What Am I Doing

My Thoughts at the Moment: 

I am in a position where I don't know what I am doing. I have been frivolously spending my time on nothing that consider to be worthwhile for my body and for my thoughts. I watch videos and show without much thought on it, they are there to distract to me from time that is slowing closing me to death. Tools that are there to making me think that I am achieving is just a small ruse because in reality all I have been doing not taking a step that has no relation of personal growth not improving my social image. Nothing at all.

It truly does sucks. I am in a position that I have no basic skills that can take me anywhere. Even writing, A journal or an argument does not calibrate well within me because I have never tried to write anything at all. I have never written anything. That phrase really hit me. “I have never written anything “. I have tried in the past, but I can’t succumb myself to complete it. 

This could be my first publication ever or it could be not. I am a fool that has the intention to start with the determination of achieving something but give up in the end. I get lost in the world of distraction or demotivate myself because the work not worthy. Just with these three paragraph took me 5 hours to write and with pride I can say a fourth of the time has been me reading manga that does not interest me for one bit but they are nice to look at. This really put me into the thinking that I am Never worthy of what I want to achieve. 

. Never Worthy.

 That phrase which my mind determines that who I am really blows my purpose of my intention into nothing. I will never be able to achieve anything if that how it goes. Telling myself that I am never worthy really shows how my mind is fucked up, it  really loves on doing activities that are not purposeful yet calling my not worthy. It truly reflects my character, a reflection of a being who will waffle away the hard work into preying his eyes into short term satisfaction. 

This work probably doesn't make sense but at least I will post it with some sense of self-achievement that I actually did something.