This man has had too many jobs. He’s sold tomato’s from a cart, worked as a van boy for a bakery, cleaned toilets and ‘grass cutting foreman’ at army bases, washed dishes, projectionist in cinema (gave entire spiel about the spiels lol), at a bar (with old barrel sizes), some farming, and in the clay pits. And those are just the ones he mentioned today. Oh and for some of those he was paid 10 shillings or 50 pence for a days work. Which was apprentky good money in those days.

I have high suspicions that he is autistic. I was explaining why I don’t want to work in a supermarket (too loud, too bright, too people) and he said the he understood that because especially when he was my age (and still now) he struggled with that as well. And then went on to describe his granddaughter having the same reaction to jobs of that nature. Oh and he was complaining about a multi-storey car park not being straight enough :/ Also all his odd hobbies and the way he drives etc.

he is still not a fan of the train strikes and think train drivers are paid enough already. he appears to be a bit anti union anti socialist and anti communist :/ like he’s 83 I understand why he’s got those opinions about the last two. But my guy unions? Really? Right as we’re driving past Tolpuddle as well (look up Tolpuddle Martyrs for context). he is not a fan of cyclists. He thinks they are

hselfish about road use. tbf to him we got stuck behind cyclists 3 times in 1 hour.

he plays Spotify from his computer but thinks the sound from his CD player is better. I mentioned singing for a wedding and how I sung 3 different parts for 3 different songs (soprano, alto, and tenor). He made a vauge comment about how I have a fairly high voice. He remains oblivious to my queerness. he has hand bound some of his own poetry.

he got in his little weekly rant about ‘woke’. This weeks edition was trigger warnings. And how the news has trigger warnings now because people are so wet nowadays. And also that TV shows have got a lot more graphic in every way. and I was trying to explain that actual dead body on news is very different to an actor pretending to be dead with fake blood.

In better news, he talked about imagining alternate ends to shows. As if it was something novel and unusual. If this man had been born just 70 years later he would be an amazing fan girl. He would love to write fanfic I just know it. He would be writing poetry about his fave ships, and overlaying it on gifsets.

Please drop more Old Man lore I gotta know what else he's been up to

lol. Ok I’ll go over the stuff I’ve mentioned before as well.

This man is 83 years old (I got it wrong last time) and gives me a lift to bookbinding every other week or so. It’s an hour both ways and so lots of time for chatting. He is called Dave. 30% of old men are called Dave. I have zero fear of him ever seeing this bc I don’t think he even owns a mobile phone.

1) the first time he drove me he informed me he doesn’t like ‘this woke brigade nonsense’. He is completely unaware that I am trans and thinks I am just a cis boy who failed at puberty. I am looking forward to seeing his face when I drop that I have a boyfriend.

2) He has several hobbies including ballroom dancing, gliding, and writing poetry. He regularly tries to persuade me to take up gliding. I do not have the money to take up gliding.

3) He met his wife when they were teens and they’re still together.

4) He drives like he’s gliding. It really strange and apparently his wife hates it. As he’s approaching a roundabout he will take his foot of the accelerator several hundred meters in advance so the friction of the car on the road will do most of the deceleration for him. He has so far explained this to me 3 times.

5) He’s lived in our county (in England) his entire life.

6) We have an army firing range where he lived as a child. When the soldiers had finished shooting him and his mates would go down and collect the cases and spent bullets. They then melted them down in an old saucepan. The indents in the tops of bricks were used to pour the molten lead into to make solid blocks. These blocks were then sold to the greengrocer for a few pence. This they used to buy sweets. He described doing this at age 6.

7) He used 6 as an example of what kids should be doing instead of playing on their phones all day.

8) ‘Before phones, we were kicked out onto the street in the morning and played with whoever was about until supper’. Sir you were unsupervised children playing with lead and ammunition.

9) In the same conversation as 6 he talked about how there ‘too much health and safety nowadays’. He did not seem to see the irony.

10) Last time I saw he I mentioned I had to do some research about Americans in my county during WWII. He then proceeded to talk about his few memories of WWII (he was a toddler during it). He told me about ‘siren suits’. After much questioned he basically said it was a onesie that mothers found easily dress their toddlers in if there was an air raid. Bc you do not have time to put socks on a child during an air raid so they get dumped in the human shaped sack.

11) He also talked about how he got stuck in a blizzard one time for two days. In England. I can’t remember what year. I don’t know why he was trying to walk anywhere in the middle of a blizzard. But the first night he slept inside a snow covered haystack. The second night it was so cold that he would have probably died of frostbite/hypothermia if he did that so he walked all night instead. He dropped this casually in conversation like it was nbd.

