managing creative envy

Just like in other areas of our lives, it's easy to be jealous of others when we create in fandom spaces and post online - the online aspect of fandom just offers more opportunities for it. Hits, kudos, comments, reblogs. Whatever unit of measurement you look at, there's always some number out there ready to tell you who's "better" and who's "worse" at whatever creative endeavor you engage in.

Except that none of those numbers actually gauge skill or quality.

When we're jealous of those numbers, what we actually wish we had isn't bigger numbers, it's attention. Reassurance. Excitement. Community. Whether the number is 5 or 5000, that's what it represents. We want those things and that other person has more of them, and so we end up jealous.

To manage that jealousy, we need to understand what we need and then find ways to get it. It might not come from posting on AO3, but maybe it comes from a local writer's group. Maybe there's someone in your life that you wish cared a little more about your "silly stories" and took you more seriously when you spoke about writing. Maybe what's missing isn't related to writing at all and it's more about having someone who cares about you and thinks you're important.

But numbers are just one thing to be jealous of. Perhaps the envy is instead because of another person's abilities. They come up with such interest plots! They have such fun ideas! They always have the perfect words, the singing phrases. For them it's easy, and for me it's just impossible!

Whether it's easy for them or not isn't what's making us envious, though. It's not about them and their abilities at all. It's about feeling like our own skills are lacking. The envy comes in because that person has what we want and don't yet have.

If we want to get past this type of envy, we need to refocus our energy away from being sad or angry or hopeless because another person is able to do something. Focus instead on celebrating the things we already do well. Take the time to notice improvements. Identify specific things we want to do better, and figure out how to learn. Remember, asking for help is always an option - and it might even lead to that feeling of community that might be lacking too.

Emotions are information that we need to take the time to interpret. Take the time to reflect on what's causing it. Find the thing that's missing from your experience and then figure out how to fill the gap.

one thing about me is that i will lose my mind about the personification of the house

Goncharov (1973)

do any of you ever reach a point in your hyperfixation where you like it so much that you start feeling like you actually can't interact with it because of how much you like it. does that make any sense at all. like the idea of watching the show becomes unappealing not because your love for it is flagging but because you feel like you don't have the strength that day to contain your own excitement about it so you have to wait for a day where you don't feel so wholly consumed it makes you sick

Frank O'Hara, from “Biotherm (for Bill Berkson)”, The Collected Poems

OKAY. I’m an “I love you” truther when it comes to what Satoru said to Suguru as his last words. It would work in both Japanese and English as three syllables. (大好き “daisuki” is what I think it is, but it could still be 愛してる “aishiteru” simply bc both work with Satoru’s lip movement).

But, in spirit of playing devil’s advocate, I have something else that works.

“I’m sorry.”

In Japanese, the way he would have said it for it to fit would have been a very informal way one uses with close friends/family/significant others.

ごめんね “gomenne”.

I watched the scene in the movie back and the lip movement matches so well.

It would work with the context of the light novel, and Suguru’s reaction too. Something that had never been said before, something that made him blush. Satoru never said “I’m sorry”. He would say “my bad” or “you’re not at fault”, but never “I’m sorry.” The weight of him saying that, of him taking the blame for everything that happened in Suguru’s final moments would cause Suguru to get flustered and feel self-conscious.

Wow.

“i was thinking about how i don’t actually have anything of my own that i can keep. i very luckily have some material things, but every material thing goes away eventually. they can get lost, broken, stolen or just deteriorate, including my body. once i die this will all become nothing. and i was thinking about what do i have that’s really actually mine? that can’t be taken away? and i know this is corny but this love that i feel in me, that i’ve created in me, that i’ve built in me, held on to—it’s mine for as long as i want it, for as long as i don’t give it up or let the world take it away from me. and i really do believe that to love is the best thing i ever did in my life. better than any song i've ever written, any achievement by far. to love is truly the best and most beautiful thing i ever did. and then as i was thinking about that, i started thinking about how sad it was that once i die, i couldn’t leave behind this most beautiful thing that i have. i guess it sort of dies with me. so i wanted to write a song about how i wish that when i die i could at least leave all this love behind in the world.”

mitski explains her new song “my love mine all mine”

Certain words can change your brain forever and ever so you do have to be very careful about it.

fanart for @yuki-mxivo‘s time travel fix-it! read it here. i'll be honest, suguru getting his ass beat by maki was something i didn't know i needed.

or as someone on discord so eloquently put it- top ten anime betrayals.

