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murasakinohana · 6 days
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https://media.discordapp.net/attachments/1232069851707867157/1234534907548795001/the_moment_an_omen_is_fell_p1.mp4?ex=663115ba&is=662fc43a&hm=5994a449d8e25666f907c19a44d1e5bbc1c17f4d64e773c7114b066aef77749b&
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murasakinohana · 7 months
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murasakinohana · 8 months
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this is why i am resistant to the idea of therapy, as well. to have to pay someone to give me what i feel so entitled to would be deeply upsetting.
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murasakinohana · 8 months
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i have been thinking about why it upsets me to think that i will feel better eventually regardless of what i do. i cannot say that i know for sure, but i have found an explanation that makes sense. i am desperate for help with my pain. i always have been. i have always been surrounded by people who could not or did not want to help me, even when i was on the verge of suicide. i am scared and tired and sad and lonely and i want someone to be there for me. i am tired of having to save myself. but, if i will feel better later anyways, then it does not matter. the people who shunned me were right. they were correct in deciding that my pain was not worth their concern. because i will get better regardless. this, too, shall pass, so why bother helping her? so even though, deep inside, i do just want to be happy, there is some part of me that feels that i should not be happy. there is a part of me that feels stubbornly entitled to support. i am angry at myself for having this side of me, and at everyone who forced it to develop in the first place. i am nobody's problem. i do not want to be anyone's problem. but i think i will always long for someone to reach their hand out to me.
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murasakinohana · 8 months
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all ive been able to do today is lay in bed and wish i was dead. im not sure i even really want to feel better
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murasakinohana · 10 months
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murasakinohana · 10 months
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vi_asBY5UX8
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murasakinohana · 10 months
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vi_asBY5UX8
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murasakinohana · 10 months
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https://youtu.be/Vi_asBY5UX8
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murasakinohana · 11 months
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so, then, a sylph looks after an idea that is external to them and symbolic of their aspect. a maid looks after their aspect as it exists inside of them. maids and sylphs both possess high affinity with their aspect. why is it that maids are able to gain satisfaction from simply expressing what is inside of them, when sylphs possess those traits as well and need to meet some external criteria on top of that?
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murasakinohana · 11 months
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murasakinohana · 11 months
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vriska thoughts from discord that im archiving
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murasakinohana · 1 year
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a paradox ghost. someone who played sburb and lost. their desperate desire to survive escaped the confines of their incipisphere and traveled through the furthest ring. when this echo enters the incipisphere of a session with a missing player, the session recreates their land as if the original of the paradox ghost had joined the session.
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murasakinohana · 1 year
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===========PRIMARY GROUP===========
XX
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• Someone AT has known for longer than anyone else.
• A girl.
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XY/AT
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• A girl who is terrified of her own weakness.
• A girl who has suffered immensely, with no way of fighting back or running away. She copes by trying to find joy in it.
• A girl who enjoys hurting herself for fun. If she can enjoy pain, she can enjoy a painful life, so she finds it subtly cathartic.
• Transgender.
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YX
YY
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Trans guy.
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==========SECONDARY GROUP==========
WW
WX
WY
WZ
XW
XX
XZ
YW
YZ
ZW
ZX
ZY
ZZ
===================================
GCAT - Of the machine, internal to sburb, Time
Other letters - Free, external, Space
XY begins with other letters and changes to GCAT
GCAT
HDOL
XXXX
XXXX
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murasakinohana · 1 year
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"qebob fp x mlmrixqflk lc olylq jxfap qexq tbob zobxqba xka qebk clodlqqbk xylrq tel xob ilzhba rm fk x pqloxdb ollj xylsb vlro efde pzelli xka qebv'sb ybzljb efdeiv xddobppfsb qltxoap xkvlkb tel zljbp kbxo qebj" lhxv qefp fp x jbqxmelo clo jb f dbq fq f rkabopqxka jv ltk ilob tbii bklrde ql dbq qefp
"dqg lq wklv guhdp brx duh d vwxghqw zkr lv orrnlqj iru wkhlu whdfkhu diwhu wkhlu whdfkhu zhqw plvvlqj diwhu whoolqj brx derxw wklv srsxodwlrq ri urerw pdlgv dqg krz wkhb glvdjuhh zlwk krz wkhb'yh ehhq irufhg lqwr lvrodwlrq gxh wr wkh qhjoljhqfh ri wkh shrsoh wkhb zhuh fuhdwhg eb dqg wkh shrsoh wkhb zhuh fuhdwhg iru" rndb vr brx'uh jrlqj wr pdnh ph lqwhudfw zlwk d phwdskru iru pbvhoi iurp wkh shuvshfwlyh ri dqrwkhu shuvrq lq rughu wr hlwkhu jlyh ph wkh fdwkduwlf hashulhqfh ri vdylqj pbvhoi ru pdnh ph xqghuvwdqg zkdw lw'v olnh iru rwkhu shrsoh zkr duh wublqj wr khos ph
"vr brx hqwhu wkh pdlg fkdpehu dqg wkhb wub wr nloo brx dw iluvw exw brx wdon wkhp grzq dqg wkhb doo wkurz wkhpvhoyhv dw brx ehfdxvh wkhb'uh revhvvhg zlwk ilqglqj dqg jlylqj wkhpvhoyhv wr d oryhu" Zkdw.
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murasakinohana · 1 year
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a girl who truly desperately wants to live so so so so so so so so bad but cannot bridge the insurmountable gap between herself and others
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murasakinohana · 1 year
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a girl who does not know who she is and lives only in the roles people leave for her
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