I may update this if I remember other stuff or find out more.

@dead-immortal you doing good there bud?

sometimes i wish the gay people in my phone were gay people in my house. where i could give them snacks and blankets and hear the sound of their laughter

nasa employee: oh hey u guys are back early  astronaut: moon's stuck in a time loop.  nasa employee: what?  astronaut: *loading a pistol and getting back on the rocket-ship* moon’s stuck in a time loop.

nasa employee: oh hey u guys are back early  astronaut: moon's stuck in a time loop.  nasa employee: what?  astronaut: *loading a pistol* moon’s stuck in a time loop. do you have extra ammo? this won’t be enough. nasa employee: enough for…what? astronaut: *finding extra clip of ammo, pocketing it, and getting back on the rocket-ship* don’t worry about it!

nasa employee: oh hey u guys are back early  astronaut: moon's stuck in a time loop. nasa employee: what?  astronaut: *emerging from supply closet with a space harpoon, getting back on the rocket-ship* moon’s stuck in a time loop.

nasa employee: oh hey u guys are back early  astronaut:   oh hey u guys are back early astronaut: moon's stuck in a time loop.  nasa employee: what?  astronaut: what?  nasa employee: how did you know what i was going to say?  astronaut: *punching in key pad code for base evacuation signal, getting back on the rocket-ship* i told you…moon’s stuck in a time loop. *red warning lights begin flashing*

nasa employee: oh hey u guys are back early  astronaut: moon's stuck in a time loop.  nasa employee: what?  astronaut: *rifling thru bookshelf of operating instructions, selecting one that says “AIRLOCK MANUAL OVERRIDE INSTRUCTIONS,” getting back on the rocket-ship* moon’s stuck in a time loop.

nasa employee: oh hey u guys are back early  astronaut: moon's stuck in a time loop.  nasa employee: what?  astronaut: moon’s stuck in a time loop. hey, do you have anything to eat? i’m starving. *opens random drawer, finds nothing, closes it* nasa employee: a time loo- uh, we don’t have food in here…we can’t…eat in the control room, only the break-room. astronaut: *sighs* nasa employee:…my lunch is in like 10 minutes, though, and if my lunch is actually STILL THERE and not STOLEN, AGAIN, i can share it with yo- astronaut: nah, that’s ok…no time. *loading a pistol and getting back on the rocket-ship* or…too much time. but thanks, anyway. OK, bye! *alarm begins blaring* nasa employee: you’re…welcome? wait, a TIME LOOP?!

nasa employee: oh hey u guys are back early  astronaut: yup. nasa employee: …?  astronaut: *sitting down next to nasa employee* so…do you ever like…wonder what the meaning of life is? the secrets of the universe? nasa employee: aren’t you supposed to be ON the MOON?! *alarm begins blaring* nasa employee: hey, what the hell is that? astronaut: that’s the code red override klaxon. moon’s stuck in a time loop. oh, and there’s an explosion imminent. But don’t worry, we can deal with that tomorrow. So, you have any siblings? *pulls beer out of space suit, cracks tab* want a drink?

nasa employee: oh hey u guys are back early  astronaut: do you know frank in IT? nasa employee: what?  astronaut: do you know frank, who works in IT?  nasa employee: yeah, but why are you guys back so early?  astronaut: moon’s stuck in a time loop. call frank, tell him there’s a virus in the security patch and the system’s compromised. then get the hell out of the base.  nasa employee: wait what? what? where are you guys going?  astronaut: *loading a pistol and getting back on the rocket-ship* back to the moon. it’s stuck in a time loop. call frank!  nasa employee: *picks up phone* ugh, straight to voicemail. i wonder wha- *alarm begins blaring*

nasa employee: oh hey u guys are back early  astronaut: *grim silence* nasa employee: i said, you guys are back early…hey, what are you…?  astronaut: *randomly opening drawers until they find a pair of scissors and some duct tape, getting back on the rocket-ship* moon’s stuck in a time loop.

nasa employee: oh hey u guys are back early  astronaut: moon's stuck in a time loop.  nasa employee: what?  astronaut: *loading a pistol and getting back on the rocket-ship* moon’s stuck in a time loop. *sticks head back out the door of the rocket-ship* by the way, if you go to the break-room in exactly 2 minutes and 45 seconds, you’ll catch the person who’s been stealing your lunches for the past two weeks. nasa employee: what?! WHO IS IT?! *alarm begins blaring* nasa employee: *running for the break-room* FUCK!!!!

