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notebooks-and-tea · 3 years

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Parse and Evermore: A Ted Talk

Finally posting this incomplete draft in honour of Red (TV) Release Day pls enjoy my rambling :)) [100% currently spending my Law and Econ lecture typing up a Red version of this post because I have no self control]

It’s that time of 2020 when Taylor Swift drops another album (because why not?) and I decide to overanalyse it in an effort to make myself even sadder.

You maybe have seen my previous post of parts of Folklore that gave me KP feels. If you haven’t and you feel like joining me in feeling sad, you can find that here: Parse and Folklore: A Ted Talk.

I may have written that post and then disappeared from Tumblr but I’m back with more potential sadness based entirely on projections and headcanons yay.

Evermore definitely doesn’t scream Parse as much as Folklore did but that’s definitely not gonna stop me and at some point I really wanna go back and do this with her previous albums. But for now, I’m listening to Evermore on repeat and these are some immediate thoughts mostly based on individual lyrics rather than the themes or stories of the songs overall. So gather round kiddos and join me in having emotions about fictional characters!

1) Happiness - literally just Kent coming to terms with him being allowed to be happy after everything that happened with Jack? The slow progression from thinking that Jack was the reason he was happy and realising that it wasn’t a great time for them but that doesn’t mean there wasn’t any happiness then either. I actually don’t have that many coherent thoughts just... Kent Parson x Happiness okay. My problematic fave deserves it and I’ll forever be annoyed with how canon went because that was not that satisfying soz.

Lyrics (damn there are so many):

There'll be happiness after you But there was happiness because of you Both of these things can be true // There’ll be happiness after me But there was happiness because of me Both of these things, I believe

Beyond the terror in the nightfall Haunted by the look in my eyes That would've loved you for a lifetime <-- Don’t try to tell me Kent wasn’t actually in love with Jack or at the very least convinced he was and was willing to stay with him no matter what, even though they’d go to separate teams Tell me, when did your winning smile Begin to look like a smirk? When did all our lessons start to look like weapons Pointed at my deepest hurt? <-- Where did it go wrong and when did all their wholesome teen moments of friendship turn to the anger and spite we end up seeing when Kent turns up at Samwell :( How did it turn to what happens whenever the Falconers play the Aces :(

I hope she'll be your beautiful fool Who takes my spot next to you No, I didn't mean that Sorry, I can't see facts through all of my fury You haven't met the new me yet <-- Fully just Kent being angry at Jack for how things went wrong, he got cut out from his life and then he goes to visit him at Samwell and sees Bitty who low(high)key looks like a mini-him, but he’s learning and growing and one day he’ll be able to move past it and find his own happiness I can't make it go away by making you a villain I guess it's the price I paid for seven years in Heaven And I pulled your body into mine Every goddamn night, now I get fake niceties No one teaches you what to do When a good man hurts you And you know you hurt him, too <-- Neither of them are the villains in the story, not really. They were just kids and things went wrong and they both got hurt for it but Kent got cut off from his support mechanisms and thrust into the NHL as a kid and no one ever taught him how to deal with the fallout of what happened between them

2) Closure - (we’re ignoring that ‘canon’ interaction between Bitty and Kent for this one because I hate it lol) Ahh don’t think about the the possibility of the actual anger/spite Kent could feel about the situation and everything that happened with Jack. He just got cut out of his life after the overdose, left to deal with the aftermath of watching his boyfriend/best friend nearly die and sent off to a foreign city as basically still a kid and to Jack it apparently didn’t mean as much as it did to Kent. And Kent keeps turning up in Jack’s new life trying to make things go back to normal but Jack just wants to push the past away and move on and have his new life in Samwell and beyond. So I totally hear this and think of Kent feeling so angry about Jack’s false niceties and attempts at ‘closure’ that Kent really doesn’t want. Bonus points if you consider the possibility that Jack never actually spoke with Kent post-rehab and all Kent got is a letter/messaged probably passed on by Bob & Alicia.

