♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠

a gentle intellectual vs. a remnant from the past 

here’s bort

I just want them to be happy 

抱かれたい

cjohnny-writes‌:

All Padpa could think was that Lapis was a determined gem. They could see without a cloud of doubt in their eyes. The way they acted calm and distant, it reminded them of Sensei and…themself. The only difference was that they were a coward. The cool and collected red gem considered themself a coward, because they were afraid to tell the truth to the person they cared most. Rutile became a completely different person for their sake. Padpa never had the courage to tell Rutile about the fake Moissanite (since Rutile never tried that again, perhaps out of guilt, the issue was swept down under the rug), about their desire to never wake up again and to warn them to not get obsessed about a lost cause like theirs. They just wanted Rutile to move on.

It was selfish to reveal this truth, that would crack Rutile from toe to head. For their sake, they kept the lie of saluting them every time they woke up, and thus making Rutile’s hopes becoming more and more entrenched in their inclusions. But, at the same, how they longed for a world without their grief, their bad luck; a world where they could see Rutile genuinely smiling once again. Not the smirk of the sadistic doctor persona they assumed, nor the grin of a successful but short-lived awakening, but the smile that they made when they spent their time patrolling the island; just their wordless presence was enough to make both of them smile.

“Heh,” Padpa placed a hand over their mouth and let out a small chuckle, “I wouldn’t be able to stop you even if I was ten times stronger than Sensei.” They got up and walked to the window and placed their hands on its windowsill. The moon looked so shiny that day.

“I’m telling you that the answers you might find on the Moon might not be the ones you want or the ones you were looking for. Perhaps there might be no answers.” They looked at Lapis, removing one hand from the windowsill, “If I had the means for it, I’d go before you, to protect you from any Lunarian assault.”

That was their last attempt to dissuade Lapis, even if they had little faith it would work. Scratch that, they knew it would fail. They doubtlessly admired Lapis’s desire to find answers, but they were a sibling and siblings protect each other. And they knew that the other gems, including Euclase, would be devastated if they were captured, even if they claimed to not like Lapis that much. The way Lapis asked them about missing them made something inside Padpa to hurt. They wanted to give a positive answer to their inquiry, but their cowardice didn’t allow them.

But, again, his consciousness started to weigh down. Although they were de facto the best fighter among them, their condition notwithstanding, they knew that the sunspots were just a fraction of the Lunarian power. They were experienced enough to understand that if the Lunarians wanted the gems gone, they’d do long before they were born. They knew they wouldn’t be able to keep their promise to Lapis.

“But still,” they looked down, closed their eyes and made a smile, “You’re a courageous gem, Lapis Lazuli.” They envied them. Perhaps envy wasn’t the best term, but they wished they could be more like Lapis.

“Mmm,” they hummed through pursed lips; their eyes closed in silent inquisition, their brows furrowed in slight doubt; the book against their chest gripped with mute fervor and teeth gritted so tightly their jutted jaw caught light from the moon; definition prettier still. 

It did not bother them that Padparadscha should find their exhibition fruitless; for what fortune could favor such betrayal? Certainly, Lapis themselves did not know, nor did they expect their sibling to. How they’d crawled the most lengthy of journeys to stand upon this harrowing cliff and yet plunging would take courage, still; they’d come too far to walk away. 

The wind carried their name and the moon shadowed their fate; christened and glowing upon tufts of grass and the droplets of dew which clung to them. The teasing of answers unknown cried to them through the darkness; a whisper; a beg. Something-- something was aching. 

“What answers I find may seal my desolation with iron nails and clamps. Still,” they turned in place, always elegant. Oh, how rich in fanfaron; oh, douleur en beauté! The crown upon their head had long since fallen; le nouveau roi, but for whom would claim? “I must go. If nobody is willing to aid well,” they moved slowly, nearer, bending at their sharp knee and leaning in so their forehead rested against the other’s beauteous locks; full and smooth; blue and red, complimenting. “Well then, I suppose that’s just how it is and I will not complain. If others don’t wish to come, I set forth on my own. I am strong, after all. Even if I don’t know what I’m doing,” they whispered and turned their head to brush a pretty mouth across the rise of the other’s cheekbone. On a night like this, how could they resist? It didn’t mean a thing; it never meant a thing.

