nobody noticed my new aesthetic.
▸ no one here's to blame but what about your quiet treason?
▸ for a fortnight there, we were forever.
▸ i took the miracle move-on drug, the effects were temporary.
▸ i love you, it's ruining my life.
▸ thought of calling you but you won't pick up.
the tortured poets department
▸ who uses typewriters anyway?
▸ you're in self-sabotage mode.
▸ we're modern idiots.
▸ you smoked then ate seven bars of chocolate.
▸ i chose this cyclone with you.
▸ sometimes i wonder if you're gonna screw this up with me.
▸ so tell me, who else is gonna know me?
▸ that's the closest i've come to my heart exploding.
my boy only breaks his favorite toys
▸ you should've seen them when they first got me.
▸ i only break my favourite toys.
▸ i should've known it was a matter of time.
▸ we could've played for keeps this time.
▸ i know i'm just repeating myself. put me back on my shelf.
▸ i'll tell you that [you/they] run because [you/they] love me.
▸ i knew too much.
▸ you saw forever so you smashed it up.
▸ once i fix me, you're gonna miss me.
▸ you took me out of my box, stole my tortured heart, left all these broken parts and told me i'm better off but i'm not.
down bad
▸ for a moment, i knew cosmic love.
▸ now i'm down bad, crying at the gym.
▸ everything comes out of teenage petulance.
▸ fuck it if i can't have [you/them].
▸ i might just die, it would make no difference.
▸ i might just not get up, i might just stay down bad.
▸ fuck it, i was in love.
so long, london
▸ my spine split from carrying us up the hill.
▸ i stopped trying to make you laugh.
▸ how much sad did you think i had in me?
▸ i didn't opt in to be your odd man out.
▸ i'm pissed off you let me give you all that youth for free.
▸ you say i abandoned the ship but i was going down with it.
▸ my friends said it isn't right to be scared every day of a love affair.
▸ just how low did you think i'd go before i'd self-implode?
▸ you swore that you loved me but where were the clues?
▸ i'm just mad as hell 'cause i loved this place.
but daddy i love him
▸ i just learned these people only raise you to cage you.
▸ i just learned these people try and save you 'cause they hate you.
▸ they slammed the door on my whole world. the one thing i wanted.
▸ you should see your face.
▸ no i'm not coming to my senses.
▸ i know [you/they]'re crazy but [you/they]'re the one i want.
▸ all my plans were laid.
▸ growing up precocious sometimes means not growing up at all.
▸ i'll tell you something right now, i'd rather burn my whole life down than listen to one more second of all this bitching and moaning.
▸ i'll tell you something about my good name, it's mine alone to disgrace.
▸ i don't cater to all these vipers dressed in empath's clothing.
▸ god save the most judgmental creeps who say they want what's best for me.
▸ you ain't gotta pray for me if all you want is gray for me. then it's just white noise and it's just my choice.
▸ scandal does funny things to pride but brings lovers closer.
▸ fuck 'em, it's over.
▸ time, doesn't it give some perspective?
fresh out the slammer
▸ fresh out the slammer, i know who my first call will be to.
▸ handcuffed to the spell i was under, for just one hour of sunshine.
▸ years of labor, locks and ceilings, in the shade of how [they were] feeling.
▸ it's gonna be alright, i did my time.
▸ as i said in my letters, now that i know better, i will never lose my baby again.
▸ my friends tried but i wouldn't hear it, watched me daily disappearing.
▸ ain't no way i'm gonna screw up, now that i know what's at stake here.
florida!!!
▸ you can beat the heat if you beat the charges too.
▸ they said i was a cheat, i guess it must be true.
▸ this city reeks of driving myself crazy.
▸ little did you know, your home's really only a town you're just a guest in.
▸ i'm barricaded in the bathroom with a bottle of wine.
▸ well, me and my ghosts, we had a hell of a time.
▸ yes, i'm haunted but i'm feeling just fine.
▸ all my girls got their lace and their crimes.
▸ i did my best to lay to rest all of the bodies that have ever been on my body.
▸ i've got some regrets, i'll bury them in florida.
▸ tell me i'm despicable, say it's unforgivable.
▸ love left me like this and i don't want to exist.
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Valjean, the truth of him and this reality, was still so very new to her. With every passing day, there grew more trust between them, but some things still felt too personal for him to hear. As much as he would know the simplicity of Cosette's origins, he was not privy to the entire truth. Perhaps one day she'd be able to relay it without anger, but for now she swallowed it.
