My sister

My sister has always been the one person I’ve always been their for no matter what. Family has always been top priority in my life. I’m starting to wonder if when always being their is my maine problem if it’s worth being their for her anymore. I feel it’s detrimental to stay around when I can’t build a life. Since my life is built around her when things fall apart we move together and it keeps…

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Tired of it all

Some people wonder why I used to not care about myself or my life. I’m starting to fall back to that agian which I had made progress from for awhile. I’ve been falling back for a little while now. As I’m losing myself agian I know some of it had to do with losing people that I thought mattered but seems I didn’t to them anymore. More of it has gone towards repetitive loss and repetitive set backs…

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Never lasts

I went awhile not cutting not constantly debating suicide every day just kinda going through each day trying not to look backwards. Went almost a year. Now fell back to cutting agian to deal which is kinda a sign with me I’m slipping back to the way I was. Not many friends and a refusal to make more after what happened with all the friends I had. Sad thing is I got a good job that has a potential…

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???

To me every friendship I make in a real cemented manner matters to me as much as my family does to me. It may make me different from alot of people out their and even with my being suicidal thats never changed. Just because my life may not matter much to me doesn’t mean others don’t. I have always cared more about other people more then myself. The friendships I made at the movie theater I hold…

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Currently trying

at this point in time there is still part of me that wants to continue with what I want to do the end everything whenever it comes down to it. But right now I am trying to do my best to keep fighting to keep looking forward to the future and not my past. The biggest problem with that right now is that I may have destroyed everything that matters to me most all of my friendships that we’re keeping…

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I wish I could change

I wish I could

Even as the new year is begining all I can think about was last year same time trying to push myself over the edge to kill myself. Its been an entire year since ive been consistently trying to push myself past that point. Ive pushed people away. destroyed friendships. Some wasnt intentional hurt worste of all. But everyone eventually leaves. Even when they said they never would. Noone can handle…

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My friends and family

I don’t know anymore if it’s worth anything I go back and forth between trying and giving up. Each time I come to that line of crossing over to end it which is all the time now I sit their for hours trying to go ahead with whatever I habe planned that time to try but not being able to go over it agian since the first time I unsuccessfully tried to kill myself. I wonder if the friends and family…

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Unknown goals anymore

I don’t know if I should fight for the few friendships I have left or just continue to ruin them all as ive seemed so successful at that.

Zoe and Laura and Whitney are about the only ones I have left anymore not that I don’t know the exact buttons to push to destroy each friendship I’ve ever had just not sure if I want to or not. Make it easier to continue if noone cares maybe. Seems so hard to…

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Toxic to the people who care

The fact I dont ever see changing is my own mentality when it comes to myself. I dont see an end to it. People say pain fades but it never does for me. Some people say time heals all wounds but that’s not always true. No matter how much I care about other people I dont see a reason to care about myself. Havn’t for a long time now. The pain adds up continuously. When I try to get better and take a…

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Next step

Since I’ve practically probably pushed everyone I can away now its all I can do. Just keep trying till I succeed in following through. I couldn’t get myself to finish the job again by knife I was trying for 8 hours to do April 20th. Previously couldn’t do it on new years either. Since I couldn’t do either of those then guess next step is seeing if ill pass a background check to buy a gun. Or if I…

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Confused

spent most of the morning Monday April 20th  tying to push myself over the edge and do what I’ve been planning since a close friends wedding and wasn’t able to do it. I didn’t go to work and spent almost 8 hours trying to psych myself into it and wasn’t able to at all during this time. I want to yet I cant seem to do what I wanted to do. How can I want to do something so badly so much for this…

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Falling

On top of almost deciding to almost try again new years night barley didn’t decide to do anything because of a conversation I had with someone a little bit before and I no longer need to talk to about me anymore. Things are starting to fall apart again. What I’ve been fighting So hard to keep together for someone else for So long now may be all for nothing again. So tired of trying and things…

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hxh fav characters »  [3/13] killua zoldyck

“ assassination — it’s the family trade. We all take it up. My folks see me as an exceptional prospect. But I don’t see that I should have to live up to their expectations.”

Who am I anymore?

Who am I truly anymore?

Am I still the same person I was before? Am I someone completely different now? I’m not entirely sure who I am anymore. So much so I’m starting to scare myself by who I might end up being if I keep surviving. Will I end up being someone better or will I destroy myself so much I turn into that which I hate in order to survive. I honestly don’t recognize who I am compared to who I was anymore.…

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Maybe it can help someone somewhere see it.

