mirrortouchedsea
Keeper of Light
Shay // he/they // writing blog // main blog // ao3 // icon credit
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HiMERU awakes with a start. Where was he? Where was Kaname? How long until the performance? How long did he have to save him? His heart is pounding in his ears, breath ragged. Looks like he wouldn’t be sleeping for a while.
He looks around the room, hoping he didn’t wake anyone else. Rinne had the great idea of a Crazy:B bonding night that none of them could get out of at Niki’s apartment. Kohaku was still snoring on the couch and Rinne was splayed out on the floor.
“Ah, did I wake you up? Sorry, HiMERU-kun, I know how much you need your beauty sleep.” Niki shuffled back from the kitchen with some granola bars in hand. “Did you want one?” He sits next to HiMERU on the futon they had pulled out for him to sleep on.
“No, you didn’t wake HiMERU up, and…thanks, but HiMERU doesn’t need anything to eat right now.” He shifts his weight awkwardly. Part of him, the part that was still reeling from the nightmare at who knows how early it was now, wanted to spill everything to Niki, about Kaname, about his past. The rational part that was still trying to catch up with everything, said that was a bad idea.
“HiMERU--”
“Can I--”
They blink at each other. Niki motions for Himeru to go first. “HiMERU had a bad dream, is all.”
“Does the giant man eating meatball haunt you too?!”
“What? No. What kind of dreams are you having Shiina?”
Niki laughs and it’s like a beacon in the darkness of HiMERU’s mind. “I’m just messing with you, HiMERU-kun. But we’re always here for you, you know that right?” Niki gestured to Kohaku and Rinne, still sound asleep.
“Yes, he knows. What were you going to say?”
“Ah, well Rinne kinda stole the blankets again so I was wonderin’ if I could share the futon with you.”
HiMERU’s face heats up at the idea. How was Niki able to be so forward like that?
“HiMERU cannot imagine having to share a bed with that brute.” It was such a non answer he almost face palmed himself. Niki laughs again before grabbing his pillow and laying down next to HiMERU’s still warm sheets. HiMERU lays down next to him, unsure if he should face Niki or face away.
He rolls over and looks at Niki, who is scarfing down the last of his granola bars and tucking the wrappers under his pillow. Maybe this was a mistake.
“Ne, HiMERU-kun. I know…you don’t like to talk about your past but…we care about you. Whatever you were dreaming about, we won’t judge you for it. You’re our friend, okay?” Niki doesn’t wait for an answer before closing his eyes and wrapping himself in his blankets.
HiMERU doesn’t respond anyway, but the words play in his mind as he drifts off, the warmth of Niki’s body and the soft snores of Rinne and Kohaku lulling him to sleep.
---
“Oiiiiii, Merumeru, why’d ya steal my wife from me last night?” Rinne’s voice pounds against HiMERU’s head like the sun after a hangover.
“He didn’t steal me, I just moved ‘cause you’re a blanket hog!” Niki calls from the kitchen, something delicious cooking on the stove.
“I can’t believe you’d be so mean to me! Kohaku-chan, can you believe it?”
“I believe it and I also think you need to shut the hell up. It’s too early for this.”
HiMERU rubs the sleep from his eyes. There really was nowhere he felt safer.
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Touches Ask Game
Prompts for writing human connection, intimacy, belonging.
Hand-holding
The purest form of human connection.
tiny hands in big hands
calloused hands in soft hands
cold hands in warm hands
hands with the perfect ratio to each other for hand-holding
platonic hand-holding
running their thumb over the other’s hand
dancing with their hands holding onto each other
squeezing hand for comfort and encouragement
holding hands across the table
happily doing everything with just one hand, if it means they don’t have to let go
not wanting to lose each other in a big crowd
possessive hand-holding
linking hands together during sex
grabbing hand to show them something
loosely holding onto each other’s hands, laying in one’s lap
only linking the pinkies together, not ready to let go completely
holding hands while skating
excitedly grabbing each other’s hands during a concert, jumping up and down together
playing with each other’s fingers
pressing the other’s hand against their cheek
holding hands while one is balancing on a small wall
grabbing the other’s hand to pull them back from something
holding hands under the table
only realizing it when they have to let go
standing in front of each other, holding both their hands
holding their hands above their head, fingers linked together
passionate hand-holding
grabbing the other’s hand so they don’t fall
holding hands while running through the rain
brushing against each other, linking fingers together for a second
grabbing their hand to grab their attention
not really paying attention, both doing something else, but still holding hands
bandaging the other’s hand and not quite letting go
holding hands while driving
grabbing the other’s hand to pull them back to them
unconsciously searching out each other’s hand while sleeping
not realizing they’re holding hands till someone points it out
swinging hands back and forth, skipping like children
holding hands in a museum to pull them to the next exhibition
letting go when there is an obstacle in their way and immediately grabbing each other’s hand again when they pass it
loosely holding onto each other’s hand
dragging the other with them, holding their hand
raising the other’s hand to their lips to kiss it softly
holding hands while jumping down from somewhere together
comparing hand sizes, then linking fingers together
secretly holding hands under the table
holding onto the other’s hand so they can’t run away
making a heart with their hands and then linking them together
taking the other’s hand to look for injuries
holding hands to calm each other down
Hugs
A warm embrace.
friendly hugs
hug around the waist
hugging while twirling around
comforting hugs
side hugs
hugging and gently holding the other’s head
pulling someone into a hug
hugging while walking
eye-to-eye hugs
hiding their face in the other’s neck
clinging to each other
hugging while lying down together
group hugs
hugging with head on shoulder
tender embrace
‘not wanting to let go’ hugs
hugging from behind
bear hugs
hugging with hands in each other’s pockets
cuddling
hugs and kisses
hugging and jumping up and down together
familiar hugs
hugging with height-difference
gentle hugs
hugging with patting on back
piggy back hugs
quick hugs
hugging while slow dancing
one-sided hugs
hugging while straddling the partner
long-lasting hugs
‘picking them up’ hugs
hugging while grabbing butt
cuddle pile
Kisses
Showing affections.
goodnight kisses
hand kisses
smiling while kissing
lips barely touching
morning kisses
slow kisses
passionate kisses
kisses on the cheek
first kisses
goodbye kisses
welcome home kisses
kisses on the corner of their mouth
frustrated kisses
kissing each other breathless
soothing kisses
nose kisses
kisses as a promise
short pecks
forehead kisses
French kisses
tearful kisses
kisses on head
calming kisses
“we’ll face this together” kisses
kisses in the rain
life-or-death kisses
kisses for a cover
hard kisses
giggling while kissing
desperate kisses
neck kisses
“stay strong” kisses
hushed conversation in-between kisses
eyelid kisses
gentle stroking of cheeks while kissing
small kisses
kissing it better
fake kisses
jaw kisses
wake-up kisses
thigh kisses
kissing away tears
“we’ll get through this” kisses
public kisses
relieved kisses
kisses for comfort
tummy kisses
kisses to shut them up
slowly kissing down the body
“we’ll see each other again” kisses
kissing each finger
quick kisses
reassuring kisses
sleepy kisses
feather-light kisses
angry kisses
kisses with trembling lips
“forever mine” kisses
secret kisses
kisses with their last dying breath
Touching
Feeling another human’s touch.