“I suppose you will not see me again,  Padparadscha. Do take care,” imploring and dangerous. Every night was a waste of time. Tonight, they planned to disappear for who now could stop them? It was this moment or it was never. They had no more patience for careless improvidence; tonight, they would no longer neglect destiny.

background and foreground are not my original images.

johnny-writes‌:

Padpa passed a hand on Lapis’s head, while they rested on them. They passed gently, accounting for the difference in hardness, through their long, blue hair, filled with inclusions of pyrite. They probably were the most beautiful amongst their siblings.

But they were also one of the most mischievous. They knew they liked to play mind games with other gems. Padpa wondered if they were playing with them at that exact moment. If they were, well, Padpa wasn’t complaining.

“Lapis, who knows if your curiosity can really change something. I admire your desire to learn, even though your plan of going to the moon seems extraordinary,” Padpa said, smiling at them, in a compassionate way and removing their hand from their head, “but there is a side to the truth you should know before taking a step further.”

Their plans of going to the moon moved solely by their sense of curiosity didn’t make Padpa comfortable. Either because of their protective elder sibling instinct or just because it sounded a bad idea, Padpa tried to find a way to at least make Lapis think better their plan.

“400 years ago,” they started, their voice sounding less gentle and graver, like a prophet warning the population, “Rutile, in their desperation, broke into the storage and grabbed one shard of Moissanite to use in me. According to Sapphire, Moissanite was the greatest hero of their time. They were taken to the Moon after fighting six sunspots.”

They stopped to chuckled, “That ought to be an exaggeration, but Moissanite was a gem from a time before you and me. Naturally the Lunarians used shards of moissanite in their attacks, shards we retrieved and kept in the storage.”

Their face became a little grimmer. Using Lunarian shards of their fallen siblings was a taboo (since there was the hope of them returning from the Moon) and Rutile went as far as to break a taboo to help Padparadscha. How Padpa felt they hating themself for making Rutile doing that, just because of their hopeless condition. “Since Moissanite was also a 9, Rutile used their shards to fill my holes. While I did wake up and remained awaken for a few days, I felt something…muted in the hole filled with it.” Their smile dropped completely at that point. “The moissanite from the Moon had no inclusions. It wasn’t Moissanite.”

The weight of the other’s hand, gentle as it cupped their crown and sweeter still as Padpa’s fingers drew through locks of deep blue, forced a sigh between parted lips and instinctively, their lashes fluttered shut; embellishing mutely, the quiet simplicity of the moment. 

Another’s touch felt prevalent; grounding-- almost. It was a reminder (and one much needed) that despite the lies and despite this life of despair and paranoia, there was still this aching which they could not rightly name; this tug in their chest; this swaying in the pit of them. It wasn’t often that they indulged in such affections and only ever touched others to gain something from the opposite party; typically information. Here however, there was little payoff to be had; no information really, to be spoken of. 

Here, innocent and needy at Padpa’s feet, they were reminded of their own weakness; how an interaction they should brush off and forget, instead embezzled some cheap, needy longing within them. This desire to remain where they felt most comfortable would ultimately keep them from leaving to the moon if it came to it-- And oh, how they loathed it! If only everybody acted cold and distant, they’d have no trouble embarking elsewhere. But the hand upon them was too adoring and they felt a swell of affection nip heatedly at their chest’s empty cavern, urging them to silence their tongue and say no more of this matter. Playing into this too much would only end in melancholy for the both of them. If they left, never to return, they didn’t want to miss anybody; they didn’t want anyone to miss them either. Still, that slender hand, weighted with calm and ease, did little but make them smile and hum complacently; their own fingers, distractedly toying with the tongue of their high heeled shoe as Padpa spoke; their tone soft and placid, stern even despite the steady flow; the sound of it sent a shiver up their back.

