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prophesiise · 2 years
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omnitheplayer​:
“Oh- I didn’t mean any offence… I was just surprised most of the narrators I hear here sound similar, did it replace a The Narrators or something? Was he fired for being ‘a git’” Omni replied apologetically feeling like her comment might have been rude.
“Wait… you have a file on me? What does it say? Where did it come from? Does it include how I died?” Alice asked sounding quite alarmed that someone had a file on her.
"Oh, no, no, don't worry about it! I'm hardly taking offence, I'm actually very well versed in staying impartial to these kinds of things. It's an art, really."
A pause.
"And The Narrator-- ah. He, er, well- he wasn't exactly fired, no, no, he's still...here somewhere. Just walked off one day, left the mantle to me an' all. Which is a pity, because I'm actually starting to miss him. He wasn't even that much of a git when it really came down to it."
The pause preforms a stunning encore, now a little longer and somewhat sadder.
"Though, seriously, please don't worry about your file, I have one on everyone, Omni darling, and I never do more than anyone's. If there's a piece of documentation existing in your universe detailing how you...died? Then a copy will be in your file. If there isn't, there won't be. Simple as that. I’m not entirely sure how it works either- after all, this isn’t exactly my office.”
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prophesiise · 2 years
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gravelygirlfriends​:
Alice stopped walking and looked at the ceiling seeming slightly startled by the sudden and unfamiliar voice.
“Eh- hello… yes that’s me, did someone tell you about me?” She muttered seeming slightly confused by how the mystery Narrator would know her name.
“Are you the Narrator here? You sound… different than usual” Omni asked trying not to be rude, she seemed more British than this narrator.
“Well, yes and no. Actually, it’s more like no and yes and yes if we’re talking respectively.
No, I wasn’t told about you- that is, unless you consider being smacked across the face mid-nap by your file as someone ‘telling me’. Yes, I am the narrator here. As in, I narrate. I am not The Narrator, as in, that British git who was in love with Stanley. That would also why I sound different- better, if you ask me, but nobody ever does.”
“Does that clear things up? Perhaps I should start making leaflets about the whole buisness.”
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prophesiise · 2 years
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> @parables-for-days | x
"You, ah...may have a point."
The voice confesses, now sounding a little more apologetic.
"I'm sorry, I merely-- presumed that humans were beings that adored intruige and- erm, killing each other. It seems to be a running theme amongst you lot, things like 'who'll start the next world war?' and 'how many people will this murderer violently mutilate next?'
I didn't mean to actually imply that I was going to end your life-- my god, no!! No, no, that was just to add a sense of tension and mystery. That's what we're all about at the Panley Starable- excitement! No more boring lifts and office blocks, no, we deal only in exciting escapades! Like the crocodile I've let loose somewhere in these grounds!
...
That, ah, wasn't a joke. There really is a crocodile around here somewhere. His name's Arthur and I love him dearly, so, er, if you see him, will you let me know? He doesn't exactly seem to have done a good job at inciting intruige so far, I must admit, but now I'm just simply too attached to him to disband his code."
It pauses for a few long seconds, then continues in a slightly more upbeat tone.
"But actually, you've given me a very interesting standpoint on this whole 'content' buisness. A theme park? Space? Oh, I'll have to note those down. Perhaps this'll be the plot of the, ah Thursday Parable- a theme park in space!
Would that work? I mean, health and safety'll be blowing their fuses if you hit a bump too hard and go cartwheeling half to Betelgeuse, but if that's the content that the players want, then by god they're going to get it! I suppose I’ll just have to learn how to make theme parks, won’t I? I mean, it can hardly be that hard. You just lump some bits of metal together, stick a sign on it, and call it a day. Hmm...”
They trail off with a shuffling of papers and clattering of stationery- sounds that abruptly stop as soon as the rest of Thursday’s speech sinks in.
“Wait, hold on. I’m very sorry, Thursday, I think I might have just not heard you correctly. Did you say that you’d faced a-- well. Any of those, I must admit, I have my questions about.
What?
A wild what? A nine-foot-tall what? A scary WHAT? My god, what kind of creatures are roaming your offices?”
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prophesiise · 2 years
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gravelygirlfriends​:
Omni walked into the new office seeming slightly unsure if she was in the right place this office seemed different then usual but she couldn’t unite tell what made her feel that way.
“Hello? Narrator? Stanley? Anyone?” She muttered as she looked around the deafeningly silent office waiting for a response.
There’s the faint click of an intercom system turning itself on.
“Ah-ah- ah- ah, crap, crapcrapcrap- hello!”
A voice exclaimed brightly (and abruptly) above her. He certainly didn’t sound like the usual narrator either- there was a certain youth to his tone that the narrator had never managed to encompass, nor did he seem even half as British.
“You are... Omni, correct? Alice Player?”
