thinking about how when you experience a lot of shame in your formative years (indirectly, directly, as abuse or just as an extant part of your environment) it becomes really difficult to be perceived by other people in general. the mere concept of someone watching me do anything, whether it's a totally normal activity or something unfamiliar of embarrassing, whether I'm working in an excel spreadsheet or being horny on main, it just makes my skin crawl and my brain turn to static because I cannot convince myself that it's okay to be seen and experienced. because to exist is to be ashamed and embarrassed of myself, whether I'm failing at something or not, because my instinctive reaction to anyone commenting on ANYTHING I'm doing is to crawl into a hole and die. it's such a bizarre and dehumanizing feeling to just not be able to exist without constantly thinking about how you are being Perceived. ceaseless watcher give me a god damn break.

240310 © afterblue

when you're crying about the cancellation but remember how good YOI was to you

Happy Hot Guy Day!

Happy Birthday, KyuBin! Can’t wait to see what the next year brings. See you and OOO in L.A soon! 🌈🎉

Happy Kyubin Day (92.04.23)

this video has been going around for a while but the English subtitles didn't match the energy of the spoken French at all. i had to fix it.

reblog to spread this version

Creation of Adam (2024)

People think being self aware cancels out mental illness. That when you realise your thoughts or behaviours are irrational you just stop having/doing them

Instead what happens if you're extremely self aware and mentally ill is that you just think in a resigned kind of way "I'm being really fucking crazy right now" while being very loudly mentally ill

Sometimes you are able to tell the people around you "oh, you can ignore me rn. I'm just being extremely mentally ill rn. It will eventually pass" and then continue your erratic behaviour. But mostly it's just privately thinking: "well this is embarrassing but I can't turn it off so just gotta deal with it I guess."

It's infuriating honestly

kyubinnie 🌸✨

They’re my KPOP boys 🥹

A Casual Day with Kero and Yue

please enjoy this video i took at the onlyoneof concert last night

im not familiar with that movie but ive heard of its homosexuality

hi do you post your art on any other social media? i'd love to follow elsewhere as well, if you don't mind sharing!

Hi! I very occasionally post on pinterest and I used to post on insta as well (although that was while I was still figuring out digital art and a lot of it wasn't very good, maybe I'll try to start up a new account at some point), but right now tumblr is my main go-to since most of my art is OnlyOneOf-related and I have a lot of lyOn mutuals on here. Thank you so much for the support though, this ask made my day 💜

I started working on this over a year ago but abandoned it when coloring the face turned out to be too difficult. Coming back to it and realizing I understand colors and values much better now has been really rewarding, and I had a lot of fun finishing it!

The ‘you’re mature for your age’ to sleeping with a bed full of plushies in your mid twenties pipeline is real