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shadowflorecita · 7 hours

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✨Elriel moments: love languages edition✨

Acts of service:

He set her down gently on the foyer carpet, having carried her in through the front door. Elain peered up at his patient, solemn face. Azriel smiled faintly. “Would you like me to show you the garden?” She seemed so small before him, so fragile compared to the scales of his fighting leathers, the breadth of his shoulders. The wings peeking over them. But Elain did not balk from him, did not shy away as she nodded—just once.

“Can I set you up in the garden? The herbs you planted are coming in nicely.” “I can help her,” said Azriel, stepping to the table as Elain silently rose. No shadows at his ear, no darkness ringing his fingers as he extended a hand. Nesta monitored him like a hawk, but kept silent as Elain took his hand, and out they went.”

But I strode to my seat—nestled between Amren and Mor—in time to see Elain say to Azriel, “Hello.” Az said nothing. No, he just moved toward her. Mor tensed beside me. But Azriel only took Elain’s heavy dish of potatoes from her hands, his voice soft as night as he said, “Sit. I’ll take care of it.” Elain’s hands remained in midair, as if the ghost of the dish remained between them.

Words of Affirmation:

Elain said to Azriel, perhaps the only two civilized ones here, “Can you truly fly?” He set down his fork, blinking. I might have even called him self-conscious. He said, “Yes. Cassian and I hail from a race of faeries called Illyrians. We’re born hearing the song of the wind.” “That’s very beautiful,” she said.

Azriel, graceful as any courtier, offered her an arm. I couldn’t tell if she was looking at his blue Siphon or at his scarred skin beneath as she breathed, “Beautiful.” Color bloomed high on Azriel’s golden-brown cheeks, but he inclined his head in thanks and led my sister toward the back doors into the garden, sunlight bathing them.”

Elain’s eyes widened at the obsidian-hilted blade in Azriel’s scarred hand. The runes on the dark scabbard. “It has never failed me once,” the shadowsinger said, the midday sun devoured by the dark blade. “Some people say it is magic and will always strike true.” He gently took her hand and pressed the hilt of the legendary blade into it. “It will serve you well.”

Quality Time:

“Elain sat silently at one of the wrought-iron tables, a cup of tea before her. Azriel was sprawled on the chaise longue across the gray stones, sunning his wings and reading what looked to be a stack of reports—likely information on the Autumn Court that he planned to present to Rhys once he’d sorted through it all. Already dressed for the Hewn City—the brutal, beautiful armor so at odds with the lovely garden. And my sister sitting within it.”

Azriel and Elain remained in the sitting room, my sister showing him the plans she’d sketched to expand the garden in the back of the town house, using the seeds and tools my family had given her tonight. Whether he cared about such things, I had no idea

Gift Giving:

“Az, this one’s for you.” The shadowsinger’s brows lifted, but his scarred hand extended to take the present. Elain turned from where she’d been speaking to Nesta. “Oh, that’s from me.” Azriel’s face didn’t so much as shift at the words. Not even a smile as he opened the present and revealed—“I had Madja make it for me,” Elain explained. Azriel’s brows narrowed at the mention of the family’s preferred healer. “It’s a powder to mix in with any drink.” Silence. Elain bit her lip and then smiled sheepishly. “It’s for the headaches everyone always gives you. Since you rub your temples so often.”

She extended the wrapped gift, her hand shaking. "Here." … Azriel unwrapped the box, glancing at the card that merely said, You might find these useful at the House these days, and then opened the lid. Two small, bean-shaped fabric blobs lay within. Elain murmured, "You put them in your ears, and they block any sound. With Nesta and Cassian living there with you..." He chuckled, unable to suppress the impulse.

He pulled the small velvet box from the shadows around him. Opened it for her. Elain sucked in a soft breath that whispered over his skin. His shadows skittered back at the sound. They'd always been prone to vanish when she was around. The golden necklace seemed ordinary -- its chain unremarkable, the amulet tiny enough that it could be dismissed as an everyday charm. It was a small, flat rose fashioned of stained glass, designed so that when held to the light, the true depth of the colors would become visible. A thing of secret, lovely beauty.

