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nun-to-be-blog · 5 years

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[0426]

Love is something that you can't learn it from books. It has to implanted and practiced since you were a kid. Love is more than just a lust or passion. Love is not a feeling; it's an act. An act to fully give yourself to others, not a part of yourself. An act to share whay you have to them who are lacking what they need, not only food or money, but also care and happiness.

The bombing tragedy in Sri Lanka really made me shocked. It happened literally everywhere, consecutively. It killed many innocent lives and I remember there's a statue of Jesus sprayed by their blood. It was a terrifying sight to see. Even more it was a terrifying thing for the victims to experience and remember. There's one question lingered in my mind : why did the bombers do that? It stucked in my mind until this morning I've got the answer.

I love biology and I know more or less how the nature works. One thing that inspires me the most is how a plant carries their sugar produced from photosynthesis from one part to another part. It's complex but it's actually a fundamental thing to our life. The flow of the sugar starts from certain parts of plants called 'sugar source' and then with the help of the water from the xylem it moves down the floem to the 'sugar sink'. That's how.

Yes, naturally, everything in the nature flows from the higher concentration to the lower one. Even the water does so too. The osmosis, diffusion, transport, everything moves based on the same law of nature. What happened if the plant I told you above doesn't transport the sugar to the whole parts of it? It will die. Imagine if the sugar source just wants to enjoy the sugar by itself, it doesn't want to share what it has to the other part of the plant. Maybe the sugar source won't die first, but slowly all the parts of the plant will die.

Eventually, the society or the world also works that way. We can see so many greedy people enjoy the things they have just for theirself and get drowned in it. Meanwhile, in another part of the world, lots of people are starving, crying for food and rushing to the mountain just to get a bucket of water. How can this world experience obesity and starving at the same time, for instance? Why? Because people don't want to share. They just want to enjoy it for theirself. Most importantly, they don't want to share because they lack of one fundamental thing, LOVE! They are lacked of love. And slowly, the whole world will die, without we realize it. Just like that plant.

Then what is the correlation with the bombing in Sri Lanka? Yes, the bombers, they are simply out of love. They don't know how to love. They don't know what they did would kill thousands of lives and cause even more sadness and mourning all over the world. When people lost humanity, that is when they're out of love. The act of sharing the sugar we see from the plant, that is one example of love, caring and sharing. If the nature knows how to love, why can't we?

Love is the fundamental thing in every people's life. Without love, people will just do everything what they want without caring about other people's life. Love has to underlie everything we do and say. Love has to be the essence of our life. Love has to the reason why we do something. Go out and spread the love! ❤🤝

Prayer for the victims of the bombing. May God strengthen the families and give the eternal peace to those who die in the relationship with Him. And may God grant love and peace to the whole world.

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nun-to-be-blog · 5 years

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[0416]

"There was in him no stately bearing to make us look at him, nor appearance that would attract us to him. He was spurned and avoided by people, a man of suffering, accustomed to infirmity, one of those from whom people hide their faces, spurned, and we held him in no esteem. Yet it was our infirmities that he bore, our sufferings that he endured, while we thought of him as stricken, as one smitten by God and afflicted. But he was pierced for our offenses, crushed for our sins; upon him was the chastisement that makes us whole, by his stripes we were healed. We had all gone astray like sheep, each following his own way; but the LORD laid upon him the guilt of us all.

Though he was harshly treated, he submitted and opened not his mouth; like a lamb led to the slaughter or a sheep before the shearers, he was silent and opened not his mouth. Oppressed and condemned, he was taken away, and who would have thought any more of his destiny? When he was cut off from the land of the living, and smitten for the sin of his people, a grave was assigned him among the wicked and a burial place with evildoers, though he had done no wrong nor spoken any falsehood.

But the LORD was pleased to crush him in infirmity." (Isaiah 53:2-9)

Lately I encountered a new kind of problem in responding His call to become a nun. Another fear within me that I have to overcome. Oh God why is it so hard to become a nun? Huh, I yelled at Him for giving me a big rock blocking my way.

Yet God never leaves me alone and always provides an answer to all my questions. He gently touches my heart with today's first reading. I was once betrayed, isolated, avoided, and gossiped. It seems that my cross is just too hard and heavy. But then I realize something. His Cross was much much bigger than mine. He had to suffer for the sake of the world so the world can see and live within His light. He endured all the pain because He knew that He loves us so much and He wants to do something for us, that is to redeem the sins and darkness of the world. He was once betrayed, avoided, whipped, tortured, and even condemned to DEATH, just like me, but He didn't complain. He is so pure, He never commited a sin nor did anything against Father's will. Of course He was afraid seeing the whole thing that He had to face in the next day, there in the Gethsemane, but there was only one thing in His mind. I love the world and I will do everything to save the world.