Lyrics that stand out to my angsty heart:

It's been a long time And seeing the shape of your name Still spells out pain It wasn't right The way it all went down --> Kent definitely doesn’t get over what happens quickly, probably has a lot of trauma associated with Jack. Eventually he realises that he’s not the one at fault for what happened (maybe in some ways but he was just a kid in a secret relationship doing a stressful sport in a homophobic environment), Jack cutting him out may have been good for Jack’s mental health but it was still unfair on Kent in many ways Yes, I got your letter Yes, I'm doing better It cut deep to know ya Right to the bone Yes, I got your letter Yes, I'm doing better I know that it's over I don't need your "closure" Your "closure" <-- Kent is doing better at this point but there is clearly still trauma there, also you can think about when Kent visits Jack at Samwell and he pushes him away trying to tell Kent that they’re over and it won’t be the same as it was before because that sure hurt me to think about as Taylor sings ‘closure’ :( Don't treat me like some situation that needs to be handled I'm fine with my spite And my tears And my beers and my candles I can feel you smoothing me over <-- I can definitely see Jack as thinking that Kent need to be handled (’I miss you’ ‘you always say that’), also this is so Kent and unhealthy coping mechanisms and anger at the situation and Jack and wanting to hold on to that anger and spite I know I'm just a Wrinkle in your new life Staying "friends" Would iron it out so nice Guilty, guilty reaching out across the sea That you put between you and me But it's fake And it's oh so unnecessary <-- Would Kent trust Jack if an attempt was made to be friends again? Or would he feel unwanted and like it’s all fake and Jack is just trying to make sure he doesn’t cause problems in his new life? I like angst and making myself hurt so you can guess what I think

3) Coney Island - don’t think about Kent wondering what he did to make Jack overdose and cut him out. Don’t think about Kent questioning if he’s to blame for Jack’s anxiety and if he pushed him over the edge and that’s why he cut him out from his life and why they’re no longer even friends. And definitely don’t think about Kent just being alone in Las Vegas wondering whether Jack will ever forgive him or what he’s supposed to do if he doesn’t even know Jack anymore.

Lyrics:

If this is the long haul, How'd we get here so soon? Did I close my fist around something delicate? Did I shatter you?

And I'm sitting on a bench in Coney Island wondering where did my baby go? The fast times, the bright lights, the merry go Sorry for not making you my centerfold --> I can totally see Kent thinking that he’s too blame for what happened because he didn’t focus enough on Jack and his problems :(

The question pounds my head "What's a lifetime of achievement?" If I pushed you to the edge But you were too polite to leave me --> wondering if going first in the draft and being the Ace’s record book is worth it if him going first meant he lost Jack

Will you forgive my soul When you're too wise to trust me and too old to care?

4) Marjorie - okay so I probably have some very odd thoughts about this specific song but bare with me. Obviously the connection isn’t *clear* and it doesn’t follow the direct idea of the song, but if we ignore Marjorie being Taylor Swift’s dead grandmother, this song makes me think of KP in two ways. So fun fun fun double the angst double the fun. Basically just think of this song as everything Kent lost right before the draft. If you don’t think about the death as literal you can totally see this being about how when Jack overdosed and cut Kent out of his life, Kent also lost the support mechanism he might have had from Bob and Alicia. So definitely don’t listen to this one and think about Kent thinking of the little bits of wisdom he got from Jack’s parents before he lost them too. And don’t think about Kent thinking about all of the things he should have asked them about but won’t get the chance to anymore not he’s not friends with Jack...And also don’t think about Kent knowing Jack almost died, and even though he didn’t actually die he still left him (but he’s still there haunting him in his head because traumaaaa :( )

Lyrics:

Never be so kind, you forget to be clever Never be so clever, you forget to be kind // Never be so polite, you forget your power Never wield such power, you forget to be polite

