Update - Squirrel Brains, Meds and Magic

Sooo... where were we? Ah yes... life update, because writing stuff helps me process things and writing just for me feels kinda pointless.

CW: Mention of ADHD Meds, dependence on meds, medication withdrawal

So I just came out of a very weird phase.. like extra weird. Why you ask? Well.... after having teeth surgery on the twelfth of December, I deemed it a splendid idea to just.. carry my heavily regulated ADHD medication in my backpack.. and for a reason yet unknown and hopefully as meneial as... it fell from my pack and is lost somehwere in my room, I lost it. As it is heavily regulated and my psychiatrist deems it a "non essential" drug for me to cope, I spent the last nine days without it.

Which was... better than anticipated, yet still shit af.

I tried my best... and I had only one really bad day, luckily the rest were filled with Christmas stuff and my family being surprisingly supportive. Also.. I gave in to the temptation and installed Conan Exiles once more... my one biggest addiction ever. It might have been a very stupid choice or a decent one as it did help me to cope and is without consequence at the moment.

It also provided me with the chance to reconnect to some old friends I met while playing the game, which is exceptionally nice... and discover all the great new cosmetics the modders included soo double yay.

Luckily, yesterday I managed to get my prescription renewed from my doctors christmas substitute and as of today, I am back on the meds. It is... a fucking relief. Because I can finally sort through my thoughts, cope with sensations and centre myself once more. Something I struggle with a lot, when off meds.

Sometimes it becomes really hard to string together a complete sentence and the inability to do so... is excruciating for me.

Also it's absolutely essential from real self regulation. I did notice, even off the meds I had a better time at clamping down on my impulsivity.. but of all the intractions I had over the last nine days, the only one that didn't completely stress me out, was that with my best friend yesterday, where I knew I didn't have to mask (as much).

I even managed to meet my daily writing goal today, which is a nice bonus. Not that I am specifically working on any projects right now, but I actually started working on a fantasy story two days before my meds went out... and I plan on continuing on it.

It combines a character from a previous story, I started as a self-care project during NaNoWriMo with a world I started to create more than... 12 years ago.

It is a new take on the story I had actually planned, and we'll see how it turns out!

A small snippet for you, should you be curious now..~

Fjinna swore, she would shit herself any moment. Ever since sitting down at her table, the shrewd eyes of her newest opponent, had not left her. Pale, glinting like the Northern Peaks at sunrise and cold as the Eternal Glaciers, these eyes bore into her like darts thrown from a decisive hand. They did not stare, no, they seemed to flit about, but never so far that the fairhaired girl left their field of vision. By now, the avid dice player of interest was suspecting the reason for the sudden appearance. When the lady in the run down gown had sat down, she had been knees deep immersed in time-magic, profiting of the fact, that here in the Lower Rungs, no one knew shit about real magic. Only the crude Elementalism, the Legion practiced, and as Fjin wasn't trying to blow, burn, wash or push the dice, they had no idea, how she was actually manipulating the game. Looking at the glimpses of future, to know how the dice would fall. Something she did every other round, so the other players or the dice boy, wouldn't get suspicious. The woman couldn’t have been drawn by her stark white hair, now neatly tucked beneath a slightly rumpled but rather realistic wig, marking her as a daughter of the Emerald Banks, instead of the Isenfjrode. Especially paired with the pallid skin and assortment of freckles dusting her cheeks. The rest of her was as unremarkable as they come… rancid coat, rancid shirt and a pair of very nice breeches, she nabbed during one of her travels topside during the last dead night. When the moon wasn’t peering down with her baleful glare. So instead of fretting further, she fixed the woman in her best “This city shat me out so better don’t mess with me, asshole!”- stares and asked in the rough, slightly deeper voice she had picked up in this place: “Do I ‘ave sum’thin’ on me face or do we ‘ave a prublem Missy?” A thinly plucked eyebrow rose at the Sludge drawl and her head cocked ever so slightly. “No, not at all, your face is quite… pristine. Or at least in this environment I would call it that.” She scoffed, while noting her guess. The hairs on Fjinnas neck immediately stood on end. Magic… close. It was an effort not to gape at the woman, something she wouldn’t have managed, before coming here. That bitch… Her eyes quickly moved to her opponents hair, black, not too dark. Her eyes… they were… was she? “Ohh look at that… it seems like… great minds do think alike.” The lady chimed, really pushing the topside dialect she spoke in, eyes still on Fjinna. “I wonder, what else they could.. come up with..” Some of the other players now looked about them, confused, some brows were raised. “Cash out…” she hurriedly blurted, when she felt the tug. Not on her body or her mind… but on her soul. That stinging, ripping HE had been so proficient at, as the Eshari across from her tried to subdue her magic, chain her very soul.

