seattlefactsijustmadeup
100% True Facts About Seattle
Facts posted here are not meant to be taken seriously. Any resemblance to real facts, living or dead, is purely coincidental.
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Seattle Fact #14:
Don't touch the bubbling flesh oozing out of the storm drains along Marion St. It gives off very hot steam & the sewer & drainage department doesn't like their employees being touched by strangers.
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Has anyone else heard baritoned singing in the UW botanic gardens ever since that total eclipse of the sun two days ago?
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The Tres Picantes Brujas coven of bog hags have ONCE AGAIN earned themselves the ire of Bothell residents after being found guilty of the following:
divining the future with 3D printed plastic bones instead of ethically sourced authentic grassfed fair trade child bones
reading tea leaves (the tea was lawn clippings)
selling gaudy turquoise and silver jewelry on Etsy
reckless broom flying
bubbling bubbling toiling and troubling their meats and produce in the same cauldron
illegally parking their chicken legged house in front of a fire hydrant
selling potions advertised as "Peony infusions" when they were actually made from Marigolds
#unreality#Bothell#Washington#hocus pocus more like hokey pocus#I might not know my flowers but I know a BITCH when I see one
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Breathtaking view of the eclipse from the shore of the Puget Sound
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There's a solar eclipse coming to Seattle! Do not be alarmed when the moon blots out the sun, its surface cracking and colossal tentacles emerging from the core. That's normal.
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UW's necromancy department would like to remind students that theirs is just as valid a field of medical study as learning healthcare for the living. Skeletons have needs too.
Blood magic is still pseudoscience though. Keep that shit in WSU.
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I have sealed pieces of my soul inside of various gargoyles on UW campus. Not going to say which ones but if you find them all you'll get a prize.
The prize is you get to command the feral freshmen for a day.
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Seattle Fact #83:
East Washingtonians can ward us away from their homes by making a circle around their property using glutinous flour.
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Exactly. Someone's going to crack open the ancient Glenn Beck novel in all of our thriftshops and read a spell that resurrects Macklemore from the abyss
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Seattle Fact #3:
As many of you are aware, Y2K Nostalgia is currently en vogue. This naturally means the next trend will be 2010s nostalgia.
What THIS means is that at some point in the 2030s the world's climate will shift irreparably and '10s icon Macklemore will rise again from his onyx sarcophagus in the catacombs of Old Seattle. Make sure when he does that you have some sacrifical hand-me-down clothes ready, lest he smite ye.
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Seattle Fact #92,812:
Our beloved Seattle Kraken is once again defending the city from invasion. Today it's going up against these birds from outer space:
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Seattle Fact #3:
As many of you are aware, Y2K Nostalgia is currently en vogue. This naturally means the next trend will be 2010s nostalgia.
What THIS means is that at some point in the 2030s the world's climate will shift irreparably and '10s icon Macklemore will rise again from his onyx sarcophagus in the catacombs of Old Seattle. Make sure when he does that you have some sacrifical hand-me-down clothes ready, lest he smite ye.
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Seattle Fact #45:
The longer you play Pacific Drive, the stronger your compulsion to buy a Subaru and go backpacking.
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Pacific Drive is a 1:1 simulator of driving around the Olympic Peninsula. It allows non-locals to engage in such traditional Washington passtimes as rooting through garbage in search of 35 kg pearls, commuting via light beams in the sky, and armor plating cars against combustible pedestrians.
And also upsetting chuds with bumper stickers
#Pacific Drive#all hail the dumpster pearls#Big Cappy#Jesus Built My Wood Panel Hotrod#dingadingdangmydangalonglinglong
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Seattle Fact #31544:
Bigfoot has just declared himself the undisputed emperor of Seattle and Whidbey, Mercer, and Bainbridge Islands.
His security detail are currently taking him to a thrilling cutlery trade show.
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Seattle Fact #48:
The Seattle Freeze isn't limited to our human residents; it also affects our animal buddies.
Seattle Cat I Just Made Up #2 is always suspicious of making eye contact or being perceived and Seattle Cat I Just Made Up #1 is a perpetual grump.
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Seattle Fact #94:
Our articulated buses can separate and recombine into Voltron, protector of the universe
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