Physical Touch:

Azriel rasped, swaying on his feet, “We need Helion to get these chains off her.” Yet Elain didn’t seem to notice them as she rose up on her toes and kissed the shadowsinger’s cheek.

He knew it was wrong, but there he was, sliding the necklace around her. Letting his scarred fingers touch her immaculate skin. Letting them brush the side of her throat, savoring the velvet-soft texture. Elain shivered, and he took a damn long time fastening the clasp. Azriel's fingers lingered at her nape, atop the first knob of her spine. Slowly, Elain pivoted into his touch. Until his palm lay flat against her neck.

It had never gone this far. They'd exchanged looks, the occasional brush of their fingers, but never this. Never blatant, unrestricted touching.

Azriel's hand slid up her neck, burying in her thick hair. Tilting her face the way he wanted it. Elain's mouth parted slightly, her eyes scanning his before fluttering shut.

Based on these, I think Elain mostly shows love with gift giving/words of affirmation while Azriel is acts of service/quality time. I’m sure they both love physical touch coming from the right person 😉

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shadowflorecita · 3 days

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CHAPTER SIX — FEARLESS

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Masterlist

Summary: Elain is preparing for her journey to Hel when Azriel arrives to apologize for upsetting her in the meeting. Their conversation quickly turns emotional and suppressed feelings come rushing to the surface.

Word Count: 3.8k

Notes: I can’t tell you how excited I’ve been to get this chapter out there!! 🫢

Elain

As Cerridwen and Nuala looked on, Elain rummaged through the dresses and gowns that hung in her ornately carved rosewood armoire. She couldn’t wear anything too bulky or heavy, nothing too formal. No fine fabrics that would be ruined by saltwater. Unusual as it seemed, safely projecting her sight to another planet would require Elain to be fully submerged in saltwater, so she needed to select a dress to wear into a bathtub.

Her day had passed too quickly and the time was drawing near. After Azriel’s exit from the meeting earlier that day, Rhys and Feyre had gone into detail explaining the task Elain would be undertaking. After addressing questions and concerns—most of which had come from Nesta—they’d all been dismissed.

Elain had gone straight to her garden and immersed herself in her work, knowing it was the only thing that stood a chance at bringing any peace to her mind. She pulled out stubborn weeds and pruned brown, wilted blooms from green stems, and as her hands moved and her body fell into a rhythm of flitting from one task to the next, the sharp pang of fear in her chest dulled until it felt comfortably contained. Distant.

Afterward, Nuala and Cerridwen had taken her out for tea and dinner in the city, providing her with a distraction that she very much needed. They laughed together and talked about a great number of things, none of which involved bathtubs or planets or demons. But now, it was getting late and all the distractions in the world wouldn’t delay her journey to Hel.

It wasn’t that she didn’t want to do it. She did. If only she could calm her body and convince her mind to settle. If only she could be a bit braver…

Elain stepped back and eyed the rack of dresses with a judicious tilt of her head. “The newcomer said the mystics wear white,” she said thoughtfully.

Nuala raised her brows and shook her head quickly. “A white dress in a bathtub? I wouldn’t, not unless you’re comfortable with everyone seeing straight through it.”

Elain turned crimson at the thought. She wouldn’t wear white, then. And she could rule out the soft pastels and delicate floral prints as well. The deep blues and purples seemed too stately for this task. The berry reds and wines were dark enough, but red was the color of passion, an emotional color. It wasn’t a good fit when she needed to drown out emotion to focus on her power.

So many times, Elain had contemplated and selected the perfect gowns for balls and events of all kinds, but never before had she been required to determine which color of dress was best suited for the occasion of space travel. She considered which color would best connect her to her sight. Elain closed her eyes and considered the darkness there, just behind her eyelids—the blank canvas that her visions were painted upon.

Black. She would wear black.

A knock sounded at the front door and Cerridwen vanished in a puff of smoke, returning no more than three seconds later.

“It’s Azriel,” she said. “Do you wish to speak with him?”

Elain chewed her lip as she pondered over the possible reasons for Azriel’s visit. “Yes,” she decided, when curiosity won out over common sense.

“We’ll give you some privacy,” Cerridwen offered.