touching foreheads
running fingers through hair
hiding face in neck
caressing the other’s hand
feeling their pulse
patting the other’s head
holding hands
shielding the other one with their body
listening to the other’s heartbeat
spooning at night
laying their hand on the other’s neck
pushing a strand of hair behind their ear
nudging the other one
putting an arm around the other’s waist
hugging each other
massaging them
holding the other’s chin up
squishing the other’s cheek
high fiving
bandaging/stitching up an injury
kissing the other’s brow
falling asleep on the other’s shoulder
carrying the other one in their arms
whispering in their ear, lips touching the skin
stroking the other’s arm soothingly
kissing the top of their head
pulling the other one towards them
feeling for each other in the dark
tickling the other one
grabbing onto their arm
doing a pinky swear
caressing the other’s back
tasting their smile
washing the other’s body
kissing their bruises and scars
lifting the other one up
putting their head on the other’s chest
stroking their leg
leaning into the other’s side
patting them on the back
sitting close and knees touching
braiding the other’s hair
giving them a piggy-back ride
sitting on the other’s lap
feeling their temperature
linking arms with each other
touching their elbow to get their attention
dancing with each other
holding onto the other’s shoulders for support
putting a hand over the other’s mouth to shut them up
caressing the other’s cheek
gripping thigh
holding the other’s jaw
touching cheek to cheek
tracing the lines on the other’s hand
Hand-holding|Hugs|Kisses|Touching
If you like my blog and want to support me, you can buy me a coffee or become a member! And check out my Instagram! 🥰
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Touches Ask Game
Prompts for writing human connection, intimacy, belonging.
Hand-holding
The purest form of human connection.
tiny hands in big hands
calloused hands in soft hands
cold hands in warm hands
hands with the perfect ratio to each other for hand-holding
platonic hand-holding
running their thumb over the other’s hand
dancing with their hands holding onto each other
squeezing hand for comfort and encouragement
holding hands across the table
happily doing everything with just one hand, if it means they don’t have to let go
not wanting to lose each other in a big crowd
possessive hand-holding
linking hands together during sex
grabbing hand to show them something
loosely holding onto each other’s hands, laying in one’s lap
only linking the pinkies together, not ready to let go completely
holding hands while skating
excitedly grabbing each other’s hands during a concert, jumping up and down together
playing with each other’s fingers
pressing the other’s hand against their cheek
holding hands while one is balancing on a small wall
grabbing the other’s hand to pull them back from something
holding hands under the table
only realizing it when they have to let go
standing in front of each other, holding both their hands
holding their hands above their head, fingers linked together
passionate hand-holding
grabbing the other’s hand so they don’t fall
holding hands while running through the rain
brushing against each other, linking fingers together for a second
grabbing their hand to grab their attention
not really paying attention, both doing something else, but still holding hands
bandaging the other’s hand and not quite letting go
holding hands while driving
grabbing the other’s hand to pull them back to them
unconsciously searching out each other’s hand while sleeping
not realizing they’re holding hands till someone points it out
swinging hands back and forth, skipping like children
holding hands in a museum to pull them to the next exhibition
letting go when there is an obstacle in their way and immediately grabbing each other’s hand again when they pass it
loosely holding onto each other’s hand
dragging the other with them, holding their hand
raising the other’s hand to their lips to kiss it softly
holding hands while jumping down from somewhere together
comparing hand sizes, then linking fingers together
secretly holding hands under the table
holding onto the other’s hand so they can’t run away
making a heart with their hands and then linking them together
taking the other’s hand to look for injuries
holding hands to calm each other down
Hugs
A warm embrace.
friendly hugs
hug around the waist
hugging while twirling around
comforting hugs
side hugs
hugging and gently holding the other’s head
pulling someone into a hug
hugging while walking
eye-to-eye hugs
hiding their face in the other’s neck
clinging to each other
hugging while lying down together
group hugs
hugging with head on shoulder
tender embrace
‘not wanting to let go’ hugs
hugging from behind
bear hugs
hugging with hands in each other’s pockets
cuddling
hugs and kisses
hugging and jumping up and down together
familiar hugs
hugging with height-difference
gentle hugs
hugging with patting on back
piggy back hugs
quick hugs
hugging while slow dancing
one-sided hugs
hugging while straddling the partner
long-lasting hugs
‘picking them up’ hugs
hugging while grabbing butt
cuddle pile
Kisses
Showing affections.
goodnight kisses
hand kisses
smiling while kissing
lips barely touching
morning kisses
slow kisses
passionate kisses
kisses on the cheek
first kisses
goodbye kisses
welcome home kisses
kisses on the corner of their mouth
frustrated kisses
kissing each other breathless
soothing kisses
nose kisses
kisses as a promise
short pecks
forehead kisses
French kisses
tearful kisses
kisses on head
calming kisses
“we’ll face this together” kisses
kisses in the rain
life-or-death kisses
kisses for a cover
hard kisses
giggling while kissing
desperate kisses
neck kisses
“stay strong” kisses
hushed conversation in-between kisses
eyelid kisses
gentle stroking of cheeks while kissing
small kisses
kissing it better
fake kisses
jaw kisses
wake-up kisses
thigh kisses
kissing away tears
“we’ll get through this” kisses
public kisses
relieved kisses
kisses for comfort
tummy kisses
kisses to shut them up
slowly kissing down the body
“we’ll see each other again” kisses
kissing each finger
quick kisses
reassuring kisses
sleepy kisses
feather-light kisses
angry kisses
kisses with trembling lips
“forever mine” kisses
secret kisses
kisses with their last dying breath
Touching
Feeling another human’s touch.
touching foreheads
running fingers through hair
hiding face in neck
caressing the other’s hand
feeling their pulse
patting the other’s head
holding hands
shielding the other one with their body
listening to the other’s heartbeat
spooning at night
laying their hand on the other’s neck
pushing a strand of hair behind their ear
nudging the other one
putting an arm around the other’s waist
hugging each other
massaging them
holding the other’s chin up
squishing the other’s cheek
high fiving
bandaging/stitching up an injury
kissing the other’s brow
falling asleep on the other’s shoulder
carrying the other one in their arms
whispering in their ear, lips touching the skin
stroking the other’s arm soothingly
kissing the top of their head
pulling the other one towards them
feeling for each other in the dark
tickling the other one
grabbing onto their arm
doing a pinky swear
caressing the other’s back
tasting their smile
washing the other’s body
kissing their bruises and scars
lifting the other one up
putting their head on the other’s chest
stroking their leg
leaning into the other’s side
patting them on the back
sitting close and knees touching
braiding the other’s hair
giving them a piggy-back ride
sitting on the other’s lap
feeling their temperature
linking arms with each other
touching their elbow to get their attention
dancing with each other
holding onto the other’s shoulders for support
putting a hand over the other’s mouth to shut them up
caressing the other’s cheek
gripping thigh
holding the other’s jaw
touching cheek to cheek
tracing the lines on the other’s hand
Hand-holding|Hugs|Kisses|Touching
If you like my blog and want to support me, you can buy me a coffee or become a member! And check out my Instagram! 🥰
#ask games#scheduling this to post in the morning while i'm at work#i'll get to them whenever while i'm. taking breaks from the merge game ig#maybe challenge me with some a3 characters/ships ig but enstars more than welcome
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i've also been getting into a3 which is keeping me sane while i grind out 3.5mil merge game points.