And then I look at myself. How sinful I am. How naughty I am. I dare to commit lots of sins in front of Him who had loved me since the first day I was born. I dare to go against Him. I consciously torture Him, whip His back, put a crown of thorn on His head, take Him away, and crucify Him, over and over again, 24 hours non stop. He must be reaIly sad looking at me. It really pierces His heart into pieces, even worse than the nail that pierced His palms. With all the sins I have, how can I complain that my cross is too big for me to bear? How can I cry to Him for not giving me another burden to my shoulder?

Above all, He suffered it all. He bore the Cross without even complaining why He had to bear one although He didn't have any sin. And me, here, complaining, crying, and commiting lots of sins at the same time, all day long.

He spoke within my heart, saying that bearing a cross is perfectly NORMAL for anybody who wishes to follow Him. In fact, bearing a cross has to be an honour for you've taken a part within Him. I've walked too far with Him to become a nun and it's such as shame if I quit, isn't it? I have a promise that has to be fulfilled, a promise to Him that I will offer my whole life just for Him before and after I become a nun. I've said to myself earlier that nothing gonna stops me from becoming a nun, even the biggest storm or the heaviest rock! And yes, it's clear that I have no reason to give up His call upon me! After all, He's the God of suffering. He hears every cry and feels every pain of every human being including me. There's nothing I should be afraid of. Truly nothing. Even that fear within me that I said I want to overcome. Hmm suddenly that big rock seems to be just a small rock for me lol😋😂.

So, another note to self. Dare to take up your cross and walk with Him. Particulary for those who are discerning to be a nun, just believe that He will teach you all the things needed to follow Him. He will walk with you, never gonna let you walk alone. He who calls you will accompany and love you continuously until the end. Remember that no cross is too heavy for you to bear, no ocean is too deep for you to dive, and no mountain is too high for you to climb. He is with you, now and always.

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nun-to-be-blog · 5 years

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[0418]

Turned out God spoke to me again through the homily. One of the priests serving today's mass said that generally it's harder to love your enemies and neighbor. Hmm, God does provide an answer to my question that I've been pondering in the last few weeks.

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There's a guy who sells lots of food and wander around my campus all day long. I don't know who he is but I'm pretty sure that he is one of the college students. He rarely speaks and gathers around with his friends (I never see one or two of his friends either🤔). He keeps selling his food even though all the people reject him and I just found out lately that his mom and dad drive him to the campus by a motorcycle every morning. They seem to love him so much and kiss him like a young child everytime they're going to go back home. And at that time I saw clearly that the food he sells consists of some donuts, bread, or another snacks that seem to be different each day.

One day, he entered my class. There are lots of my friends who are busy working on their projects and tasks and suddenly he came in. He tried to sell his food but sadly no one responds nor buy it;but fortunately when he was going to leave my class there was one of my friend bought his food and then he went away.

Honestly, I pity him a lot. He helps his parents by selling the food which was made by them and that is the thing that makes me pity him. If I were his mother, I would hug him tightly everyday and give him the biggest love I could give. And yes, I actually want to help him and become his friend so bad....but there's something that forbids me of doing that. And that is the fear inside me.

Indeed, the fear to love others whom I don't know. You must feel that loving your partner, friends, or family is much easier. This is one of the thing that I want to improve. To be brave to love others. Every time I see stray people, beggars, old people, or the lonely one, I really want to help them. But I'm to afraid to do it! Maybe because I'm an introvert so it's hard for me to express my love or to start a conversation with them. Or, sometimes I just feel too lazy to help them. Too lazy to take out my wallet from my bag. Too lazy to spend some time with them and thought that it would be better to think about myself and my future goals. Too lazy to care about them and just lay down in my sofa, watching some movies I like. I forgot that there are so many people out there who desperately need my love, and how stupid I am that I shut my eyes from the suffering of this world and close my ears from their cries!?

Today's homily really touches my heart. And I've found the answer. Be brave! Be brave to love others! Be brave to help them! Don't be shy or lazy to help them! Be their friend and love them as you love yourself. They need you. Just don't care about what people would say about you. Stay focused to help and love them and ignore what the people say about you. Note to self.

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