Hesitantly, Elain asked, “Do you think either of you could find a black dress for me? I know I haven’t left you with much time, but…”

Nuala’s dark eyes glimmered like stars. “We’ll find you the perfect one.”

Elain smiled and gave each of them a tight hug. “Thank you both. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

Nuala grinned. “Without us, you would’ve selected a dress that becomes see-through the second it goes into the tub, and they would’ve never let you travel through space again—your projection would’ve caused a riot from the moment you made it to Hel.”

Elain couldn’t stop the genuine laugh that broke free from her mouth. “And I’m endlessly thankful you’ve spared me from that embarrassment.”

Once the two had disappeared into mist and shadow, Elain walked briskly toward the front door, reassuring herself with a deep breath before entering the antechamber.

Azriel’s weary eyes searched hers. “Elain…”

“Come in,” she said with distant formality, unable to meet his gaze. “Would you like some tea?”

“No. I don’t want tea,” he said carefully, looking at her as if it was inconceivable that she was offering it at a time like this. “Elain… I…”

“If you’ve come to talk me out of this, it’s too late,” she said, quiet and calm, but unmovable. “I’ve made up my mind.”

“I apologize if I upset you during the meeting today,” he said, shame darkening his face. “I only worry we’re rushing into this too quickly when we might find another way to contact Prince Aidas if given more time. I could send my entire team across the globe to find another solution. I would search Helion’s libraries myself.”

“We don’t have time, Azriel.” She looked up at him. “Do you think I will fail?” she asked, unable to hide the heartbreak from her eyes. “Do you believe I’m not capable enough to do it?”

“This has nothing to do with your competency,” he said firmly. “I don’t want to risk any harm coming to you, Elain.”

“I’ve agreed to do this because it needs to be done,” she said, lifting her chin. “There is no other way. You have no right to come here and attempt to cloud my mind with doubt at a time when I need to summon my own confidence.” Elain swore she saw a discreet flinch from him.

“I spoke up because I couldn’t bear it if anything were to happen to you,” Azriel said. “I came here because I care about you…”

Elain shook her head, glossy curls swaying. “This is more important than just me.”

Fierce hazel eyes bored into hers. “There is nothing in this world or any of the others that’s more important than you,” he said with steeled conviction. “Not to me.”

Elain stared back at him, stunned, before her face crumpled with hurt. ”How can you say that?” Her fragile heart fluttered uncontrollably beneath her ribs.

“I care for you just as deeply as I did the night we spoke of our feelings on the ship,” he told her. “I never stopped.”

She shook her head again, trying to hold the brittle, rattling pieces of herself together. “I don’t believe you.” The words were a weak whisper.

Azriel’s eyes were pained as he squeezed them shut. “I understand why you’d doubt me,” he admitted patiently. “But I swear it’s true.”

“Then why did you leave me on Solstice?” Elain demanded softly, but not timidly. “Why didn’t you do anything in the months that followed to even hint that you still cared?” This wasn’t the way she’d wanted to have this conversation, but she couldn’t stop herself. Like a rock that tumbled down a cliffside, she was gaining momentum with little care that she was racing toward an impact that could shatter her completely.

“You thought I didn’t care?” Azriel swallowed hard. “You thought my feelings could vanish so easily?” His low voice remained calm and cool, but Elain could see the clear evidence of his emotions running rampant beneath the surface—it was all there, written in his perfect eyes, etched into his face.

“What else was I supposed to think, Azriel? I waited. I waited for you to come and find me… to tell me that what we had wasn’t a mistake.”

“That isn’t—I didn’t mean it like that,” he said tightly. “I’m sorry.” He took a step back, closing himself off, and Elain couldn’t stand it. “I shouldn’t have come here. You need to prepare for tonight and it isn’t the right time for this.”

“Then leave!” she ordered him miserably. He froze, as if rendered motionless by her words. Elain did not soften, nor did she relent. “And then you can avoid me for another six months until you change your mind and decide I’m desirable to you again. But when you do, I will not be so foolish to put myself through this a second time.” This was it. This was how it all ended, like lovely magnolia blossoms destroyed by frost, crumpled and browned before they’d ever had the chance to unfold.

