Slayer-Christ Illusion

Coming right off of the back of arguably the biggest queef in the history of vaginal farts, Slayer finally put a foot in the right direction with Christ Illusion. Fair enough, the title might be retarded enough to make Stephen Hawking look normal, but at least its a step in the right direction. Theres nothign quite like listening to a pile of shit like God Hates Us All and then listening to this. Yes, motherfucker, the thrash fist is back with this bitch and you know the fuckin drill-fast as fuck drums that make Satan himself shake more than Michael J Fox in a blender, quick hard tremolo picked guitar lines of truth, inaudible bass (but who gives a shit about that anyway) and tom Araya yelling his fucking lungs out. Fuck, this album was a nice braeth of fresh air, there was even blast beats on one song that i forget the title of because slayer title their songs retardedly. This even had a grammy-nominated song on it (2 if you include the super awesome limited version with another song on it like the rare ass collector you probably arentb ut want to try to be cause your an elitist faggot) called Eyes Of The Insane, but that was prob the worst song on here. Anyway, this was slayer bringing the thrash hard and if you dont like it you either arent straight or arent normal. Suck a dick.

Slayer-God hates us All

Slayer used to be a thrash band, but not just a good one, they were retarded. But now they have taken retarded to new meaning and in the complete opposite way with this gay ass album. as soon as i saw the cover of the bible being nailed shut i thought "hm this is going to make my arse shiver its that gay" and i was right. just look at the faggot title. God Hates Us All. What the fuck sort of title is that? Thats exactly the same as saying "oh hey yeah we are slayer and we are ultra evil so we will make out god, the creator of everything, has singled us out individually because we are SO special"... no you arent, your faggot bellends who need to pull your heads out your arses. Oh my god this album sucks. Literaly i thought the band had already gone to Hell (which theyd prob like cuz of the album title) with the faggot punk covers album they did or their last piece of shit that i dont even want to remember the title of because im not a faggot. God Hates Us All is an excuse to write 0 and 1 on a piece of paper for guitar tabs, and then play nothing but open strings and the dullest, most simplistic beats ever. I swear, dave Lombardos drumming just sounds like an african in zimbabwe who is pissed off cuz he didnt get his banana for the day so he decided to beat the fuck out of his tom toms. Seriously, anyone who enjoys this sort of faggot garbage can just suck a fat dick. The vocals are prob the worst thing about this album purely becasue they are so retarded. 

Slayer-Diabolus In Musica

Oh my god this fucking sucks. Not only is the guitar work as simplistic and chuggy as it gets, it would seem that they thought it would be good to suck Slipknot's cock with the ridiculous "uber-angry" lyricism and shitty vocals with some rap influence on a couple of songs. What the fuck is this shit? Ugh, it makes me fucking sick to think that Slayer would release this. SLAYER-the motherfuckers that previously released classics like Hell Awaits and Seasons In the Abyss. And now they are releasing stupid nu-metal shit. Screaming From the Sky is the perfect example of why this sucks alligator balls-take a look at the riffs, they are generic Slipknot riffs with crappy drumming and the most abyssmal vocal performance known to man, and whilst there are hundreds of faggot Maggots that want to defend it, the truth is that it sounds like he is gargling cum over djent djunda djunda guitar work. Fuck this shit.

Slayer-Undisputed Attitude

So, after going rather bad with their last glimmer of thrash (Divine Intervention), Slayer decided that it would be a good time to experiment a little bit. Note-Here, the word "Experiment" means attempt something new but in reality turned out sounding like Satan had shat something rather nasty out. Undisputed Attitude was an album full of hardcore punk covers, and im sure they thought "hm if we just cover a couple of misfits and black flag songs then we can cash in on all the faux punks" and i guess it worked so hats off to them, but i dont wear a hat so they can suck my dick. Slayer really fucked themselves over with this, and the worst thing about it is the faggot vocals. Sure, he hits the notes, but the notez themselves are gay, and he sounds somewhat like a dying creature from Narnia or Harry Potter which is really sad because both of those films are great but Slayer turned gay on this album. Im pretty sure that whilst they were recording, the vocalz dude was bent over taking a dick from the drum dude whilst the guitaists were cumming on his face. What a bunch of faggots.

Slayer-Divine Intervention

So where do you really go after releasing something as kick-ass as Divine Intervention? Well, the only place you can really go is straight down the fucking drain. Slayer went absolute queef after that album and pissed away their legacy. Sure, SS3 and Murder Sex Art ruled but the other songs on here are boring and have the worst drum production ever. This album does not have their good drummer (dave lombardo) and has the other dude whos name i always forgets. it has queef riffs (no disrespect to Jeff Hannehman, cuz hes dead now) and man the vocals are just gay. Wow. What the fuck happened to slayer? 

