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smafffq · 3 years

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Locke & Key | opening credits

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smafffq · 3 years

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Yesterday, my supervisor called at work (we have caller ID). I picked up and started a conversation with her.

Line two started to ring. It was flashing her name. She was obviously already on the phone with me and all over lines in her name we’re not being used.

Exactly a year ago yesterday, I'm at work, answering phones like normal. someone calls on line one. i pick it up.

the person states their name, then says their child's school told them to call here to ask about one of our programs. i ask them to hold while i find a specialist.

while i'm still on the line with them, line 2 starts ringing, which means my phone automatically picked it up when i put line 1 on hold.

it's the same person, but with a different story, same program. i ask them to hold again while i find a specialist.

i check back on line one to see if they're still there.

they're not, but how, without two phones, could this person have called while i was still on the phone with them?

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smafffq · 3 years

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Yesterday was my birth mom’s birthday.

I love my birthday. It’s my favorite day of the year- July 1. It’s summer, halfway through the year, and it’s just the best day. This past year I hosted my own birthday party, with a little canopy, tables of food, lawn games, and pictures of me hanging from all ages. I invited 100 people (only like ten showed) and even though it started raining at the end, I took a nine pm swim with the friend who stayed late. Birthdays are a big deal for me.

Which is why September 2 is so hard. My birth mom and I had a great relationship until I was 5 when I lived with her, and then no contact for 12 years. When I was 17, I started googling her, and at one point one of us reached out online to the other and we rekindled a relationship. I was getting to know my mother again, which is what I always wanted.

She came up around her birthday when I was 19 for a long weekend. When that went well, she asked to come back the week I was supposed to give birth (late October). I loved the idea and we made a plan.

The most awkward part was telling my Mom that my birth mom was staying with me that week, but after she thought about it for a day, she decided to come meet her. I was terrified when my birth mom ran down the stairs at the end to talk to her alone, but supposedly she just thanked my mom for doing such a good job raising me.

Just me. Nothing about my brother.

Since then, we talked periodically online for a few years, but at some point she deleted her Facebook account and all contact was lost. I haven’t spoken to or heard from her again in five years; I tried to send her holiday cards for the first few, but because she moved so often I lost track of her address.

I bought myself a chocolate cake yesterday for lunch. Not to celebrate her, but to comfort me. To remind me I am worthy of good things and people who care.

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smafffq · 3 years

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I somehow accidentally made two tumblrs so here we go.

The time my brother was(n’t) kidnapped

When I was about 9, my parents put our house up for sale so we could move to the US. I had only been with them for two years, so I was fairly comfortable/ at home with them but still very paranoid about losing my brother.

One day we were sent outside to play (this was normal in the 90s). We lived at the last house on a dead end road in a very small town. I was mad about something that day, so I was playing by myself near the house with my barbies. However, my brother was four years younger, and even though I was mad I kept looking over to make sure he wasn’t hurt or anything (he was playing in the yard closer to the road).

At one point, I looked up and saw a white panel van at the end of the driveway. I checked on my brother; he was quite close to the road at this point, so I kept looking over to make sure nothing happened. I wasn’t entirely sure why the van was there at the time, since it was a dead end road, but just kind of let it happen.

I got distracted for maybe three minutes, and when i looked back up, the van was driving away and my brother was nowhere to be found. I ran around the house calling his name, but he didn’t answer.

I was entirely positive he had just been kidnapped.

I storm into the house frantically yelling for him, and he’s still not answering. I felt so guilty; I should have kept my eyes on him while the sketchy van was parked out front! What was I thinking!

As I neared hysteria, my mom came out of her study and I tried to explain through tears in a panic that my brother had just been taken, we had to call the police, get in the car, chase after him! It took a minute for my mom to understand what I was saying.

I swear she laughed. She tried to explain to me that my brother was inside; he came in to use the bathroom. I said there was no way; I was playing by the door and didn’t hear him come through or open or close the door. She walked me to the bathroom so I could hear him answer when we spoke through the door.

I still have a hard time believing it.

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smafffq · 3 years

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Announced on 8/28, at 8:28:

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smafffq · 3 years

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Cryptid Ramblings Pt.2

As an addition to my last post I wanna talk about some of the other stuff I'm REALLY drawn into. So nature and natural bodies of water are HUGE for me, but if theres anything that's even bigger its the concept of liminal spaces. Spaces that feel like reality glitches. Where time is frozen and you exist in the in between. I also LOVE cryptic horror. Ominous writing. Towns that feel very off, but nobody there acknowledges it.

I have always been so big on horror as a whole but the cryptic shit and this idea of liminal space is really the fucking pinacle for me. I absolutely love it and cannot get enough.

-abandoned places

-rest stops, gas stations, motels/hotels, 24/7 diners (chains like waffle house and independent ones) in the odd hours of the night (especially midnight till 3/4/5 in the morning.)

-driving on empty highway for what feels lile forever late at night, losing all perception of time

-not being too sure what you saw off the side of the road back there, but knowing you're probably better off never finding out

-tiny towns that don't appear on maps that you should never linger in. Dont stop there for gas at night. Dont look back as you leave and pass through.

-the concept of existing in a place for a while that feels surreal. People go missing all the time, the people you do meet are all very odd, you wind up in absolutely insane situations, and then someday years later after having left that place many moons ago, you pass through where that place once was only to find it is gone. You cant find anything about that place. You aren't too sure that it ever existed at all, but you have vivid memories of your time there.

-places where you might experience existing in liminal space. Train tracks, poorly lit streets in the earliest hours of the morning, the silence of the world at 3am while its snowing, shit like that.

There's so much more and ill probably add to this list as i think of things but GOD do I love that shit. Its so good. And im CONSTANTLY drawn to it. Constantly. It doesnt ever really go away.

Im also SUPER into alternate reality games (ARGs) like TheSunVanished. That kind of shit is EXACTLY what I'm talking about. I love it.

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smafffq · 3 years

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