No writing this week or next week because mentally I've been here
#almost done with the anime and i'll start poking through the game stories on the wiki#probably later this week.#i think my faves r spring and winter troupe....#srb#not writing
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No writing this week or next week because mentally I've been here
#shay speaks#not writing#im going for max copies yes....#and then a copy of spring evenings respite haku after that
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The sun filters through the blinds as Rinne slowly blinks awake. He had gone to sleep early the night before, exhausted from just…everything. The event went as planned and he couldn’t be more proud of his brother for his hard work, but afterwards, everything just crashed. The all nighters and over exertion finally caught up to him and judging by the sun, he’d slept for at least 12 hours.
Soft snores draw his eyes back to the bed, where Niki had curled into Rinne’s chest. How long had they been sharing the bed for, he wonders. It was hard to pin a specific time in their relationship where Rinne finally got kicked off the futon and allowed to sleep in Niki’s room with him.
Ah, it doesn’t matter, he decides. It was rare enough for Rinne to wake up first, he should treasure Niki’s soft features. He brings his hand up to Niki’s hair, gently brushing it before pressing a kiss to Niki’s forehead. Despite his no kissing before marriage rule, it was hard to hold back when the man he loves is so beautiful. Rinne’s thumb moves to brush over Niki’s cheek, just taking in the morning.
It isn’t long before his eyelids start drooping again and he falls back asleep.
#shay writes#enstars#rinne amagi#niki shiina#rinniki#might be a warm up idk if i'm gonna write more later. i've been busy doing the merge game....#i'm almost at my second copy of himeru so. not a lot of writing time lmao
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(CW for Suicidal Ideation)
Hinata’s breath was heavy as he landed the final move of their act. The tinny music playing from their speakers went quiet and the audience clapped politely. It was always the same song and dance as the crowd moved on with their day. A few of them tossed some yen their way but otherwise it was time for them to regroup for their next performance. Yuta knelt down by the hat with some coins and bills sticking out of it, counting their earnings thus far.
“Hey aniki! We might be able to eat well tonight! There’s like 3,000 yen in here!” Yuta exclaimed. The idea of a filling dinner made Hinata’s mouth water. Oh what he wouldn’t do for even warm noodles not from a cup.
Hinata turned to grab the iPod from its place on the speaker, choosing the next song to play. He put the phone back and turned the volume up a little more to play over the evening rush. The music started and he and Yuta moved in unison around their little stage, taking in the crowd. There were some regulars that Hinata recognized, the businesswoman who was perpetually tired but always stopped for their performances and a few kids who looked up at them in awe as their parents were trying to usher them away. There were always new faces too, of course people traveled across the country all the time or took new trains or moved cities, but there was something different about the boy with the bright red hair at the back of the crowd. His sky blue eyes pierced straight through to Hinata’s heart and made him stumble when their gaze connected with his own.
“Hey, aniki focus! We’re almost done, don't fail on me now!” Yuta whispered, carefully shielding Hinata from the crowd as he regained his footing. Yuta was always so quick thinking. Hinata got back to his position and finished up the routine, eyes looking for that boy he had spotted earlier. He half hoped the boy would come talk to them afterwards while they were packing up for the evening, but when he finally saw that shock of red hair, it was moving away with the rest of the crowd.
Hinata sighed, disappointed. Maybe that boy would come back someday. There was something about him that drew Hinata in.
Someone bumped his shoulder, drawing him from his thoughts. “Hey, aniki, are you alright? You seem out of it today.” Yuta’s hand rested on his shoulder and Hinata couldn’t help but smile. Wasn’t it supposed to be the other way around, the older brother checking in on the younger one?
“Hey hey everything’s fine Yuta-kun, don’t worry about me. I was just thinking about that delicious dinner you’re treating us too~” He playfully pushed back on Yuta, the red haired blue eyed boy all but forgotten now.
“Hey! It’s technically our money so I’m not treating you to anything!” Yuta scowled but the smile in his voice was obvious to Hinata.
“Hehe, then dinner’s on me! Say ‘thank you aniki!’”
---
It was a week before Hinata saw the red headed boy in their audience again. He had all but slipped his mind, but those striking blue eyes were impossible to forget. Yuta was introducing their next performance which allowed Hinata to take a better look at the older boy who had made his way to the middle of the audience. He was tall and what Hinata could see of his outfit seemed ill-fitting at best, along with a headband holding his hair away from his eyes.
Hinata scrambled to his position as the music queued up and let his instincts take over. Every so often he found himself glancing at the red haired boy, trying to see what he thought of their performance, but his face revealed nothing.
Why was he so focused on this one boy? It’s not like they didn’t have strangers who watched them sometimes, and none of them had caught Hinata’s attention quite like this boy. He really couldn’t be much older than Hinata, maybe 17 at the oldest. Was he an older brother too? The boy’s eyes made contact with Hinata’s and it took everything in him to not look away.
Once again however, Yuta snapped him out of whatever trance he had been in and everything was forgotten.
“Are you really okay aniki? You’ve been out of it a lot recently…” Oh how it pained Hinata to see the concern on Yuta’s face. Nothing was even really wrong per se, but Hinata was distracted nonetheless.
“I’m fine, Yuta-kun. Geez, can’t your older brother have some peace?” His mouth ran faster than his brain and he immediately regretted it. Yuta’s face flipped through several emotions; hurt, confusion, exhaustion. It wasn’t like him to hide things from his brother, so why was he doing it now? “Whatever, let’s get some dinner. My treat~”
“It’s our money!”
---
The boy continued to make appearances at the twins’ performances on the street, becoming something of a regular but disappearing before Hinata could flag him down. Hinata wasn’t even sure what compelled him to want to talk to the older boy, but he wanted to say something. He had even noticed that the boy seemed happier and his clothes fit a little better, not like they were just the first thing he grabbed out of a donation pile.
Finally, after almost a month of trying to say something to the boy, Hinata saw him walk up to their hat on the ground and drop a few coins into it.
“Thank you!” He said, walking up to the boy. “Hope you enjoyed the performance!”
The boy froze as if he wasn’t expecting to be greeted like that. There was a slight flush to his face. “I-it’s nothing, don’t worry about it. You uh…you were great?” The boy seemed unsure of how to reply, though Hinata was happy with the compliment nonetheless. Maybe…
“What brings you here? I mean--agh, sorry! I just mean…I noticed you don’t have a regular schedule?” The words were practically falling out of his mouth and Hinata wasn’t really sure what they were doing. “Like you show up a few days in a row but then go three weeks without stopping by at all!” He was just digging a bigger grave for himself! Great!
“Ah uhm…I’m not from around here.” The boy scratched at the back of his neck. Maybe Hinata should back off.
“O-oh, yeah of course. Duh. Are you visiting family or something?”
“Not quite. I really should get going though. See you…later?”
“Yeah, see you later.”
“Hey Aniki, are you coming or not? The food’s gonna get cold!”
“Coming!”
---
It was almost a month before the boy appeared again. In the time between, Hinata had come up with a million different ideas for what his life was like. Was he a delinquent who skipped school to hang out on the street with gangs (how scary! But he looked strong enough to fit in)? Or was he a runaway from a city far away, somewhere Hinata only dreamed of visiting like Okinawa? Maybe he had a bad relationship with his dad and ran away, a thought that Hinata hated to admit had crossed his mind more than once. Or maybe he just passed through the city on the way to somewhere else. That seemed to be the most likely option, especially if he couldn’t come very often.
When the boy did finally show up again, Hinata had to hold himself back from practically jumping him after the performance. Something looked…different about him though. His eyes seemed more tired? Like he hadn’t been sleeping well. Hinata thought of a fight he had with his dad a few weeks ago that made it hard for him to sleep and thought maybe this boy was the same as him in that regard.