Lyria: Darrow should’ve stuck with his own

Also Lyria: I have to travel across the solar system to save MY Obsidian princess or I’ll explode

"When falls the Iron Rain, be brave. Be brave." - Lorn au Arcos

Darrow o' Lykos as The Emperor Card

A project I was toying with in my mind for a long time... a new set of Tarot Cards, inspired by Red Rising in the style of the Cyberpunk Tarot cards... for the second part of the series, bc @phantomrin already did an amazing series of tarot artworks for the first three books <3

Eaglet One

NaNoWriMo Journal Day ... well does it matter?

Soo.. I have returned from my hole in the ground. I am not going to continue NaNoWriMo, for the reason, that November is... well almost done. But that's fine.

I went through a rough patch. Not sure if I pulled through completely by now.. buut... I did some healing, by playing the best game on earth, aka Cyberpunk 2077.

After ending my relationship, diving into a sewing frenzy and seeing my ex not one week after breaking up... I deserve falling apart for a bit.. besides.. its not all that fell apart in my life, so that's more than reasonable. I just finished Cyberpunk, again. This time choosing the new Phantom Liberty Ending, called the Tower. Best so far.. although that's mostly due to the fact, that I don't really believe in sacrificing yourself for others, especially not hot assholes like Johnny Silverhand :D It was as bittersweet as most pages promised.. but I still think V deserved to survive, and a martyrs mentality will get you nowhere.. except for six-feet under.

Anyway.. had a great time, did some quest I missed last time around.. and kinda ditched Panam along the way.. was happy to reunite with Misty tho..

And... yeah... gathered some motivation for writing. As of now, I will probably stick to my daily challenges, and see if I can go from there, in regards to my current project :D

NaNoWriMo Journal Day XI

I am still in survival mode after yesterday.

The reason is me ending my longest and most fulfilling relationship, I've had in my entire life. It's just devastating to see, how something, that felt like a good match, didn't quite work out in the end and I am going to miss him dearly. After such a huge step, I want to give myself some freedom to just follow my inner squirrel, instead of trying to force myself to do stuff I don't feel like doing. Which is why, I am going to start working on a sewing project after writing on the self-care fantasy story and being inspired by describing a dress the protagonist wore... For the main thing, I wrote a whooping 46 words today... and thats ABSOLUTELY okay. I am proud of myself, for handling my personal troubles in a mature and self-respecting way... and I am proud of myself for taking care of my current needs in a stressful situation...

Never be ashamed of looking after your heart and mind, when going through a hard time <3 Took me an eternity to learn that and I am still faltering... sooo don't think I am not also occasionally chiding for seeing me as lazy.. it's all a process... one foot in front of the other! This is not from my playlist... but it fits the current mood. Besides.. who doesn't love Emilie Autumn <3

NaNoWriMo Journal Day X

I am having a very stressful day, which is why I decided to not write much and not force anything today..

I did write a bit on my newly created Self-care project, which is essentially classical sword&sorcery... buuut... that's just a side thing... whenever I need more magic in my life.

For the main deal, I wrote a staggering amount of... 48 words.. which is absolutely fine... since tomorrow will be a new day... and I will feel better. Today I already knew to be very stressful... soo yeah

Have a nice day anyway.. and take care of yourselves <3

NaNoWriMo Day IX Journal

Soooo my motivation has come to a new low…

It's fine though. I will write my ~ 1000 words today… go to my doctors appointment and hopefully write some more. Also I think, I know the reason for my stress… there's A lot going on in my life atm, I have a bunch of worries and stuff.. soo yeah.. I am bad at shutting it out, when all that's buzzing around in the back of my mind.

Soo let's get to the daily challenge.

Morbid fascination drew her eyes up towards the manor on the hill, like it did every morning she walked down to the village. How could it not? It was so utterly alien, compared to all the other huts and houses, dotting the land around here. For one, it had not just one, but three stories, four if you counted the tower room… and a fence… on its roof. Sometimes she saw the owners sitting on the roof, which must be flat on top. Her own home, only had the slanted thatching common for these parts. No fence… no hatch even… maybe they had a cellar, and didn't need all that space in the attic… still… it was mystifying to her, how they cured meats or plants for the winter. Maybe it wasn't just the colour after all… maybe it was the questions, that caused this "unhealthy fascination". Aside from just the roof, there were also these chimneys… broad and thick, with smaller tubes coming out of them… her mind wouldn't even begin to understand how that worked, how there would be multiple chimneys gathered in one… and especially why? Surely would make for a lot of work, to get that sorted, wouldn't it?

