me: *taking an exam* please focu–

my brain: u know how old people say shit like “you’re so cute I could just eat you up”???????? that is some WEIRD and unecessary shit like..Martha wheres ya deviantart account at lmao 

me:

i just wanna know what weed-addicted brunette broke john green’s heart in high school and gave him enough material for a decade’s worth of identical books

i remember??? those dog stuffed animals that you’d get in happy meals. i rly miss those omg

no offense but morpheus dorpheus orpheus go eat some walruses orifices porridges morpheus morpheus going to the buffet and walruses corfidence corpseses worcestershire sauce go into your orifices RED PILL BLUE PILL MORPHEUS WALRUSES seashells by the seashorpheus

what if we shared beds like little kids...... laughing til our ribs get tough..........haha just kidding .... unless?

me at an alt j concert: PLAY PUT IT IN MY BUTT!

adult emailing culture is overthinking how polite you sound and forgetting to send the attachments