nasa employee: oh hey u guys are back early  astronaut: moon's stuck in a time loop.  nasa employee: what?  astronaut: *sits down, sighs, pulls a beer out from their spacesuit* moon’s stuck in a time loop. nasa employee: …ok, and? hang on, how did you get a beer? you can’t have that in here. astronaut: what do you know about project floyd? nasa employee: I mean, the usual amount? i’m not really on the project anymore, why?  *alarm begins blaring*  astronaut: COME WITH ME TO THE ROCKET-SHIP, we don’t have ti-

nasa employee: oh hey u guys are back early  astronaut: yeah. moon's stuck in a time loop.  nasa employee: what?  astronaut: *loading a pistol and getting back on the rocket-ship* moon’s stuck in a time loop. see you tomorrow. maybe. nasa employee: WHAT?!

nasa employee: oh hey u guys are back early  astronaut: moon's stuck in a time loop.  nasa employee: what?  astronaut: *sighs, rubs hands over face, and loads pistol, before getting back on the rocket-ship* moon’s stuck in a time loop. and, uh…you should call your mother like you’ve been meaning to. and tell her you’re not actually mad and that you will come to dinner tonight. you’re gonna be hungry. nasa employee: wait, what? WHAT?? how do you know my mom?! why am i gonna be - *alarm begins blaring* 

nasa employee: oh hey u guys are back early  astronaut: moon's stuck in a time loop.  nasa employee: what? astronaut: *grabbing two pistols, an extra box of ammo, a pair of scissors, some duct tape, a space harpoon, and a booklet of operating instructions that says “AIRLOCK MANUAL OVERRIDE INSTRUCTIONS,” starting to get back on the rocket-ship, but dropping everything with a horrendous clatter* FUCK! goddamn moon’s stuck in a time loop. *alarm begins blaring*

nasa employee: oh hey u guys are back early  astronaut: moon's stuck in a time loop.  nasa employee: what? also, hey, where’d you get that duffel bag? astronaut: *grabbing two pistols, an extra box of ammo, a pair of scissors, some duct tape, a space harpoon, and a booklet of operating instructions that says “AIRLOCK MANUAL OVERRIDE INSTRUCTIONS,” shoving them into the bag, and getting back on the rocket-ship* moon’s stuck in a time loop.

nasa employee: oh hey u guys are back earl-  astronaut: *grabs nasa employee and kisses them passionately*  nasa employee: what? WHAT?! astronaut: *loading a single pistol and getting back on the rocket-ship* moon’s stuck in a time loop, sweetheart.  nasa employee: what?!? astronaut: a time loop!!! i love you!!! get out of the base!!! stay alive!!! nasa employee: *presses fingers to lips, confused but intrigued, as alarm begins blaring* 

nasa employee:…. nasa employee:… nasa employee: ho hum what a regular day at the office *alarm begins blaring* nasa employee: what the hell is that?!

nasa employee: oh hey u guys are back earl-  astronaut: *grabs nasa employee and kisses them passionately*  nasa employee: what? what?! WHAT!?!? also, hey, where’d you get that duffel bag? astronaut: *grabbing two pistols, an extra box of ammo, a pair of scissors, some duct tape, a space harpoon, and a booklet of operating instructions that says “AIRLOCK MANUAL OVERRIDE INSTRUCTIONS,” shoving them into the bag, then cupping nasa employee’s cheek with free hand* moon’s stuck in a time loop. nasa employee: the moon’s stuck in a what?! astronaut: a time loop, sweetheart, but we don’t have much time ourselves, so you have to listen to me RIGHT now nasa employee: *faintly* …“sweetheart”?! astronaut: in 2 minutes and a few seconds, you need to go into the break-room and find frank. nasa employee: wait, frank from IT? astronaut: yes. nasa employee: how do you know he’s gonna be in the break-room? i can’t just call him at his desk right now? astronaut: how do i know this?! because, one, time loop, ok? and…also…because…heismaybetheguywhohasbeenstealingyourlunchfortwoweeks nasa employee: that BASTARD i KNEW it astronaut: BUT THAT’S NOT WHAT’S IMPORTANT RIGHT NOW. hey! listen to me! go in there, catch him red-handed with your burrito, and tell him lunch is on you FOREVER if he goes RIGHT NOW and checks the last security patch - because there’s a virus and the whole system’s compromised. then you need to get the hell out of this base, ok? nasa employee: …ok. ok. and…and what about you? astronaut: *cocking pistol and getting back into rocket-ship with duffel bag* me? i’m gonna shoot for the moon.