Song of the Day

Taylor Swift - Delicate

Why is it on the playlist?

Do you know these relationships, to people, who you think they are too good for you? And that there's soo much baggage, that you don't know, if it makes you even worthy of them? Maybe they have baggage too and it also complicates things further? This song is just an embodyment of that feeling. I had it rather often, although more in friendships, that romantic relationships... Anyway... I don't write romance... but my works include romance... soo the song fits the bill.

NaNoWriMo Journal Day VIII

Good morning folks!

I just slid past creative burn out, struggling like hell to write yesterday… still managed enough words… yet, I was feeling aweful.. Sooo I did what I learned in therapy.. and had some social interaction, via the phone, while going on a very nice long walk and doing some grocery shopping.

I should probably also clean my room, but I'll get to that aaafter writing for the day~

First up.. my plan for the day… is write. Nothing fancy.. If I get stuck, I will do some fancy sorting stuff on Obsidian, in hopse to make editing easier on me later, by putting all chapters into single files and splitting them up in scenes already. Obsidian has the neat function to fold up all the text beneath a headline, so that will break it down into even more manageable pieces. Last time, the sheer volume of what I had written and what had to be edited, overwhelmed me completely.. soo lets hope this new method works.

Ahh also a nice side effect of going on the walk, is that I woke up suuuper early today and I hope, I can turn this into my new wake up time, despite liking the night, it gives me more time to enjoy the light, which is quite the challenge for me in fall anyway…

Sooo.. Song of the Day: Serj Tankian - Borders are

Why is it on my Playlist? "Fear is the cause of separation"

Serj Tankian, ex-singer (or again singer) of the Armenian/American Metalband System of a Down, uses his voice as a solo-artist, to make political statements, questioning war, the enviromental crisis, capitalism and… nationalism.

The last, comes to bear in the song I talk about today, which beside one other, is on this playlist. It's about the artificial seperation of the world. And its complimented, by a very simple yet poetic video, showing a map of the world, every country painted a different shade, seperated by black lines, signfying borders between countries. Over the course of the song, the black lines fly up towards the viewer and disappear. I love this, because the different hues remain. Which I choose to interpret as an abolishing of the actual borders, while keeping our cultural heritage. Embracing unification without sacrificing what makes a culture or nation unique.

This… is not possible, as long as people are afraid. I came to this conclusion in parts thanks to Tankians song.. and in parts through learning about different cultures, their history. Immersing myself into it, helped me to concieve how a culture or a nation has become the way it is today. And this freed me of a lot of fear and made me realise… we are all humans. Which.. sounds like a no-brainer at first… but its something, I struggled with a lot and didn't really recognise until the fear was gone.

For example: When I moved to a bigger city with a high count of people who belong to the diaspora of muslim countries, my dad told me: "Be careful, daughter, don't smart mouth them, the men will have no qualms punching you in the face or stab you and leave you for dead." Only after actually talking to people from the cultures, getting to know them, I realised it to be utter bullshit. And I also realised, my Dad didn't say this, because he wants to be a racist… or is a bad person. No he was afraid.. Because all you hear in media is how a "Muslim immigrant stabbed his sister because she was in a relationship to a German man" or "Stabbing in XYZ might me a terrorist attack" "Immigrants take your doctors appointments" Sooo much the readily accessible information for the average German in form of news and media, usually only talks about the shitty stuff… because DUH… only the negative stuff actually sells.

Soo yeah.. It still might seem like fiction at this point… but that's why I write. I hope the people, who will read my books in the future, might agree with me on that, try to learn from it and maybe attempt to challenge their own fears about other cultures. Which is what this song is about… and also it wildly anti capitalist… but thats something for another day.

In the end, go check out Serj Tankian, he's amazing and deserves more ppl, listening to and understanding his music!

As this venture into music/politics/philosophy, was quite the long write - I excluded like at least a thousand words and saved them for later-, I will skip the daily challenge today and get into writing.

Okay… I started to procastinate at 10:20.. it's 11:00 now… lets eat something and stop procastination~

Sooo a little over two hours later, I am done for the day.. energy waning already… well it has a few reasons, one being my mother wanting to meet up in an hour or so, which means, I have a minor deadline, that tells me, I have to stop soon.