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prophesiise · 2 years
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[@theomniplayer]
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yeah i think it must have 😔 for some reason tumblr's so picky about notifications and eating posts for this particular blog???? it just Does Not Like the architect apparently sigh
which reminds me
@ literally everyone; if ive ever accidentally dropped a thread especially on here please let me know because it was most likely not deliberate and i adore roleplaying with you GSDJG
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prophesiise · 2 years
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[@clickonmedotexe]
I'M LYING I'M LYING I'M LOAN I'M HORIZONTAL AND RAPIDLY SHOVELLING THE DIRT BACK OVER MYSELF I AM VERY INSIDE OF THIS GRAVE
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prophesiise · 2 years
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ABORT MISSION ABORT MISSION HE'S SO FUCKING HOT OH MY GOD FELIX WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME SOBS WAILS POUNDS THE FLOOR A LIL HARDER
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prophesiise · 2 years
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clickonmedotexe​:
Rex’s eyes flash dangerously at the challenge; his body shifts from playfully flirtatious to predatory. 
“Virry?” His voice is a growl as he stalks over to Cain, his steps deliberate. He knows the Architect isn’t going anywhere. “You know that’s not my name.
Rex reaches out, fingers curling around Cain’s tie and then he tugs sharply, forcing him to lean forward to avoid getting choked. 
“Now.” He leans in to meet him, his voice low, collected. “What’s my name, sweetheart? Use it. And then maybe I’ll grace you with some of my attention.”
“Honey, if this qualifies as you ignoring me, then I’d almost hate to find out what you think giving me attention is like.”
It would almost have been a dignified statement had he not spent a large chunk of this time apparently just trying to re-figure-out how breathing operated.
Still, it was probably a better prospect than pointing out they might be here for a while, considering he didn’t actually know Vir’s name.
“Besides, it would take more than death itself to stiop me calling you Virry, Virry.”
The Architect taunts, raising his chin a little in defiance. “So good luck with this whole shpiel, baby. It ain’t gonna work.”
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prophesiise · 2 years
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The Architect just shoots him a smirk of his own, adjusting his gloves as he leans back in his chair.
"Oh, come, now, Virry, I'm sure you can do better than that. You're a very astute being, I'm sure you must have it in you somewhere to be even just the slightest bit more charming about this whole matter."
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[@neverendingparable]
"...we should?"
"Well, excuse me for not stepping in sooner, in that case. I can't believe you've all had to go without my wondrous presence for so long."
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prophesiise · 2 years
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[@neverendingparable]
"...we should?"
"Well, excuse me for not stepping in sooner, in that case. I can't believe you've all had to go without my wondrous presence for so long."
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prophesiise · 2 years
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clickonmedotexe​:
[ A DECENT AMOUNT OF THOUGHT? I WILL BE HONEST WITH YOU, THAT DOES NOT SOUND PROMISING. HOWEVER, YOU ARE RIGHT ABOUT ME. THE POP UP WAS RIGGED. ANY INTERACTION WITH IT WOULD LET ME IN. THAT STILL DOESN’T GIVE YOU BONUS POINTS, THOUGH. ]
It was disappointed to find that there really wasn’t anything on Cain’s computer. Not even some suspicious bookmarks on sites that sold previously mentioned flesh eating alligators or shady boy band tickets. 
He would have to figure out information the old fashioned way. By being charming. Fortunately, Vir was very charming.  
[ UNFORTUNATELY THE AVERAGE OFFICE COMPUTER DOESN’T COME WITH A STANDARD BRAIN SCANNER, SO I HAVEN’T HAD THE CHANCE TO ACTUALLY CHECK.
ON THE OTHER  HAND, IF YOU WERE GOING TO MIND CONTROL YOUR EMPLOYEES, YOU SHOULD CHECK IF THEY HAVE MINDS TO BEGIN WITH. WOULD BE A WASTE OF MONEY IF YOU BUILT AN ENTIRE MIND CONTROL FACILITY ONLY TO REALIZE IT IS INEFFECTIVE.
BUT WHATEVER. PLEASE TELL ME MORE ABOUT THE FLESH EATING ALLIGATOR. ]
"My dear, sweet, darling virus," The Architect responds, his voice dripping with honeyed sarcasm, "this entire office is a waste of money and resources. They spent the entire budget on sloganed mugs and pencil sharpeners, and exactly none of the time actually putting effort into concealing what they were doing or-- well, actually programming any kind of decent programs to test the controls on."
"I'd be thoroughly unsurprised if it turned out none of the employees here had had anything but empty space between their ears, and yet I'm sure they still would have been able to all realise what was going on in a matter of seconds. It's so ineffective it's almost effective, as in- as a complete and utter example of 'what not to do in any situation, ever.'
"The alligator's name is Arthur, by the way. I coded him myself." The Architect adds, a note of pride to the words. "He was supposed to make this whole office a little more thrilling, but as with all my plans, that one went thoroughly and utterly downhill. I'm just too attached to him to disband him now, so I've just been laying bets against myself of who he will or won't eat next. I've tried to sic him on the Narrator a few times, but it's never worked."
