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I’m once again writing something you’ll never read
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you are everywhere
from the rings on my fingers, the bracelet on my wrist, the receipts on my journal, the music i listen on my phone and car, the flowers i see during the day and the moon i see at night, the thousands of pins on my boards, the tiktoks and reels that show up, the dried flowers and stickers on my phone and laptop
to the thoughts on my head, the heartbeats i feel on my heart and veins, and tears i feel slipping from my eyes to my cheeks
It is terribly exhausting to love you
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i think i’m going crazy
i’m a time bomb when i’m alone
it feels like something’s eating my soul
bite by bite and piece by piece
i cannot stand anyone anymore, as if everyone is just a disturbing noise
i’ve been listening to this one a lot lately…
“I sit and watch you reading with your
Head low
I wake and watch you breathing with your
Eyes closed
I sit and watch you
And notice everything you do or don't do
You're so much older and wiser and I
I wait by the door like I'm just a kid
Use my best colors for your portrait
Lay the table with the fancy shit
And watch you tolerate it
If it's all in my head tell me now
Tell me I've got it wrong somehow
I know my love should be celebrated
But you tolerate it”
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i hope you’ll be okay
i hope you find some peace
i hope you find purpose, i hope you relax and enjoy things and take it one step at a time
i hope you love yourself and take care of yourself
you have been through a lot lot lot and only god knows how much it did hurt you, all of the things you told me about
and i can’t even imagine the other stuff you kept to yourself
i love you sarah
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The same patterns, the same fucking patterns :/ I feel like replaying the same sad song !
Starting with the loving, then the hurting, then the healing, then replaying it all over again…
It’s almost like i enjoyed the healing so much that i want to be hurt again.
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