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i fucking hate myself i wanna fucking die i just wanna stop hurting like this with no good escape from the pain i just wanna die pls just let me go im so sick of this

i fucking jhate myself i wanna sdfuming die i jsut wanna stop hurting like thhis with mo good  escape from the pain e i hjust wanna sdie pls just let me go i so sick ion this

i still have to go to school tomorrow my mom doesnt like it when im like this because its disruptive and ugly and gross and makes her stress out and annoys her im so annoying im (??? what was i saying???)

i still have to go to schoio my mom doesnt like it wjhein oim like this becyaue its disruptdibve and uhly and gross and makes her stress out and annoyes her im so annoyingf im nhauyre af

the worst thing is that i made a friend and i like her and we clicked and it was great and it was wonderful but im so bad at being friends with people especially one on one because im so fucking messed up im a mess and she doesnt need that and i feel just convenient and i feel like im intruding im so fucking gross i wanna die i wanna kill myself i wanna disappear  i just wanna stop feeling and worrying and just fucking stop

the wordtt hing tbhought is that i made a friend and i liek her and we clicked and it was great and it was wonderful but im so bad NAT being friends with peoole esdpecuikally oneon one becaies im so fucking mesed up im a nmess and she doesnt need nthat and i feel just conveninrt anfd i liem im intruding im so fjuong gross i wanna  die i wanna kill myshelf i wanna diss apear i just wanna stop feeling and worryiing and jsut fucking stop

i started school last week and um, i just really dont wanna go anymore? i found out that we cant move like i hoped we would and i was so upset by it when i had been so uncaring like i didnt care but i realized i wanted to move and go to that school with all the white kids and be in kansas that makes me so bad and makes it seem like i hate black people but i dont hate black people i just hate being around them im always judged because theres something wrong with my head and its not right its wrong very very wrong and black people dont feel like that they go to church and pray away the sadness and it works because god is real and he helps but i dont believe any of that because if he was things wouldnt be this fucking bad and i thought i would be fine but im not. disasociation nights (i dont know what i was trying to say uh) something else and ive never been like this and im so confused and scared and i want help but everything is bad and im such a nuisance and i cant fucking feel anything like my whole body is freaking out but im not crying and i just want to scream please help me im so tired of this im so tired

i started school last week and um, i just really dont wanna go anymore? i foun d out that we cant move like i hoped we would and i was so upset by it when i had been so unca ring liek i didn t ccare but i realized i was nted to move and go tot hat school with allk the white kids and be in kan samn sand that makes me so bad and makes it seem like i hate back peoeple but i dont hate black people i just hagte being areount htem im alseawya  sjudgedd becdaue therse something wrong with my head and its not right its wrong very veyr wrong anf b lack peole dont feekl likt that they go to church and pray away the saddness and it works becaduse god its real and he helps but i dont belikeve any of that because if he was things wouldnt be this fuckign bad and i thiught i would be fine but im not disasocioatiion nigth uuits like so methign else and ive never beebn ,ike this NAD IImn so confused in so condfued and i scasred and i wasnt help but everything  is cvbad and im such a nnuscian ce ad i cnat gucking feel anyting like mty whol.e body is frwsaking out but im not crying and i jsuyt want to screak please hepl me adim so tired of htis im so tired

.

i fucking jhate myself i wanna sdfuming die i jsut wanna stop hurting like thhis with mo good  escape from the pain e i hjust wanna sdie pls just let me go i so sick ion this

i still have to go to schoio my mom doesnt like it wjhein oim like this becyaue its disruptdibve and uhly and gross and makes her stress out and annoyes her im so annoyingf im nhauyre af

the wordtt hing tbhought is that i made a friend and i liek her and we clicked and it was great and it was wonderful but im so bad NAT being friends with peoole esdpecuikally oneon one becaies im so fucking mesed up im a nmess and she doesnt need nthat and i feel just conveninrt anfd i liem im intruding im so fjuong gross i wanna  die i wanna kill myshelf i wanna diss apear i just wanna stop feeling and worryiing and jsut fucking stop

i started school last week and um, i just really dont wanna go anymore? i foun d out that we cant move like i hoped we would and i was so upset by it when i had been so unca ring liek i didn t ccare but i realized i was nted to move and go tot hat school with allk the white kids and be in kan samn sand that makes me so bad and makes it seem like i hate back peoeple but i dont hate black people i just hagte being areount htem im alseawya  sjudgedd becdaue therse something wrong with my head and its not right its wrong very veyr wrong anf b lack peole dont feekl likt that they go to church and pray away the saddness and it works becaduse god its real and he helps but i dont belikeve any of that because if he was things wouldnt be this fuckign bad and i thiught i would be fine but im not disasocioatiion nigth uuits like so methign else and ive never beebn ,ike this NAD IImn so confused in so condfued and i scasred and i wasnt help but everything  is cvbad and im such a nnuscian ce ad i cnat gucking feel anyting like mty whol.e body is frwsaking out but im not crying and i jsuyt want to screak please hepl me adim so tired of htis im so tired

why am i like this why do i have to suffer through this stupid ass teen angst all by myself because i dont want to burden anyone but it’s so hard and it hurts so bad and i just want to cry until i cant feel anything anymore ever again

i just want to be empty because i know i can never be happy

i just want school to start again so i can have a reason to be so upset and stressed and anxious and empty

i got on tumblr to try and smile at fucking memes or something but then i saw something related to someone young and amazing and i realized how fucking useless i am in this fucking world because all i do is cry and eat all the food in my house

i wish it was easier for me to express myself

i wish it was easier for me to love myself

i wish i could be happy

because honestly, i know no one cares about it

my feelings are too much for everybody i might as well disappear so itll be easier for everybody

i mean, i could continue to endure but im not talkin to anyone about it and even tho i want to its just not working anymore

i cant keep going like this

im not happy and i dont feel like pretending anymore and i know itll all prolly pass but honestly? i dont care

im too sad to care that maybe itll be better in the future