Slayer-Seasons In The Abyss

So you are a Slayer fan but you havent heard this? Wrong, bitch, this is the sort of album that divides the men from the women. This is the sort of album that would slap any faggot wearing an ozzy osborne shirt they brought from Primark in the sales. This album fuckin rules. The drums are crazy, like War Ensemble has the most mental drumming, the riffs are amazing (hallowed point makes me check my sanity every ten seconds), the bass drags me away from Runescape just to hear it and the vocals... "WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR" tom declares in War Ensemble and by this point it is hard to understand what is real and what isnt. this is fast paced lightning aggressive oh my dick it rules and if you dont like it your a faggot.

Slayer-South Of Heaven

Oh My God This Rules. So you thought that just because Reign In Blood was the fastest album ever that Slayer couldnt top it? Bitch, you are wrong and you should apologize before i stick a knife in the ass of every one of your family members because ive got swag like that. South Of Heaven is a slice of much slower but much more awesome and sophisticated thrash. This is not thrash that is 1000 miles per hour dun dun dun rubbish, but is a lot cleverer. I bet this was the sort of album where Slayer were watching opera whilst wearing sunglasses and were hugging teddy bears whilst thinking about strangling grizzly bears. The guitars are really creepy and weedle weedle sort of guitars, the solos are a lot better written, the drumming is probably the best ever and the vocals make me cum when i hear them. Literally, i was listening a minute ago and cum splashed on my face and i was like "hm am i turning gay for Slayer?". I dont really care if i am so suck a dick. This album rules and thats all you need to know, and remember that Slayer wouldl rape your family just to write a song about it.

Slayer-Reign In Blood

I must admit, im not doing this to review reign in blood or to talk about it. Im writing this as an excuse to say "\m/", "rules", "hard" and "metal" as many times as i want without any dicksucker being able to tell me any different. If you thought that Slayer ruled before this album then you would be absolutely right, and if you thought they ruled afterward, then to some degree you would be right, but this is a hard rulling album that kicks you in the dick from the second it goes off. This was released in the 1980s so you knwo its gonna rule, but no album quite brings the rule like this. This was Slayer at their fastest and most pissed off, and it fucking rules. No band was as quick as Slayer, no band hits you as fast with riffs this hard in the space of under 30 minutes. Angel Of Death opens with that monster high pitched scream from Tom Araya that sounds like a cumming banshee, Raining Blood has that riff that just sounds like Satan taking a shit, PostMortem is a bit slower, Criminally Insane has the incredible drumming from Dave Lombardo. If you ever wanted an album that makes you say "\M/" then this is it. nowhere in this is there one guitar line that sounds a bit queefy, nowhere did i think "hm needs more thrash". Neck, dude, this absolutely rules and yall need to check it hard. Fuck off.

Slayer-Hell Awaits

Well, dude, if you have ever heard of metal, you have heard of Slayer. If you have heard of Slayer and you were born after 1980, chances are that you have heard their gay stuff like World Painted Blood and other faggot music like that where they tried to rip off Slipknot and failed like a bunch of queers. Well, let me tell you this, brother/sister (dont care which, im too tired), Hell Awaits is where it is at. Way before they started turning gay and prob kissing each other in studio, Slayer was a group of four dudes just doing their thing, singing about cool stuff like Satan and Murder-the stuff that I live off! When it comes to satan, no band does it like Slayer, it is as though they were sacrificing a virgins blood whilst recording this album instead of sucking each other off like they were on their gay later albums. Right from the opening with the dark as hell intro with the backwards message "join us", you just know that this is giong to rule and oh my god it does. Their are riffs aplenty throughout this, including THAT riff to the title track. Kill Again has a demonic vocal performance that should quell any doubt you have as to Slayer's sexuality. These guys are straight and if you want more, you are greedy and dont deserve this album \M/

Slayer-Show No Mercy

Man, was this a legendary debut. Relistened to this today and never before have I felt the metullz fist pumping so hard in me, It gave me the sudden urge to go outside and want to beat a faggot, but I couldnt because I was too busy headbanging to this amazing album. The riffs are very NWOBHM-influenced but they rule, the vocals are chaotic, the bass is inaudible but keeps up, so good job Tom Araya, and the drumming is... Well, its Dave Lombardo. the Antichrist and Die By The Sword are two of the best songs they have ever done and wow. Anyone who has not heard this but claims to be into heavy metal needs to take that stick out of their ass and get this on their Ipod or whatever gay device they listen to music through today, as this is an unbelievably solid debut. RIP Jeff Hannehman.

Alice In Chains...

So yeah Alice In Chains are quite possibly God's gift to the music industry, their music is the most emotionally intense ever recorded and generally rules. Anyone who has not checked them out had better listen to Dirt straight away as it is prob the darkest album ever. Keep supportin metal dudez \m/