whenever i'm trying to talk myself out of buying something i don't need i always hear my old russian professor's voice echoing in my head: "WHAT??? WILL YOU DIE THE RICHEST MAN IN THE GRAVEYARD?" and then i make an unwise financial decision

I agree Mike and Harvey from suits are a little gay abt the whole lawyer’s assistant thing. It’s not a coincidence he only does the playful teasing thing with Mike Donna and Scottie. HOWEVER we need to acknowledge that Louis is single-handedly gayer than all the other characters in the show combined; he’s just overlooked cus he gets no bitches

can anyone tell me why i enter the grocery store a normal person and emerge as some sort of vile ravening monster

Plenty of highly intelligent people end up getting sucked in to cults because they just wanted people to hang out with. There are antivaxxer nurses. Your ability to act on empirical reason breaks down fast if your social and emotional needs aren't being met.

Not everything the Christians do is stolen from some anonymous pagan culture. I'm sorry y'all but the Christians did actually come up with a bunch of shit on their own.

worst part about getting angry is how much it makes you want to be mean

literally my favorite type of tweet

this is quite literally on-par with a royal baby announcement

onboarding for a new job is like "hey we sent you the information to make your wöörk account. once youre on wöörk therell be an invite to join KlickKlack, which is how we send out the schedule. You'll also be receiving an email for You!Niversity, our online training app. There is a separate training app to cover POS training called LearnIt! that you will have to make an account for and you will only use it for like 10 minutes and then never again."

she commit acts of intercourse on my erogeneous zones until i achieve sexual climax

A cartoon from 1914 that could have been written today

having the straight ear pierced is gay because you have to know which one is the gay ear

it used to be 2007 you know

*  ੈ✩‧₊˚*  ੈ✩‧₊˚*  ੈ✩‧₊˚*  ੈ✩‧₊˚*  ੈ✩‧₊˚*

how to meet a guy who won’t sexualize you while getting to know you ?

im going to bash my head into the wall

*  ੈ✩‧₊˚*  ੈ✩‧₊˚*  ੈ✩‧₊˚*  ੈ✩‧₊˚*  ੈ✩‧₊˚*