Only when the other’s voice fell silent did Lapis withdraw their head. Angling their chin and gazing upward, they looked through the darkness in search of their sibling’s eyes; lips quirked to fashion a frown and brows narrowing in inquisition. “So, you think that somehow, they’ve manufactured fake gems?” they asked, their own voice slow and calculated. Was there any point in telling them this? Was this their sibling’s attempt to stopper their yearning for answers or was it meant as fodder to fuel this fantastical need? “Your story only furthers my desire to know, Padpa,” Lapis told them, suddenly feeling quite defensive. Already, they were having enough difficulty leaving because of those they most enjoyed; somebody trying to sway them would make the process even more painstaking.“I’m not sure I understand your point either,” they tried, voice faltering as they examined the other’s silhouette from their place on the flooring; Padpa looked so powerful in the glow of the moon it was truly striking. 

Distracting themselves from these unimportant details, Lapis stood only to lean themselves against the chair in which their sibling was perched. Arms tight across their chest and hip propping their stance, Lapis darkly gazed into the shadows, their full lips pouted and jaw clenched. 

“You know, nothing you say or do is going to keep me from leaving. It’s already a decision I’ve made for myself. Some story about the condition of the gems we retrieve from the moon isn’t going to sway it, Padpa,” they nearly whispered, hoping their voice wouldn’t be enough to warrant any unwanted attention. “Even if they’re fake, it only raises more questions. It’s horrifying to think that despite knowing the shards from the Lunarians won’t ever revitalize those we cherish, Rutile and Sensei are still spouting lies of it.” They felt their fingers twitch, “These are questions that I need answers to. And no matter how much I care for you,” they faltered only fleetingly, pausing upon thought, “or anybody else it isn’t going to change anything.” It was a lie; they could taste it as it fluttered from the curl of their tongue.

“I don’t know whether you intentionally are spilling this information to warn me or if it’s meant to propose further question of Sensei’s honesty. Is this some ploy to keep me tethered here? Is it that you’ll miss me too much, Padpa?” they asked, playing now, teasing with insinuation. Lapis turned then and turned their body towards the older gem. Bending at the knee to come level with the other’s eyes, a coy, mischievous grin sitting pretty upon their mouth, they reached out to brush their fingertips gently down the other’s cheek; the touch was so soft it would barely register but still, what they wanted was Padpa’s attention, not for them to feel. “It will be beautiful up there,” they said, flashing rows of pearly whites. “I’ll think of you often.” Letting their hand drop to the curve of their hip, Lapis hummed sweetly; internally, they hoped Padpa might forget their pursuing. It would only worsen their itch to leave.

Houseki no Kuni is cool. Drawing without tablet pressure is not.

hjohnny-writes‌:

“Aren’t we bad children, Lapis?” Padpa replied with a smile. They still didn’t fully support the idea of going against Sensei. He was the one who taught them kindness and Padpa saw how full of regret he was when he explained them in details about their problem. 

Instinctively, they passed a hand over their covered holes. It was hard to believe that wasn’t anyone’s fault. They knew Rutile was just wasting their time with them.

“But, yes,” they continued, placing a hand on their chin, “There is a great chance Sensei knows something about the Lunarians and ourselves. And he is hiding it from us.”

They threw their arms behind their neck and looked at the ceiling of quartz. “Before Sapphire was taken, they mentioned similar doubts but had given up answering them. They said a pure and honest truth might have undesirable results.” Then, they looked to Lapis, “I wonder…am I ready for this truth? Are you, Lapis? Is any of us?”