EPILOGUE:

nasa employee: so, how many loops in total? astronaut: i mean, it was hard to keep track. somewhere around six months, if i had to guess. nasa employee: damn. astronaut: yeah. nasa employee: and in those six MONTHS, the best zinger you came up with was “shoot for the moon”? astronaut: hey, you know what, i had some other stuff on my mind! nasa employee: i mean, i guess. it sounded like you found time to flirt with me each time. astronaut: yeah, like i said. other stuff on my mind. *they look at each other, blush, and look away* astronaut: sooooooo. you’re sure your mom is cool with me coming over for dinner? nasa employee: can’t make the day any weirder. plus, i owe you for ratting out frank, right? astronaut: he did help us save the world; we can’t be too mad at him. nasa employee: you’ve had a little while to get over it, i might need some more time. and it wasn’t even your food! astronaut: ok, that’s fair. what if i buy you lunch to make up for it? nasa employee: hmm, when? astronaut: tomorrow? nasa employee: well, i’ll have left overs from my mom, and you might too if you play your cards right. day after tomorrow? astronaut: honestly, anytime is good for me.

*FADE TO BLACK*

genuine q if u wanna answer it: do u consider having sex w a strap & telling someone/letting them assume ur a cis guy is sexual assault? ive seen some ppl talking abt transmascs doing that & it being rape & i wanna hear ur opinion

no. and asserting that it is is a HUGE transphobic talking point.

it’s something people got from stone butch blues and just ran with. but there’s like one in a bajillion chance of this ever happening in real life bc trans ppl tend to get fucking murdered even when we do disclose, so most of us would be too terrified to do this anyway, even if it was better for our dysphoria. there’s also the fact that like. it would be VERY obvious for most people if the person they were having sex with was using a strap on versus a penis connected to their body. so all the fearmongering about this is just ridiculous.

if this post reaches 100k notes by Halloween I will read Homestuck

"x ship is normalizing incest-"

Buddy

If game of thrones hasn't normalized incest by now (pulling over 10 million views in the 7th season alone) then a small fandom ship most certainly won't

ok so hear me out

For a gallon of elderberry wine, I take one teaspoon full of arsenic, then add half a teaspoon full of strychnine, and then just a pinch of cyanide.

The original tweet is the corniest thing I’ve ever fucking seen

the thing about cracking open a long-established popular ship tag on ao3 is that it allows you to be extraordinarily picky, and i think it must be the closest thing i will ever experience to being filthy rich. i scroll along at super speed like no today i am only interested in fics with this precise range of words and one of these three tags. only authors i’ve heard of, please. hmm, i suppose i could consider an unknown quantity given its apparent popularity with the people, but… no, no, this summary doesn’t do it for me. no particular reason, it’s just… eh, i don’t need to explain myself. bring me 50 more like this for me to choose from and we’ll see.

It’s actually insane that our 80 year old, lifelong Catholic, cis male president is more accepting and defensive of trans people than a huge chunk of this website.

please read the best twitter story i’ve seen all week

Demons and monsters that torture people because they feed on human suffering are so dumb. People are suffering everywhere my guy go literally any place and take a deep whiff.

Although I write extremely rarely and only when it's unavoidable (last thing I wrote was my CV), I prefer to write the to be filled in later sections in red font. When glancing at your document it makes it more obvious where you need to fill stuff in.

YES.

Okay, here's my idea:

The British should put a time limit on the Monarchy.

Not like declaring a republic tomorrow, but deciding on a date in the future that ends the British Monarchy.

And there's a perfect date for it coming up!

October 14th, 2066.

A thousand years since the Battle of Hastings. A thousand years of this one specific bloodline ruling England.

Call time on the Monarchy after exactly one thousand years. Nice, and neat.

Even better: Charles isn't living 44 years. He'll be gone in about twenty. Now William? He's what, 40? Yeah, he can live another 44 years. His great grandmother was over a hundred, his granny was 96, William can make it to 84 barring accident or assassination.

So on October 14th 2066, William the Last steps down a thousand years after William the First won the crown.

Nice, neat, and fair. William gets the crown he's been waiting forty years for already, but ten-year-old George grows up without expectation of it.

Have a nice big abdication ceremony, even.