November 27th: Blah

Welp, today is not the greatest of days. I’m tired, I’m sick, I have two presentations due today, and I’m going to be on campus until 8:45 pm and my sister wants me to check her mail. Today is going to be a long day and it already is. 

I don’t feel well but I’m real close to graduating and I have two presentations to do today. I’m just hoping that I can get through them. The faster I get through them, the faster I can go home. I usually don’t complain or try not too but ugh it just had to be Monday, just had to have assignments due and night classes on Monday. 

November 21st:  Life of a college senior

Welp, even on my break, I still have work to do. I don’t mind it, but I do. I had to explain to my siblings that I’m not like them, I don’t get the luxury of “being off” and even on the weekends I still have work to do. So, here I am, a Tuesday during Thanksgiving break doing homework and trying to wrap up the semester. 

I still have a lot to do. A research paper, a creative writing portfolio, a presentation, internships and graduate school applications. It’s a lot, isn’t it and there isn’t even enough time during the day to try and do everything. I wouldn’t change a thing though, slow it down maybe, but not change.

It’s my last year, I’m just trying to do good this year and graduate. I’m so excited about graduating but I really do have a lot I must achieve before I can graduate. So that means, I have until Christmas break-two weeks-to find an internship and put in graduate school applications. Sigh. It’s a lot but it’s what I signed up for. 

November 18th: Thanksgiving Break

We're two weeks away from the end of the semester and I am really excited. Currently we are on Thankgiving break and though its called a break, there's still so much work to do. But the good news is that I finally know what my grade is in the one class that I never knew what it was. Shockingly it is higher than what I was expecting. I'm hoping that I will be able to make Dean's list this semester. Everything is coming together. I can see the finish line, I just have to make it there.

November 13th: Godchildren

I honestly don't know what to talk about. I'm really excited about my godson and goddaughter. My goddaughter will be named Nevaeh and my godson will be Adrien. They're going to be so beautiful. She will be born in February and he will be born in July. I can't wait to see their beautiful baby faces and hold them. I probably should stop claiming so many godchildren but I can't. I'm drawn to them and them to me. Somehow I am managing taking care of 4 goddaughters, a niece and a nephew all while being in college. I like to think that they are the reason I work so hard to make sure that I'll have the money to spend on them. I wouldn't change a thing though, I love all my children and when I have my own, they will have soooo many godsiblings.

November 6th: Ahh!

Just received the best news! I’m expecting a godson and a goddaughter, so in total I’ll have four God daughters and one God Son and I’m so excited because I really have been waiting five years to have another godson. Now he’s going to be here and I can’t wait to spoil him! I can’t wait to spoil the rest of my goddaughters either! I’m so excited about this news.!!

October 31st: Halloween

It's been a while since I've ACTUALLY celebrated Halloween. Today is another year that I have not participated ecxcept to take my niece and nephew out to experience today. My beautiful 2 yr old niece was dressed as Bat Girl. She loved her outfit and refuses to take it off. We'll let her stay in it but she will not be sleeping in it, I know that. As for my 6 month old nephew, we went simple. Honestly I wanted him to be a Lamb but my mother and his mother (ny twin sister) wanted him to be a Football. So that's what he was. He didn't exactly like it, I guess because it was more of a pouch and he couldn't really move his legs or walk in it. He also couldn't stand the little hat that came with it. I thought girls were bad but this little boy put up a huge fight (we won of course) but he looked so cute.! All in all I didn't participate in Halloween but I gave my nephew a chance to experience what I did as a child. Just really hoping my niece doesn't get a sugar rush from all this candy. Happy Halloween!!!

October 24th: Graduating

I am at the home stretch of finally graduating from undergraduate college. I have to admit that this has been a really interesting, tough, heartbreaking and bad four years.

I’ve lost majority of my friends by the time I got to my Junior year and then lost the only friend on campus because she graduated. So, now I’m going through my Senior year of college by myself but I know that I’m strong so I try not to let it get to me.

My main focus at the moment is to finish the semester off with bang and finish Spring semester in time to graduate in May. I’m so excited, I came so far and being a first generation college student, the only child of my mom to go and complete college, and being the youngest at that, it’s a great feeling. I’m proud of myself and when I cross that stage, I hope that everybody, both living and dead are also beaming with pride that I made it.

My biggest fear is failure. I came this far and to not graduate would dampen my soul and resolve to keep going. I plan on going on to graduate school for a doctoral degree and if I can’t make it through these four years, how will I be able to make it through the next four in a more stricter and heavier field focused class?

But I’m strong and I know that I will find a way. There’s no giving up yet.

