<|:3 <- wizard cat

<|:3 <- oh look he's aro!

Even after all this time and awareness, it feels like asexuality is still not treated like a proper sexuality. Recently had a girl tell me that she was at a place where she ‘felt so asexual’ because all the other girls were so beautiful and guys were ignoring her because of it. She didn’t know I was asexual and I didn’t take offence (I know she didn't meant it in a malicious way) but it does feel uncomfortable that people are using ‘asexual’ in lieu of ‘unattractive' or 'lacking sexual appeal.' It's really giving 90's/early 2000's slang of using 'gay' to mean 'lame.' Even shows like Brooklyn 99 which took immense pride in being progressive with their comedy, had an episode where one of the characters says "Oh, and I'm sorry if we implied you're both asexual nerds who can only be friends with service animals."

I have mentioned this before also, when I talked about how I feel like people are more comfortable erasing the identities of canonical aro/ace characters in media but act like it's unacceptable with other sexualities... but it does feel like asexuality (and aromanticism tbh) are still not considered 'real' sexualities. In the case of shipping fictional characters, I understand there is nuance to that issue and so don't want to get into it, but it does kinda add to my point.

Why is it that people treat asexuality like it's not a sexuality? Why is it that when I come out to people I'm met with insistence that I'm wrong about my sexuality, that I'm 'self diagnosing' (it's not a medical condition), that I'm probably 'just inexperienced' or haven't 'met the right person' or have a hormone issue? Why can't people just accept that it's a sexuality like any other??

ahaha no don't call me heartless... nooooo that's so mean... no really it would hurt me sooooooo bad if you said it again... you should say it again

“can you people just let friends be friends!!” i shout into the mic. the crowd boos and throws tomatoes at me. “why, are you homophobic?” they accuse. i shoot everyone dead with my aromantic beam.

“Some aros date!” Yeah well some aros will also rip your head off and dissolve you in acid but your not counting them are you

i made some evil aromantic flags

Joining the war on aros on the side of the aros

"why can't they just be friends" not in the homophobic way but in the "their platonic relationship in the source material is far more dynamic and complex than the sanitized personalities they gain as a result of shipping" way

this year my challenge for everyone is to unlearn the association between love and morality. love is not something that is inherently morally good, and the absence of love is not something that is inherently bad. sex without love isn't morally bankrupt, it's just an action. people without love aren't less kind or less good, they're just people. when we can get past this false (and often unnoticed) dichotomy of good love/evil lovelessness then i think we are going to be able to take leaps and bounds in sex positivity, aro advocacy, certain discussions of mental health...

Telling myself “nobody will ever love you” as an affirmation

Shout out to mean aros. They keep the world moving

I can't find the post but it said something like "biphobia will have bi women believe that society wants them to be lesbians, and lesbophobia will have lesbians believe that society wants them to be bi, but the truth is society doesn't want you to be bi or lesbian. they want you to be straight" or something like that. I saw it for the first time years ago and it's stuck with me because this mindset will genuinely resolve so much of queer infighting.

Allosexual queer people will believe that society wants them to be ace and aces will believe that society wants them to be allosexual queers, and the truth is society wants you to be allosexual but only sexually attracted to the right gender in the right way.

Trans men will believe that society wants them to be nonbinary, and nonbinary people will believe that society wants them to be binary trans, and the truth is society wants you to be cis.

And the thing is, there's some truth to "I would be more accepted if I was [this queer identity] instead of [that queer identity]," because there are groups of people who will want you to be a different queer identity. There are people who want their lesbian daughters to be bi because then they have a chance of marrying a man. There are allosexual gays who want to be ace because at least then they wouldn't be sexually attracted to their own gender, which is dirty and gross and wrong. There are people who want their trans male friends to be nonbinary because they think men are all evil.

Except there are also people who would rather bi women be lesbians because dating men makes them a traitor to the queer community, or aces who want to be allosexual and gay because if they can't be attracted to the opposite gender at least they'll be attracted to someone, and people who want their nonbinary friends to be binary trans because nonbinary people are made up and stealing resources.

Society at large doesn't want you to be any queer identity. They have a very narrow idea of what you should be, and so many ideas and rules telling you what you shouldn't be. And sometimes, people unlearn some of those rules but not others, depending on who they're around while forming these opinions. Some people will unlearn exorsexism but still drink the "men are evil" juice. Some people will unlearn homophobia but not amatonormativity.

So, sometimes queer people say things like "People would accept me more if I was [different queer identity]." And sure, some people would accept you more if you were that other identity. Except some people would accept you less. Maybe your parents would accept you more if you were bi instead of lesbian, but your friends would say being bi makes you a traitor.

And in the end, it doesn't matter, because there's way to win. "More accepted" is a very relative term. More accepted by some people, sure, but you won't be really be accepted unless you're not queer.

i have a burning hatred for relationship hierarchies.

Why is it offensive to want to just be friends? Why is it expected for romantic partners to always take prioritization over friends? Why is it rude to tell someone you aren't friends, just chill with each other? Why are queerplatonic relationships seen as a step down from romantic relationships? Why is it bad to not want to make step ups in romantic relationships?

these labels have different meanings and levels importance to everyone, therefore they have no meaning or importance.

in my world, there are two places you can stand. next to me or the fuck away.

"why can't they just be friends" not in the homophobic way but in the "their platonic relationship in the source material is far more dynamic and complex than the sanitized personalities they gain as a result of shipping" way

being aroace is just a constant cycle of saying "wait i thought that was a joke"

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You think about a lot of stuff but not everything in your life goes the way you want it to. You have to come to terms with it. - Takahashi Satoru