“No.” Azriel’s eyes were half-wild and completely frantic. Shadows billowed around him like a dark, raging storm. “I won’t. I won’t leave you. Elain… I’m trying. I’ve been trying…”

Elain wrapped her arms around herself. “You shouldn’t have to try to love me,” she said softly. “So don’t. I’ll never be enough for you.”

“That’s not what I—” Azriel took in a shuddering breath. “I’m trying to show you how sorry I am. I’m trying to show you how much you mean to me. I’m trying to show you that what I did to you on Solstice has been the greatest regret of my life. I will never leave you again, Elain.”

Elain’s world went still as she was granted the promise she had once prayed for over so many torturous weeks.

It was not enough.

“Why now?” she asked. “Why after all this time, when you had every chance to fix this months ago, before the damage had been done?”

“Elain, I—”

“You knew I was heartbroken,” she murmured, her voice trembling as silvery tears gathered at the corners of her eyes. “You could’ve said something. You could’ve sent a letter. You could’ve spoken to me at any point… But you didn’t. You knew what I’d been through and you knew exactly what your rejection would do to me.”

“I’m so sorry…” He reached toward her with a shaking, scarred hand before forcing it to his side. “I wasn’t—I never wanted to hurt you.”

He had, though. He’d hurt her, and these past few weeks of reconnection, the shared smiles and his kindness—it all felt so far away. In this moment, she couldn’t feel anything past the aching, empty pit in her heart—a hole carved out from the place he used to be, a wound that had never healed completely.

“Do you want to know why I haven’t agreed to hear your apology?” she asked soberly as she held herself tighter. “You want me now, but I’m scared that you will never care enough to stay. Not for long. And I don’t think I can live my life in fear of the day you change your mind about me again.”

“Elain…” The shadows grew darker, wilder. Through their whirling veil of darkness, she could see the devastation on his beautiful face. “Elain, please—”

“All I ever wanted was for you to do something, anything to show me that you cared.”

“I cared…” he choked out. “I always did.”

She shook her head sadly. “You didn’t care. You always held back. You never cared enough to show me—”

She said nothing further because Azriel’s hands were cupping her face and his mouth was meeting hers, and she hadn’t seen it coming through the tears clouding her eyes. And gods, his kiss was desperate, born from frantic need and feelings he’d hidden for much too long, but his lips… his lips were gentle.

Elain froze, and then with a whimper, she kissed him back, melting into him, her pain not forgotten, but unwilling to stop her arms from wrapping around his broad back. Azriel’s trembling fingers slid into the hair at the base of her scalp and stroked the nape of her neck over and over, as if he was making sure she was still there, as if he was reassuring himself this was real.

“I’m showing you now.” Azriel spoke the words against her mouth. Then he kissed her again, and when his tongue brushed the seam of her lips, Elain yielded to him, and as he deepened the kiss, she caressed his back with long, steady passes of her hands. However much he would give, she wanted it all. Even if it ravaged her entirely in the end, even if this was all he would ever give her.

Because in her arms stood the male who’d risked his life to save her. Because this was the male who asked her what she was thinking of, just to discover the thoughts she kept to herself. This was a male who was kissing her like he loved her. Elain never wanted him to stop.

She clutched at Azriel’s lower back, tugging greedily until she felt the satisfying press of his hips and cock against her, and then he moaned, a low rumbling arising from deep in his chest. It was the most beautiful sound Elain had ever heard.

Between her legs, she was aching, and now she was nearly dizzy at the feel of his hard length against her stomach. She needed more.

Still, Azriel kissed her, working the most exquisite magic against her lips, magic that she could feel shimmering in every empty chasm beneath her skin. Azriel dipped down to hoist her up into his arms and Elain hooked her legs around his back, the light fabric of her skirt bunching as she weaved her fingers into his silky black hair.

He stepped forward until Elain’s back was pressed against the wood paneling that lined the walls of the antechamber, never ceasing with his lavish cascade of kisses—ravenous kisses that left her moaning and gasping and dragging her hands over his handsomely sculpted body, just to feel him, just to claim him for however long she could.

There was nothing but Azriel, and like this, with his feelings an endless river, streaming into her through every touch, every untamed kiss, Elain was completely enraptured. His rich, woodsy scent was all around her and she inhaled it until he was every breath in her lungs, every thought in her head, every heartbeat in her chest.