And if I didn't know better I'd think you were talking to me now If I didn't know better I'd think you were still around What died didn't stay dead What died didn't stay dead You're alive, you're alive in my head What died didn't stay dead What died didn't stay dead You're alive, so alive I should've asked you questions I should've asked you how to be Asked you to write it down for me Should've kept every grocery store receipt 'Cause every scrap of you would be taken from me <-- thinking about all the things he should’ve done and held onto because he lost so much after they fell apart

5) ‘tis the damn season - yikes. So ignoring the context of the actual song and just think about Kent coming to see Jack and thinking about how much he misses him and if only they could just reignite whatever they had for old times’ sake (because of course Kent still has feelings for him). Just that scene of Kent trying to kiss Jack in Samwell, saying he misses him before Jack pushes him away. And then it’s Kent going back to Vegas, which isn’t really home in his mind because in his mind home is still this ideal he has of Jack and him together and playing their best hockey.

Lyrics:

If I wanted to know Who you were hanging with While I was gone, I would've asked you --> Cue image of Kent insulting Jack’s team because he doesn’t care about Jack’s new life if it doesn’t involve him Just for old times' sake I won't ask you to wait If you don't ask me to stay So I'll go back to LA And the so-called friends who'll write books about me if I ever make it And wonder about the only soul who can tell which smiles I'm faking And the heart I know I'm breaking is my own To leave the warmest bed I've ever known --> Hi. LA=LV. I’m sad now. Messy as the mud on your truck tires Now I'm missing your smile, hear me out We could just ride around And the road not taken looks real good now And it always leads to you and my hometown It always leads to you and my hometown --> PSA Jack = Parse’s hometown at this point in time

6) Ivy - The actual story of this song doesn’t fit in the slightest but damn do some of the lyrics really hurt me and make me think of Parse being sad about Jack. I can’t stop my brain from making these connections so please feel free to join me in my sadness

Lyrics to particularly think about:

And the old widow goes to the stone every day But I don't, I just sit here and wait Grieving for the living --> Jack didn’t die from his overdose but Kent still had to grieve the loss of his friend/boyfriend and probably his whole support mechanism I'd live and die for moments that we stole On begged and borrowed time --> Why do lyrics about infidelity always end up making me sad about Parse and Jack and their secret relationship in the Q, living on borrowed time knowing that it has an ending and everything will be over as soon as the draft happens?

7) Tolerate it - hello, for this song I like to cry thinking about Jack telling Bitty that his ‘thing’ with Kent didn’t actually mean anything when Kent 100% thought it meant so much until it apparently didn’t and that’s just it. The song is Kent loving Jack and Jack just tolerating him and that love instead of celebrating it. :( Perspective is everything so even though Jack might not legitimately feel this way, my headcanon Kent’s feelings are still valid.

Lyrics:

I sit and watch you reading with your head low I wake and watch you breathing with your eyes closed I sit and watch you, I notice everything you do or don't do If it's all in my head tell me now Tell me I've got it wrong somehow I know my love should be celebrated But you tolerate it I take your indiscretions all in good fun --> my mind just goes to Jack being self-destructive because of his anxiety and all the pressure going on in the Q and Kent thinking it’s all just him having fun and blowing off some steam (obvs I know that’s not what indiscretions refers to in the song) While you were out building other worlds, where was I? Where's that man who'd throw blankets over my barbed wire? I made you my temple, my mural, my sky Now I'm begging for footnotes in the story of your life Drawing hearts in the byline Always taking up too much space or time You assume I'm fine But what would you do if I Break free and leave us in ruins Took this dagger in me and removed it Gain the weight of you then lose it Believe me, I could do it If it's all in my head tell me now Tell me I've got it wrong somehow I know my love should be celebrated But you tolerate it I sit and watch you -> -> just this whole goddamn bridge section excuse me how dare Miss Swift do this to me? Yeah so Jack goes and builds a whole new life for himself, turning over a new leaf and getting better which is very good for him but very sad for one Mr Kent Parson who just wants to be in Kent’s life. And ofc Jack assumes that Kent is perfectly fine because he went first in the draft and is playing in the NHL and doing well and living their dream even though that doesn’t mean he’s fine at all...

