Listen I'm aware you all want a piece of this. I understand I'm a hot commodity here on tumblr dot com. But even setting aside wealth and immortality, my husband squeezes the absolute fattest ass you've ever seen through literally billions of chimney flues every December 25th. And every other night of the year, he's with me. And somehow you hoes think you can teach me a trick I haven't seen before? Dream on.

ppl who celebrate fictional character birthdays are annoying pass it on

They really should teach people how to cook in school.

Have fun in the war dumbass I’ll be at home fucking military wives

dni if: you have perfect eyesight, clean your room regularly, never want any tattoos, hate milk, are taller than 5’5, don’t own a watch, hate on feel-good movies, don’t use chapstick, sleep with more than 2 pillows, prefer stem over humanities, never had an emo phase, have your own car, actually look like your age, live in a large city, use a planner for school/work, use twitter, have led lights in your room, like swedish fish, look good in yellow, have bad handwriting, or bite your nails.

This is more punk than the whole of punk history.

Out of Touch

Brands aren’t people, you can’t get rid of them by bullying them. The most that’ll happen is the intern that runs the account quits and is replaced

Hi people. As the boy billionaire has bought the birdsite and corporate accounts joke about moving to Tumblr, I kindly ask y'all to give the brands the treatment they deserve: silence.

Make your own posts if you wanna post bugass but do NOT engage the brands. Gaslight, gatekeep and girlboss. In containment they will wither.

YOU WANNA GET RID OF THOSE STUPID FUCKING WATERMARKS?

Just get your picture

CHOOSE the fucking smudge tool dude

and WAM

i wisg i could make enderman Noises wity my own mouth

i made a collage inspired by What Its Like To Use Tumblr Mobile (: hope u guys can actually see it

Crypto is dying, reblog to make it die faster

Holy shit get a load of this thing

Fucking incredible

i do have to hand it to him

tumblr is the only social media site that doesn't crack down on threats of violence because its denizens only do it in very drawn out and lamely prosaic ways that if read aloud during litigation couldn't reasonably be ruled out as just being an insufferable homosexual's creative writing exercise