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pens-spill-emotion-blog · 6 years

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Hurting

When the person you love doesn’t know how to love you, it’s one of the hardest things.

You can tell them daily how you feel or how you want things to be.

You can show them daily how to love by loving them.

You can make them feel like the most cherished person in the world and they’ll never realize that they don’t cherish you.

They won’t even realize that throughout the relationship you’re the one that’s been sad. Instead of realizing that you’re sad and that they might need to change in some way they’ll think you’re wrong. Think that you have issues.

It’s painful to love someone with all your heart and show it in materialistic ways and in emotional and physical ways when they never show it.

You can tell someone all day long that you love them but until you show it they’ll never truly believe it.

You can’t be upset with someone if they don’t believe you love them. They don’t believe you love them because you didn’t or can’t love them correctly.

Or maybe you’re just two puzzle pieces trying to fit in the wrong places.

Who knows.

All we really know of love is it’s pain.

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pens-spill-emotion-blog · 6 years

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Writing While Under The Influence of Marijuana

In my experience, life is ever-changing. Yes, that is cliche to say but it’s true.

I’m high right now and since ive been thinking about writing lately i decided i should practice and exercise that writing muscle.

Writing scares me because theres a very thin line between writing your heart and soul into a paper and writing something to share with others.

Its hard to seperate pieces of writing that are about emotions from pieces of writing that are about logic because to me, all art writing is an emotion expression at all times.

Not just a form of communication but an act of making thoughts and sometimes feelings into tangible, seen things.

You can take any moment and turn it into a piece of paper with words on it

Writing is the ability to capture moments, emotions, thoughts and turn them into materialistic reality.

Reading one sentence can change someone's perspective of life and everything that they do on a daily basis.

Isnt that crazy

Just reading a text (a form of writing) can change your entire mood for the day

Im really high right now.

Sometimes i think that being really high isnt good for me

Or not as good for me as i think it may be when i decide to do it

Sometimes im scared that ill always regret my life and my decisions

And sometimes i think ill be alone in the end

Because i push people away so much

I hate being alone

Its the scariest thing when you have no one else to trust

When you never let anyone help you with anything for fear that they might find an invulnerability of yours and use it against you

You may have family but parents and brothers and sisters never have the connection with you that youd have with your partner.

I talk about alot of sad stuff when i start typing lol

Maybe thats how i am in real life and i just dont see it

I should learn how to be more positive

Vibe with people

Stop complaining

I remember when i lived in tennessee

It was a sunny warm day

It was summer i think

No school

I woke up and immediately took neo to the field by our house

This field was once filled by a house, until it burned down

There was this one tree over to the corner of the field close to the neighbors fence

I used to climb it when i got tired of being alone

But when neo and i went we just played ball and chased each other around in circles

I fucking love that dog

Hes such a loving well behaved chill dog

He loves playing and cuddling with the fan on

He loves chasing me around and play fighting with my hands

He loves running after the ball. Hes amazing

Anyway

It was a sunny day on this field, i remember the grass was the greenest of greens.

Neo was a spoiled dog whose leash was retractable so he basically dragged me there knowing thats where we were headed. As soon as we got there i took the leash off of him. He usually behaved with just me talking to him.

We just sat in the grass and cuddled and wrestled

I took photos of him in the grass smiling at me.

My hair was a coke can red and i had the brightest blue eyes

I feel like my eyes are brighter when that dog is around.

If humans and dogs had soul mate bonds i bet neo would be mine

It makes me sad because he wont be around for such a long time.

Thinking about it makes me want to cry

I think when his day comes i want him to have lived to an old age

Probably 14 atleast

I want him to not look any older than he did when he was 5

I want him to know that we loved him and i loved him the best that i ever could

I want him to have a big chocolate cake if we put him down

And i want him to have a warm comfy bed to lay in with my arms around him if he dies in his sleep

I want him to know that his soul can move on to wherever it goes and i want him to know that he was the best dog a girl could ever have gotten. I just want him to feel loved

Because he was

He is

Damn he aint dead yet girl chill

Im like lowkey boutta cry

Ima take another hit

Okay i took another hit

I hope that writing is my talent

Like i feel like i write pretty bad i mean look at all this shit

I jump from topic to topic like no other.

But nothing else seems to fit for me so i really hope that this is the one

I enjoy it i feel like its relaxing as hell.

The other day i had this idea about a book

Cranberries

Weird right? Well ill sell whoevers reading this on it

Im not sure about the setting yet but short explanation is

A little girl and her grandpa wake up every morning around 5 am and drink a glass of cranberry juice

Its their tradition, and when stuff is bad for them both they continue to do that throughout the little girls life. Until her grandpa dies. And it would be all dramatic like she would wake up one morning when shes like 15 and he wouldnt be there to drink cranberry juice but her mom would be there and shed tell her like your grandfathers in the hospital. For whatever reason i havent decided. And so she would get her learners permit so she could drive to the hospital with her mom every morning to get there by 5 and drink a glass with him until he dies. Bam and thats my thought so far but like so theres a male and a female perspective in like two different parts of the globe and each of their stories has to do with cranberries and then they both have big aspirations to be a writer and a choreographer in New York city, and they meet through their friend who is a director of movies and knows the writer from editing scripts and knows the choreographer from filming a scene in a big movie about dancing.so they meet up and they hang out at this party that the director hosts and im getting tired now

So good night

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