Hinata decided to wave him down after the performance, hat in hand (they had done pretty well! It felt heavier than normal and even without counting everything, they’d probably have enough for breakfast too).
“Hey! You look tired, are you--did you want to get something to eat?” Please say yes please say yes please say yes--
The boy’s mouth opened, then closed, then opened again. Did Hinata mess up? Oh he overstepped and now there really wasn’t any chance of getting to know him. Why was he so interested in talking to the boy anyway? Hinata had been asking himself that for a while now and he still had no answer.
“I…I can’t. I need to go.” The boy turned and ran off before Hinata could ask more. He just kept messing up, didn’t he? Maybe he really was just a burden to Yuta and their dad and the restaurant owner. He shouldn’t have been born and Yuta would’ve been better off--
“Aniki! Sheesh, get your head out of the clouds. How much did we make?” Yuta grabbed the hat out of Hinata’s hand and quickly counted out the coins and bills. “Woah! We could eat a whole five course meal with this…”
“Think with your head a little Yuta-kun. We’ve got breakfast paid for if we don’t blow it all tonight!”
Yuta nodded before handing the hat back to Hinata. “So, my pick tonight?”
---
Hinata signed the note, trying his best to keep the tears from dripping on it and smudging the ink. After his blunder with the red haired boy, he hadn’t shown up to their performances for over two months. Hinata was certain that he had messed up and was too forward. He didn’t even know the kid’s name! Why did he think the two of them could ever be friends?
And on top of all of that, Yuta had become more and more distant from Hinata, as if Hinata just existing was dragging him back from his full potential. Yuta would have been better off as an only child and maybe Hinata deserved this life. Thirteen years living with their father, who had treated them as nothing but monsters, blaming them for their mother’s death and everything bad that had happened since, Hinata had resolved to run away. He’d make his way to the mountains and maybe he’d find someone willing to help him or maybe he’d slip into an endless sleep.
Dear Yuta-kun, the letter had started. I’m sorry that I’m leaving like this, but I know that I’m just a burden to you. I’m sorry for that. I wish I had more to say but I just want you to be happy and maybe father will treat you better without me. I love you.
The other letter, already folded and placed on the table, was much shorter, addressed to his father.
Dear Father, I’m sorry I couldn’t be a better son. Please don’t take this out on Yuta-kun, it was my decision.
The less words he spent on that man, the better. Hinata folded Yuta’s note and placed it on top before quietly exiting through the front door.
---
Everything was cold. Hinata slumped against a tree, head between his knees in a last ditch effort to keep warm. Sleep should come soon and he could painlessly move on, at least that’s what he hoped. He barely registered someone approaching him, but didn’t look up.
“Hey.” The voice was vaguely familiar, but where did he remember it from? A warm hand shook at Hinata’s shoulder.
“‘M fine.” The words were barely a whisper. The other voice grunted before walking away. It was another minute before Hinata felt something drape around his shoulders and a cup shoved in his hand. Whatever was in it was steaming, warming his fingers.
“Drink.” The voice said. And he did, the tea was very, very bitter. That voice…
Hinata looked up, meeting a pair of bright, sky blue eyes. That’s where he recognized the voice from. Did he…live? In the mountains? The boy seemed to recognize him too. He was wearing a headband and what looked like very warm clothes that Hinata wished he had. Hinata finished the tea, trying not to focus on the flavor. It helped at least, in warming him up a bit.
“Why are you here?” The boy finally spoke again. It sounded like he was unsure if he should be mad or concerned, or both, but he offered Hinata another cup of tea, which he accepted if only to warm his fingers up. He pulled the blanket closer around his body.
“I…ran away.” Hinata looked downward, as if admitting this out loud was a cardinal sin. The boy gestured for him to continue. “I guess I just…I was dragging my brother down. I’m not really talented at anything like he is and I’m the reason our dad sees us as monsters. He shouldn’t have to deal with a brother like me.” Hinata wasn’t really sure why he was spilling this so easily. The boy was a good listener though, hanging on every word Hinata spoke. Was he shaking? He’d never admitted this out loud before and it felt oddly freeing to say it to someone.
He waited for a response, anything to chase away the uncomfortable silence Hinata had created with his confession. He really fucked up, didn’t he. He should have just kept that to himself like he always did instead of burdening a stranger like this!
“I…” The boy started, barely audible above Hinata’s racing heartbeat. “I’m glad you’re alive.” He sounded unsure of his words. Was he just trying to be nice? Of course he was, how else do you respond to a kid telling you something like this?
“You don’t have to pretend.”
“I’m not. When I saw you singing and dancing…I think I realized something--” The boy cut himself off, the suddenness of it making Hinata look up. A moment later he heard his brother calling out from the woods behind him.
“Aniki! There you are!” Yuta tackled him to the ground, squeezing Hinata like he might just blow away in the wind if they weren’t careful. “You scared me! I can’t believe you’d do something like that!”
Tears pricked at Hinata’s eyes again. “I’m sorry, Yuta-kun. I’m really sorry.” He buried his face in Yuta’s jacket. His nose started to run, from the cold or the tears he couldn’t tell.
“You aren’t a burden to me. I don’t know what I’d do without you around Aniki!” Yuta pulled back, hands gripping Hinata’s shoulders. “Promise you won’t do something that stupid again.”
Hinata wiped the tears from his eyes, sparing a glance where the boy had been. It was as if he had never been there at all and Hinata had just hallucinated the whole interaction. He looked back at his twin brother. “I promise.”
“Now let's get you home and warmed up. Where’d you get this blanket anyway? It doesn’t look like one of ours.”
“I…” The boy had been real, and he told Hinata he was glad he was alive (even if his explanation was cut short by Hinata’s brother rushing in). “I guess I just found it. There must be people living nearby or something.”
---
The chatter of the night club died down for the night as everyone was getting ready to go home. Hinata’s feet were sore from running around, but it was satisfying to be back in a restaurant like this. It reminded him of his childhood working for the Chinese restaurant with Yuta.
Rinne, the leader of Crazy:B who had wanted to get closer to Hinata, and by extension 2wink, slid a drink down the bar. It looked like a horrible mix of syrups and club soda, but one sip was all it took for Hinata to drink it all down.
“Great job tonight Hina! You’re a real natural at this stuff.” Rinne was washing the other glasses behind the bar now as Hinata finished the rest of his soda.
“Yuta-kun and I used to work in a restaurant so it comes pretty naturally to us!”
“That so?”
“Mhm!” Hinata slid the empty glass back to Rinne, who quickly dumped the ice and washed it before tossing the towel over his shoulder. The entire week they’d been working the club together, there had been something bugging Hinata at the back of his mind. “Hey, Rinne-senpai…did you ever watch our shows?”
“Huh? ‘Course I have, vice prez wants us to work together so I’ve seen a few of ‘em.”
“That’s not what I mean. I mean like…back when Yuta-kun and I did street performances.”
Rinne paused for a moment. “Why’re you askin’?”
“Oh, it’s nothing. You just reminded me of someone who used to watch them.”
“Well I’m sure whoever it was is proud to see you singin’ and dancin’ on stage.” Rinne had come around the bar and stood next to Hinata, ruffling his hair. “Let’s get goin’ or I’m never gonna hear the end of it from Niki-kun.”
