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organ-market · 7 months

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Born With No Tongue

A personal essay of a Viet "no sabo" kid on language.

Given white names, white language, we were forced to assimilate.

I am a first generation Vietnamese child, who cannot speak Vietnamese.

I cannot blame my parents for not teaching me my native tongue. They were only doing what they thought would help me. They were helping me avoid the hurt, the ostracization that comes with not knowing English. They were scared for me. They spent years afraid in America, at the mercy of strangers who could not even understand a single word.

I mourn for the years lost. I mourn for the language I was never taught. I mourn for the culture I will never truly be a part of.

Sometimes I think about freshman year, a baby faced me ready to face the world of highschool. I wanted to reconnect to my culture, so I enrolled in a Vietnamese 1 class. It was terrible. Everyone else there was Vietnamese and already knew how to speak the language. They just wanted an easy A. The best score I got was a C. One of the students even grew up in Vietnam— the teacher made him help grade papers. The teacher would ask me why I was having such a hard time, saying that white kids had done better than me. I used to cry every day in that class, to the point where no one needed to gossip about my insecurity. It was simply seen as fact.

It was soul crushing.

That experience made me scared to ever attempt to learn again. It was a loss of innocence, a loss of my hope to grow closer to those so far away.

There’s a jealousy deep within my bones. It eats away at my marrow, growing stronger as the days pass. From jealousy, anger grows. From anger, resentment grows.

Why was it me? What did I do to deserve this? This mocking, this dissonance? I cannot even claim a name from where I belong. You look at me and you see “Asian”. But how can I be, if I can’t even grant you a hello? If I cannot even tell you the name of my favorite food, what am I?

I am a mockery of my parents' hopes and dreams.

- the petals of a blue violet.

#organmart #om-bluevioletpetals #personal essay #writing #language #no sabo kid #emotional #feelings #grief #emotions #first generation #immigrant parents #diaspora

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organ-market · 9 months

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Unconventional Detective Games

Return of the Obra Dinn, 2018

The maritime mystery game Return of the Obra Dinn by Lucas Pope is almost entirely subversive for a detective game. Everything in the game from its core premise to hyper stylized presentation, is all ambitious and experimental. Every person aboard the Obra Dinn has mysteriously died and you assume the role of an insurance investigator piecing together the horrific events using a magic watch that delivers to you a front seat viewing of a vignette of each person’s demise. Using these dioramas of death, you are charged with recording the manner of death of each and each crewmember and passenger aboard the ship.

Return of the Obra Dinn and its addictively satisfying detective puzzle gameplay left me hungry for more. Playing the game instilled in me a deep love for a good mystery and a desire to solve them. While I love games like Disco Elysium, which stars detectives as its protagonists, the investigation was never really the point. Moreover, a love for the unconventional detective was entrenched in my heart and as an interactive medium, video games are perfect for aspiring would-be detectives.

Overboard! , 2021

The year is 1935, aboard the S.S. Hook, Veronica Villensy throws her husband overboard under the foggy shade of night. In Inkle’s devilishly clever puzzle/visual novel, Overboard! you have eight hours before reaching the ports of New York and in that limited time you must relieve yourself from suspicion and guilt for your husband’s death at any cost. It’s a sort of anti-detective puzzle about getting away with murder which forces you to learn your fellow passenger’s schedules, plant evidence, and be consistently careful with your language lest your words betray you much later.

The DNA of time loop games such as Majora’s Mask and The Sexy Brutale is woven into the gameplay loop of Overboard! It’s a fairly short game taking around 2-3 hours to finish the story but at the benefit of allowing an immense amount of player agency. There is a wide variety of solutions to evading the mighty hand of justice, you are free to travel around the ship on a whim with no direction from the game itself. The only hint system is visiting the chapel and praying to God which is both cleverly diegetic and hilarious.

The nonlinearity of your objective incentivizes logical thinking and experimentation. The puzzle is rewarding much like learning each map and NPC routines in the Hitman: World of Assassination trilogy is. At first you clumsily trip over your words when Major Singh interrogates you but eventually you can get away with murder in style along with netting some pocket money from the life insurance if you pull it all off just right!

The nonlinearity of each puzzle in Overboard! is incredibly refreshing, it just feels organic and natural. Going achievement hunting in this game is its own little puzzle and I still haven’t figured out some of the little secrets it hides from us. It’s a game I can’t put down and haven’t yet been able to stop thinking about and I really recommend giving it a shot since it’s only $15 and only $6 if you catch it on sale.

Pentiment, 2022

Obsidian Entertainment’s Pentiment was my favorite game of 2022 and enraptured me for long nights as I obsessed over its rich dialogue and gorgeous medieval illumination manuscript inspired art. So much love and research was put into the historical setting, it takes place in 16th Century Bavaria within the town of Tassing is filled with life and character. You play as Andreas Maler, an artist working in an abbey on a hill and whilst attempting to finish your masterpiece, your co-worker and friend, Brother Piero, is falsely accused of the murder of a wealthy Baron who was staying in town. You are sprung into action as you only have a limited amount of time to clear Brother Piero’s name.