October 18th: ...

Well, so far the day is going great. I woke up to my nephew smiling at me this morning, so that’s a plus. 

So, something has been on my mind (and it isn’t Steven Universe). I just read these chapters for a psych class about women and girls’ struggles in undeveloped countries such as India, Japan and Africa. 

There’s roughly a couple million of girls and women who are forced into the sex trade as prostitutes and what not. Millions of female infants who die in China because it is easier and more affordable to have a son instead of a daughter.

It’s sad to think about that. How many women and young girls are suffering and going missing because there is a lack of appreciation within the economy of women and young girls.

I don’t want to go too far deep into this topic. By all means, this topic should be brought up and talked about because it’s sad what’s happening to my same sex mates/peers/members. It’s time to stop hiding it away and not speaking about it.

October 12th: My bad.

I forgot about this and it’s probably because I’ve had a lot of tests to study for and have not even been on Tumblr at all. But again, I am back. I do not want to bore you all with more gushing over Steven Universe, but I’m getting impatient waiting of it to come back on.

We are currently in Season 5, episode 5. We unlike the other fandoms are not waiting for a new season, we are waiting for the continuation of the season. The last episode to come out, I believe was in August. Steven gave himself up to Homeworld and then revived Lars who’s hair is now a portal to Steven’s pink pet lion, Lion. There was a quick tease and release of what the next episode would be at New York Con but yet, there is no word as to when Steven Universe will be back on.

The fandom is going crazy and impatient but its the continuation of the story and the revealing of more secrets that we want the most. We are seeing everything through Steven’s eyes; what he knows, we know; what he sees, we see; if he’s lost, then so are we. Of course we also pay attention to what is going on around Steven so we figure things out a little bit quicker than he does, but it’s still the mystery of the story that we are waiting for. We do not know everything and that is all we want.

September 28th: I’m back.

So, I got locked out of my Tumblr account and had to do the most to try and get back in. Not only did I forget the password to my Tumblr account, I also forgot my password to my email and had to reset it just to get to Tumblr to reset that password. But I’m back and I continue with this blog.

The sad thing is, I really like writing but I don’t know how I feel about blogging. Sometimes it can get tideous and I will forget to get on (which is crazy cause I have a Tumblr app and I get on it to check for updates on Steven Universe and art work by fellow SU fans), but that can also be a result of school and work and not enough time in the day.

I’m just waiting, trying to graduate and waiting for Steven Universe to come back on. If you haven’t seen the show and have no idea what I am talking about, I suggest you search for it and watch a couple episodes. It’s a little weird, I know but it’s soooooooo cute and the deeper you look, the more messages and lessons you will receive. Give it a try.

September 1st: Blogging.

First day of blogging, again. I honestly do not know what to write but I guess I can talk about how my senior year of college is going.

My senior year is actually pretty lonely. Time goes by fast because I just go to class and go home but I do miss my friends. It’s just my luck though, my history always seems to repeat itself. 

In high school I had in total 5 principals by the time I graduated and now in College, I have went through 3 and hopefully that’s all by the time I graduate.

In high school, more precisely, my senior year, most my friends were transferred to different classes. No in my senior year of college, most of my friends are gone or graduated.

I do not know, maybe it’s me or maybe it’s just a test. Which ever one it is, I can not tell. 

Gratitude Letter

Dear Mother,

 I’d like to start off by thanking you … for everything that you have done for me and my siblings. I know that these past three years have been kind of difficult with dad walking out of the picture and your personal health, but I just have to thank you.

I also have to say I am so sorry for not thanking you enough. You have raised four children and are still raising four children on your own. Though dad was there, you’ve always went out of your way to provide for us and sometimes even with your lasts. You’ve helped each and every one of us become the young adults that we are today.

You often say that I am like you, and for that I have to thank you. You have this mentality and attitude about yourself where you tend not to stress over a lot of things and I thank you for passing that off to me. Thank you for all your support whenever I had an event, regardless of whether it was a performance, a dinner or an appointment. You have always been there and have always encouraged me to do what I love.

There are times when we don’t get along (have you noticed them?), but we’ve always been able to talk to each other (even if most of the time you’re just catching me up on what I’m missing at home or to vent about dad). You have this way of giving all of your children freedom to express themselves and follow our own paths while also staying strict with us. You have this accepting personality that you have also passed down to me and I thank you again for it.

Thank you for being a great mother and raising and providing for us. Though each of us may have come out differently, the one thing we all still have in common is a bit of your personality and habits. In one way or another, we each have taken something away from you. Thank you for providing Stacey with an opportunity to be a young mother but also enjoy her youth. Thank you for allowing Gene the opportunity to stay with family until he gets a chance to get his life and health together. Thank you for allowing Gordie to follow his different passions while he figures out where he wants to go. Thank you for providing me with the opportunity to find myself at college while also keeping me family oriented.