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me and some friends have been thinking about doing a writers focused zine because of the uh. very, very limited writers spots in like every zine ever (it would potentially be formatted more like an anthology in terms of style just for an idea). essentially just giving more focus to fan writers out there with a few spots for artists.
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me and some friends have been thinking about doing a writers focused zine because of the uh. very, very limited writers spots in like every zine ever (it would potentially be formatted more like an anthology in terms of style just for an idea). essentially just giving more focus to fan writers out there with a few spots for artists.
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hiii abt your zine project, will it be a free zine?
Yes! Since it would be my first time running a zine I would feel weird about accepting payment for it, so it will be free to download and read!
#message in a bottle#anonymous#not writing#i also move in 2 weeks so i probably wont start any sort of organizing til may at the earliest to start#doing applications and such but ive been thinking about it for a while sooooo#why the hell not
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(CW for Suicidal Ideation)
Hinata’s breath was heavy as he landed the final move of their act. The tinny music playing from their speakers went quiet and the audience clapped politely. It was always the same song and dance as the crowd moved on with their day. A few of them tossed some yen their way but otherwise it was time for them to regroup for their next performance. Yuta knelt down by the hat with some coins and bills sticking out of it, counting their earnings thus far.
“Hey aniki! We might be able to eat well tonight! There’s like 3,000 yen in here!” Yuta exclaimed. The idea of a filling dinner made Hinata’s mouth water. Oh what he wouldn’t do for even warm noodles not from a cup.
Hinata turned to grab the iPod from its place on the speaker, choosing the next song to play. He put the phone back and turned the volume up a little more to play over the evening rush. The music started and he and Yuta moved in unison around their little stage, taking in the crowd. There were some regulars that Hinata recognized, the businesswoman who was perpetually tired but always stopped for their performances and a few kids who looked up at them in awe as their parents were trying to usher them away. There were always new faces too, of course people traveled across the country all the time or took new trains or moved cities, but there was something different about the boy with the bright red hair at the back of the crowd. His sky blue eyes pierced straight through to Hinata’s heart and made him stumble when their gaze connected with his own.
“Hey, aniki focus! We’re almost done, don't fail on me now!” Yuta whispered, carefully shielding Hinata from the crowd as he regained his footing. Yuta was always so quick thinking. Hinata got back to his position and finished up the routine, eyes looking for that boy he had spotted earlier. He half hoped the boy would come talk to them afterwards while they were packing up for the evening, but when he finally saw that shock of red hair, it was moving away with the rest of the crowd.
Hinata sighed, disappointed. Maybe that boy would come back someday. There was something about him that drew Hinata in.
Someone bumped his shoulder, drawing him from his thoughts. “Hey, aniki, are you alright? You seem out of it today.” Yuta’s hand rested on his shoulder and Hinata couldn’t help but smile. Wasn’t it supposed to be the other way around, the older brother checking in on the younger one?
“Hey hey everything’s fine Yuta-kun, don’t worry about me. I was just thinking about that delicious dinner you’re treating us too~” He playfully pushed back on Yuta, the red haired blue eyed boy all but forgotten now.
“Hey! It’s technically our money so I’m not treating you to anything!” Yuta scowled but the smile in his voice was obvious to Hinata.
“Hehe, then dinner’s on me! Say ‘thank you aniki!’”
---
It was a week before Hinata saw the red headed boy in their audience again. He had all but slipped his mind, but those striking blue eyes were impossible to forget. Yuta was introducing their next performance which allowed Hinata to take a better look at the older boy who had made his way to the middle of the audience. He was tall and what Hinata could see of his outfit seemed ill-fitting at best, along with a headband holding his hair away from his eyes.
Hinata scrambled to his position as the music queued up and let his instincts take over. Every so often he found himself glancing at the red haired boy, trying to see what he thought of their performance, but his face revealed nothing.
Why was he so focused on this one boy? It’s not like they didn’t have strangers who watched them sometimes, and none of them had caught Hinata’s attention quite like this boy. He really couldn’t be much older than Hinata, maybe 17 at the oldest. Was he an older brother too? The boy’s eyes made contact with Hinata’s and it took everything in him to not look away.
Once again however, Yuta snapped him out of whatever trance he had been in and everything was forgotten.
“Are you really okay aniki? You’ve been out of it a lot recently…” Oh how it pained Hinata to see the concern on Yuta’s face. Nothing was even really wrong per se, but Hinata was distracted nonetheless.
“I’m fine, Yuta-kun. Geez, can’t your older brother have some peace?” His mouth ran faster than his brain and he immediately regretted it. Yuta’s face flipped through several emotions; hurt, confusion, exhaustion. It wasn’t like him to hide things from his brother, so why was he doing it now? “Whatever, let’s get some dinner. My treat~”
“It’s our money!”
---
The boy continued to make appearances at the twins’ performances on the street, becoming something of a regular but disappearing before Hinata could flag him down. Hinata wasn’t even sure what compelled him to want to talk to the older boy, but he wanted to say something. He had even noticed that the boy seemed happier and his clothes fit a little better, not like they were just the first thing he grabbed out of a donation pile.
Finally, after almost a month of trying to say something to the boy, Hinata saw him walk up to their hat on the ground and drop a few coins into it.
“Thank you!” He said, walking up to the boy. “Hope you enjoyed the performance!”
The boy froze as if he wasn’t expecting to be greeted like that. There was a slight flush to his face. “I-it’s nothing, don’t worry about it. You uh…you were great?” The boy seemed unsure of how to reply, though Hinata was happy with the compliment nonetheless. Maybe…
“What brings you here? I mean--agh, sorry! I just mean…I noticed you don’t have a regular schedule?” The words were practically falling out of his mouth and Hinata wasn’t really sure what they were doing. “Like you show up a few days in a row but then go three weeks without stopping by at all!” He was just digging a bigger grave for himself! Great!
“Ah uhm…I’m not from around here.” The boy scratched at the back of his neck. Maybe Hinata should back off.
“O-oh, yeah of course. Duh. Are you visiting family or something?”
“Not quite. I really should get going though. See you…later?”
“Yeah, see you later.”
“Hey Aniki, are you coming or not? The food’s gonna get cold!”
“Coming!”
---
It was almost a month before the boy appeared again. In the time between, Hinata had come up with a million different ideas for what his life was like. Was he a delinquent who skipped school to hang out on the street with gangs (how scary! But he looked strong enough to fit in)? Or was he a runaway from a city far away, somewhere Hinata only dreamed of visiting like Okinawa? Maybe he had a bad relationship with his dad and ran away, a thought that Hinata hated to admit had crossed his mind more than once. Or maybe he just passed through the city on the way to somewhere else. That seemed to be the most likely option, especially if he couldn’t come very often.
When the boy did finally show up again, Hinata had to hold himself back from practically jumping him after the performance. Something looked…different about him though. His eyes seemed more tired? Like he hadn’t been sleeping well. Hinata thought of a fight he had with his dad a few weeks ago that made it hard for him to sleep and thought maybe this boy was the same as him in that regard.
Hinata decided to wave him down after the performance, hat in hand (they had done pretty well! It felt heavier than normal and even without counting everything, they’d probably have enough for breakfast too).
“Hey! You look tired, are you--did you want to get something to eat?” Please say yes please say yes please say yes--
The boy’s mouth opened, then closed, then opened again. Did Hinata mess up? Oh he overstepped and now there really wasn’t any chance of getting to know him. Why was he so interested in talking to the boy anyway? Hinata had been asking himself that for a while now and he still had no answer.
