Yeah, so, uhm ... I still need to be sworn in by the court next month, but I passed the bar exam. This means that by the end of October, I can start calling myself an attorney. Lawyer. Esquire.

I have to keep saying it out loud and writing it down because it doesn't feel real yet. Also, I have been mildly panicking about the additional responsibility at work. I was really good at my old paralegal job, but soon I will be a baby attorney who knows NOTHING.

Yeesh. Deep breaths. This is a very good thing. It will just take some time to adjust.

Wonderful birthday and Valentine's Day brunch with Hugh. My tummy is full of smoked salmon with capers and beef short ribs and crusty bread and French onion soup (and maybe some brioche French toast). It wasn't the healthiest meal, but it was so tasty. Bonus - we found a good place here in town for future date nights. So much more city to explore; so many more adventures to be had. Right now, though, it's back to studying for the bar ...

Studying for the bar exam is no joke. Seriously, it’s kind of the worst. I’m talking 8-9 hours of studying every day, not counting however long it takes you to make notecards and do practice questions and write essays. So … let’s say 10-12 hours a day. Plus your “real” job, if you have one (I do). No break on the weekends, either - you have to do this every day, or else you fall behind. I’m already trailing a little with the holidays, but thankfully not by too much.

I’m trying to stay positive about this brief moment in time, as Hugh calls it, but it is SO TAXING. I don’t know how I’m going to keep up this pace for another seven weeks. Lots of caffeine, I suppose. I’ve done a good job thus far of staying hydrated and eating healthy foods and sleeping when I can. I don’t want to have to take it again if I fail, so that’s keeping me focused. And they are already making plans for my transition to an attorney job, so … I can’t let them down. That would be worst of all, I think - all the sad, disappointed faces of the people who have put their faith in me.

February 2017, you are going to be an interesting month.

This art was one of my favorite things about Dishonored 2.

Art by Piotr Jabłoński

Happy Holidays, everyone! 

They grow up so fast

Watched this today for the first time in probably ten years. It reminded me so much of Bioshock, which I've been itching to play again since the re-release. And it was the perfect movie for a cold and gloomy Saturday afternoon.

Dark City (1998)

We signed a lease and officially have a new place to live: a three-story townhouse located about five minutes (1.1 miles) from my office.

There are two bedrooms, two full baths, an office we plan to use as a guest room, and two powder rooms - that’s right, FOUR bathrooms total, kind of insane. It's approximately 2200 square feet and has hardwood floors throughout (except the bedrooms, which have carpet). Also: beautiful tall ceilings on every floor with elaborate crown molding. Also: a fireplace with a mantle that covers an entire wall. Also a foyer! A garage! A fridge with double doors!

It is very adult and very much a step up for us and we are very, very excited. I’m still in corporate housing for the moment, but I’ve been stopping by the new place every day or so just to take it all in. The plan right now is to rent for one year, then buy a house. That … is kind of terrifying. Yet really cool. Hugh and I have been living together since 2008, but a house will be new for us. Just one more adventure, I guess!

First weekend alone in a big new city. Woke up early and found one of the larger farmers markets here, not far from where I’m staying. It was too hot, and I hadn’t brought any bags with me to carry much back, but I loved what I saw - fresh fruits and local honey, breads and pastries, buckets and buckets of the prettiest pastel-colored flowers.

I may catch a movie tonight, or stay in and cook something; haven’t decided yet. It’s been difficult being here by myself - I’m not used to that - but I’m staying busy and hoping to make some new friends soon. And there is so much to do here! It’s exciting and scary in equal parts at the same time.

Edited to add: It is sickening how much I miss the boyfriend. He can’t move up here soon enough. These flights back home once every two week aren’t going to cut it for long…

Well, I guess we’re moving! I haven’t accept the offer yet (they’re revising it this weekend to reflect some changes I negotiated), but I will do so next week.