"I felt as if I was going insane in Montreuil." Her head tilted as she watched Valjean work, the curling of her breath into the air the only evidence she had spoken at all. "Unravelled like a ball of yarn, I wasn't sure how much I had left." Even now, she was continually gathering herself once more. Months had passed and she still felt torn apart. "I feel more like our friend here, now," she continued, pride encouraging a smile, "moulded together once more by kind hands. Thank you."
He glanced over curiously when she didn't finish her thought immediately; his poaching had always been out of necessity, and once he was given a choice, he didn't like to take an innocent life. If it wouldn't draw too much unwanted attention, he might even have forgone them in his diet. But she still didn't elaborate, and unwilling to press her on something so inconsequential, Valjean instead focused on forming the fox's tail.
"No, we are only granted the one life, so I suppose we must make of it what we can." He struggled to reconcile the mistakes with visions of perfection, although he never expected the same for others. Only himself, perhaps because he could gaze inwards and see every twist and turn of impure motive and thought. "True— and that is not our fault. I'm not sure even society is to blame, though it holds the most responsibility. It's all too big for one person to solve, which is what makes the situation feel so..." He finessed a curve of the fox's hindquarters, then concluded, "beyond our grasp."
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Which Sad Planet Analogy Are You?
Neptune is drifting away from the solar system
You're tired of everything, you are so sick of everyone around you and nothing makes you feel better anymore. You don't find worth in staying this way, you want to leave everything, to go somewhere very far away where nobody knows your name, and maybe then you could finally be free.
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Fantine was much the same. There were only one-handedly countable exceptions to her greeting the crack of dawn. As a kid, she had to welcome the sun with enthusiasm. On the farm, dawn meant the beginning or work; the same happened in Paris and then in Montreuil. When dawn broached the horizon as she worked the streets, Fantine found respite in its rays.
She had stubbornly tried to keep to schedule with her night terrors before with terrible consequences. She felt sleep claim her multiple times throughout the day, only to be greeted with more, extreme nightmares when finally succumbing for the night. She did not want Javert to witness that. As restless as he was, this was for his benefit as much as her's.
Fantine's eyes narrowed with distinct coyness, her lips curling not long after. She shifted so she could prop herself against her elbow, her face hovering just over his. In bed, their difference in height was much less pronounced. Her other hand found his chest, fingers gently scrunching material. "Can I not be the good cause?" she asked innocently, her smirk widening just slightly. "And I suppose there's some truth to that." She grinned, laughter peppering words. She let herself close the space between their mouths, placing a shy kiss against the corner of his mouth, sighing contentedly as she pulled back. "Just today, then we can resume normal scheduling tomorrow."
He hadn't been eager to move, far from it; but the part of himself accustomed to rebelling against lassitude had reared up in protest when the sun crossed the horizon and beyond, yet he still lay abed. To justify it he placated it with the notion of letting her sleep; with the kind of night that had sent her into his arms of all people (despite evidence, he didn't believe himself a great comfort) she must need it. As the sunlight came into its own, clear even shielded by shutters, Javert began to justify the opposite to himself. He could bring her breakfast, tidy up the room (not much to be done there), something besides this indulgent lounging.
Stealth was impossible at this proximity. He'd been found out and was only mildly embarrassed. This wasn't spy's work now. He subsided, a remnant of restlessness staying by his side but silent. "I'm sure you're right," he admitted, seeing her rightness at every turn and not wanting to compound his own errors, "But it's so foreign to me." He had been his usefulness, his duty; now without it he kept the trappings but the core purpose was gone. "You don't intend to permit me leaving? Even for a good cause?" He seemed struck by the strangeness, not in a bad sense. "I see how it is. You don't want me getting cold feet."
#c; javert#au; post seine#reverdies#a queue that comes without a warning#fantine is such a flirt omg#she like to pretend she doesn't know what she's doing#but she is fully aware and i'm not even sure she's the slightest bit ashamed
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Fantine had thought that too, but she felt it kinder to simply relay his reluctance back to prudency than ignorance. If Fantine had behaved as any good woman should, this conversation wouldn't be happening at all. For better or for worse, Fantine was the most experienced of the three and, despite Valjean's reluctance, had already begun educating Cosette on the ins and outs of courtship and sex. Just because Fantine was caught out did not mean Cosette had to be, too.