You are given a limited amount of time to wander around town, attempting to conduct interviews, deduce motives, and eventually gather enough evidence to bring the culprit to justice. Because of the impending trial, time is ever so precious in Pentiment and you will never have enough time to do everything you want at your leisure. Every moment dwelling on conversation or recreation is time you could have spent digging for answers. In order to pin a suspect you must hone in on what you think is most beneficial for your case like a true detective.

Brother Piero’s freedom is always at the cost of another’s conviction, in Pentiment you must push the blame onto someone else. During your investigations, you find that Sister Matilda, a nun at the abbey, had been assaulted by the late Baron many years ago. This is one of the clearest motives in the game but most physical evidence points in other directions, all the while every nun in the abbey will assure you of her innocence.

Saint John's Eve Festival Bonfire

Convincing the archdeacon (the head of the trial) of Sister Matilda’s guilt is perhaps the easiest of all the suspects to accomplish and Pentiment will not tell you outwardly that Matilda didn’t do it but it doesn’t have to. In a clever subversion, the game never tells you if you caught the culprit in the end. Pentiment, brilliantly, left me to wonder if I made the right choices as the totality of the lethal consequences of my actions weighed on my mind. You can easily convince the archdeacon of someone’s guilt but are you able to convince yourself?

The brutality of the executions should not be understated. You look on helplessly as someone you convicted meets an unwieldy end as they plead, cry, and eventually die. The executioner’s sword rises and falls as it lodges itself into the neck again and again until the head breaks free from the neck. Whether you like it or not, your choices matter in Pentiment and the consequences stare you down with a harsh disposition.

While playing Pentiment I was continually reminded of a line from Rian Johnson’s murder mystery film Knives Out. The titular detective Benoit Blanc (he’s so me by the way) notes that, “...the complexity and the gray lie not in the truth but what you do with the truth once you have it.” The complexity of truth is captured beautifully by Pentiment. In many regards it is a conventional mystery but by weaponizing the player’s need for clear answers it infected my mind for many hours after the credits rolled along with the minds of many others. There are fierce debates and chatter surrounding who really did the killing. Pentiment wasn’t as well talked about as it deserved, with all the games releasing it was overlooked by most. Well, it isn’t exactly for everyone but for the price of $20 it gave me a wealth of dialogue to mull over and wonder about.

Phasmophobia, 2022

A multiplayer ghost hunting spookfest is not exactly what you’d think of when discussing detective games but Kinetic Game’s Phasmophobia is deeply investigative by nature. Intense inspection is at the beating heart of the game with an important twist. Where ordinarily a detective chases after a suspect after the fact, here your suspect is reacting to your every move and can (and will) kill you on a whim. In the game you and up to three other friends venture into a haunted house and gather evidence and clues to determine which of the twenty four ghosts in the game is currently residing in your location.

You and your team will wander out of the safety of your van and into cold, darkened rooms to find clues by checking thermometers, speaking into spirit boxes, and throwing salt all over the floor in hopes of getting the ghost to step in it. Not only can you gather evidence with your camera and UV lights but another layer in your investigation is the behavior of the ghost. Knowing how aggressive each ghost is or how fast it is, is a tremendous asset in your deductive arsenal. The more you know, the more you can whittle the possibilities down until you have your culprit.

But finding the ghost and gathering evidence is just one thing, surviving the ghost is another. Being in the dark and bearing witness to paranormal activity will deplete your sanity and eventually the ghost will target you for a hunt. The front door slamming shut marks the beginning of a hunt, the ghost will manifest physically and chase you down and kill you if you don’t hide in time.

Corpse of my friend, deceased. Moments before I run out of the house in terror.

Phasmophobia is a dangerous balancing act of facing your fears by delving into the darkness in order to find clues and trying desperately to find the ghost type as fast as you can so you can get the hell out of there. The reactivity of the ghost keeps you on edge as you wander the halls gathering data. Speaking into the spirit box may prompt a raspy whisper into your ear or the candle you just lit may be blown out moments after. More interestingly though, is the voice recognition AI that takes advantage of the communication players rely upon. Everything from saying you’re scared to a simple curse word can lead to the ghost favoring you as prey. Even players who stay in the van for too long get targeted by the ghost!

Within Phasmophobia is one of the most unique investigative experiences on the market and definitely a one of a kind multiplayer experience. The comfort of having a buddy to share your terrors with is stripped away when they stop responding to your radio! It’s truly unlike anything I’ve ever played and the developers are constantly updating it, two big thumbs up from the afterlife.

The satisfaction from my first time getting away with murder in Overboard! and the despair when I find out I had the ghost type completely wrong in Phasmophobia are some of my most memorable experiences in gaming! And Pentiment proved to be one of the most well written games I’ve had the pleasure of reading. I sincerely hope you check them out if you haven’t already! They’re all pretty cheap anyway. And once again begging for recommendations in the comments/reblogs so if you know any good, and hopefully weird, detective games let me know! Thanks in advance everyone and I’ll catch you on the flip side :P

-Ghost Emoji 👻

#organmart #om-ghostemoji #writing #video games #video game recommendations #detective games #return of the obra dinn #overboard!#overboard game #pentiment #phasmophobia

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organ-market · 10 months

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Bilingual Cinema: Language and Great Representation in Media

Everything Everywhere, All at Once, 2022

One of my favorite little things about living in such a diverse American city on the West Coast is the multitude of languages flowing in and out of my ears as I commute, people watch, or even sit idly in class. Elderly Asian ladies filling a bus with the sound of Vietnamese chatter or blaring music with lyrics woven in Spanish erupting from a truck zooming down the road. While I am only properly fluent in English, I’ve found beauty in the bilingual streets of my home town and am overjoyed to see this same beauty translated onto the big screen as the movies we produce more closely reflect the diverse cultures present throughout America.