“Now can you tell that I still care?” he asked breathlessly, his lips parting from hers as he stroked her cheek. “Can you tell that I’ve thought of little else but you each day I had to stay away, and hundreds of days before then?” His eyes drifted shut as he sucked the rosy flesh of her plump lower lip. “Thoughts of you consume me.”

He kissed her again, his tongue meeting hers, her whole body answering the command of his own, savoring the soft press of his hips and the feel of rough hands that touched her so wondrously.

“You’re right,” he said, pulling back enough that Elain could see the entirety of his face. “I shouldn’t have waited. But I’m showing you now. And I’m telling you that you are everything to me.”

Elain’s gaze swept across the features of his face, taking him in, seeing all of him—the striking hazel eyes darkened with need, his magnificent wings, spread wide enough to span the width of the antechamber, gilded by soft beams of sunlight filtering in through the fogged glass windows… and she saw beneath a chest that rose and fell with heavy breaths, saw all the way to his heart—unfettered and laid bare before her for the very first time.

“I missed you, Azriel,” she breathed.

His brows creased with feeling. “Gods, Elain, I missed you too.”

But as she held his face and traced his soft lips with her thumb, an unwelcome realization jolted through her.

Rhys’s plan.

As Azriel leaned in for another heated kiss, Elain halted him with one gentle hand on his chest. “Azriel, I… I have to get ready…” She shook her head as if she was breaking free of a spell, unhooking one leg from around him and searching for the floor beneath her with her bare foot.

Azriel carefully helped her down, studying her face. “Something’s wrong,” he said, pulling in his great wings as a flicker of fear went streaking through his eyes. “What is it?”

Elain tipped her head forward, resting her forehead against his chest. “I wanted to go into this calm and settled. And now my head is spinning…”

“I’m sorry…” Shadows began encircling him like bands of smoke, their return drawing Elain’s attention to the fact they’d been completely absent just a moment ago. He ran his hands down her back with one long, soothing pass after another. “I didn’t mean to upset you. I thought you wanted…”

“I’m not upset with you,” Elain said, stroking the scaled leather armor that covered the sides of his ribcage. She felt him relax at her touch. “But Azriel, I’ve spent the last few months building walls around my heart, trying to learn how to be happy without you. I’m overwhelmed. And now, I have to travel to an entirely different world in one hour and I feel like I’m falling apart.”

“Fuck, I’m so sorry, Elain.” With one hand still resting on the small of her back, he dragged the other through his hair. “I didn’t mean to make this harder for you.”

“You really don’t think I can do this?”

He shook his head. “It’s not that…”

“Then what is it?” she asked gently. “I thought you had faith that I could master my powers and use them to help others. But when I have a chance to do exactly that, you appear at my door to tell me I shouldn’t.”

“I do believe in you,” he said. “I believe that you will master your gift and become the most accomplished seer Prythian has ever known. But I will always want to protect you and keep you safe. That’s who I am. And this…” A flash of emotion crossed his face and Azriel looked away. “This frightens me. It feels… too unpredictable. It’s difficult for me—when something so important is out of my control.” His eyes settled on hers once more. “I can’t stand the thought of anything happening to you, Elain.”

“What if I end up lost?” she said, her gaze dropping to the marble tiles that covered the antechamber floor. “What if these Princes of Hel aren’t the saviors we think there are and they try to trap me on their planet?”

His siphons flickered, casting the antechamber in a cold, blue light. “Then I will find you,” he vowed, shadows gathering like menacing serpents. “I will destroy anyone and any part of the galaxy that stands in my way, and I will bring you back.” His strong arms encircled her and he pulled her in close against him. “If you need me, I will come for you.” Elain settled into his warmth, resting her cheek against his chest and folding her arms around him.

Elain couldn’t remember the last time anyone had held her like this. Couldn’t remember the last time she’d felt so safe. She knew he would be lying if he’d promised her that nothing would go wrong. She knew the possibility of anyone being able to help her while she wandered the depths of space was nearly nonexistent. But she trusted him. If there was anyone who stood a chance of finding her out in that endless, empty void, it would be Azriel.