8) Dorothea - It’s Kent’s POV and Jack = Dorothea except Jack didn’t go and leave town to chase his dreams, he left Kent and their shared dreams to go to Samwell and cut him out of his life. But it’s not too late to join him in the NHL and they can be the dream team again...

Lyrics:

You got shiny friends since you left town A tiny screen's the only place I see you now And I got nothing but well wishes for ya It's never too late To come back to my side The stars in your eyes Shined brighter in Tupelo And if you're ever tired of being known For who you know You know, you'll always know me -> Kent was the first person to see Jack as Jack and not his father’s son and you can try and pry that headcanon from my cold dead hands 9) Champagne Problems - not me thinking specifically about this idiom and how Kent would consider his very real mental health issues as just champagne problems and would also probably think the correct way to deal with his issues is to drink them away... But yeah it’s just a lot of Kent thinking he hurt Jack and that he’s the one at fault for what went wrong and just thinking on how one day Jack will find someone new who will help him with all the issues that were caused by Kent being a part of his life (yo me projecting so many angsty headcanons onto KP, this version of Kent really needs a hug)

Lyrics:

You booked the night train for a reason So you could sit there in this hurt Bustling crowds or silent sleepers You're not sure which is worse Champagne problems Your heart was glass, I dropped it Dom Perignon, you brought it No crowd of friends applauded Your hometown skeptics called it Champagne problems Your Midas touch on the Chevy door November flush and your flannel cure "This dorm was once a madhouse" I made a joke "well, it's made for me" how Evergreen, our group of friends Don't think we'll say that word again And soon they'll have the nerve to deck the halls That we once walked through One for the money, two for the show I never was ready, so I watch you go Sometimes you just don't know the answer Till someone's on their knees and asks you "She would've made such a lovely bride What a shame she's fucked in the head", they said But you'll find the real thing instead She'll patch up your tapestry that I shred You won't remember all my Champagne problems

#taylor swift #omgcheckplease #check please #omgcp #kent parson #parsepositive #kent parson angst #i love my problematic son #and i will not apologise for it #yes i want to do this for every album #bringing this back #finally finishing a post i drafted a year ago #gotta do this in honour of red (tv) release day #someone pls join me in crying and overthinking lyrics

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notebooks-and-tea · 4 years

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Parse & Folklore: A Ted Talk

Alright everyone, settle down and come have emotions with me about how many of the lyrics from Folklore could apply to Parse. This is a long one so buckle in kiddos. I’m not usually a omgcp blog and I haven’t actually used tumblr in ages but I needed to share my emotions. Someone please yell at me if they have any more thoughts - I’m always here for Parse &/ Taylor rants!

1. The 1 - let’s be real you could read the entirety of this song as Kent, hopefully having now finally managed to move on from Jack, wistfully thinking back on how nice it would’ve have been if he had indeed been ‘the one’.

Lyrics that kind of hurt:

We were something, don’t you think so? And if my wishes came true It would've been you In my defense, I have none For never leaving well enough alone Rosé flowing with your chosen family And it would've been sweet If it could've been me In my defense, I have none For digging up the grave another time 2. Cardigan - So the concept of this song doesn’t directly relate to Kent but a few of the lines stick out to me a lot and I guess just generally this idea of ‘when you are young they assume you know nothing’ in the context of what Jack and Kent would have been going through when they were in Juniors.

Lyrics that stand out to my angsty heart:

But I knew you'd linger like a tattoo kiss I knew you'd haunt all of my what-ifs The smell of smoke would hang around this long 'Cause I knew everything when I was young I knew I'd curse you for the longest time <--literally just Kent not being able to let go of Jack despite how long it’s been since the draft

3. My Tears Ricochet - Definitely don’t think about the idea of Kent loving Jack and being cut out and ignored following his overdose while listening to this song. ‘I didn’t have it in myself to go with grace’ when thinking about Kent visiting Jack at Samwell and being rejected, then lashing out is particularly painful okay. You could totally interpret a lot of this song as Kent lashing out at Jack and reminding him that he can cut him out and claim he’s moved on but he’ll always be a part of him and it just makes me sad to think about how that might not actually be true...