There appears to be a growing trend of bilingual movies which heavily feature multiple languages that are baked into the infrastructure of the dialogue. No singular language takes precedence over any other as languages, dialects, and accents all flow together naturally. Americans who previously incessantly whined about subtitles are now sitting in theaters reading subtitles in The Farewell and Everything Everywhere, All at Once which took home Best Picture at the Oscars earlier this year. These bilingual films continue to push the bar of representation as people of color begin to tell their own stories using their own languages.

Stephanie Hsu in Everything Everywhere All at Once, 2022

The Daniels’ 2022 Chinese-American absurdist amalgamation of wildly varying genres, Everything Everywhere All at Once proudly features English, Mandarin, and Cantonese. The film proudly introduces us to a realistic portrayal of an Asian-American family and coaxes us into their family dynamics and larger than life sci-fi story as the movie branches off into much more imaginative territory.

To those of you who haven’t had the pleasure of watching it, (seriously if you haven’t, go see it) the film follows Evelyn, the mother of a Chinese-American family and the struggling laundromat business she runs with husband Waymond while she attempts to reconnect with her daughter Joy. As an exclusively English speaker so much of the nuance of the film’s use of language goes completely over my head but Youtuber Language & Film has uploaded a concise little video on the film’s clever use of language which I wholeheartedly recommend checking out. If anyone wants a more in depth analysis of language’s role in the film, I’ll put a link down below.

What I particularly love about Everything Everywhere All at Once is how unashamed it is of Evelyn’s immigrant narrative. While Evelyn appears at times to be somewhat insecure about her broken English, the film never once equates intelligence with fluency; a vicious mistake Hollywood frequently makes with stereotypical Asian characters. The reason why myself and so many others connected so deeply with the film is just how honest and grounded the portrayal of this family is. Not once does it flatten the characters to the archetypes we commonly see of Asian characters in media, they aren’t the model minority or even a completely cohesive family unit as divorce looms in the back of Waymond’s mind. Despite the business of life and the film itself you can feel the cluttered love of this family throughout its runtime and I was so glad to have been able to hear the mixture of different languages that just adds to the chaos of the household.

Past Lives, 2023

I left with a well of emotions brewing deep in my gut after finishing a viewing of Celine Song’s Korean-American romantic drama, Past Lives, earlier this week. Beautifully shot and written, the romance between two childhood friends is told throughout decades as Nora Moon and Hae Sung weave in and out of each other’s lives. A mix of Korean and English is used throughout the film as Nora becomes more fluent in English after she emigrates and Hae Sung speaks almost exclusively in Korean. Director Celine Song told Polygon “...she [Nora] sounds like a kid when she speaks Korean — because she emigrated when she was a kid, and she only really speaks to her parents in Korean. So it kind of made sense that she spoke Korean in a childlike way.” Little details like this really flesh out the characters and make them seem real, the same language logic is applied to the whole cast as they each have varying levels of fluency in both Korean and English.

Similar to Everything Everywhere All at Once, the film’s bilingualism is informed by its distinct Asian diaspora and is told through the eyes of Nora Moon who moved to Canada at the age of 12 leaving Hae Sung along with her old name Na Young behind in South Korea. When Hae Sung visits Nora in New York much later in the film, after all those decades Nora notes that Hae Sung has all these “Korean views” on everything and that she somehow feels less Korean and at the same time more Korean while being with him all at the same time.

I felt very deeply connected to Nora in this moment, neither of my parents had ever imbued in me the cultural values of my heritage. I am Vietnamese on my mother’s side and Mexican on my father’s. I find myself feeling self consciously Viet around my Vietnamese friends and self consciously Mexican around my Mexican friends but throughout it all a strange Americanized shame persists within me since my parents have been thoroughly white washed. And although it was a small moment in a nearly 2 hour film, I still can’t stop thinking about that confusing, conflicting feeling Nora described regardless.

Los Espookys, 2019

The wonderfully idiosyncratic, beautifully queer Latino comedy show, Los Espookys has spoken dialogue in both Spanish and English and often goes back and forth between A plots in Spanish and B plots in English. Created by Ana Fabrega, Julio Torres, and Fred Armisen, the show itself is about a couple of friends who decide to follow their passions and start a “horror group” performing various oddball tasks with spooky theming. In one episode they manufacture a sea monster sighting to revive tourism in a coastal beach town, in another they create a monster mascot named Bibi’s to teach an elementary class a school lesson. It is simultaneously hysterical and charmingly strange almost constantly.