"Either way, the only way to remedy them both is to try and combat it." Fantine wasn't sure about much, but this she was. "And besides, perhaps it would be easier for him to take candid advice from another man?" she mused, his coyness reflected back at him. "I think men get a certain type of embarrassed when discussing feelings beyond apathy and anger."
As reasonable a supposition as any; Javert's will, originally formidable, had suffered a blow, leaving it a phantom of its former self. He had only had the fortitude for avoiding the house's various occupants, challenged whenever he came in contact with one of them. In the early days their names and faces blurred together before finally resolving into a more painful clarity, it seemed once he was prepared to confront it.
The sight of her humor was enough to set Javert's mind at ease. Not that he truly suspected her of cruelty, but he understood her motives now and along with the rest of her, accepted it. He evolved to a conspicuous laugh at her description that soon returned to seriousness, a certain coyness of expression as if he had found out something he shouldn't have.
"I am happy to be your accomplice— but has it occurred to you that it may not be prudishness as much as ignorance?" Of course Javert was also speaking from his own experience, but one revelation at a time.
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Fantine registers the shock on Evelyn's features, but she is too tired and in shock herself to find an appropriate response of guilt. While this feeling of suspension lasts, Fantine forces herself upwards so she can perch on the edge of the bed. She will need to clean up, not just for herself, but those who own her lodgings. She winces, she can't help it, not able to find comfort even once off the floor.
"I know I should love her." Fantine's statement comes out as nothing but a whisper. Fantine knows the expectations for mothers and their children— so why was she not enough for her own? "Like I love Cosette." The comparison was unfair; this child hadn't asked to be brought into this life.
As for Evelyn's suggestion, Fantine could barely register the offer being made. She spent a long moment scanning the other's face, Fantine's breath filling silence between them. "I need to get my head around... this," she finally muttered as she gestured to the baby in Evelyn's arms. "Please."
Evelyn’s senses are on high alert. The rush and shock of what Fantine has only just finished doing is one thing. The mother’s behavior is something compounded by that shock, or so she thinks. All the same, it does not entirely surprise her when her patient finally gives voice to her concern.
She already cares for young Cosette as if the child is her own, birthed from her own self, and she is sure she will feel the same for this babe… should it survive long or at all. She watches Fantine curiously, wondering if she might elaborate insofar as her tired mind will allow. Evelyn uses a foot to get the placenta away from Fantine as best she can.
“I say… sometimes, a child can bring love. More often I would say to give it to an orphanage. Are you asking me if… Fantine. I shall take the girls if that is what you wish. I think it best to take you all in. What do you think about that, hmm?” Of course, this proposal came with its own logistical issues.
#c; evelyn mercer#au; the poor girl had a child#a queue that comes without a warning#sheiismother#pregnancy men#cw: pregnancy#tw: pregnancy#childbirth men#cw: childbirth#tw: childbirth
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Fantine eventually discarded her sewing to the side, the importance of Justine's predicament too important for anything other than Fantine's full attention. It was hard to even know what to say. Fantine couldn't speak kindly for the woman's father, she wasn't sure she wished to, either, but she also didn't want to add to Justine's distress.
"I think, Justine, that we have to remember that we eventually outgrow people." There, a tender start. "Even our own parents, should we be lucky enough to know them." Fantine was sure she wasn't anything like her mother or father, but unlike Justine, she had the freedom of not knowing them to her advantage. There were no expectations to meet, just the task of staying alive. "If your father truly loves you, then he will have to watch you go. It is your own life. As much as you love him, as much as he might be all you've ever known, there is so much more to know." Fantine offered a small, lopsided smile. "And you are allowed to want that."
JUSTINE BIT HER LIP, her hands stilling in the midst of their feverish knitting. WHAT EXACTLY SCARES YOU? It was a TERRIFYING question, one which she found herself quite RELUCTANT to consider. The young woman took a deep, shaky breath, now PAINFULLY AWARE of her trembling hands. Head bowed, she spent a few moments in silence and deep in thought, before glancing back up at Fantine.
⠀ ⠀“Both, I suppose.” Justine eventually admitted, shrugging her shoulders while slouching in a most UNLADYLIKE fashion. “It’s just…” She trailed off, HESITANCE flickering across her porcelain features. “I know I need to make my own way in this world, and, well … doing that means I will lose him. With this whole rebellion, I’ve come to realize — if I want to keep my father in my life, then I will never be able to follow my heart the way that I desire, but he is all I’ve ever known.”
╰► @songandflame
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