I keep trying really hard to write a poem about him.  But the prospects of that seem,  Grim.  Not to oversimplify The guy, I mean he’s great, I’ll tell you why. He is tall and fit. The man runs 5k’s for his “stroke game” and increasing it.  Anything there is a tutorial for on internet he’ll learn it.  do better then burn it. Saying there’s so much more to do. “But I like spending time with you” He taught me how to change the oil in my car, And with it we went so far. I danced... a little.. He danced more than I drank, which was a lot. But I never forgot anything he did or said, and the few times we ended up in bed, together. as infrequent as pleasant weather (thanks climate change) But man isn’t it fucking strange for someone like me,  that I remember every time, of which there were 3 I can recall every detail, he brought me coffee one morning while I was working retail. But unfortunately even though he is a really great guy I had to use the words “platonic friends” and say goodbye not to him but to any potential of “us” he made it easy to discuss.  and maybe I chose to do this because I liked him too much. and sometimes I actually thought about his touch. But he didn’t want all that. He wasn’t ready to settle down, settle for romantic dealings, higher ceilings to make room for all our feelings, and create more room on the wall for our photos, of a city or two. of anything pretty, or new, of emily’s kitty, or a beautiful view. And if he wasn’t ready, breath steady,  I had to accept it.  sometimes you just have to accept shit. Or maybe I just have low self worth and don’t know how to accept being treated well. it’s too soon to tell.

Fuck

I don't use this blog anymore because you follow it. But you're still the first thing I think of when I wake up, as cliché as that is. I wake up and an aching in my chest reminds me that you exist but not with me. And I've replaced the xanax I used to take for that feeling with cbd oil so I'm less of a zombie. But what's the fucking point? I broke everything because I was so eager to play. The first time our hearts were broken I was angry at you and I had almost convinced myself I never loved you. But this time, all it took was you smiling at me for all that hard work to disappear and I can't even be mad. Not this time. I swear I'm better than this. It is this place and my family and feeling trapped that make me so crazy and I wonder if you know that. I think thats why this still sucks so much. I wanna be good or better for you but I've pushed things past reconciliation probably. Sometimes I'm fine and sometimes I wanna die without you. Fuck. Fuck. FUCK.

What would happen if a girl had as much alcohol and other substances as I had but wasn't as alert as I had been? What would happen if she didn't hear the snap of your condom being pulled off as you told her to get on her stomach? What would have happened if she didn't let you pretend it was an accident? What if she didn't let you finish? The second you decided to try to fuck me without a condom after that being my one and only request, was the second I knew I had fucked up. The second I knew I wasn't safe. The second I knew I was stuck in a situation that could get worse if I didn't just act stupid. What would have happened if a different girl, not as on edge as I always am, didn't notice, let you fuck her, what if unlike me she was fertile? What if you or she had a disease? What if you ruined someone's life because being safe isn't as fun? What if I hadn't let you finish? I feel so stupid. And I haven't felt like this in a minute. I fought hard to not feel like this, but you brought me right back to it. Piece of shit.

Know Your Cephalopods!

🖤

I’m not used to being loved. I wouldn’t know what to do.

F. Scott Fitzgerald, ”More Than Just A House (via colstal)

Can you draw a guy and girl having sex?

First things first, what I draw if it turns you on cool, you do you, but that isn't what its for. Nudity isn't porn. Fat babes aren't a fetish. Second, I am learning and don't take commissions or requests at this time.

I did the thing. I went out there and explored and experienced and I'm done now. I'm over it. Please just hold me until I fall asleep.

The astronaut: by Loui Jover

Highest form of art: girls

Billy Meier edit by Sara Shakeel

Draw nude bbw?

I'm not sure what you are asking me but I have before and probably will again.

HE CHANGED HIS INSTAGRAM ICON IM DONE