Los Espookys main cast of characters consists of proud queer goth Latinos, they’re aware their infatuation with horror is a little weird but they never shy away from that and honestly love that about themselves. The only part of their identities that the main characters have trouble with is getting others around them to accept that strangeness into their lives. The show’s original ambitions were to air on a Spanish-language cable channel but when presented to HBO Latino, the team was offered a chance to bring it to HBO’s main channel to a much wider audience and, like the show’s characters, the creators had to find a way for American audiences to let that strangeness into their living rooms. Dave Itzkoff writes in the NY Times that, “...he [Armisen] wanted to create a Spanish show “that isn’t an explanation of Latino culture, that’s moving past the foreignness of it.””

Watching the show itself really impacted me, not only did my lungs hurt from laughing but being able to laugh along with queer Latino goths who had similar queer experiences as me was a real empowering treat. What struck me most, besides the gags, was just how natural this representation was, there are seamless transitions from the English spoken parts in America or the embassy and the parts in the fictitious Latin American country the show is set in. No member of the cast is reduced to a simple trait based on sexual orientation, race, or any other archetype, there is so much personality and life present in each character. Renaldo for example, is aro ace, loves all things horror, hates when people misspell his name, and is incredibly passionate and caring about his friends. Nobody’s sexual orientation nor accents are the focus of any one joke or define them as individuals, it is an overwhelming uplifting show and the bilingual nature of it is just another proud part of the show’s hand crafted identity.

Sr. Bibi's from Los Espookys, 2019

What I really want to hone in on and celebrate about the appearance of bilingual media is how filled with pride these works are, how lovely it is that the media we consume is starting to better reflect the colors, languages, and cultures that populate the world around us. I really can’t recommend Everything Everywhere All at Once enough but I’m sure almost everyone online has already praised it to the moon. Be sure to catch Past Lives while it’s still in theaters because it is a real treat and one of the best movies so far this year. Los Espookys is a total sleeper hit that I fell in love with from episode 1, if I get at least one more person to watch that show I can die happy. I was tempted to lengthen this post with 2019’s Sound of Metal (which I am a little more critical of) which features American Sign Language but I think I’ll save it for a later post since this one is long enough. If anyone wants to recommend any bilingual pieces of fiction whether it be movies, tv, or even games please, by all means, let me know! I’d love to hear all of your recommendations and opinions, keep it real guys.

-Ghost Emoji 👻

Links and Stuff :P

Language & Film Youtube

Past Lives Polygon Article

NY Times Los Espookys Article

#organmart #om-ghostemoji #writing #personal essay #language #movies #film #movie recommendation #tv recommendations #eeaao #past lives #los espookys

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organ-market · 11 months

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That Time Twentyish Californians Declared Independence (And the Time they did it Again a Hundred Years Later)

As you may already be aware, much of the United States of America's current territory once belonged to the nation of Mexico, from Texas to California and everything in between. Most of this land was acquired after the 1846 Mexican-American War, save for Texas, which joined the Union the year prior. Texas is famous for having been an independent republic for a period of time, even retaining its military to this day, but what's not as well known is the California Republic, also known as the Bear Flag Revolt or "a bunch of dudes who were tired of living in Mexico."

As of 1845, the Mexican province of Alta California occupied the land of present day Arizona, California, Nevada, and Utah, along with parts of Colorado and Wyoming. Alta California largely operated as a semi-autonomous state, being disconnected from and neglected by the officials in Mexico City. This disconnect was made even more evident when Manuel Micheltorena, who was not a Californian, was made governor of the province, and was promptly ousted all of two minutes later by a popular revolt. He was replaced by Pío Pico, who was a local Californian, and also advocated for Alta California to secede from Mexico and become a British protectorate.

The province of Alta California, as of 1845.

Unfortunately for Pico, this would never come anywhere near close to happening. When the US annexed Texas in 1845, it took with it Texas's generous land claims, which clashed with Mexico's claims. The leaders of America and Mexico, both hoping to avoid war, decided to to resolve these claims peacefu- just kidding, it's manifest destiny time baby.

Soon after the US invaded Mexico, a group of twenty to thirty Americans living in Alta California captured an unmanned fort near Sonoma, which is north of San Francisco, and declared independence as the California Republic. The Republic was never officially recognized by any country, but the revolt was encouraged and supported by American armies in the area.

The army of the Republic had stolen over a hundred Mexican horses, as well as guns and artillery, which they used to partake in numerous raids against Mexican forces. Its fighters were nicknamed "Los Osos" ("the bears") by their opponents, both because of their flag, which depicted a bear, and because of their scruffy appearances. Despite the backhanded insult, los Osos wore the moniker with pride.

The Bear Flag Revolt lasted only for 25 days, ending when the US officially annexed California and the surrounding areas. While support for California's status as an independent nation would mostly die down until the late 20th and early 21st centuries, secessionist movements of another type arose in the north.

The State of Jefferson is a hypothetical state that, if realized, would exist in northern California and southern Oregon. It's important to note that Jefferson seeks not to declare independence from the United States, but specifically from the states of California and Oregon.

The rough area of the State of Jefferson.

The height of the movement's popularity in the 20th century was in the mid 40s, when a group of men, equipped with various firearms, stopped traffic on US Route 99, handing out copies of their Proclamation of Independence. Notably, the men promised to "secede every Thursday until further notice." This particular movement was killed off by the Japanese attack on Pearl Harbor.

