*9 days later

i text back embarrassingly fast or nine hours later, there is no between

5 February, 2024

All my life, I've felt things more intensely than is probably deemed "normal". I've struggled, for years, to come to terms with this, with a heart that feels so fiercely.

It's almost as if each person's soul is dug like a well. Some, more shallow than others. And, for some reason, the well of my soul is dug *just* a little deeper. It may only be a few meters more, but that extra yardage taps into a pocket of passion, deep beneath the earth, that makes the tenderness coursing through my veins *that* much more potent. An injection of emotion, that thickens my heart juices. I feel deeply. I experience deeply. My senses pick up so much.

It's almost a curse, like Sherlock Holmes has, to notice that depth of detail. The subtones of emotion, conflict, charged situations - I feel them all. As an introvert, this means that the simplest of interactions can drain me. Constantly assessing, constantly noticing little social cues, changes in mood, changes in a person's stance, tones, vibes.

It's for these very reasons that my social battery is so much smaller than most. Put me in a situation with lots of sensory stimuli, and I find energy draining by the minute. I can only handle so much. It's a constant juggling of social commitments, trying to not become a total hermit, but also allowing myself enough "rest days" to recharge. You can only imagine how conflicted I am about Christmas - simultaneously my FAVORITE time of the year (due to the general increase in jolliness, and how much more relaxed everyone seems to be, in those weeks surrounding the holiday), but also a dreaded time, since it undoubtedly means a spike in social engagements.

But as much as I struggle with the immense energy it takes me to BE, to FEEL, to EXIST, to get through my day, the blessing is that I get to experience everything with a heightened sense of depth and profoundness. My feelings hold a *weight*. An intenseness of the heart that is unrivalled. My lows are lower, but my highs are higher, and I relish those moments where my heart engulfs my soul in emotions, so that every fibre in my being is overwhelmed to a point of euphoria. Where I feel at once grounded, but also soaring. Where I feel lost, but also so in tune with everything around me.

It is a feeling unlike no other.

And I am thankful to get to live this life I live, and to feel the way I feel. Each day anew, I learn more about myself, and each day anew, I strive to THRIVE, exactly how I am.

My social (and general capacity) battery may be smaller than most, but I feel each ounce of energy twice or thrice as strongly as others.

I am thankful for the way I am🙏🏻

Rotterdam Ferry-Boat, 1833

Joseph Mallord William Turner

https://www.nga.gov/collection/art-object-page.52279.html

Welcome :)

25 January, 2024

Welcome to my blog! I was running @penpalkingdom for a few years, but it has died, sadly. So I'm going to make this page @penpalking a personal page for myself!

I'm a 35 year old EXTREME introvert (INFJ), who is a pluviophile, a casual reader, gamer, and lover of the little things in life. Tea; a good book; a light breeze on my face; sending supportive messages to my friends - I find its the LITTLE things in life, that truly make the difference.

I look forward to getting to know you; to share in your triumphs, your sorrows, your happy days, and your sad ones.

Stay tuned for more posts about me, as I decorate this little space of mine, on the internet, and reach out to some of you for friendship, and email penpalships :))

I hope you're having a wonderful day!