Thank you mom … for everything that you have done for me and my siblings. Thank you for being here whenever your children needed you. Thank you for providing your children even if you have to struggle for it and even though money can be all our enemy with you, thank you for all the “pocket change” when we all had none. I’m sorry I haven’t told you thank you enough, I just want you to know that I am thankful and my actions have and will be showing you my thanks when I forget to use my words.

 Love,

Lil Lu

Three Good Things Reflection

When we were assigned the Three Good Things assignment, I wasn’t particularly happy, but I wasn’t upset about it either. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to do the assignment, it was more out of what would I consider something “good” that happens to me. That stems from the fact that different people have different definitions of what “good” is. I’m the sort of person who doesn’t really expect something good or something bad to happen, I just take what happens and determine what is good and what is bad by how it elevates my mood.

So, while doing the assignment, it was semi hard to really determine what was “good” that happened to me during that day. There are days when my normal mood (which is mostly indifferent) is elevated to a really noticeable level; like I’m smiling and joking and being silly, and there’s days when my mood is slightly elevated; where I’m smiling and laughing but for the most part, my days really on consist of one facial expression.

I thoroughly enjoyed the assignment, I did. It forced me, in a way to become happier and appreciate the good things (or what I feel is “good”) in my life. I never noticed how much I really depended on my friends to help brighten my mood and day. I also realized more that I thoroughly enjoy working with Mrs. Teresa and Mrs. Marlene. They both help make working in the café all that much endurable. The café is really not a fun place to work but it helps when there are coworkers that understand and have great personalities that just brighten up anyone’s day. They both really have very positive personalities (like Dally and my friends) that help bring up mine and help me make it through the job. Even if I wasn’t working, just going in and having a brief conversation with them, makes me feel better.

I noticed, aside from the reoccurrence of café and friendship related posts, that I was really just saying anything. As I look back on them and as I stated above, I really just take what happens for what it is and my mood/facial expressions usually don’t change. So, most of the “good” things in which I wrote were really just me remember what happened throughout the day and filling in the missing gaps because only one or two things that I deemed “good” actually happened.

Yet, the mentions of black and milds and CAS 100A (speech class) were really good things that happened to me. I am a self-diagnosed addict of black and milds and I really did enjoy CAS. It’s sad that now, that I had to drop the class due to too many overlapping assignments with my other/more “important” classes. I really did enjoy the speech class. I got an A on my first speech, my story and with the encouragement from Dr. Vicaro, I send my story into Absence.

The Three Good Things is a very good project for anyone to do. Not only does it help on determine what their definition of “good” is to them, but it also helps them to then appreciate all the “good” things that did, do and will happen to them. As I think back on the assignment, I wouldn’t mind doing again, but I would like to have a definite definition of what I consider good. Yes, I was “forced” to determine what “good” meant to me, but I didn’t really look into it as I don’t really consider nothing good or bad unless my mood is elevated and my mood barely changes. Still, without anything else to add, I enjoyed the assignment and everyone, regardless of who you are or your major or profession, should too, engage in it.

Day 5 Strength: Learning

"Always Learning (Love of Learning) was one of the top five strengths that I got. Today, at work, I was talking with one of the adults and they mentioned something about Egypt. I love Egypt. So I got on the computer and I googled Egypt and I got swept away in the history that is the ancient Egyptian civilization.

Day 4 Strength: Self-Regulation

The test said I got "Always Self-Regulation (Self-Control)" and I have to agree. Today I was on the brink of breaking down and just giving up on school and myself, but with the help of Ms. Erica I was able to pull myself together. I held myself together this whole day and every moment I just wanted to burst and cry my eyes out.

Day 3 Strength: Integrity

Another of the top strengths in which I received was "Always Integrity (Authenticity, Honesty)". Today, I used that strength because in a meeting with Evan, I was completely honest about the situation. Me and my friends were all completely honest with him and I think afterwards, we've come to a better understanding ... Or at least he did.

Day 2 Strength: Perspective

One of the top strengths that I received from the test was “Always Perspective (Wisdom). Today, after thinking about what Dall and I discussed when we addressed our “fight”, I attempted to gain a new perspective; maybe she didn’t mean it the way it came out or maybe I’m taking it the wrong way? But, we discussed it and I gained a new perspective of where she was coming from. I used wisdom because I took into account her personality and accommodated the best way to approach her.