Modern Jeffersonian movements have taken on some slightly different tactics in the face of California's various independence parties. Proponents for the State of Jefferson have declared that, should California declare independence, Jefferson will secede from California and rejoin the Union, similar to how West Virginia gained statehood in 1863.

Now, this next bit isn't necessarily linked to Jefferson, but I personally find it extremely hilarious, so it'll be included nonetheless. The Yes California party, a right-wing Californian secessionist movement, eventually gave up on forming their own independent California entirely, instead pushing for a measure that would force certain coastal areas of California to secede, in order to "to get the extreme, far-left liberals and progressives who are ruining the country as a whole, to go and build a progressive utopia of their own on the Pacific coast, and leave us out of it."

On a side note, if any of y'all are visual learners or just really into maps like I am, then I'd highly recommend checking out the YouTube channel EmperorTigerstar! He makes a lot of interesting map graphics that depict changes in particular regions over time, including one specifically about the Mexican-American War, with a guest appearance by the California Republic. That's all for today!

-Cephalogod

#organmart #om-cephalogod #writing #history #california #maps #personal essay #nonfiction

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organ-market · 11 months

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Weird White Men That Defy Classification: The Television Genre

How To with John Wilson, 2020

When you sit down to watch an episode of television it’s a real shot in the dark, you pray to find something truly special yet you brace yourself for potential mediocrity. The day I took a chance on 2020’s How To with John Wilson I sat on my couch, eyes glued to the screen, absolutely mesmerized. For those not in the know, How To with John Wilson is this odd thing that exists, it follows the daily exploits of New Yorker, John Wilson, as he goes around the city showing us how to do a certain task. At the same time it is absolutely not a walkthrough tutorial as rarely will I be able to execute the task described by the title card by the end of each episode. Likewise, the show isn’t really about the man named John Wilson as much as it is a lovely stroll through the people he meets on the street, the charming places he explores, and the little glitches in the matrix that stand out to him.

A typical episode of the show is more like a flowing conversation than a narrative arc, it branches out from its origins to go someplace entirely foreign and new. An episode about wine tasting leads to Bang energy drinks, scented bowling balls, and a lavish mansion party complete with historical wardrobe. John Wilson frequently interviews the everyday people on the street that we’ve all spent our lives passing by. He often highlights little niches in the city as he brings us to a fan club infatuated with James Cameron’s Avatar who go as far to learn the language and in another episode we explore the first ever Mandela Effect Convention. No matter how odd, John Wilson treats these spaces with respect and gives off an eager enthusiasm to learn more.

It is a show that defies classification and genre conventions. Sure it is technically a documentary but the genre usually insinuates an informative motive which is hardly the case for How To with John Wilson. If the show isn’t intending on spewing a steady stream of factual information then is it a reality television show which markets itself primarily on entertainment? Well, while thoroughly entertaining, John Wilson’s nasally narration and awkward insights aren’t the traditional host. It is a comedy that had me constantly laughing throughout its runtime and yet it is interested in so much more than just giving the audience a chuckle. Try as I might, I could not place this show in a box and I adore that about it, and in my search for quality programming I’ve found some other shows that similarly leapt out of each box I put it in. The only connection between all them besides having my undying adoration is that they prominently feature weird, extremely awkward white men talking at you.

The Rehearsal, 2022

Nathan Fielder’s 2013 comedy hit, Nathan For You, had me flabbergasted by its absurdity and awkward wit. While more clearly defined in the square labels of comedy there is something about Nathan Fielder’s persona that makes you want to unpack whatever the hell is going there. Nathan For You follows Nathan Fielder, a graduate from one of Canada’s top business schools, as he gives out business advice to real life struggling local businesses in the Los Angeles area. The only thing is, he's awkward and his solutions to their problems often read more like goofy schemes out of a cartoon than sound business advice. There is a mix of reality and fabrication as you are never really sure if what Nathan is saying is sincere or not as he constantly gives half truths and lies to the audience, the people around him, and perhaps himself all at the same time. His outlandish persona is juxtaposed with the business owners who reluctantly go along with his plots and blatantly unpolished ideas. One episode has discount Santa Claus pictures in the summer following the idea of how jackets are cheaper during the summer season.

The little oddities in Nathan For You become the core focus of Nathan Fielder’s latest TV venture. 2022’s The Rehearsal vehemently defies classification, it expands on his persona established in his previous work and blends reality and fabrication to a new degree. The premise of the show is a bit difficult to even explain, like Nathan For You he helps everyday people but rather than giving business counsel he allows real people to “rehearse” a scenario. Some episodes involve having a difficult conversation with a friend or simulating what it’s like to raise a child. It’s still a documentary, reality comedy but there is an earnest dedication to recreating and simulating the conversations and scenarios Nathan clients demand. Nathan creates an exact replica of a bar in episode one of the series, stains and all, in another he fabricates a relationship between one of his client’s and an actor posing as another actor’s grandfather to recreate something as abstract as feelings. This is a show that dissects the reality of its own production, peeling open layer after layer leaving us with something entirely unique.

