i wish i hadn’t started starving myself so young. i had just turned 11 when i started. worst decision of my life.

i’ve “fully”recovered and “fully” relapsed too many times to count now. i’ve been hospitalized luckily only once but it was the worst time of my life. as much as i could want and try so hard to recover i can’t. counting calories and starving and the ache and the pain is just embedded in my brain and i want to stop i want to live a normal life but i just can’t.

anorexia fully and completely ruined my life. it’s so difficult to get out of this disorder once your so far down so please if ur newer to this disorder or want to skip a couple meals for a week “just to see what it’s like” don’t. it’s really not worth it at all. i’m so stuck in this routine and you honestly think it’s what you really want but it isn’t. waking up in the middle of the night with heart palpitations, your body hurting all over, and when you try to eat you throw up. trust me i know it seems like everything you’d ever want but it really isn’t it’s so so so difficult to break the cycles that this disorder creates.

you’re not in control. you’ll never be. chose recovery.

i have control issues, mommy issues, adhd and im a perfectionist, it wasnt a question of IF i would develop an ED it was more of a WHEN would i develop it

it’s so disturbing to think back and realize the stuff you allowed people to do to you simply because you didn’t respect yourself enough to not let it happen

Weigh 105 today. Lowest I’ve ever been

I feel so sorry for my followers because when I’m not online my blog is DEAD no queue no nothing but when I’m online you’d better be ready for an avalanche of posts within .5 seconds of each other POST POST POST POST POST POST

Feel okay about myself today, let’s see how long that lasts 😅

(Not mine)

beautiful disorder

Bulimia isn’t a pretty girl, hanging over the toilet bowl with her hair nicely tied back. It is a swollen face with vomit dripping down the chin and permanent nosebleeds.

Anorexia isn't  a skinny, shy girl that refuses some Food. It is disguisting hair appearing on deadly cold skin. It is the extreme pain from an empty stomach.

Depression isn’t a model with some smudged Mascara, which sadly looks out a window at a sunset. It is lying in bed, staring at the ceiling, because there is no motivation left to close the eyes. It is bitter lonliness.

Selfharm isn’t a beautiful boy, kissing your scars and telling you, you are beautiful anyway. It is the pain when the water in the shower hits the wounds. It is scars that will never disappear.

Mental disorders aren’t any kind of aesthetic. They are dying little by little, everyday.

⭐️🌸Valentines Day Thinspo #2 🌸⭐️

Body check. Hate period bloating 😭

“I don’t feel that unhealthy you know? If I wanna be thin, don’t they say that that’s better? I will outlive the normies.” To the Bone (2017)

If we date you're gonna have to get used to me always wanting to touch you

@dolls-ofthe-world

please fuck me like my depression does

holy fuck i want that

(not my pic lmk if you want me to take it down)