A sharp “tch” sounded as Lapis clicked their tongue against the backs of their teeth. Smirking mischievously at the other, their gaze nearly black in the shadow of surrounding midnight, Lapis felt a swell of gratification balloon within them. How delightful-- the notion that perhaps they weren’t as honorable as the rest of the sheep. With the information they’d been harboring, they were sure playing idle would be impossible now. They knew too much. One simply could not return from reality’s crippling weight once it lay upon their shoulders. The rest of the flock could live in ignorance, but they refused. 

“I’ve never claimed to be a good child,” Lapis mused only half-joking as they turned their gaze from Padpa to the ceiling above. Once upon a time in their youth, they were sure they’d been less insidious than now. It was the fault of their greediness; this thirst for knowledge; this insatiable desire to understand it all t’was what kept them from playing by the rules.  “It’s always been in my nature to prod and question; attaining and retaining information is a gift I proudly boast,” they gloated and pressed their fingers across their cleavage, taking a haughty stance as eyes colored azure raked the other’s chiseled profile. How impressive Padpa looked, cloaked in the moon’s shadow, light contrasting against the dark; it accentuated their sharp features and highlighted the sparkle of magnificent locks colored crimson; the sight of such beauty teasing them, willing their touch. “Tis why I don’t fight, my sweet. The books appreciate my attention and I their’s; the smell of decaying pages, the stain of ink upon parchment; information ready and at my disposal. Then again,” fleetingly, the looked to the window, “I do wonder what there is on the moon and if there happens to be any life, what it’s like. Do they have secrets like those here? Do they have answers?”’

Moving towards the other, Lapis took a seat at their sibling’s feet; lazily drawing their knees to their chest, they chuckled knowingly and rolled their eyes. “Well, I don’t know about you,” they started slowly, their tone calculated and smooth. “I am however ready for the truth. I’ve been searching for answers on my own for some time now. It’s just difficult to know what’s truly going on when Sensei won’t answer to my prying.” 

Relaxing, they let their head rest against the curve of the other’s knee, propping themselves with it and nestling almost childishly into the hard limb. “I don’t think I’ve much choice but to leave for the moon. Really, I don’t. There are no answers here. And I mean,” they toyed with their lower lip, worrying it between incisors, “I’m sure anybody can manage the library. It’s not as though my place here is irreplaceable or something. If I don’t come back, I mean.”

Just a theory about Phos’s body and HnK’s story, base on ‘Seven Treasures of Buddhism’.

Jan 26th 2018.

johnny-writes‌:

For years Padparadscha had been fighting against the Lunarians, even in spite of their grief. They had seen lots of gems being and born and being taken away by their enemies.

Sensei had told them from an early age the holes in their body would be a source of grief. They could feel their prime started to wane, with periods of slumber becoming more and more extensive. It had been like that for a few centuries, but what is time for a living gem?

Their condition, however, had given them a different perspective of their life. Few things changed…even if Gems themselves could change, things stayed the same, to the point of Padpa starting to envy the insects and plants that lived in the island. And Rutile…

They sighed when they thought about Rutile.

They shook their head and heard Lapis Lazuli entering the room, shifting a bit on the chair they were sitting on.

“We have all the time in the world, Lapis Lazuli,” Padpa said, smiling at them, in a small contradiction with their earlier thoughts. However, Padpa was patient, Lazuli’s suggestion of leaving after being late didn’t even pass through their mind. Plus, just as them, Lazuli noticed something…peculiar about their lifestyle and thus wanted to hear them.

“I’m curious to hear what thoughts.” They said, rather curtly, but allowing their sibling to explain their mind.

“All the time in the world, hm?” they gently purred, the reverberating words now settling in question as they lifted from the curl of their tongue and muted out in the quiet of the room. Lapis looked to Padpa with a gleam in their eye and a snide grin curling at their plush mouth; enticement to contradict the other’s silly proclamation itched eagerly at their throat’s hollow as they stood in quiet contemplation, their notebook curled tight against the tips of their fingers. 