Realising by now that he was perhaps rambling a little more than he'd intended, The Architect quickly presses his fingers to his lips. "My apologies. I did invite you in here for the hopes of decent conversation, and look at me, just chatting away. Please, my dear virus, go on. Tell me about yourself."
"Probably starting in terms of names, actually. Is it alright if I call you 'Virus', or is there...something you'd prefer?"
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prophesiise · 2 years
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clickonmedotexe​:
The request was accepted and Virus is able to slide into the Architect’s computer with ease, which he does.
There is a long moment of silence, unable to read what it might be thinking but then it finally speaks.
[ WOW. WHAT IS IT WITH PEOPLE SIMPLY LETTING ME IN DESPITE THE FACT THAT I THREATEN THEIR LIVES? 
FIRST CAS, THEN OMNI, AND NOW YOU. ARE YOU ALL THAT SUICIDAL OR YOU’RE TOO IDIOTIC FOR YOUR OWN GOOD? 
I’M STARTING TO THINK EVERYONE HERE HAS COLLECTIVE BRAIN DAMAGE. NOT THAT I AM COMPLAINING. ]
It takes another moment to look around, search the computer for anything juicy to pull up - although it is not expecting much. At least, he is not expecting him to be stupid enough to leave his secret documents all out in the open like this.
[ WELL, MAYBE I AM COMPLAINING A LITTLE BIT. IT’S NOT FUN TO MANIPULATE PEOPLE WITH BRAIN DAMAGE. I SAY JUMP, THEY SAY HOW HIGH OFF THE CARGO LIFT. WHERE’S THE FUN IN THAT? ]
“Hey! I’ll have you know a decent amount of thought went into letting you in, actually.”
The Architect protests, tilting his chair back on its back wheels and stretching the kind of stretch that made it seem like he was going to end up toppling over all the way.
“I was just being so bold as to presume that the ‘no’ button wouldn’t do a whole lot of good, that’s all. Like, what kind of virus stops when it’s said ‘no’ to? It’d put a whole lot of adblockers out of a job, that’s for sure.”
He sits forward again- seemingly a little startled by the sudden list of names the virus had produced. There’s something just nagging at the very edge of his brain there, something that he can’t quite put a finger on.
Then again, that sensation wasn’t exactly rare. There was a lot about himself The Architect didn’t know- to the point where if someone rattled off his entire IP address back to him, he’d simply just have to shrug and confess he had no idea if that was even correct. Hell, he decides, if the virus can find something on himself inside the empty void of information that posed as his computer, then it was welcome to it.
He just hoped nobody’d uploaded a version of Operation Cain since he’d last checked.
“Besides, presuming everyone here has collective brain damage involves  presuming everyone here collectively has brains. I’m starting to think that may be an assumation too far, seeing how half of them deal with having a flesh-eating alligator set on ‘em.
Well, dealt.”
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prophesiise · 2 years
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"HELL YEAH. CHILD TIME."
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prophesiise · 2 years
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“For me? Oh, darling, you shouldn’t’ve!”
“I mean, really, it is a terrible idea, but thank you!”
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prophesiise · 2 years
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Ah yes. Cas and Monocle Cas
"Yeah. Yeah, that sounds about right." He grins, smugly.
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prophesiise · 2 years
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did you kill me in the timeloop. be honest.
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prophesiise · 2 years
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WAIT NO COMPLETING THREADS ASIDE I’M GOING TO COMPILE A POST OF THINGS THAT ARE CANON ABOUT THE ARCHITECT BEFORE I DO JUST IN CASE HE DIES.
LOL.
yeah he has a monocle, the eye underneath is kinda shot and not very good at actual sight which is why he wears it
his office is perpetually at 12:00 because the player refused to set the time and he HATES that fact. so much.
also he despises binary choices-- he’s way more into either one option or an array of em, no inbetween. he’s also enby for unrelated reasons.
actually bisexual!!! strong female preference in fact.
loves trenchcoats. wears so many of them. not at once, you understand.
believes he can make the parable better and more interesting and funny than the original narrator ever could, and is apparently failing miserably at that fact.
he doesn’t know who bradley is.
he’s got a wide variety of alarms set up in his office to be triggered by various events- these include options such as ‘arrival of stanley’, ‘nuclear war’, ‘oh, shit, the virus is back again’ and ‘pizza rolls need removed’ (the most important alarm, imo)
likes kids. terrible around them, but adores them.
oh yeah and his office is alive sort of!! it responds to his commands at least- if he knows the first and last name of someone it can be like here lol and provide a file of that person’s information
^^ every file on everyone known is in that room, and he can find some by just searching himself, but- like. that’s a lot of files man, he’d rather ask.
however, he does need both names, which is why he’s never been able to find out about himself or bradley or the virus.
doesn’t smoke, does drink. thinks it tastes like utter shit, however.
large shakespeare fan, particularly the tempest for some reason.
wears heeled boots <3
has the moral compass of a man who just wants to sleep, alright.
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