“I…I can’t. I need to go.” The boy turned and ran off before Hinata could ask more. He just kept messing up, didn’t he? Maybe he really was just a burden to Yuta and their dad and the restaurant owner. He shouldn’t have been born and Yuta would’ve been better off--
“Aniki! Sheesh, get your head out of the clouds. How much did we make?” Yuta grabbed the hat out of Hinata’s hand and quickly counted out the coins and bills. “Woah! We could eat a whole five course meal with this…”
“Think with your head a little Yuta-kun. We’ve got breakfast paid for if we don’t blow it all tonight!”
Yuta nodded before handing the hat back to Hinata. “So, my pick tonight?”
---
Hinata signed the note, trying his best to keep the tears from dripping on it and smudging the ink. After his blunder with the red haired boy, he hadn’t shown up to their performances for over two months. Hinata was certain that he had messed up and was too forward. He didn’t even know the kid’s name! Why did he think the two of them could ever be friends?
And on top of all of that, Yuta had become more and more distant from Hinata, as if Hinata just existing was dragging him back from his full potential. Yuta would have been better off as an only child and maybe Hinata deserved this life. Thirteen years living with their father, who had treated them as nothing but monsters, blaming them for their mother’s death and everything bad that had happened since, Hinata had resolved to run away. He’d make his way to the mountains and maybe he’d find someone willing to help him or maybe he’d slip into an endless sleep.
Dear Yuta-kun, the letter had started. I’m sorry that I’m leaving like this, but I know that I’m just a burden to you. I’m sorry for that. I wish I had more to say but I just want you to be happy and maybe father will treat you better without me. I love you.
The other letter, already folded and placed on the table, was much shorter, addressed to his father.
Dear Father, I’m sorry I couldn’t be a better son. Please don’t take this out on Yuta-kun, it was my decision.
The less words he spent on that man, the better. Hinata folded Yuta’s note and placed it on top before quietly exiting through the front door.
---
Everything was cold. Hinata slumped against a tree, head between his knees in a last ditch effort to keep warm. Sleep should come soon and he could painlessly move on, at least that’s what he hoped. He barely registered someone approaching him, but didn’t look up.
“Hey.” The voice was vaguely familiar, but where did he remember it from? A warm hand shook at Hinata’s shoulder.
“‘M fine.” The words were barely a whisper. The other voice grunted before walking away. It was another minute before Hinata felt something drape around his shoulders and a cup shoved in his hand. Whatever was in it was steaming, warming his fingers.
“Drink.” The voice said. And he did, the tea was very, very bitter. That voice…
Hinata looked up, meeting a pair of bright, sky blue eyes. That’s where he recognized the voice from. Did he…live? In the mountains? The boy seemed to recognize him too. He was wearing a headband and what looked like very warm clothes that Hinata wished he had. Hinata finished the tea, trying not to focus on the flavor. It helped at least, in warming him up a bit.
“Why are you here?” The boy finally spoke again. It sounded like he was unsure if he should be mad or concerned, or both, but he offered Hinata another cup of tea, which he accepted if only to warm his fingers up. He pulled the blanket closer around his body.
“I…ran away.” Hinata looked downward, as if admitting this out loud was a cardinal sin. The boy gestured for him to continue. “I guess I just…I was dragging my brother down. I’m not really talented at anything like he is and I’m the reason our dad sees us as monsters. He shouldn’t have to deal with a brother like me.” Hinata wasn’t really sure why he was spilling this so easily. The boy was a good listener though, hanging on every word Hinata spoke. Was he shaking? He’d never admitted this out loud before and it felt oddly freeing to say it to someone.
He waited for a response, anything to chase away the uncomfortable silence Hinata had created with his confession. He really fucked up, didn’t he. He should have just kept that to himself like he always did instead of burdening a stranger like this!
“I…” The boy started, barely audible above Hinata’s racing heartbeat. “I’m glad you’re alive.” He sounded unsure of his words. Was he just trying to be nice? Of course he was, how else do you respond to a kid telling you something like this?
“You don’t have to pretend.”
“I’m not. When I saw you singing and dancing…I think I realized something--” The boy cut himself off, the suddenness of it making Hinata look up. A moment later he heard his brother calling out from the woods behind him.
“Aniki! There you are!” Yuta tackled him to the ground, squeezing Hinata like he might just blow away in the wind if they weren’t careful. “You scared me! I can’t believe you’d do something like that!”
Tears pricked at Hinata’s eyes again. “I’m sorry, Yuta-kun. I’m really sorry.” He buried his face in Yuta’s jacket. His nose started to run, from the cold or the tears he couldn’t tell.
“You aren’t a burden to me. I don’t know what I’d do without you around Aniki!” Yuta pulled back, hands gripping Hinata’s shoulders. “Promise you won’t do something that stupid again.”
Hinata wiped the tears from his eyes, sparing a glance where the boy had been. It was as if he had never been there at all and Hinata had just hallucinated the whole interaction. He looked back at his twin brother. “I promise.”
“Now let's get you home and warmed up. Where’d you get this blanket anyway? It doesn’t look like one of ours.”
“I…” The boy had been real, and he told Hinata he was glad he was alive (even if his explanation was cut short by Hinata’s brother rushing in). “I guess I just found it. There must be people living nearby or something.”
---
The chatter of the night club died down for the night as everyone was getting ready to go home. Hinata’s feet were sore from running around, but it was satisfying to be back in a restaurant like this. It reminded him of his childhood working for the Chinese restaurant with Yuta.
Rinne, the leader of Crazy:B who had wanted to get closer to Hinata, and by extension 2wink, slid a drink down the bar. It looked like a horrible mix of syrups and club soda, but one sip was all it took for Hinata to drink it all down.
“Great job tonight Hina! You’re a real natural at this stuff.” Rinne was washing the other glasses behind the bar now as Hinata finished the rest of his soda.
“Yuta-kun and I used to work in a restaurant so it comes pretty naturally to us!”
“That so?”
“Mhm!” Hinata slid the empty glass back to Rinne, who quickly dumped the ice and washed it before tossing the towel over his shoulder. The entire week they’d been working the club together, there had been something bugging Hinata at the back of his mind. “Hey, Rinne-senpai…did you ever watch our shows?”
“Huh? ‘Course I have, vice prez wants us to work together so I’ve seen a few of ‘em.”
“That’s not what I mean. I mean like…back when Yuta-kun and I did street performances.”
Rinne paused for a moment. “Why’re you askin’?”
“Oh, it’s nothing. You just reminded me of someone who used to watch them.”
“Well I’m sure whoever it was is proud to see you singin’ and dancin’ on stage.” Rinne had come around the bar and stood next to Hinata, ruffling his hair. “Let’s get goin’ or I’m never gonna hear the end of it from Niki-kun.”
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me and some friends have been thinking about doing a writers focused zine because of the uh. very, very limited writers spots in like every zine ever (it would potentially be formatted more like an anthology in terms of style just for an idea). essentially just giving more focus to fan writers out there with a few spots for artists.
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me and some friends have been thinking about doing a writers focused zine because of the uh. very, very limited writers spots in like every zine ever (it would potentially be formatted more like an anthology in terms of style just for an idea). essentially just giving more focus to fan writers out there with a few spots for artists.
#srb#sorry for reblogging this so quickly i had to make a minor edit to the post. rb this version pwease
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me and some friends have been thinking about doing a writers focused zine because of the uh. very, very limited writers spots in like every zine ever (it would potentially be formatted more like an anthology in terms of style just for an idea). essentially just giving more focus to fan writers out there with a few spots for artists.