Also.. I am not really feeling it right now… therefore, I am going to do some selfcare and then get started on the whole ordering of chapters thing :D And after meeting my mum... its room cleaning time... like the saying goes... tidy home tidy mind.. or what ever :D

Never cared for these pithy wisdoms.. but I came to realise, cleaning up, whilst a hated task, is actually beneficial for my well-being, despite all within me recoiling at the prospect of having to clean anything..

I end the writing day for now at 1545 words… which is still above the word goal, which by now has dropped to under 1000 per day. Whoop!

NaNoWriMo Journal Day VII

Damn you hormones… the progesterone's rising, my mood is falling. I really hate being a woman on these days… because everything just feels icky… For almost two weeks.. At least I can use that… bc basically, the novel's about PMS and its effects on women with ADHD & their medication… soo yeaaaaah. This is fine!

Today's daily challenge will be a description of something, I've never described before.

Oh.. and I did manage to get together over 3400 words.. so all good on the writing front... Yesterday, I had to rewrite a longer section, which stole some from the count at the end of the day.

Today's Song: Within Temptation - Faster

Why is it on the list? Within Temptation were among my absolute favourites during my formative years and why agree with those who say, they have "mellowed" over the years… I think it's not soo bad. Their Album The Unforgiving is one of my favorites, just for the storytelling alone. The Song Faster to me, reads like the story of someone gathering courage and finally being who they are… an unmasking story so to speak. Also ADHD brains, like mine are usually quite fast in some regards. Eventhough I personally studder and sometimes have brain fog, it's usually not that I think nothing. Its more that I think too much, with a million thoughts clouding my brain, moving me on from what I am saying in the milisecond, the first sounds move over my lips and my mouth can't catch up…

And as I am writing about someone with similar problems… it fits the bill :D

Pic by Bliss Lights

The Oracle, a man in his mid twenties, wearing a suit more business casual than the borderline racist attires, one growing up on twenty first century flicks, associates with the profession, sat in a tastefully furnished room, a wild mix of sleek and dark modern lines, broken through with neo gothic elements, like the iron wrought candelabras, holding LED candles, programmed to flicker ominously, trying to hold their own against the main source of illumination. A sparkle lamp, dipping the room in a warm crimson glow interspersed with small motes of brighter hues, stood somewhere out of sight. The first thing, I had actually expected, as I couldn't deny the sense of mystique it created. A short introduction later, I was seated across from him at the round, wooden table, its top a surface evenly alternating between the smooth wood and slightly rougher stone inlays. Placing my plams on them, the cool texture, had something soothing.

NaNoWriMo Journal Day VI

Soooo new day, new me…

At least, that's what I had to tell myself, when falling asleep last night. There was a mean thought spiral wanting to drag me down… but it kinda worked. I am feeling better again after waking up. So that's nice~

After the tub, I didn't write too much, which isn't really surprising. Hot baths tend to take my energy, yet they are important for me to relax and loosen my too tight muslcles.

Todays To-Do list, will be some house cleaning, to cut down on my efforts during editing. But luckily thanks to two insanely productive two days behind me, I don't have to hit a super high word goal any more~

But First… Daily Challenge. After writing a lot of dialogue yesterday, which is usually the part I feel almost as uncomfortable with as with action scenes, I decided, to go for some action again~ This time a chase ;)

Four hours later…

I am a bit drained, managed to write 1757 words today… but I wasn't expecting stellar numbers. My mind is a bit preoccupied and I stumbled a lot, when I had to research stuff, which tore me out of the flow… sighs

Soo… time for a break… good thing is, I still hit my daily goal, which has sunk to a bit below 1100 words a day… so I am confident, I will last through this challenge and definitely hit the 50.000 words within a month…

What I am more worried about, is that I won't be able to wrap the story up nice an neat in that amount of writing… so it's very likely I will surpass this number while working on the project…

The goal, in the end, is to write a book, that can stand on its own, to increase the chances of actually getting a book deal… but we'll see… For now, I wanna continue writing and fleshing out this story..

I forgot to post this yesterday….which is why I do this now… had a huge dip in motivation last night and drew a bit on a picture for a friend..

Sooo Song of the Day (yesterday) Taylor Swift - …Ready for it?

Why is it on the playlist? First and foremost… it has an ellipsis… And I personally love to use the … interchangeable with a comma too just place emphasis. Also the aesthetic of the music video is just EVERYTHING… I mean the cgi is a biiit cringe by now. Still when it came out it hit me with the weight of a freight train, because the way captured Taylor is swirled by all the lights at one point… I sweat that's an image I daydreamt of for at least a year or so before the video came out… and it is also a huge part of what inspired me to write sci fi in the first place… So yeah… Taylor Swift… she's awesome!

