mjzim-blog
LostSoul
Contains random quotes, poems, lyrics, story ideas, my own thoughts, whatever...
Diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome when I was 18, everyday is a minefield of missed social cues and trying to be tactful.
#autism #aspergers #autismawareness #autismacceptance
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I sometimes feel more affinity with this animal than I do with any person.
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My temperament type I am choleric by: 17% I am sanguine by: 20% I am phlegmatic by: 29% I am melancholic by: 34% Temperament test on Google Play
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https://youtu.be/Rd5xfPUvzJQ a spoken version.
Asperger's: It's Pronounced with a P
Why people persist on pronouncing Asperger’s with a B and not a P, puzzles, perplexes and quite frankly leaves me peeved.
Can you promise to correct this problem perchance?
Or do you continue to pronounce it wrong?
Why do you prolong this pun?
Is it all in the name of fun?
Do you get pleasure from our pain?
Must you continue to be problematic?
You may think I am being petty and presumptuous.
Should I really pursue this problem or just let it pass?
Would you make a pact to pacify this practice?
Pause, ponder then possibly pronounce it properly?
Just try to remember: Aspergers, it’s pronounced with a ‘P’
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As you can see I used to be a vocalist, Barbershop, Accapella, 4part harmony.
I was a Bass, never a quartet the smallest group was a duodectet (12 singers) that was with Cornish Connection who were based in St. Austell.
Great Western Chorus had 20 guys.
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Reading the dictionary
An odd phrase I know but when I was stumped on a word I was trying to find it in a dictionary.
Obviously I was taking a long time so it appeared that I was "reading", so a smart alec says "Are you actually reading a dictionary?"
They wouldn't let me explain the word search, but reading A Technique for Producing Ideas I found a good comeback.
As James Webb Young wrote "The fellow who said he tried reading the dictionary but couldn't get the hang of the story simply missed the point: namely, that it is a collection of short stories.
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Forgiveness and Trust
If you've been wronged by someone they should earn your forgiveness.
It's the same with trust.
They can't just be given away freely, they must be earned, or sometimes re-earned.
As you can tell I've been hurt emotionally, just because someone couldn't understand my point of view.
Like Rene Auberjonois stated: They fear what they don't understand and they despise what they fear.
Of course this person jumped straight from not understanding to despising me.
They felt they had the right to hurt me, no-one has that right.
I've held this grudge for a while, punished the person by giving them the silent treatment, been told the person has changed and is sorry, well I need proof, not just verbal, physical.
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What is a friend?
A friend is someone you like and trust, now I like most of the people I've met, however I don't trust most of them.
In my mind they haven't earned my trust
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Bottled Emotions
I don't like to see people cry, I especially don't let anyone see me cry, so I keep my emotions bottled up, however on the outside this may give the impression that I'm cold and uncaring.
This couldn't be further from the truth, I just don't share my emotions, I used to blurt them out, however I've learned to not to do this, however now I don't even tell family how I'm feeling.
I'm like a bottle of fizzy pop, each negative experience is like shaking the bottle, instead of opening the bottle to relieve pressure or talking about my feelings, I keep the top firmly secured or keep quiet, of course when it’s been shaken too much it takes just one more bad experience and then the bottle is opened quickly and abruptly, the flood gates open, I breakdown.
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Unknown video game demo from the 90's
This has been bothering me for a while: when I first got a PC you'd go to the newsagents to get the latest demo's, this mainly concerns PC-Gamer mag, anyway the magazine came with demo disk of the games in production and one part of a demo's stuck in my mind.
You're in a cave controlling a male Viking (at least I think he was a Viking) and whenever you press the 'use' or 'look' key in front of a wall or in the middle of a cave the character responses with "Where now?", "I don't see a thing", "hmm", "huh?" plus when this happens his head pivots on his neck left to right slightly (mildly amusing). There was one point at the end where there was a ship to get on in the cave.
I was wondering if anyone else remember's this demo what was it called and did it ever get finished?
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People are like Volcanoes
In some respects this is true although mostly they are dormant or active... let's not dwell on the extinct.
Dormant being asleep or quiet, you know the old saying; always watch the quiet ones because they're the one's that surprise you.
Active... well this is self explanatory, some are gentle and slow like the Hawaiian basaltic volcanoes and some are violent and destructive, nuff said
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St Pirans flag (W. I. P/ Abandoned)
Black for the coal dug from under ground a white cross for the tin also below earth found.
Patron Saint of miner's was he, a traveller from across the sea...
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Nothing is ever easy Aspie
Where to start, I suppose my earliest memory would be a good start.
I vaguely remember my time in infant school, particularly looking in the coat area, then going back to class seeing everyone had gone, naturally I was upset, then again I was only a toddler, I was told the class had gone to lunch, I must have been told it was lunchtime however for some reason I went to the coat section I can't remember why, could this the earliest form of my Asperger's or had I not listened, the latter option is the most likely.
Remember I was into the M. A. S. K. (Mobile Armoured Strike Kommand... yeah they kinda cheated there) toys back then, I had a Brad Turner, Condor toy and few others were bought, then lost later in life I won't go into detail of that.
Primary Trouble
As yes Primary school I have many mixed memories not many positive ones.
This is when two of the cats I remember from childhood pasted away, a teacher asked why I was sad, I answered..the response to this honesty one of kids poked fun, like the saying goes kids can be cruel.
This is also where I started to have crushes on girl I even said I did once, big mistake, I didn't realize it wasn't the type of thing to share, so I was rejected and ridiculed, I view it as a life lesson, Valentine's Day wasn't any better either I didn't understand the concept of animosity then, yes you've guessed I actually put my name in the card, the teacher explained the concept but by then it was too late however the girl in question didn't mind which looking back was a relief.
There were also the bathroom incidents, lets just say that one assembly I think I was hauled out to the toilets... then for some strange reason after listening to a certain Osborne audio book, I got into my head that saying I was locked in the bathroom at home was a good story, guess where I ended up... Yep the Principal's Office... Mother was called in to explain, never did anything like that again.
One crowning moments for me was during a school play of the Christmas Carol, I played Jacob Marley's ghost and when people found out they were amazed, they never knew that under my quiet façade was this actor.
Secondary Stumblings
The move from Primary to Secondary was fairly easy as was the move to a new house and it was around this time I also started going to scouts.
There were incidents I remember like the "wink" game in drama which I hated, the first and only* (*so far) slap from a girl, the mistaken response that skin/ hair follicles at the edge or top were alive I still question this, great balls of fire quip, writing on the computer "Yar, Yar get on with it" thanks Miss that stuck in my brain. The English teacher who said "Your name sounds like a toothpaste brand" Gee thanks sir...
I always looked forward to Science especially Chemistry, Biology was okay and I could just about grasp Physics but Chemistry took top spot, I found Drama weird and strange especially the wink game, Design and Technology was okay; making food from scratch bore similarities to Chemistry, Woodshop/ Metal work wasn't my thing, Sports I looked at as being a chore, Religious Education; well sure it was important but I guess my F grade showed my low interest, History...
College Chaos
University Failure
The Joy of Singing
Job searching
Volunteer route
Agency Work
Side notes
I'm not sure where I heard this quote but i try to remember it because it rings true "Money makes the world work and work makes money for the world.
[I thought I'd try and write down my experiences and life, I was inspired by John Elder Robinsons book: Look me in the eye, however it kind of petered out... kinda lost interest]
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