#not writing#shay speaks#enstars#ensemble stars#ensemble stars! music#i meant to post this wayyyyyyy earlier#it would be free since it would be my first time running a zine along with my friends.#but idk i'm so so tired fighting with other writers for 3 spots in a zine...
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(CW for Suicidal Ideation)
Hinata’s breath was heavy as he landed the final move of their act. The tinny music playing from their speakers went quiet and the audience clapped politely. It was always the same song and dance as the crowd moved on with their day. A few of them tossed some yen their way but otherwise it was time for them to regroup for their next performance. Yuta knelt down by the hat with some coins and bills sticking out of it, counting their earnings thus far.
“Hey aniki! We might be able to eat well tonight! There’s like 3,000 yen in here!” Yuta exclaimed. The idea of a filling dinner made Hinata’s mouth water. Oh what he wouldn’t do for even warm noodles not from a cup.
Hinata turned to grab the iPod from its place on the speaker, choosing the next song to play. He put the phone back and turned the volume up a little more to play over the evening rush. The music started and he and Yuta moved in unison around their little stage, taking in the crowd. There were some regulars that Hinata recognized, the businesswoman who was perpetually tired but always stopped for their performances and a few kids who looked up at them in awe as their parents were trying to usher them away. There were always new faces too, of course people traveled across the country all the time or took new trains or moved cities, but there was something different about the boy with the bright red hair at the back of the crowd. His sky blue eyes pierced straight through to Hinata’s heart and made him stumble when their gaze connected with his own.
“Hey, aniki focus! We’re almost done, don't fail on me now!” Yuta whispered, carefully shielding Hinata from the crowd as he regained his footing. Yuta was always so quick thinking. Hinata got back to his position and finished up the routine, eyes looking for that boy he had spotted earlier. He half hoped the boy would come talk to them afterwards while they were packing up for the evening, but when he finally saw that shock of red hair, it was moving away with the rest of the crowd.
Hinata sighed, disappointed. Maybe that boy would come back someday. There was something about him that drew Hinata in.
Someone bumped his shoulder, drawing him from his thoughts. “Hey, aniki, are you alright? You seem out of it today.” Yuta’s hand rested on his shoulder and Hinata couldn’t help but smile. Wasn’t it supposed to be the other way around, the older brother checking in on the younger one?
“Hey hey everything’s fine Yuta-kun, don’t worry about me. I was just thinking about that delicious dinner you’re treating us too~” He playfully pushed back on Yuta, the red haired blue eyed boy all but forgotten now.
“Hey! It’s technically our money so I’m not treating you to anything!” Yuta scowled but the smile in his voice was obvious to Hinata.
“Hehe, then dinner’s on me! Say ‘thank you aniki!’”
---
It was a week before Hinata saw the red headed boy in their audience again. He had all but slipped his mind, but those striking blue eyes were impossible to forget. Yuta was introducing their next performance which allowed Hinata to take a better look at the older boy who had made his way to the middle of the audience. He was tall and what Hinata could see of his outfit seemed ill-fitting at best, along with a headband holding his hair away from his eyes.
Hinata scrambled to his position as the music queued up and let his instincts take over. Every so often he found himself glancing at the red haired boy, trying to see what he thought of their performance, but his face revealed nothing.
Why was he so focused on this one boy? It’s not like they didn’t have strangers who watched them sometimes, and none of them had caught Hinata’s attention quite like this boy. He really couldn’t be much older than Hinata, maybe 17 at the oldest. Was he an older brother too? The boy’s eyes made contact with Hinata’s and it took everything in him to not look away.
Once again however, Yuta snapped him out of whatever trance he had been in and everything was forgotten.
“Are you really okay aniki? You’ve been out of it a lot recently…” Oh how it pained Hinata to see the concern on Yuta’s face. Nothing was even really wrong per se, but Hinata was distracted nonetheless.
“I’m fine, Yuta-kun. Geez, can’t your older brother have some peace?” His mouth ran faster than his brain and he immediately regretted it. Yuta’s face flipped through several emotions; hurt, confusion, exhaustion. It wasn’t like him to hide things from his brother, so why was he doing it now? “Whatever, let’s get some dinner. My treat~”
“It’s our money!”
---
The boy continued to make appearances at the twins’ performances on the street, becoming something of a regular but disappearing before Hinata could flag him down. Hinata wasn’t even sure what compelled him to want to talk to the older boy, but he wanted to say something. He had even noticed that the boy seemed happier and his clothes fit a little better, not like they were just the first thing he grabbed out of a donation pile.
Finally, after almost a month of trying to say something to the boy, Hinata saw him walk up to their hat on the ground and drop a few coins into it.
“Thank you!” He said, walking up to the boy. “Hope you enjoyed the performance!”
The boy froze as if he wasn’t expecting to be greeted like that. There was a slight flush to his face. “I-it’s nothing, don’t worry about it. You uh…you were great?” The boy seemed unsure of how to reply, though Hinata was happy with the compliment nonetheless. Maybe…
“What brings you here? I mean--agh, sorry! I just mean…I noticed you don’t have a regular schedule?” The words were practically falling out of his mouth and Hinata wasn’t really sure what they were doing. “Like you show up a few days in a row but then go three weeks without stopping by at all!” He was just digging a bigger grave for himself! Great!
“Ah uhm…I’m not from around here.” The boy scratched at the back of his neck. Maybe Hinata should back off.
“O-oh, yeah of course. Duh. Are you visiting family or something?”
“Not quite. I really should get going though. See you…later?”
“Yeah, see you later.”
“Hey Aniki, are you coming or not? The food’s gonna get cold!”
“Coming!”
---
It was almost a month before the boy appeared again. In the time between, Hinata had come up with a million different ideas for what his life was like. Was he a delinquent who skipped school to hang out on the street with gangs (how scary! But he looked strong enough to fit in)? Or was he a runaway from a city far away, somewhere Hinata only dreamed of visiting like Okinawa? Maybe he had a bad relationship with his dad and ran away, a thought that Hinata hated to admit had crossed his mind more than once. Or maybe he just passed through the city on the way to somewhere else. That seemed to be the most likely option, especially if he couldn’t come very often.
When the boy did finally show up again, Hinata had to hold himself back from practically jumping him after the performance. Something looked…different about him though. His eyes seemed more tired? Like he hadn’t been sleeping well. Hinata thought of a fight he had with his dad a few weeks ago that made it hard for him to sleep and thought maybe this boy was the same as him in that regard.
Hinata decided to wave him down after the performance, hat in hand (they had done pretty well! It felt heavier than normal and even without counting everything, they’d probably have enough for breakfast too).
“Hey! You look tired, are you--did you want to get something to eat?” Please say yes please say yes please say yes--
The boy’s mouth opened, then closed, then opened again. Did Hinata mess up? Oh he overstepped and now there really wasn’t any chance of getting to know him. Why was he so interested in talking to the boy anyway? Hinata had been asking himself that for a while now and he still had no answer.
“I…I can’t. I need to go.” The boy turned and ran off before Hinata could ask more. He just kept messing up, didn’t he? Maybe he really was just a burden to Yuta and their dad and the restaurant owner. He shouldn’t have been born and Yuta would’ve been better off--
“Aniki! Sheesh, get your head out of the clouds. How much did we make?” Yuta grabbed the hat out of Hinata’s hand and quickly counted out the coins and bills. “Woah! We could eat a whole five course meal with this…”
“Think with your head a little Yuta-kun. We’ve got breakfast paid for if we don’t blow it all tonight!”