100 Reasons NOT To Kill Yourself

1. We would miss you. 2. It’s not worth the regret. Either by yourself if you failed or just simply left scars, or the regret everyone else feels by not doing enough to help you. 3. It does get better. Believe it or not it will eventually get better. Sometimes you have to go through the storm to get to the rainbow. 4. There’s so much you would miss out on doing. 5. There is always a reason to live. It might not be clear right now, but it is always there. 6. So many people care, and it would hurt them if you hurt yourself. 7. You ARE worth it. Don’t let anyone, especially yourself, tell you otherwise. 8. You are amazing. 9. A time will come, once you’ve battled the toughest times of your life and are in ease once again, where you will be so glad that you decided to keep on living. You will emerge stronger from this all, and won’t regret your choice to carry on with life. Because things always get better. 10. What about all the things you’ve always wanted to do? What about the things you’ve planned, but never got around to doing? You can’t do them when you’re dead. 11. I love you. Even if only one person loves you, that’s still a reason to stay alive. 12. You won’t be able to listen to music if you die. 13. Killing yourself is never worth it. You’ll hurt both yourself and all the people you care about. 14. There are so many people that would miss you, including me. 15. You’re preventing a future generation, YOUR KIDS, from even being born. 16. How do you think your family would feel? Would it improve their lives if you died? 17. You’re gorgeous, amazing, and to someone you are perfect. 18. Think about your favourite music artist, you’ll never hear their voice again… 19. You’ll never have the feeling of walking into a warm building on a cold day 20. Listening to incredibly loud music 21. Being alive is just really good. 22. Not being alive is really bad. 23. Finding your soulmate. 24. Red pandas 25. Going to diners at three in the morning. 26. Really soft pillows. 27. Eating pizza in New York City. 28. Proving people wrong with your success. 29. Watching the jerks that doubted you fail at life. 30. Seeing someone trip over a garbage can. 31. Being able to help other people. 32. Bonfires. 33. Sitting on rooftops. 34. Seeing every single country in the world. 35. Going on roadtrips. 36. You might win the lottery someday. 37. Listening to music on a record player. 38. Going to the top of the Eiffel Tower. 39. Taking really cool pictures. 40. Literally meeting thousands of new people. 41. Hearing crazy stories. 42. Telling crazy stories. 43. Eating ice cream on a hot day. 44. More Harry Potter books could come out, you never know. 45. Travelling to another planet someday. 46. Having an underwater house. 47. Randomly running into your hero on the street. 48. Having your own room at a fancy hotel. 49. Trampolines. 50. Think about your favourite movie, you’ll never watch it again. 51. Think about the feeling of laughing out loud in a public place because your best friend has just sent you an inside joke, 52. Your survival will make the world better, even if it’s for just one person or 20 or 100 or more. 53. People do care. 54. Treehouses 55. Hanging out with your soul mate in a treehouse 55. Snorting when you laugh and not caring who sees 56. I don’t even know you and I love you. 57. I don’t even know you and I care about you. 58. Because nobody is going to be like you ever, so embrace your uniqueness! 59. You won’t be here to experience the first cat world emperor. 60. WHAT ABOUT FOOD?! YOU’LL MISS CHOCOLATE AND ALL THE OTHER NOM THINGS! 61. Starbucks. 62. Hugs. 63. Stargazing. 64. You have a purpose, and it’s up to you to find out what it is. 65. You’ve changed somebody’s life. 66. Now you could change the world. 67. You will meet the person that’s perfect for you. 68. No matter how much or how little, you have your life ahead of you. 69. You have the chance to save somebody’s life. 70. If you end your life, you’re stopping yourself from achieving great things. 71. Making snow angels. 72. Making snowmen. 73. Snowball fights. 74. Life is what you make of it. 75. Everybody has a talent. 76. Laughing until you cry. 77. Having the ability to be sad means you have the ability to be happy. 78. The world would not be the same if you didn’t exist. 79. Its possible to turn frowns, upside down 80. Be yourself, don’t take anyone’s shit, and never let them take you alive. 81. Heroes are ordinary people who make themselves extraordinary. Be your own hero. 82. Being happy doesn’t mean that everything is perfect. It means that you’ve decided to look beyond the imperfections. 83. One day your smile will be real. 84. Having a really hot, relaxing bath after a stressful day. 85. Lying on grass and laughing at the clouds. 86. Getting completely smashed with your best friends. 87. Eating crazy food. 88. Staying up all night watching your favourite films with a loved one. 89. Sleeping in all day. 90. Creating something you’re proud of. 91. You can look back on yourself 70 years later and being proud you didn’t commit 92. Being able to meet your Internet friends. 93. Tea / Coffee / Hot Chocolate 94. Sherlock season three. 95. Cuddling under the stars. 96. Being stupid in public because you just can. 97. If you are reading this then you are alive! Is there any more reason to smile? 98. being able to hug that one person you havent seen in years 99. People care enough about you and your future to come up with 100 reasons for you not to do this. 100. But, the final and most important one is, just, being able to experience life. Because even if your life doesn’t seem so great right now, literally anything could happen

