St. Peter’s Basilica, Rome, Italy

It’s hard to resist / the pull of who people think we are.

Jason Phoebe Rusch, from “Stereotype Threat,” published in Lambda Literary (via lifeinpoetry)

It’s so difficult to describe depression to someone who’s never been there, because it’s not sadness. I know sadness. Sadness is to cry and to feel. But it’s that cold absence of feeling— that really hollowed-out feeling.

J.K. Rowling (via minuty)

A cure

They say that writing helps depression . But how do you truly fix depression? Is it simply taking meds everyday? Going to therapy? Or just cope with it? The depression, for me, always hits harder at night. Because at night there’s nobody around to force a smile to. There’s nobody around for me to say “I’m okay, just tired” when in reality it’s just a quiet cry for help. It’s just me and the reoccurring thoughts that can’t be tamed. Nights where I’m alone and feeling trapped inside my own head. Depression for me is heart wrenching. Having so much love for others, but none for myself. Most days the will to get out of bed is absent. To hide away from everyone feels secure and safe, but it only makes things worse in end. They say depression doesn’t define who You are. But nights like this it feels like it’s the only thing that defines me. I’m starting this blog to reach out to others. The other half of society that gets told it’ll pass,to just buck up and stop feeling sorry for yourself. To the ones that get told time and time again that there’s no reason to be sad. The sadness cannot be explained to others only felt. This is to the ones that feel ashamed of having such an illness. Because it is an illness. It’s a gargoyle that constantly sits on your shoulder every waking moment. Coercing you with sorrowful words until it ultimately takes you down a seemingly endless, dark abyss -APD

Sleep

Does anyone else find it hard to just do nothing? Being somewhere alone trying to find an inclining of self-peace, an escape. Personally I can’t. When I’m alone that’s when it hits, that creeping monster that never leaves. A monster that quietly sits and waits, waits for a chance to strike you at the most inopportune time. To me and so many others that monster is depression/anxiety. In this moment every thought I have comes rushing to my mind, a million roaring judgements. In this moment there’s no peace, no clarity, no rest. That’s why we sleep so much. It’s why I always feel tired no matter the amount of sleep I get. We aren’t only physically tired, but mentally exhausted from fighting. We are exhausted of that gargoyle that constantly berates us. For me, sleeping is the only thing that gives me an escape. For in those moments, in the sleeping moments where dreams are better than reality, I want to live.

Sleep

Does anyone else find it hard to just do nothing? Being somewhere alone trying to find an inclining of self-peace, an escape. Personally I can’t. When I’m alone that’s when it hits, that creeping monster that never leaves. A monster that quietly sits and waits, waits for a chance to strike you at the most inopportune time. To me and so many others that monster is depression/anxiety. In this moment every thought I have comes rushing to my mind, a million roaring judgements. In this moment there’s no peace, no clarity, no rest. That’s why we sleep so much. It’s why I always feel tired no matter the amount of sleep I get. We aren’t only physically tired, but mentally exhausted from fighting. We are exhausted of that gargoyle that constantly berates us. For me, sleeping is the only thing that gives me an escape. For in those moments, in the sleeping moments where dreams are better than reality, I want to live.

A cure

They say that writing helps depression . But how do you truly fix depression? Is it simply taking meds everyday? Going to therapy? Or just cope with it? The depression, for me, always hits harder at night. Because at night there’s nobody around to force a smile to. There’s nobody around for me to say “I’m okay, just tired” when in reality it’s just a quiet cry for help. It’s just me and the reoccurring thoughts that can’t be tamed. Nights where I’m alone and feeling trapped inside my own head. Depression for me is heart wrenching. Having so much love for others, but none for myself. Most days the will to get out of bed is absent. To hide away from everyone feels secure and safe, but it only makes things worse in end. They say depression doesn’t define who You are. But nights like this it feels like it’s the only thing that defines me. I’m starting this blog to reach out to others. The other half of society that gets told it’ll pass,to just buck up and stop feeling sorry for yourself. To the ones that get told time and time again that there’s no reason to be sad. The sadness cannot be explained to others only felt. This is to the ones that feel ashamed of having such an illness. Because it is an illness. It’s a gargoyle that constantly sits on your shoulder every waking moment. Coercing you with sorrowful words until it ultimately takes you down a seemingly endless, dark abyss -APD

It’s exhausting to fight a war inside your head every single day.

Mickie Ann (via fyp-psychology)