In that way The Rehearsal is oddly transparent about its own continued creation, Nathan is open to showing us the monitors behind the scenes, the child labor laws that cause Nathan to have multiple actors for the same child, and the fact that extras can't talk which forces Nathan to have a completely silent birthday party in one episode. It is constantly reopening its own veins and reinventing itself, the core premise is under constant development as the show goes on. It’s an entertainment Frankenstein of mismatched ideas and concepts all slamming into each other creating dichotomy after dichotomy. Nathan draws out the acting we all do in everyday life through a show about rehearsing while Nathan is simultaneously playing a character. And yet sometimes he acts with such a sincerity the audience never knows what to expect. The final episode of The Rehearsal is absolutely dizzying in its conundrum, the lines of reality become marred as we follow a child actor who’s too young to even know he’s acting and Nathan being forced to confront this blatant contradiction. It is a supremely daunting task to write about that final episode and honestly I can barely wrap my head around it. I don’t want to spoil it too much but it is unlike anything I have ever seen and I highly encourage you to give The Rehearsal a chance.

Joe Pera Talks with You, 2018

The final show in this little bundle of uncategorizable strangeness is Adult Swim’s Joe Pera Talks with You from 2018. It’s the only show on here I haven’t finished as I remain in the midst of season 2, hoping to really take it slow and appreciate every little moment but rest assured from episode one I was absolutely hooked. Like How To with John Wilson the premise is much more slice of life but unlike the other two, this is completely scripted. It’s offbeat and awkward as the titular Joe Pera excitedly talks about whatever is on his mind in a somehow passionate monotone. Things just seem to happen the way our everyday happenings occur. There comes a ringing at the doorbell that introduces a new cast of characters or a conga line waiting to be partaken in. Inside of these natural happenings is delivered a wonderful simplicity, Joe Pera Talks with You ignores the narrative necessity for conflict during the majority of its runtime. I often braced myself for a cringe inducing failure in moments where Joe Pera is forced to dance or when he’s reading the church announcements. Miraculously, he never trips and falls or gets booed off the stage and although not everyone he interacts with is always happy to meet him, he doesn’t seem to mind one bit.

That might be my favorite thing about Joe Pera, his unconventional happiness that is soothing to my occasionally anguished soul. Whenever life beats me down I just turn on an episode of Joe Pera Talks with You, his indifference to people’s expectations of what a good life is supposed to resemble reassures me that everything is going to be alright. It reassures me that I am enough. It’s a message I’m not used to when consuming media, much less a show that aired on Adult Swim. It is heartfelt and simple and enough to fill my heart and lull me into a lazy night after even the most stressful of afternoons.

I do hope at least one person reading this takes a shot in the dark and watches an awkward white man talk to them for about half an hour. These are all delightful shows that oddly feel, at least for me, paired together despite their differences. Season 3 of How To with John Wilson premiers July 28, 2023 and I for one am absolutely stoked for what this man tells me next. There’s talk of a second season of The Rehearsal in the works as well. I implore you to check at least one of these shows out! If you see any awkward white men talking about interesting things do let me know so I can grab my popcorn, thanks in advance and stay tuned besties <3

-Ghost Emoji 👻

#organmart #om-ghostemoji #personal essay #writing #how to with john wilson #nathan fielder #nathan for you #the rehearsal #joe pera #joe pera talks with you #tv #tv recommendations

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organ-market · 11 months

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Hey fellow cave lover! I'm glad you enjoyed rambles but thanks so much for all these hashtag suggestions!

I am the BIGGEST Jacob Geller fan and I've probably seen Fear of Depths about a dozen times. It actually jumpstarted my little cave craze in addition to other videos!

I've only played a little of Kentucky Route Zero and I really need to dedicate some time so I can just really get absorbed in it. Super excited about the game taking place in Mammoth! Totally my dream to go there someday.

Huge Hollow Knight fan over here by the way, I'm currently at the third Pantheon but haven't done the true ending just yet! While not having caves I really enjoyed scampering around the decaying corpse of a once great kingdom, it makes me feel like an archeologist!

A buddy of mine excitedly told me about Tears of the Kingdom's caves! I wasn't following the release of TotK but hearing about caves really piques my interest!

If you want to see some cool virtual caves Deep Rock Galactic has a healthy variety. Tons of people keep telling me about the underwater caves in Subnautica but I haven't played it. That's all I can think of for now, hope you never stop loving caves!

-Ghost Emoji 👻

Unsung Beauty: Caves in Fictional Media

Hang Son Doong, Vietnam

Around a year ago, I started obsessing over cave tragedy videos on YouTube. Videos about tragedies in Sand Cave, Nutty Putty, or any other deep hole in the ground where something goes wrong were formulaic, repetitive, and worst of all the guy I was watching used the exact same music in every video, but despite it all those videos inspired an infatuation with all things deep within the depths of the Earth. I soon stopped watching "caving gone wrong!" videos in pursuit of something with a little more taste and love. I read about Hang Son Doong's expansive size and gargantuan formations, Mammoth Cave's rich history and winding chambers, and countless more fascinating oddities of our natural world. My infatuation with caves deeply burrowed into my everyday as I spent hours reading about caves all across the world. I had no idea such an interesting and diverse world existed beneath my feet! I found that there is an unsung beauty deep within the natural splendor in the twisting caverns below us all.