Lyrics that make me sad:

Even on my worst day Did I deserve, babe All the hell you gave me? 'Cause I loved you I swear I loved you Till my dying day I didn't have it in myself to go with grace And you're the hero flying around saving face <--Jack getting to look like Kent attacked him for no reason as if he doesn’t also owe apologies 'Cause when I'd fight, you used to tell me I was brave And you can aim for my heart, go for blood But you would still miss me in your bones <-- also kind of reminds me of Kent, in his anger when he turns up at Samwell, lashing out and saying that it’s people like him who still care about Jack no matter what

4. Mirrorball - okay literally just one line really sticks out to me and makes me sad so definitely don’t think about Kent having to hide who he is around the Aces, especially when Jack and Bitty kiss on the ice and he’s in the bar and someone whose name I’ve forgotten is being a homophobic dick, while Taylor sings “I'm a mirrorball I can change everything about me to fit in”

5. AUGUST - like the entire song basically? But like specifically these two boys have a month in the summer between winning the memorial cup and the draft and maybe Kent thinks it’s perfect and he’s so hopeful and he knows it has to end because they’re going to be on separate teams but maybe for him, just wanting them to be together is enough, at least for now. But everything goes wrong and Jack slips away and then they lose contact because Jack cuts him out and all Kent knows is that he should have known because he was never really his no matter how much he hoped that would be true. So now he just has those memories of the two of them together that one summer and maybe that kind of makes me want to cry?

Lyrics and sadnessss:

I never needed anything more Whispers Of "Are you sure?" "Never have I ever before" <-- just really hammering in that reminder that they were just kids before the draft But I can see us Lost in the memory August slipped away into a moment in time 'Cause it was never mine And I can see us twisted in bedsheets August sipped away Like a bottle of wine 'Cause you were never mine Will you call when you're back at school? I remember thinking I had you Wanting was enough For me, it was enough To live for the hope of it all Cancel plans just in case you'd call So much for summer love, and saying "Us" 'Cause you weren't mine to lose 6. This is Me Trying - Yikes, isn’t the title just a hypothetical Parse anthem though? Once again, not really exactly in the spirit of the actual song but I feel like so many of the lyrics apply? I mean, Kent turning up at Samwell vibes and once again he lashes out because he feels hurt but he’s trying. He doesn’t even know if Jack wants to see him but he’s hopeful so he turns up and he’s trying to be helpful and to reconnect but he’s still hurting even if Jack doesn’t seem to care? Also definitely don’t think about Kent in his first year in the NHL when he’s supposed to be living his dream and enjoying life, celebrating victories with his new team but all he can think about is Jack and how he may have hurt him and that he’s living the life he’s missing out on.

Lyrics I have emotions about:

I didn't know if you'd care if I came back I have a lot of regrets about that Pulled the car off the road to the lookout Could've followed my fears all the way down And maybe I don't quite know what to say But I'm here in your doorway <-- Kent turning up at Samwell not really knowing if Jack would want to see him but being so hopeful that he would just hurtssss I just wanted you to know That this is me trying And at least I’m trying

And my words shoot to kill when I'm mad I have a lot of regrets about that

And it's hard to be at a party When I feel like an open wound It's hard to be anywhere these days When all I want is you

7. Illicit Affairs - Ooooh boy, we’re back to entire songs that remind me of Kent and Jack and pre-draft sadness. So cannon Jack might claim that they never really dated and doesn’t that hurt even more if you consider Kent thinking they’re basically dating in secret only for Jack to overdose, then cut him off completely and deny that what they had ever involved any real emotions on his part? So here’s where illicit affairs makes me want to sob. Definitely don’t think about them having a secret ‘relationship’ that starts off because they’re just such close friends, the best friend either one of them has ever had, but they’re also both closeted professional hockey players and horny teenagers let’s be honest, and what starts off as raw moments of honesty and closeness between them get’s slowly corrupted because they have to hide it all, and they have the draft to think about, and Jack has his anxiety etc. And maybe Jack doesn’t call him kid or baby but he does call him Kenny like nobody else does and Kent would ruin himself if it meant he could have Jack back, would give him anything, would get him a spot on the Aces so they can finally play together like they were supposed to...This song makes me sad.