Something ice-cold runs down Suguru’s spine. The broth feels tasteless on his tongue. He speaks like…

Like Suguru is dead. Like Suguru died. Slowly, things slot into place, silently clicking. The realization is cold. Maybe some part of him already knew. The infirmary no longer carries lozenges and the students didn’t recognize him and Gojō keeps watching him.

fanart for @yuki-mxivo‘s time travel fic, carry me home! chapter 2 really hit me like a brick.

geto was only sixteen during the star plasma vessel arc and seventeen during his defection, breaking down after carrying too much weight when he was only a teenager… i’m always weak for whenever that got addressed. he was so young. :-(

doodled a part of @yuki-mxivo’s stsg time travel fic that i love sm!! teen gojo has no tact AT ALL and it’s the funniest thing ever

meanwhile geto in the background watching this all go down:

I just saw Descendants 3 tonight and tell me why I never saw that they added a dedication to Cameron Boyce at the end of it😭 i’m now sobbing at 3am😭

@fandom-but-chaotic @willowtheaspie here are some of my favorite endgame fix-its! they’re all irondad except for like two? i hope that’s okay!

https://archiveofourown.org/works/28232490#main

https://archiveofourown.org/works/32997778

https://archiveofourown.org/works/18828451

https://archiveofourown.org/works/31609184#main

https://archiveofourown.org/works/31532228#bookmark-form

https://archiveofourown.org/works/32713006#bookmark-form

https://archiveofourown.org/works/30164136/chapters/74314020#main

https://archiveofourown.org/works/17539505/chapters/41328032

https://archiveofourown.org/works/28254612#bookmark-form

https://archiveofourown.org/works/19009459#main

Everytime I see a Cap Stan say "Steve didn't know it was Bucky. Him and Nat only knew it was Hydra." I want to scream.

You are literally saying that Steve and Nat knew Hydra killed the Starks and chose not to tell Tony. If they didn't know it was the Winter Soldier, and therefore didn't know it was Bucky, then that means they were PROTECTING HYDRA!!!!

This is not the "Steve is a good guy" point you think it is. This makes Steve soooooo much worse.

For those confused, I'm not saying Steve is Hydra. I'm saying cap stans saying "He didn't know it was Bucky." are saying he wasn't protecting Bucky by not telling Tony.

Either he knew it was Bucky and was protecting him, or he didn't know it was Bucky and he was hiding Hydra's crime for no reason. Both are shitty and wrong, but protecting Bucky, or literally anyone, over Tony actually lines up with his past actions.

Hi! Do you have any fanfic recs for anti!Steve & anti!Wanda? I'm in the mood for some hate. And AO3 doesn't have a good tagging system for those tags smh 😒

Hi anon, so here's some of what I have bookmarked

let's start with gen:

Enough Rope -> morally grey Tony/Pepper/Rhodey friendship. It focuses more on the politics of the accords and leans into the media angle. highly recommend.

And all that's best of dark and bright -> I don't wanna spoil anything on this one but it's VERY good and I recommend binging if possible. It has a happy ending but can get very heavy so be mindful of the tags and warnings. It's fem!Tony and I think it's important to point out that it's not friendly to Pepper or Happy and it somewhat explores the topic of toxic/abusive relationships.

Tony Stark is Not a Supervillain (But his Poker Group All Are) -> Short and crack. Not a lot to say about this one because of the size but it's very very funny.

now with some couple stuff:

Such Sweet Revenge -> Winteriron! not Wanda or Steve friendly (none of these fics are but this one has the characters play roles in it). One of the best Winteriron fics out there (trust me I've read many of them), it's focused on the relationship and not on the fallout of civil war.

How Big, How Blue, How Beautiful -> Ironfrost!! Tony makes a new team, Loki is in it and they start a relationship. Very very very not team cap friendly, especially not Wanda friendly.

Till Now -> Starkquill soulmate AU where the guardians get Tony from Siberia! the interactions between them are excellent and very funny but it's focused on the group and not on the civil war fallout. There's still anti Steve interaction but it's not a lot.

In case you haven't noticed by now, most of these fics are complete. If you're down for unfinished stuff but still very good regardless, (Iron Is A) Star Killer and (I Fought The War) The War Won are my top picks. Both are Winteriron and Tony's characterization is on point (as it is in every rayshippouuchiha fic lol they understand the assignment)

Hope you enjoy these!