To complement my newfound obsession I sought out movies, television shows, and games that involved caves but my search turned into a desperate scavenge as media that revered caves the way I did was beyond scarce. Apart from scholarly articles and the odd documentary, caves were widely known but as an interest they were somewhat niche. The only fiction I could find fascinated with caves to any degree was solely horror in genre. While disappointed I could see why this was the case; caves are dark, damp, and play on a litany of common human fears, but writing off caves exclusively as a vehicle of horror is an egregious waste of enormous potential!

Neil Marshall's The Descent, 2005

As much as I enjoy movies like The Descent and In Darkness We Fall, where its titular characters underestimate the depths and labyrinthine chambers of the caverns that eventually entomb them, there needs to be more diversity in cave fiction that explores the majesty and wonder of caves, the rich history some of these caves have that could make for compelling narratives, or the captivating creatures that call caves home. I would kill for a show about speleologists (Scientists who specialize in caves.) who explore and discover fascinating species of troglobites, (Animals that strictly live within caves.) and find incredible rock formations worthy of a name. I would love to see a historical drama about The Kentucky Cave Wars during the 1920’s when private cave owners used malicious tactics to gain a competitive advantage. The closest thing I have to the latter is the musical, Floyd Collins, based on the real man who was trapped in Sand Cave a almost a full century ago.

Far too often are caves relegated to being obtuse holes in mountains that have nothing to offer in our collective narratives. The portrayal of caves in these movies are incredibly bland! (Although I did enjoy how the humanoid creatures in The Descent bear close resemblance to real world troglobites!) Caves can be lush or barren, dry or wet, claustrophobically tight or breathtakingly large. If caves were ever one thing it is that every one is a unique little snowflake forged in different ways over a timespan inconceivable by our human minds. The caves featured in popular media are largely interchangeable with one another, we could place the lead characters of In Darkness We Fall in any old hole! Caves are products of geological history and their defining landscapes shape how they turn out. Hardly do media about caves explore this uniqueness and that's a genuine shame.

Cave of the Crystals, Mexico

There is a severe drought of cave fiction that borrows the beauty of caves. I want to see a setting inspired by the otherworldly wonder of the ginormous Hang Son Doong in Vietnam, the largest cave in the world, so large, in fact, it can form clouds within it. I need to see the towering crystals present in Mexico’s Cave of the Crystals, a cave adorned with enormous gypsum crystals which make the curious scientists seem so tiny. I demand to see set pieces in movies inspired by the fantastical Waitomo Glowworm Caves in New Zealand which resemble the night sky. I write all of this hoping to push back against the narrative that the sole function of a cavern in stories is for a protagonist to get lodged under a rock, or consumed by its depths, I hope to encourage others to see how diverse and unique caves are.

Mojang Studio's Minecraft, Caves and Cliff Update, 2021

Thankfully, for you and me but particularly me, I’ve recently seen an influx of gorgeous caves reminiscent of my natural darlings. Although these appear to be notable exceptions, the colorful world of video games have delivered to my doorstep some magnificent offerings of unparalleled beauty. While somewhat few and far between, games like Minecraft and Elden Ring spoil a cave enthusiast like me to take part in exploring the depths I daydream about on the daily. The new swallowing expanses of hollowed chunks of rock in Minecraft were directly inspired by Hang Son Doong! I was delighted to see the inclusion of pale, blind cave fish inspired by the real world fish that lack pigment and eyes due to evolving in an environment where those features were no longer necessary.

Although I haven’t gotten very far in FromSoftware’s Elden Ring, the opening cave had me absolutely overjoyed. The careful attention to detail with an opening in the cave ceiling allowing light shrubbery to grow did not go unappreciated! A screenshot of ginormous glowing crystals looming above Tarnished gazing upon them torch in hand, left me thinking back on the real world Cave of the Crystals. The interactivity of video games lends itself well to being able to bask in the glory of these digital recreations of the caves I’ve grown to love. Being able to meander in these physical spaces is just so special and an unbelievable gift.

FromSoftware's Elden Ring, 2022

I haven’t delved into the portrayal of caves in literary fiction but from a glance it seems just as filled with horror as other mediums, but I’m sure there’s some gems in there waiting to be found. As it stands I remain starved for passionate, loving portrayals of my beloved caves in the media I consume and I continue to curse myself for obsessing over such a niche little thing. I will admit however that every little unique depiction of caves that sings about their beauty has me jumping for joy because their rarity makes them feel all the more special. Like a gift on an otherwise ordinary day, it’s always such a pleasant surprise. If you’ve watched, played, or read something that constructed a narrative surrounding caves that called on their natural majesty, PLEASE I beg of you to let me know about it! I hope to see more and more diverse representations of what caves can be in all forms of popular media in the years to come! Keep it real y'all <3

-Ghost Emoji 👻

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organ-market · 11 months

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Unsung Beauty: Caves in Fictional Media

Hang Son Doong, Vietnam

Neil Marshall's The Descent, 2005

Cave of the Crystals, Mexico

Mojang Studio's Minecraft, Caves and Cliff Update, 2021

FromSoftware's Elden Ring, 2022

-Ghost Emoji 👻

#organmart #om-ghostemoji #cave #caves #personal essay #need more cave representation #elden ring #minecraft #the descent

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organ-market · 1 year

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Thalassophobia and kenophobia are, in my experience, heavily intertwined. While I'm sure you've heard of thalassophobia, the word 'kenophobia' may be new to you. Coming from the Greek word 'keno,' meaning 'empty,' it describes a deep-set fear of large, empty spaces. Of course, everyone experiences these fears differently, but for me, they reek of sea salt.