Elain prayed it wouldn’t come to that. She would never forgive herself if he had to gamble with his own life to save her for a second time—couldn't fathom the thought of anything happening to him.

She wanted to do this on her own, wanted everyone to see that she was not as weak and helpless as they believed her to be.

“I really must get ready,” she murmured distantly. “I can’t be late.”

“Would you like me to stay?”

Elain shook her head. “Nuala and Cerridwen will be back soon with my dress for this evening. And I need some time alone before then.”

“I’m sorry,” he said, holding her tenderly against him. “I know I’m at fault for upsetting you today.” He stilled and took a cautious step back. His eyes found hers, uncertainty muddling them. “Do you still want—is this okay?” he asked, anxiously.

“Yes.” The feeling of him pulling away from her, even for a moment, left a heavy knot in her stomach. “As long as you want to. As long as this isn’t you changing your mind…”

“No,” he said, bending to nuzzle his face against her neck. “Never. I won’t let anything keep me apart from you again.” He pressed a gentle kiss against the side of her throat. “I won’t stay away unless you ask it of me.”

As much as it hurt her heart, she had to say it—“We have a lot to talk about, Azriel.”

He tensed. “I know.”

“But we will,” she told him, softly. “When tonight is over, we’ll talk about everything.”

Azriel nodded with relief. “Thank you.” With his hand at her waist, he stroked her side with his thumb. “I know you need to be alone right now, but I never want you to feel that I’m leaving you again. I won’t go until you tell me to.”

Elain’s anxious heart settled. She hadn’t realized how much she needed to hear those words, though perhaps Azriel had known. She suspected he was fully aware of each raw edge left overexposed inside her.

“I’ll see you tonight, Azriel.” Placing one hand on his chest, Elain balanced on her toes and wished him goodbye with a kiss on his cheek.

“I’ll be with you the whole time,” he promised. “We all will.” He held her close. “I have faith you will travel to Hel safely and the Mother will watch over you as you find your way back home.” And after one long, lingering kiss pressed against her forehead, he vanished.

Before her thoughts had a chance to rise up into a towering wave, Elain’s attention was drawn toward the sweet shadow that accompanied her, who was now rushing in rapid circles around her wrist. He behaved in this way each time Azriel winnowed away, and she wasn’t quite sure if he was reacting to her own feelings or protesting over Azriel leaving.

She smiled at him, appreciating the levity he brought to the moment before her fears began creeping in like common periwinkle, invasive and smothering. She could feel the seconds slipping away, disappearing too quickly, bringing her closer to the inevitable task that awaited her.

Elain lowered herself to the ground. With her legs bent in front of her and her skirts draping down from the peak created by her knees, she eased herself backwards until she was lying on the antechamber floor with her palms pressed flat against the icy marble beneath her. The tile cooled her overheated skin.

A lady knew better than to degrade herself by lying in the middle of a dirty floor. But tonight she was not a lady, she was to be a world-walker. And she was overcome with dread because she still didn’t know the first thing about being fearless.

Thank you so much for reading!! ❤️❤️

When I set out to write this story, I knew I wanted their first kiss to be initiated by Azriel in a moment of passion when he couldn’t hold himself back anymore. I was hoping that this chapter would show growth for both of them because Elain speaks her mind and lets herself express how hurt she is and Azriel finally lets his walls come down to show Elain how he feels. They will take it slow with each other later on. 🥰

The shadow reacts to Azriel leaving the way it does because it likes when Elain and Azriel are together and wants him to come back. 🥹 Because it can sense their emotions, it can tell they feel whole and understood when they’re around each other. 🥰

I recently began listening to music while writing and I feel like it helps so much!! While workshopping their pre-kiss dialogue in the antechamber, I cycled between “Decode” by Paramore for Elain’s POV and “Beautiful Things” by Benson Boone for Azriel’s dialogue (especially the chorus).

My parents moved into a house with a magnolia tree, and the very first spring, the sweet pink blossoms froze and turned brown before they could open and they looked so sad and horrible. It was the first thing I thought of when reflecting on how Elain would view the possible loss of their beautiful, unexplored potential.

In the next chapter, we get to see Elain push her powers further than she ever has when she travels between worlds! Do you think she’ll succeed?

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