Pic by TheMotionStudios

Rika realised she was fucked, apporximately two seconds later. One second after the womans eyes had locked on her, half a second after she had recognised the Japanese dragon tattooed to the left side of her face, winding down from her forehead over the cheek and scar. She didn't even look for the eyes mods, indicated by inset power lines powerlines across the cheekbones, she admired at the bar. Nope, she just turned and ran. Legs pumping beneath her, skirts pulled up so they wouldn't tangle up and trip her. Pushing aside hapless pedestrians and evading automatic rickshaws, the redhead wound her way back through the crowded Kyoto streets, hoping to escape the pursuing enforcer. She hadn't even seen the enhance body move or make any sign of pursuit. But the prickling in her neck, the second wave of irritated shouts behind her, was indication enough. At a crossing, Rika took a sharp turn left, already feeling the burn of exhaustion creep down her legs and up into her chest. Her throat and lungs burned like fire and she could feel a metallic taste on her tongue. The fear kept her going, running, escaping. No telling what would happen, if she caught up. Maybe she'd be just shot, or pushed down somewhere, making it seem like an accident. She had seen something not for her eyes. And even if she wasn't going to say anything, all kids growing up around these parts of Nihon knew, the Shogunate wasn't trifled with. The fear of disappearing, of vanishing into the jaws of the dragon, of the world turning on, like she had never even existed in the first place, it let her push trough the pain, let her run, even in an unpractical gown, not minding the delicate hairstyle and the insanely expensive adornments, of which half had already been lost to the chase. Only when she recognised the street she was on, the familiar sign of Kamara's tea parlour, she allowed herself to slow. Enough to not crash right into the counter, when she bounded inside and evade the older woman in the process of serving tea to a group of customers, but not enough to pause and explain. "Rika? What th-" But Rika couldn't explain, she didn't even hear the last of the sentence, instead rushed on, up the narrow stairs, through the bedroom and out the narrow balcony door. Only when reaching the roof, hidden on the slope towards the backyard, she allowed herself to stop, lying down, feeling like her lungs had been exised with a blunt spoon.

5060 Words today... yaaay!

NaNoWriMo Journal V

Soooo…. uhm… remember how I was like: "Oh nooooo… I don't know if I will make it much farther than the daily minimum… weeeep…"

I uhm… kinda overshot it.. a bit.

Wrote ~5200 in total yesterday, finishing two chapters, still working on Chapter VI, which will be done soon aswell.. sooo yeah..

Daily Task - Action scene inspired by the fourth image of my pinterest start page. 200-300 Words max. (Story below)

Today's song: Extra Terra - Neural Link

Why is it on my playlist? Well… I suppose the title already makes it kinda obvious… buuut as I like to profusely explain things… let me tell you. ITS A) AMAZING.. B) BADASS C) exaCtly what I imagine playing in Clubs all over the fantasy world I created. I am a huuuge fan of the Cyberpunk Genre… something I never quite realised until listening to Extra Terra's music. Normally I am not huge on the umbrella term of EDM… sure I dance to it sometime and my favourite cheer-up music is absolutely (Russian) Hard Bass, thanks to my lil' brother, who showed me DJ Blyatman. Buuut.. most of the rest isn't my kind of tea.. except for this dark, rhythmic Cyperpunky music.. it's like Luminary, which blows up on Bookstagram at the moment.. it gets me to dream about a futuristic world, with huge sky scrapers, neon lights and crushing hypercapitalism.. Soo… I would give Extra Terra a lot of credit, when it comes to inspiring me~

Buuut enough of the chit chat… let's get to writing. I actually already did write half a paragraph before remembering, I hadn't faced my daily challenge.. but that's a good thing.. means the hyperfocus has finally come and the book is going to get finish…

Although… I will have to do some cleaning up and editing the stuff my alphareaders flagged, which should come first…. eat the frog and all..

Sooooo its 17:01, first real break for the day after starting this morning. Another chapter done, second one is at the halfway point. I introduced a new character and had her have quite the dialogue with my protagonist… Writing is sooo fun right now… Buuut… I will treat myself, with a hot bath… bc I earned it and need it.. tbh.

