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I called out of work due to covid for two weeks, had a panic attack and took a mental health day the week after that, and now im calling out again the week after THAT because I was in the emergency room due to cervical strain, and im so mad that capitalism is so ingrained in me that im mostly just worried that i am an ~unreliable ~~ employee and bc daycares have a staffing shortage bc we’re paid NINE to TWELVE AN HOUR in this economy, i gotta bear the brunt of that, feeling so bad when i have to call out
i just feel so angry, all the time.
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Social justice should be rooted in love of others but it’s obvious a lot of people just weaponizing social justice to be bullies and borderline abusive under the guise of moral concerns
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humans literally evolved to have a heightened sense of taste in childhood because smaller bodies are more sensitive to poison and adults are just like “nah kids are Picky Eaters™ specifically to annoy me”
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overstimulation/sensory overload really is like sorry I can’t hear you over the sound of my shirt tag being itchy and these two strands of hair touching my face and the tv and one of my shoelaces being undone and air touching me and the plane flying overhead and my own thoughts about remembering to buy hummus
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Does anyone who struggles with an anxiety disorder shame themselves because things that used to be easy now seem so challenging?
I’m flying home and I have all these nerves. I’ve flown home like 100 times. I’ve literally flown to New Zealand. I’ve literally PILOTED A PLANE. And jumped out of one. Why do I have these nerves? It’s like the disruption to my daily routine that’s giving me nerves. Nervous because I’m only home for a few days and I have assignments due during that time, and I want to see people but there’s Covid, and I have to make a decision about grad school while I’m home, so I’m sure that’s all building up.
But I decided to transfer to UNCW on my own and don’t remember ever feeling this confused or scared. I survived a semester of full time work and full time school before. I’m completed school assignments while being home visiting friends and family and traveling before. Why does it feel so difficult to function, like it’s all too much.
I’ve handled so much more. I’m beating myself up because I feel like there’s no reason to feel this stressed out. I didn’t use to be like this. While I feel I manage my anxiety really well day to day, whenever something changes in my routine I feel all out of sorts. I used to crave change. I don’t understand why I’m like this.
Maybe I’ve gotten too comfortable.
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How Black and White Thinking Hurts You
(and What You Can Do to Change It)
Black and white thinking is the tendency to think in extremes: I am a brilliant success, or I am an utter failure. My boyfriend is an angel, or He’s the devil incarnate. This thought pattern, which the American Psychological Association also calls dichotomous or polarized thinking, is considered a cognitive distortion because it keeps us from seeing the world as it often is: complex, nuanced, and full of all the shades in between.
An all-or-nothing mindset doesn’t allow us to find the middle ground. And let’s face it: There’s a reason most people don’t live on Everest or in the Mariana Trench. It’s hard to sustain life at those extremes. Most of us engage in dichotomous thinking from time to time. In fact, some experts think this pattern may have its origins in human survival — our fight or flight response. But if thinking in black and white becomes a habit, it can:
• hurt your physical and mental health
• sabotage your career
• cause disruption in your relationships
(Note: There is conversation in the sexual health and mental health fields about NOT referring to dichotomous or polarized thinking in terms of ‘black and white thinking’ as it could be interpreted as referring color and race. More often, professionals refer to it as extremes or polarizations.)
Here, we discuss:
• how to recognize polarized thoughts
• what they could be telling you about your health
• what you can do to develop a more balanced outlook
Certain words can alert you that your thoughts are becoming extreme.
• always
• never
• impossible
• disaster
• furious
• ruined
• perfect
Of course, these words aren’t bad in themselves. However, if you notice that they keep coming up in your thoughts and conversations, it could be a signal that you’ve adopted a black and white perspective on something.
Relationships happen between individuals, whether they see each other as family, friends, neighbors, co-workers, or something else entirely. And because people have ups and downs (to phrase it dichotomously), plus quirks and inconsistencies, conflicts inevitably arise. If we approach normal conflicts with dichotomous thinking, we’ll probably draw the wrong conclusions about other people, and we’ll miss opportunities to negotiate and compromise. Worse still, black and white thinking can cause a person to make decisions without thinking about the impact of that decision on themselves and others involved. Examples include:
• suddenly moving people from the “good person” category to the “bad person” category
• quitting a job or firing people
• breaking up a relationship
• avoiding genuine resolution of the issues
• Dichotomous thinking often shifts between idealizing and devaluing others. Being in a relationship with someone who thinks in extremes can be really difficult because of the repeated cycles of emotional upheaval.
Black and white thinking can also cause people to:
• look at certain foods as good or bad
• look at their own bodies as either perfect or revolting
• eat in binge-purge, all-or-nothing cycles
Researchers have also found that dichotomous thinking can lead people to create rigid dietary restraints, which can make it hard to maintain a healthy relationship with food.
How can you change black and white thinking?
Black and white thinking can really make things difficult for you personally and professionally, and has been linked to mental health conditions that are treatable.
For these reasons, it’s important to talk to a psychotherapist or mental health professional if you notice that thinking in extremes is affecting your health, relationships, or mood.
You may want to work with someone who is trained in cognitive behavioral therapyTrusted Source, because it has been proven effective in dealing with dichotomous thinking.
You may also find it helpful to try some of these methods:
Try to separate what you do from who you are. When we equate our performance on a single metric with our overall worth, we’re going to become vulnerable to black and white thinking.
Try listing options. If black and white thinking has you locked into only two outcomes or possibilities, as an exercise, write down as many other options as you can imagine. If you’re having trouble getting started, try coming up with three alternatives at first.
Practice reality reminders. When you feel paralyzed by black and white thinking, say or write small factual statements, like There are several ways I can solve this problem, I’ll make a better decision if I take time to get more information, and Both of us may be partially right.
Find out what other people think. Black and white thinking can keep you from seeing things from someone else’s perspective. When you’re in conflict with someone, calmly ask clarifying questions so you can come to a clear understanding of their viewpoint.
The bottom line
Black and white thinking is a tendency to think in extremes. While it’s normal from time to time, developing a pattern of dichotomous thinking can interfere with your health, relationships, and career. It’s associated with anxiety, depression, and a number of personality disorders, so if you find yourself hampered by thinking in black and white, it’s important to talk to a therapist. A therapist can help you to learn some strategies to gradually change this thought pattern and live a healthier and more fulfilling life.
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Do you see this woman
I love her.
I appreciate her.
I would die for her.
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There’s something so grounding about reading about the lesbians that lived before me. Knowing that we’re not alone, others have been down the same path. That there were lesbians before us, lesbians who survived so much worse, that there will be other lesbians after us– we’re not going any where.
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“lesbian” is a beautiful, good, important, strong word and lesbians are beautiful, good, important, and strong. good night
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What house decor screams “I’m straight”?
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