rejectedfables
Rejected Fables
shitposts, jokes, and dumb stories, with a smattering of fandom idiocy.
This is your only warning for untagged spoilers, blood, and sexy stuff
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A strange alien doctor stands near the unconscious body of Padme Amidala. “It appears she has lost the will to live.” A older man with a limp hobbles closer with the aid of a cane. “That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard,” says Dr. Gregory House.
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I see Yin Yu and I'm like Quan Yizhen: Just got Shixiong! on the brain 🧠 😌
You and me both, anon
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there are so many books in this beautiful world. many of them bad
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we were absolutely ROBBED of the passive aggressive i-dislike-him-deeply-and-will-be-obvious-about-it-but-he’s-technically-family-and-i-guess-i-trust-him-implicitly-or-whatever in-laws relationship between jin zixuan and wei wuxian that we deserved
wei wuxian at a discussion conference: he may be an arrogant, vain, and unappreciative jerk, but jin zixuan is also slightly less awful than the rest of his sect and he has my full support!
wwx: *turns and gives jzx an unsubtle grin and thumbs up*
jin zixuan: ………………………………………………. thanks, wei wuxian.
wwx and jzx competing over jiang yanli’s attention, or rather:
jzx does something nice for jiang yanli because he loves her and wants to make her happy. to his intense annoyance, as soon as wwx finds out, he makes a big show of getting her something thematically similar but technically grander or more impressive, and then smugly smirking at jzx over jyl’s shoulder.
wwx does something nice for jiang yanli because he loves her and wants to make her happy. when jzx walks into the room, wwx remembers he exists and smirks smugly at him over jyl’s shoulder as if one-upping him was his plan all along.
the first time wwx holds jin ling he bursts into tears and sinks to the floor. jiang cheng walks out of the room immediately, jiang yanli laughs, and jin zixuan stands there surprised and kind of horrified. he reaches out to comfort him until wei wuxian bawls, “a-ling … please don’t grow up as spoiled as your dad ….”
it’s actually wwx who spoils jin ling rotten the most in the end
jin zixuan calls wei wuxian “brother” as a sarcastic jab at one point. he regrets it immediately, when wei wuxian’s head snaps around so fast he’s shocked it didn’t fly off, gives him a maniacal grin, and from that forth on proceeds to loudly and publicly address jin zixuan as his brother at every opportunity. jin zixuan doesn’t hate it.
jiang yanli: i think hanguang-jun may be … fond, of a-xian.
jin zixuan: *choking on his tea* oh??
jyl: it would be nice to see a-xian settled down, but we’re all already so busy with our current responsibilities, and i would hate to lose his company further to marriage.
jzx: … oh?
thus begins jzx’s plotting to set wei wuxian up with lan wangji that eventually culminates in:
wei wuxian: i noticed you’ve been inviting lan zhan to lanling pretty often lately
jin zixuan: *has been carefully arranging lwj’s visits so they coincide with wwx’s* … yes …?
wei wuxian: well, i don’t care how handsome you think he is! you can’t have him! for god’s sake, you’re married already to the most incredible woman in the entire world, when will you be sated? isn’t she already enough?
jzx:
the thing is: jzx logically knows that wwx is only really saying this shit to rile him up. knowing does not make it any less annoying.
things are a little awkward between jin zixuan and jiang cheng, who has grudgingly accepted his sister’s marriage but still side-eyes jzx occasionally in a way that makes it clear that he believes jzx as undeserving of jyl only slightly less than wwx does. however, jiang cheng quickly becomes the more tolerable of jin zixuan’s in-laws when his habit of immediately trying to throttle wei wuxian whenever he opens his mouth comes to light.
when lwj and wwx finally start getting their shit together, jin zixuan is relieved and gratified to discover jiang cheng and - to his surprise - jiang yanli turning testing gazes onto lwj instead. finally, he will no longer be the only oppressed brother-in-law of the jiang family!
this relief lasts right up until the day jin zixuan insinuates to lwj politely over tea that the swords of lanling jin would be quite willing to avenge wei wuxian’s tears if he ever has them, and jzs realizes with abrupt and sudden horror that - oh no. he’s become the overprotective sibling.
wwx: that stupid peacock of a brother of mine is so annoying! always getting in my business and sending me tired looks at discussion conferences and saying “could you please be a little less obnoxious wei wuxian, or for the love of all that is good i will lock myself in my room and scream into my pillow for thirty minutes straight”! who does he think he is, jiang cheng?
lwj: you like him
wwx: *angrily* maybe so!
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The landlord fears the urban oyster mushroom farmer
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What’s the consensus on what Hua Cheng did with the statues?
It may be controversial, but I suspect it was hornier than whatever Luo Binghe was doing with Shen Qingqiu’s corpse…dressing it every morning, making it breakfast, and sobbing.
Like, I don’t think Hua Cheng actually did anything untoward with the statues, but he probably had thoughts about maybe, just maybe, kissing a hand, or a cheek, or — Anyway, he would feel very guilty about having such thoughts and atone for a long time...until the thoughts inevitably sprung up again, leading to more atonement. Basically, just an endless cycle of horny atonement.
#hob#I disagree and wholeheartedly think he did horny things on/near/with the statues#but I do think there was cyclical horny atonement happening as well
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The real saw trap is reading an incredibly wrong take about your blorbo and seeing that it’s actually very popular
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