Smell ya later, suckers <3

Daily Challenge

By AeLi Kim

The bodyguard hefted her lance, while the two attendants made a valiant attempt to user the lady away from the party that had waylaid them in the alley. Too late… the two bouncers from Ashin's, Fjinna had hired only yesterday, upon realising three people might not be enough, had closed in from behind, and now blocked the way, shiteating grins on both faces. Brutes…, the mage thought with an exasperated huf, before reaching for the veins of golden energy, thrumming just at the tips of her fingers. Air and water, best for controlling a fight. In the end she didn't want to kill a guard just doing her job. Nodding to Barn, he tightened his enormous fists on the club and barraged forward, embodying the inevitability and majesty of an Isenbergen landslide. The sharpened lance, adorned with the House Song dragon, its maw opened around the sharp blade, snapped foreward so fast, only Fjinnas affinity for messing with time, made her even realise what was going to happen. Not wanting to see her friend gutted in the high street, having to deal with some very prickly questions and Legion pursuit, the aspiring career criminal, made a snap decision to completely and utterly change the plan. Her fingers moved forward just as fast and a wall of ice rose in front of the lancers charge. By no means strong enough to stop, but sufficient to slow. Ice burst with it glacial ringing, as the guard battered through it, giving Barn the time he needed to adjust his stance from offense to defence. Still sparks flew as lance met the iron studs of his club and Fjinna surged forward. The gust, rustled through her robes as it carried her over the guard and hurled down a trio of ice spikes, hoping to sow some confusion and create more obstacles for the soldier to maneuver around. A miscalculation, she sensed, before feet touched the ground. Of her opponent mostly. That bitch fought mages before. A realization scraped along the edges of her mind as she drew the rapier from the cross belt, tyring to get in close from behind. But it was as if the wind, usually a kind and loving friend, had found someone better. At a rapid pace, the woman swirled and twirled, almost causally warding of the smaller attackers fast stabs and the giants laboured swings.

Good day ya'll!

Its 11:30 and I just completed a small research session on fillipino martial arts and taking extensive notes on how my characters might move in the upcoming combat scenes. Funny enough, I always thought my larp experience would help in writing combat realistically… but oh boy… I WAS SO WRONG… its embarassing.

I am still no real expert, but maybe I can find someone to help with those scenes in particular down the line. For now I did watch some videos and read some instructions online and feel confident to get into the fight scene, I've been hyped for yesterday… but first… warm up time!!

by Electrum Photography

Then and again, he would get a flicker of red eyes, burning brightly with flashes of inert blood magic, his friend no doubt struggling to hold it back, hating crowds as it was. Dan… you are getting an ear full, for dragging her out here, he thought ruefully and picked up his pacing again. A few moments later, she stumbled free from the bodies swaying and squirming with the thrumming beats. "going to try smth new, winky face", had been the last text he received from her before getting on the tube and hot damn… she had. Only her hair was reminiscent of the timid mage, kept straight and falling down onto her shoulders, bangs freshly trimmed to end in a straight line above her brows. To cover her chest Lucille wore only a black pleather bra, the burning church tattooed across he abdomen, was on full display, showing its bell-tower ablaze, right between her breasts. She had paired it off with nothing more than a pair of latex gloves and a matching skirt, making Dan sweat just by looking at it. Clashing with the entire get up, the mad woman had forgone the use of shoes completely.

Not my best work… but after spending so much time on researching, I am a bit anxious to get writing. There is still some catching up with the long-term goal to do… soooo snaps fingers LET'S DO IT!

Okaaay… five hours later… didn't hit the word count… yet. But I am due for a food break, having ordered poké bowl from my fav restaurant.

I really underestimated how far fight scenes were out of my comfortzone… usually I am more for the whole emotional stuff… but as I am writing sci-fi about ppl doing sneaky shit and pissing off powerful other ppl, I don't think I will get away without it…

In the end… I went against the plan I had, and reshuffled my entire story a little bit.. soooo.. that just might turn into something interesting… who knows…

As of now I am at ~1400 words, so very close… aaaand the next scene coming up, will be snugly inside my comfort zone again, hence I am no tooo worried, I won't hit my mark for the day.This wraps up Chapter IV nice and neat~

I do a lot better at starting a chapter than ending it sooo...

But.. to learn from this, I will probably alter the daily warm up challenge a bit… by changing it to stuff I am not quite good at yet..

Maybe a paragraph of a battle scene or dialogue each day? Something like this.

As it stands now, I will wait for my food and write a bit more afterwards…

For now, lets continue with the Playlist, shall we?