Highlights: a salary increase of $30k (… she says in utter disbelief); all relocation and packing of household goods paid, plus transportation of cars and a lump sum of about $8k; a clause that they will give me an attorney title when I pass the bar; a clause that my salary will increase again when I become an attorney; and full payment of all bar fees and bar study courses.

I still don’t feel like it’s real. I honestly thought the salary would be too low or they wouldn’t be willing to bump me into an attorney role or … something. As it turned out, I barely had to negotiate - actually, I just requested things and they were given to me, so I suppose technically I didn’t negotiate at all. It was surreal and wonderful and terrifying. I keep waking up in the middle of the night and waiting for the other shoe to drop. I don’t think I’ve ever had so many good things happen all at once. I feel like the luckiest person alive.

Now we just have a million things to do before we leave the state, including finding Hugh a job. As my “domestic partner,” he’s entitled to a job placement service, which you can bet we’re taking advantage of ASAP. He also gets a free trip up there with me to speak to a realtor - again, all paid. Lots to look forward to, and lots of planning to do, but he’s keeping me grounded and (somewhat) free from overwhelming stress. I’m so excited to see what’s in store these next few months!

If I ever woke up crying in the middle of a dream, and I’m not saying I did, it’s because the trout are gone every one. Brookies, rainbows, browns, cutthroats, cutbows, every one. The tiger left, the elephant, the apes, the baboon, the cheetah. The titmouse, the frigate bird, the pelican (gray), the whale (gray), the collared dove. Sad but. Didn’t cry until the last trout swam upriver looking for maybe cooler water. Melissa, my wife, was an old hippy. Not that old. She looked good. In this story she might have been Eve, but I’m not Adam. I am more like Cain. They didn’t have a brother like me. Did you ever read the Bible? I mean sit down and read it like it was a book? Check out Lamentations. That’s where we’re at, pretty much. Pretty much lamenting. Pretty much pouring our hearts out like water.

Peter Heller, The Dog Stars (2012)

Found a used copy of this book last weekend, started it on the ride home, finished it in three sittings. Probably the best thing I've read in the last few years. Really loved it.

Today is Hugh's birthday! We're going to make homemade pizza for dinner, then settle in for a movie. Lately, he's been the one doing all the cooking (and cleaning and folding laundry and feeding the cats...) while I finish up my evening classes. It'll be nice to put on some music and chop veggies and make something together. I'm very much looking forward to it!

Sitting in class huddled in Hugh’s over-sized green hoodie wishing time would move a little faster tonight.  Everyone looks exhausted.  How did we survive our first year here, when we had to stay past 9:00 PM every night after a full day at work?  We were all running on nerves then, I guess.  Terror kept us perpetually awake.

I have one and a half weeks of class remaining, then three finals, then graduation.  Before the end of this month, I should know more about what’s happening in June.  Either we move, or we don’t.  I’m not sure I have strong feelings one way or the other, although the move could potentially be very good for my career.  

We should be somewhere new by late this year or early next, regardless.  That’s something we’ve been working towards for a very long time.

Slater’s bridge, Little Langdale, Lake District, England by Jason Connolly

Flew out of state today for work. I was born in the city, but we moved when I was still an infant, so obviously I have no memories of the place. First impressions: Very green, very clean, very young, very rich. I wouldn’t say it felt like an immediate fit for us, but it would be a good baby step towards Chicago, as Hugh put it.

I guess we’ll see what next week’s job offer will bring. My top three concerns right now are:

1) That I continue to have my own office. This new building is amazing, with lots of Google-type perks, but it’s a mix of private offices and “open concept workspaces.” I do NOT want to work in a glorified cube and have zero privacy.

2) That I get at least a $15k salary increase. I’m going to ask for $25k more, because I know that’s fair for my education/experience. But they’ve been cheap lately, so I don’t know if they’ll bite.

3) That there are some really good jobs nearby for Hugh. (This one kinda goes without saying).

The possibility of moving and the certainty that law school is ending have both been weighing heavily on my mind these past few weeks. I’m so eager to just be settled for a while. Getting there will be really nice.