It was a misunderstanding, a calculated and well plotted fabrication that their lives would be tethered to something so distant as eternity. That Sensei could lie so easily and Rutile could so sweetly, so fluidly lace this false belief by mending their fractured bodies was truly maddening. Hope clinging to the intelligence and constructed guise their dearest doctor projected. 

If they were to live for forever, why then had they watched as so many of their brotherin had been forsaken? Why then, had stolen pieces gone unreturned? And why then, should they continue believing in fantasy such as infinity? If their comrades never returned even after years of collecting, battling, striving, why should they believe in the sureness of their lives here? Why should they act so calm when something was so plainly amiss? And why-- why didn’t anybody else seem to entertain this obvious ploy? Were everybody’s lips sealed? Or did they simply wish to contain this illusion for the sake of their emotion, trust and sanity?

“Well it’s just that,” they started slowly and turned to inspect their image in the reflection of an old vanity (gifted to them by one long deceased). Distractedly, Lapis brushed at their bangs and leaned forward, pursing lips and rolling eyes at the glass’ projection. “I don’t necessarily think it’s easy for me to think all of this,” they motioned flippantly, smiling at their reflection before turning, their mouth faltering to fashion a grimace rather than the happy grin they’d offered the mirror. Flicking at the ends of their hair, Lapis Lazuli shook their head and directed their gaze to the flooring; azure eyes fogged in thought. “To think all of this believable anymore. I believe somebody, Sensei most likely, is hiding,” they breathed in, faltering, voice shaking ever slightly, “something. All of it is just too odd.” Folding their arms tight against the swell of their chest, Lapis fleetingly looked to gaze at Padparadscha for some inkling of reciprocation. They’d always been alone in their isolated mind, trying desperately to search for answers and forever withholding thoughts from all else. 

Experimenting with aesthetics for my indie blog. Lapis Lazuli is intriguing non?

Care for tea?

It wasn’t like them to be late.

Gentle clicks-- the sound of heels echoing against tiled flooring sang ominously through the lonely space as Lapis carried on; earnestness lacing each resounding step as they hurried towards their room, a coy smirk toying at either corner of their pretty mouth. 

Holding a book tight against the slight of their chest, they looked down, as if to confirm that indeed, it was still there; their personalized collection of facts and theories, guesses and thoughts. For one so intellectually passionate, little could be done to stopper the desire to educate, to teach and seek criticism, insight. And despite little will to trust much anyone, Padparadscha’s curiosity in learning birthed a fire within them. Quite suddenly, they no longer would have to keep their thoughts secluded to the fraying pages of their journal. After tonight, Padpa would too be aware of the oddities of this ever vexing existence; after tonight, they wouldn’t be so lonely in their discerning; for Padpa had shown interest and therefor, Padpa would be open. 

Oftentimes, they found themselves wondering if everybody was oblivious, or if they just chose to ignore how uncanny it all was.

“I do apologize for my delay,” the breathed fluidly out, snaking their way quietly into the room and closing the door gently behind themselves. “The books stole my attention and before I knew it, everybody had left and I was alone.” Offering the other a somber smile, Lapis drew slowly towards their bed; steps calculated and leisurely as they moved; as if each one taken resonated with words unsaid. 

“And to think you’d still be here,” they mused, eyes of wild blue alight with mischief. “How you’ve stroked my ego, Padparadscha. If anybody kept me waiting, I’d leave. Most especially if their tardiness lasted beyond an hour’s length.” Setting their book down against the fabric of their caving head-pillow, Lapis turned their frame slightly; chin angled and gaze searching. 

Distractedly, slender fingers rose to toy with the ends of long, azure locks; weaving the strands slowly between and around the tips of gloved digits. “But thank you,” their smile faltered only momentarily, “I’ve been so bottled up in my own head lately that talking to somebody about it will at the very least do my sanity good.”

                           Indie Lapis Lazuli   ☽   Houseki no Kuni   ☾    Selective

                           ❝I wasn't born of a whistle, or milked from a thistle at twilight             No I was all horns and thorns, sprung out fully formed, knock-kneed and upright❞