Today's song: Faunts - M4 Pt.2

Why is this on my playlist? Those among you with an excellent taste in Video Games, might already know this one. If not by name, then from the Mass Effect I credits, as it is from the Game's OST. To be honest, it doesn't align at all with what I usually listen to, but then that's mostly everything that leads to the release of dopamine in my brain… so I can't claim any consistency there. Being a huuuuge fan of the Mass Effect Trilogy… and my alien waifu Garrus, connecting a very peaceful time in my life with these games… an age of innocence so to speak.. I have feelings about the song as well…

The lyrics just resonate with me… and I kinda always come back to it, when I have a hard time. Its not cheerful or anything.. but it holds this deepfelt wish for someone to heal… and struggling with mental illness, I just need it.

As my novel draws a lot from my personal experiences and how I see the world, this fits the story's playlist quite well… and its Mass Effect related… sooo doubly perfect~

Sooooo I will go wait for food now and play some Mahjong or whatever :D Have a lovely day~

NaNoWriMo Journal III.2

Soooo I am done for now, not sure if its for the day. Buuut, I did write another ~900 words, starting Chapter IV. The action is upon us and its soon time for the first fight scene, with an antagonist I am soooo hyped to write… especially since I am a bit in love with the aesthetic. It'll combine fantasy elements with sci fi, I haven't seen in the genre yet… sooo lets see how that goes..

Anywaay… In light of that, I am going to do some research after writing this.. in the meanwhile, I want to start something else, thats maybe probably going to be part of this.. namely my writing playlist. I don't actually listen to music while writing, I do that in complete silence as I am otherwise distracted by the sounds…. buuut I use it to get me pumped before and after.

Today's song: Miracle of Sound - Machine Hearts

Why is this on my playlist? My story explores amongst others, the sentience of artificial intelligence. In my version of the universe, AI have evolved to human level sentience and live beside them as part of the inhabited systems. They have adopted and altered many human mannerisms integrating into society. They have jobs as an employee or run their own business, they lead relationships, similar to humans if not the same, they even produce offspring from time to time. And while they are of a different species, AI's and humans have found themselves in romantic relationships as well…

Being a big fan of Miracle of Sound, the song inspired a vital part of my story. Also… it resonates with me on a personal level, having struggled a lot in the past with connecting to all but the most devastating emotions… soo, it was a no-brainer when making the playlist~

Oh and I cracked the 2000 words mark for today, almost caught up to the writing overall word goal for NaNoWriMo!

Cheers~

Pic by Libou

NaNoWriMo Journal III.1

I did it you guys! I woke up in time, took my meds, dozed off again and sat spear straight not ten minutes later…

Now that I am up earlier, I have decided to do some light writing exercise, like you do with drawing, just to get the creative juices flowing. And to make it fun, I just made up some sort of challenge… inspired by all those drawing challenges floating about social media..

1. Go to Pinterest 2. Pick the fourth pic, that's no ad (or the ad, what do I care?) 3. Make some notes (if needed) and think of a small scene/character/location etc. 4. Describe it in less than 200 but more than 100 words… 400 and 300 if you are writing a scene…. 5. Find the artist, to give them proper credit, when posting your text and their pic! Bonus: Link the artist in a comment beneath their work, if its a reupload! (Bc Pinterest is not.. and weren't it such a good site for moodboarding, I wouldn't use it at all!)

We'll see, if I keep it up... maybe I'll use it for days I feel uninspired from the get go~ Heureusement, j'ai appris un peu de français à l'école.

Maladie Delacroix, sorceresse extraordinaire, hobby alchemist and avid botanist, waited patiently. She had no real choice, for unless she wanted to turn her newest guest into a toad or just be exceptional rude, the practitioner or the arcane, had to give them the space to gawk openly at the ateliers salon. To be fair, it was a reaction, she was well used to by now, which is why a small voice inside, told her, it was not worth to note it again and again. Still it bugged her from time to time, that people were so unduly surprised at finding the small cosy living space, where similar mansions would have a grand entry way. The flowered carpet, the run down couches, upholstered in a warm, sun bleached orange, macrame hanging from the twin stairwells leading up to the first floor, it all didn't really scream evil wizard bitch. Well.. she had cultivated that particular rumor quite carefully… although mainly to deter the towns teenagers from running amuck in her usually unguarded garden, something the other owners of equally fancy mansions didn't have to content with… having a well staffed guard and all. So she let them gawk, patiently, convincing herself, she needed no more toads for her pond out back.

