oxblood

im supposed to be more open to variety of experiences, so as to be more zestful. more adventurous? with this in mind i went to the post office to mail three books and was caught off guard by the postman who is always there trying to strike up a conversation about the books i was selling. was not really able to talk to him coherently. later patrick did end up calling but our plans to meet got derailed. i wasnt too inclined to meet with those girls who i have nothing in common with. last time i went everything i said was ignored and when i pressed to get a response i was still mostly ignored. we will meet next weekend in the city and hopefully i can get my medicine while there. now i am reading some camus. the fall. still having consecutive bad dreams. probably resulting from my terrible sleeping habits and always being woken up at 4am to let the cat out. charm is a way of getting the answer yes without having asked any clear question. 

dyspepsia

reading the conquest of happiness by bertrand russell before i ship it off to sunnyside NY. it’s offering me advice that there is nothing so exhausting and futile as indecision. orderly minds think about a matter adequately at the right time rather than inadequately at all times. ok

without you one hour crept 

slowly like a year 

is my life worth while i wept 

when you are not near

michael is away. will be for two more weeks. im down to three pears and one long island cheese pumpkin of the food he left for me. my budgeting is going well. i should probably be more concerned about the number of bugs in my room from the perpetually open window and about the swollen status of my 10 year old laptop's battery. george is still gone. its been over a week now and i hope he never comes back. i tried reading in the living room but it felt unnatural. i removed all of my jars and bowls from my shelf in the kitchen finally. im enjoying that i am the only person bothering to show up for work. im interviewing another tomorrow. i will probably fire laura when she gets back next week.

all troubles stem from the misconception that human brains are located in the head. they are not. human brains are blown in by the winds from somewhere around the caspian sea. 

January 29

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sorry boy

@ p murder’s apartment

january 22

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at work

hermes tux at work

january 15

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diane kaase

sending out my dead aunt’s film for development