IF that isn’t enough:

Depression Hotline: 1-630-482-9696 Suicide Hotline: 1-800-784-8433 LifeLine: 1-800-273-8255 Trevor Project: 1-866-488-7386 Sexuality Support: 1-800-246-7743 Eating Disorders Hotline: 1-847-831-3438 Rape and Sexual Assault: 1-800-656-4673 Grief Support: 1-650-321-5272 Runaway: 1-800-843-5200, 1-800-843-5678, 1-800-621-4000 Exhale: After Abortion Hotline/Pro-Voice: 1-866-4394253 Child Abuse: 1-800-422-4453 UK Helplines: Samaritans (for any problem): 08457909090 e-mail [email protected] Childline (for anyone under 18 with any problem): 08001111 Mind infoline (mental health information): 0300 123 3393 e-mail: [email protected] Mind legal advice (for people who need mental-health related legal advice): 0300 466 6463 [email protected] b-eat eating disorder support: 0845 634 14 14 (only open Mon-Fri 10.30am-8.30pm and Saturday 1pm-4.30pm) e-mail: [email protected] b-eat youthline (for under 25’s with eating disorders): 08456347650 (open Mon-Fri 4.30pm - 8.30pm, Saturday 1pm-4.30pm) Cruse Bereavement Care: 08444779400 e-mail: [email protected] Frank (information and advice on drugs): 0800776600 Drinkline: 0800 9178282 Rape Crisis England & Wales: 0808 802 9999 1(open 2 - 2.30pm 7 - 9.30pm) e-mail [email protected] Rape Crisis Scotland: 08088 01 03 02 every day, 6pm to midnight India Self Harm Hotline: 00 08001006614 India Suicide Helpline: 022-27546669 Kids Help Phone (Canada): 1-800-668-6868, Free and available 24/7 suicide hotlines; Argentina: 54-0223-493-0430 Australia: 13-11-14 Austria: 01-713-3374 Barbados: 429-9999 Belgium: 106 Botswana: 391-1270 Brazil: 21-233-9191 China: 852-2382-0000 (Hong Kong: 2389-2222) Costa Rica: 606-253-5439 Croatia: 01-4833-888 Cyprus: 357-77-77-72-67 Czech Republic: 222-580-697, 476-701-908 Denmark: 70-201-201 Egypt: 762-1602 Estonia: 6-558-088 Finland: 040-5032199 France: 01-45-39-4000 Germany: 0800-181-0721 Greece: 1018 Guatemala: 502-234-1239 Holland: 0900-0767 Honduras: 504-237-3623 Hungary: 06-80-820-111 Iceland: 44-0-8457-90-90-90 Ireland: 1800-247-100 Israel: 09-8892333 Italy: 06-705-4444 Japan: 3-5286-9090 Latvia: 6722-2922, 2772-2292 Malaysia: 03-756-8144 (Singapore: 1-800-221-4444) Mexico: 525-510-2550 Netherlands: 0900-0767 New Zealand: 4-473-9739 New Guinea: 675-326-0011 Nicaragua: 505-268-6171 Norway: 47-815-33-300 Philippines: 02-896-9191 Poland: 52-70-000 Portugal: 239-72-10-10 Russia: 8-20-222-82-10 Serbia: 21-6623-393 Spain: 91-459-00-50 South Africa: 0861-322-322 South Korea: 2-715-8600 Sweden: 031-711-2400 Switzerland: 143 Taiwan: 0800-788-995 Thailand: 02-249-9977 Trinidad and Tobago: 868-645-2800 Ukraine: 0487-327715 Uruguay: 095 73 8483 You will be missing out on every single wonderful thing yet to happen to you.

Eyes of dispeare(not sure I spelled that right lol) thing you see before he takes you anyway he sees fit.blood or miscellaneous other things 😹

i couldn’t think of a way to caption this lmao i sat here for like 10 mins smh

Me as me

We know something’s wrong! We want to help! We love you! Why can’t you open up to us?”

Its not that I am ashamed I know I’m weak but I’m also afraid of those I will hurt. If I expose that weakness to you, you might end up hurt because of me. The last thing I ever want to do is be a weight around your neck.Because you have your own problems, and your own life to live. I’m not your problem or…

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