This done… let's get to it~

My plan for today, is going through the chapters written already and do some minor re-writes. Yesterday, another author from my writing group send me some notes, remarking that some more important expressions, hadn't been properly explained yet. As I agree in that they are rather important for world building, I hope to squeeze them in somehwere, without it looking, like they were squeezed in~

43 minutes later

Please imagine that in the Spongebob narrators voice

I am happy to report… the "squeezing in of exposition", was a success.. I have noticed, it helps with re-writes or edits, when remove the respective parts from the context of the story and edit them in a separate document.

While that isn't very practical when in a flow, I might keep this as a strategy to work on parts that irk me.

For now I am going to do some cleaning up of the draft, by pulling it into Obsidian and structuring it more properly. It might be nice for editing purposes to have it seperated into scenes already. Also can back it up this way.

Five Minutes later

Whelp.. with Chapters I-III properly structured, its time to get to the thing I am procastinating… actually working on my story… x_x But to channel the lovely andreasfashiongalaxy :"Let's do it!" snaps fingers

Over an hour later

Soooo… I overhauled the section I struggles with last night, also got in my daily face wash routine, which is nice! I managed to the write 958 words and finished Chapter III. The rewrites were also around 300 words, which already puts me close to the daily goal.

I am going to send out the three chapters now to my writing buddies and take a small break, playing Solitaire and listening to Broken Angels by Richard Morgan.

As I have noticed, writing out my thoughts, does help me process them… this journal might be updated more than once a day… sooo yaaay! :D

NaNoWriMo - Journal Day I & II

The NaNoWriMo has come… and I am here for it.

Its the first time ever. I am a bit daunted… and I am afraid, the self inflicted pressure will get to my head and throw me back into writers block. So I am going to be chill and write what I want, when I want… maybe try the magic cookie method by Susan Dennard.

All in all.. I am a bit hyped and happy to spend my time writing again!

If you wanna know more about the project and my progress, feel free to check out my profile on the official page.

Panzerkatzee's NaNoWriMo

Here I am mostly going to write and process my writing process… and make really bad puns obviously.

Soooo let's start… Day I

I wrote all in all 640 something words… which is not thaaaat much. But I was majorly hungover from the Halloweenparty I went to and spent a lot of my day sitting on a train home so… that is fine I guess.

I did start the project a few days ago, after having some very good writing days last week and laying down two solid chapters and a slightly wonky prologue.

Right now, the story really starts to take shape as does the world its set in. So yester day, I continued on the third chapter, tried a new style of intro for beginning a new chapter. One of my biggest goals for this project is to keep the exposition bombardment at the beginning to a minimum, so this method, using a short internal monologue to explain stuff to the reader, interwoven with the current action, is a new way to go for me…

Before my first chapters usually read like a seventh graders essay about the town their living in… but I think I am making progress… who'd have thought authors knew what they were talking about, when they said, reading books, helps you writing them :D

Day II

Today was far from perfect too. I actually had an alarm set to 10pm, so I would be awake and on my morning's adhd stimulant high.. buuut… alas… I couldn't sleep last night 'til five and woke up at 12… Had to run some errands and waste some time better spent writing… still I got a bit further into the story and suspense is building… which brings me to a part, about which I think, I am bad at.

Building suspense… making something interesting and opaque enough for a reader to keep reading. I do struggle with abstractions and need things to be described quite literal sometimes… autism yaaay..

Buuut, after having read a lot and learned this shit for school, I am getting better in hiding stuff from my reader…

Still it proved a minor stumble as my motivation waned 800 words in.. so instead I decided to work on an idea I had this afternoon while doing my errands and wrote the intoductions for two characters, that will appear later in the story and are quite dear to me on accounts of them being inspired by ppl I know…

That made for 450 words, which is satisfying to me.

I did not meet the 1500 words mark but I am confident, that a few high energy days will make up for that soonish!

EDIT: My tactic of writing about writing worked, and I got in ~600 more words, continuing the snippet below, which has turned into a whole scene by now~

And with that I went over the 1500 word, ending at 1668 words for today~

As todays goodie, here is one of the snippets:

From behind the black, velvet curtains, they stepped onto the stage, but in my head, it had been from a stygian fever dream of writhing snakes, incense and well tempered milk baths, holding naked bodies. Skin the colour of a desert sunset glistened with an alluring, oily sheen, contouring the lean muscle of her abdomen and arms. Clad in a scant top, black with golden accents, that wound around ample breasts, leaving them uncovered only only the nipples hidden by golden pasties. It matched a skirt, consisting of gold trimmed, black leather strips, that hung from a golden belt, shaped vaguely like vertebrae. It did little to hide the bulge beneath and even through the dulling effect of the stim boost, I had to swallow, mouth suddenly very dry, from hanging open.