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Why'd they change my Twitter bruh
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*New Yorker accent* listen boss, if we go in there we're donezo, finished, dead, done for, dead meat, over, we'd be dead, done, caved in, dropped, blegh 💀, kickin the bucket, we'd kick the bucket so hard that we'd trip an fall down a flight of stairs an we'd be told ta kick anotha bucket cuz we died again while kickin the first bucket
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I DONT CARE IF I'M LOVABLE I JUST WANT TO LOVE! !! ‼️
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Saving comic fanart to my camera roll without reading it so it's a SURPRISE later
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House of slaAAAAay *stereotypical 40 year old New Jersey gay man voice*
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My sister's friend broke the Rick and Morty bong my mom got my sister for her birthday, so her friend bought her a new one the very next day and it's also Rick and Morty themed but slightly different, and I feel like I'm a background character in the beginning of a filler episode for a 2010s cartoon
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↑↑↑↑not actually asleep🔥🔥
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*grabs you by the shoulders and looks straight into your eyes* you ARE my dad, ok? Just for right now because it's father's day and we're supposed to bring our dads to class, last time I showed up with no dad all the kids cornered me and slammed my head into the concrete
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*in Peridot from Steven Universe voice* zzboing! Whomp whomp
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On my period?? No I'm in the period, the crustacean one
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When you look in the mirror for too long and the red ninja turtle is RIGHT BEHIND YOU
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Love racing my dogs to my bedroom in the middle of the night because they need to get the food in my hand but I need to escape the creatures
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I fucking hate 7 o clock man like can you just not right now
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Hey um I'm really sorry to bother you but could you maybe not eat the carpet? I'm really sorry but people are leaving the store and I need their money to live, no no it's totally ok. I can grab you some Home Depot carpet samples tomorrow does that sound ok? Again so so sorry
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