Many books, documentaries, and videos often ascribe thalassophobia, and kenophobia in turn, to the dread of not knowing what may be lurking just beyond the haze. This is not the case for me. Yes, the monsters of the deep are something to be feared, but they can't elicit the primal dread that comes from being surrounded by nothing. For me, kenophobia is the fear of being nowhere.

When I was 13, my father, brother, and I went on a cross-country road trip. While driving, we happened to pass through Oklahoma. There is no place on this Earth, above the waves, at least, that I loathe more than Oklahoma. Much of the drive featured a flat, barren landscape, without a hill or town in sight. Oklahoma is about the closest I've ever come to being nowhere. The only thing keeping you tethered to reality, to being somewhere or something, is the road, which stretches infinitely in either direction.

As a side note, kenophobia is not to be confused with agoraphobia. While they tend to overlap, agoraphobia is rooted in situations from which escape seems unlikely. It inhabits crowded or wide open places, where, if things were to go south, one would be extremely exposed.

While the depths of the ocean instill a fear unlike anything else in me, I can't help but be captivated by them. There's something comfortable in the fear, like an old friend. It's to the point where the cosmos and the ocean, both expansive, empty spaces, are some of my favorite settings. These places are equally terrifying, but the horror only adds to my fascination.

If you're interested in checking out some kenophobia inspired horror, I highly recommend reading Arthur Conan Doyle's short story The Horror of the Heights. There's nothing like some good old tropospheric terror to satiate the longing for the vast.

-Cephalogod

#writing #ocean #space #personal essay #thalassophobia #organmart #om-cephalogod

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organ-market · 1 year

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It was over four months ago that I first asked myself, "Where does the phrase 'loop-the-loop' come from?" My initial googling at the time revealed nothing more than a few early 20th century roller coasters. Finally, after months of constantly thinking about it, I convinced myself to dig a little deeper, and I was, frankly, a little let down... At first.

The predecessor to the modern roller coaster, referred to as "Russian mountains," originated in Russia in the early 17th century. They were little more than hills of ice and wood which sleds were pushed down, but they were the spark to a fire which has burned for hundreds of years. Eventually, the Russian nobility and royalty caught wind of these exhilarating machinations, and they began to spread across the continent. Constructors started using wooden and metal carts on wheels to overcome potential safety issues, as well as to account for generally higher temperatures in Western Europe.

Eventually, the craze over coasters began to die down. That is, until the centrifugal railway was created. The first of these proto-loops was implemented in Britain in the 1840s, and they immediately took off. Centrifugal Railways relied almost entirely on centrifugal force to keep the rider in their seat, similar to the modern day loop, although our beloved loop's 19th century ancestor notably took the shape of a perfect circle, putting much more force on the rider, which often caused strain and potential whiplash. The knowledge of this, however, did not dissuade excited Europeans, as many flocked to these new attractions. However, even this excitement died down eventually.

... Until the early 20th century, when the loop was brought to America. It's unclear where exactly the first North American loop was constructed, but it's generally believed that Lina Beecher's Flip Flap Railway on Coney Island was the first of note. Flip Flap Railway, however, suffered from many similar issues to its European counterparts, namely the intense 12 G's it could subject its riders to. Due to its general unpleasantness, Flip Flap was shut down in 1902. It was spiritually succeeded by Loop the Loop, also on Coney Island.

This brings us right back to the beginning. Where does the phrase "loop the loop" come from? Disappointingly, the earliest use I can find for those tantalizing three words are in reference to the Coney Island coaster and the numerous similarly named coasters across the U.S. Additionally, I was unable to find any reasoning on why this name was chosen for the coasters. Obviously the phrase probably refers to the fact that you are looping a loop, but that still gives little insight into the history of the phrase.

While I may never know the origins of the phrase "loop the loop," I do now know that bumper cars were originally called "Dodgem Cars," as bumping was not the intended purpose. Or that the patent for roller coasters in the U.S. registry still reads as "Pleasure Railway," as many coasters were originally utilized largely for sightseeing and had relatively low speeds. Or that horse riders in the Byzantine Middle East would practice both their horsemanship and reflexes by riding in a large circle and tossing balls to one another. This exercise eventually spread to mainland Europe, where it was given the name "carosella" in Italian, or "little battle."

Regardless of my original goal, I have found this an incredibly interesting topic to research. I know more about roller coasters, an old love of mine, than I ever have before. Most of the information I've written here comes from Robert Cartmell's The Incredible Scream Machine: A History of the Roller Coaster, which I'd definitely recommend checking out if that interests you.

-Cephalogod

#organmart #om-cephalogod #roller coaster #personal essay #writing #nonfiction

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