Lyrics that hurt especially (might as well post the entire song here tbh):

And that's the thing about illicit affairs And clandestine meetings And longing stares It's born from just one single glance But it dies and it dies and it dies ...a million little times / They show their truth one single time But they lie and they lie and they lie ...a million little times

So you leave no trace behind Like you don't even exist Take the words for what they are A dwindling, mercurial high A drug that only worked The first few hundred times

And you wanna scream Don't call me kid Don't call me baby Look at this godforsaken mess that you made me You showed me colors you know I can't see with anyone else Don't call me kid Don't call me baby Look at this idiotic fool that you made me You taught me a secret language I can't speak with anyone else And you know damn well For you I would ruin myself ...a million little times

8. Invisible Strings - Is this song too happy for my feelings about Kent most of the time? Probably, but basically any ship that ends in Kent/Happiness could apply to this song and that’s the reason it stays on this list. So basically think about Kent being happy and moving on with someone who’s so so good for him and helps him heal and then reconsider this song with that in mine.

Lyrics to think about:

Time, Mystical time Cutting me open, then healing me fine

A string that pulled me Out of all the wrong arms right into that dive bar Something wrapped all of my past mistakes in barbed wire Chains around my demons Wool to brave the seasons One single thread of gold tied me to you Cold was the steel of my axe to grind for the boys who broke my heart Now I send their babies presents <- the idea of Kent moving on and no longer having confrontations with Jack whenever they meet but instead being happy for him too makes me so happy

9. Betty - Okay once again the actual idea of this song, definitely doesn’t directly apply but hear me out. Kent turning up at Samwell wanting to be heard out by Jack. Maybe it doesn’t happen directly after the event so he’s not ‘only 17′ but he effectively is and he doesn’t know anything really. He didn’t at the time the overdose happened and he never got the chance to deal with it properly because Jack cut him out so he still doesn’t really know anything. All he knows is that he misses Jack and he wants to play with him again and wants them to get back to where they used to be, to where they’re suppose to be. And if he insulting Jack’s team isn’t James (Taylor’s POV) singing about Betty’s ‘stupid friends’ then idk what else to say. Why does this song scream Kent so much to me despite being about a random 17 year old boy who cheated on his girlfriend?

Lyrics I want to scream about:

Betty, I won't make assumptions about why you switched your homeroom But I think it's 'cause of me <--so obvs not homeroom but please don’t think about Kent thinking that Jack overdosed and decided not to go to the NHL after her recovered because of him

But if I just showed up at your party Would you have me? Would you want me? Would you tell me to go fuck myself Or lead me to the garden? I'm only seventeen I don't know anything but I know I miss you <--maybe he’s not 17 but he’s basically still just a kid whenever Jack’s involved

Betty, I'm here on your doorstep And I planned it out for weeks now but, it's finally sinking in Betty, right now is the last time I can dream about what happens when you see my face again The only thing I wanna do Is make it up to you So, I showed up at your party Will you have me? Will you love me? Will you kiss me on the porch in front of all your stupid friends? If you kiss me Will it be just like I dreamed it? Will it patch your broken wings?

I definitely have more to say on this but this is already so long so that’s it for now, might continue on some other time?

#kent parson #omgcheckplease #parsepositive #angst #taylor swift #folklore #jack zimmermann #I have too many emotions about fictional characters #literally just thinking about August and Illicit Affairs in relation to Kent makes me want to cry

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