The Mom Trap - Part 1

Grief is an inevitable evil of life. It's one thing everyone will experience at one point or another and for an array of reasons. Grief can be experienced in the loss of a person, the emotional loss of a relationship, and even the loss of a former season of life. My story ties the first and last together.

You see, I became a mother fairly young by today's standards. I got pregnant with my daughter at 23 and had her just before I turned 24. It was the greatest joy to bring a life into the world knowing she was ours, that we would get to raise her and be there for every moment as she grew. There was a lot of excitement early on. Don't get me wrong, every day brings something new, but the initial excitement of motherhood does ware off after a while and most moms, especially stay-at-home moms like myself are left with this sudden huge life change. All moms at one point had a life beyond being a mom. We were a friend, a daughter, a sister, a wife. We were able to go out with friends, and have last minute date nights with our spouse. Then one day, this little life changes all of that and moms are told that their identity is now in being a mother. We wake up every morning when they do; we are the chef, the maid, the chauffeur, the laundry attendant, the therapist etc. Suddenly our days are filled with taking care of others and leaving our care by the wayside to make sure each person has what they need. The ugly truth of this is...most moms don't love it. It's not that we don't take pride in our homes and in taking care of those we love, but losing one's identity in those things means forgetting sometimes why we were created in the first place.

Our identity isn't in being a mom, but a follower of Jesus. Our identity is in him who created us in his image. He never intended for our days to be filled with so much stress and chaos that we can't think straight.

Here's where I will really make some people mad. Jesus never said we can't grieve over who we once were. Does he tell us to take joy in our work? Absolutely! But he doesn't insist on us losing ourselves in it. Being a mom in some ways does require us to put down who we were to walk in a new season of life with our little ones. But like the subtle fade of summer into fall, we will lost ourselves in the new season if we aren't careful.

Let's not forget that we are simultaneously setting an example for our children that they will take into life with them. If we don't find our God given purpose and live that our whilst being a mother, how can we expect our children to live our theirs well when as they grow and mature? If all they see is the anger and frustration boiling over because every last minute of every day is spent with little to no boundaries between mother and child, they will one day allow themselves to fall into the pit of grief over the loss of themselves, whether in a relationship, or in parenthood themselves. The last thing we want as parents is for our children to re live the same traumas we had.

So take a second, or a minute, or as long as you need, to acknowledge that what you're feeling is so very real. Acknowledge that it's okay to feel this way, all the while seeking your God-given purpose so you can come out a better mom, a better spouse, a better friend, and most importantly, a better you.