Yuta nodded before handing the hat back to Hinata. “So, my pick tonight?”
---
Hinata signed the note, trying his best to keep the tears from dripping on it and smudging the ink. After his blunder with the red haired boy, he hadn’t shown up to their performances for over two months. Hinata was certain that he had messed up and was too forward. He didn’t even know the kid’s name! Why did he think the two of them could ever be friends?
And on top of all of that, Yuta had become more and more distant from Hinata, as if Hinata just existing was dragging him back from his full potential. Yuta would have been better off as an only child and maybe Hinata deserved this life. Thirteen years living with their father, who had treated them as nothing but monsters, blaming them for their mother’s death and everything bad that had happened since, Hinata had resolved to run away. He’d make his way to the mountains and maybe he’d find someone willing to help him or maybe he’d slip into an endless sleep.
Dear Yuta-kun, the letter had started. I’m sorry that I’m leaving like this, but I know that I’m just a burden to you. I’m sorry for that. I wish I had more to say but I just want you to be happy and maybe father will treat you better without me. I love you.
The other letter, already folded and placed on the table, was much shorter, addressed to his father.
Dear Father, I’m sorry I couldn’t be a better son. Please don’t take this out on Yuta-kun, it was my decision.
The less words he spent on that man, the better. Hinata folded Yuta’s note and placed it on top before quietly exiting through the front door.
---
Everything was cold. Hinata slumped against a tree, head between his knees in a last ditch effort to keep warm. Sleep should come soon and he could painlessly move on, at least that’s what he hoped. He barely registered someone approaching him, but didn’t look up.
“Hey.” The voice was vaguely familiar, but where did he remember it from? A warm hand shook at Hinata’s shoulder.
“‘M fine.” The words were barely a whisper. The other voice grunted before walking away. It was another minute before Hinata felt something drape around his shoulders and a cup shoved in his hand. Whatever was in it was steaming, warming his fingers.
“Drink.” The voice said. And he did, the tea was very, very bitter. That voice…
Hinata looked up, meeting a pair of bright, sky blue eyes. That’s where he recognized the voice from. Did he…live? In the mountains? The boy seemed to recognize him too. He was wearing a headband and what looked like very warm clothes that Hinata wished he had. Hinata finished the tea, trying not to focus on the flavor. It helped at least, in warming him up a bit.
“Why are you here?” The boy finally spoke again. It sounded like he was unsure if he should be mad or concerned, or both, but he offered Hinata another cup of tea, which he accepted if only to warm his fingers up. He pulled the blanket closer around his body.
“I…ran away.” Hinata looked downward, as if admitting this out loud was a cardinal sin. The boy gestured for him to continue. “I guess I just…I was dragging my brother down. I’m not really talented at anything like he is and I’m the reason our dad sees us as monsters. He shouldn’t have to deal with a brother like me.” Hinata wasn’t really sure why he was spilling this so easily. The boy was a good listener though, hanging on every word Hinata spoke. Was he shaking? He’d never admitted this out loud before and it felt oddly freeing to say it to someone.
He waited for a response, anything to chase away the uncomfortable silence Hinata had created with his confession. He really fucked up, didn’t he. He should have just kept that to himself like he always did instead of burdening a stranger like this!
“I…” The boy started, barely audible above Hinata’s racing heartbeat. “I’m glad you’re alive.” He sounded unsure of his words. Was he just trying to be nice? Of course he was, how else do you respond to a kid telling you something like this?
“You don’t have to pretend.”
“I’m not. When I saw you singing and dancing…I think I realized something--” The boy cut himself off, the suddenness of it making Hinata look up. A moment later he heard his brother calling out from the woods behind him.
“Aniki! There you are!” Yuta tackled him to the ground, squeezing Hinata like he might just blow away in the wind if they weren’t careful. “You scared me! I can’t believe you’d do something like that!”
Tears pricked at Hinata’s eyes again. “I’m sorry, Yuta-kun. I’m really sorry.” He buried his face in Yuta’s jacket. His nose started to run, from the cold or the tears he couldn’t tell.
“You aren’t a burden to me. I don’t know what I’d do without you around Aniki!” Yuta pulled back, hands gripping Hinata’s shoulders. “Promise you won’t do something that stupid again.”
Hinata wiped the tears from his eyes, sparing a glance where the boy had been. It was as if he had never been there at all and Hinata had just hallucinated the whole interaction. He looked back at his twin brother. “I promise.”
“Now let's get you home and warmed up. Where’d you get this blanket anyway? It doesn’t look like one of ours.”
“I…” The boy had been real, and he told Hinata he was glad he was alive (even if his explanation was cut short by Hinata’s brother rushing in). “I guess I just found it. There must be people living nearby or something.”
---
The chatter of the night club died down for the night as everyone was getting ready to go home. Hinata’s feet were sore from running around, but it was satisfying to be back in a restaurant like this. It reminded him of his childhood working for the Chinese restaurant with Yuta.
Rinne, the leader of Crazy:B who had wanted to get closer to Hinata, and by extension 2wink, slid a drink down the bar. It looked like a horrible mix of syrups and club soda, but one sip was all it took for Hinata to drink it all down.
“Great job tonight Hina! You’re a real natural at this stuff.” Rinne was washing the other glasses behind the bar now as Hinata finished the rest of his soda.
“Yuta-kun and I used to work in a restaurant so it comes pretty naturally to us!”
“That so?”
“Mhm!” Hinata slid the empty glass back to Rinne, who quickly dumped the ice and washed it before tossing the towel over his shoulder. The entire week they’d been working the club together, there had been something bugging Hinata at the back of his mind. “Hey, Rinne-senpai…did you ever watch our shows?”
“Huh? ‘Course I have, vice prez wants us to work together so I’ve seen a few of ‘em.”
“That’s not what I mean. I mean like…back when Yuta-kun and I did street performances.”
Rinne paused for a moment. “Why’re you askin’?”
“Oh, it’s nothing. You just reminded me of someone who used to watch them.”
“Well I’m sure whoever it was is proud to see you singin’ and dancin’ on stage.” Rinne had come around the bar and stood next to Hinata, ruffling his hair. “Let’s get goin’ or I’m never gonna hear the end of it from Niki-kun.”
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thinking abt the way i had rinne put a blanket around hinata and implied that he kinda just. took it. and uhm. what if he kept it til the modern day and still sleeps with it and niki recognizes the patterns bc u know he's close with both amagis atp he realizes it could only really come from their village but doesnt mention it bc he just assumes hinata knows. it takes until hiiro is wearing his first featured outfit that hinata pulls it out and is like. wait. hold on a second.
and then hiiro is like oh yeah nii-san way back when gave away one of our blankets but he wouldnt say why but i'm glad you have it hinata-kun!
i do think at that point bc rinne refuses to tell hina that yeah he did watch their street performances all those years ago hina just tackles him in the hallway or smth and yells at him
#just straight copy/pasting this out of dms but if you were wondering ig#i was thinking abt it last night too.#anyway i have to get ready for work have a good day everyone#shay speaks#not writing
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(CW for Suicidal Ideation)
Hinata’s breath was heavy as he landed the final move of their act. The tinny music playing from their speakers went quiet and the audience clapped politely. It was always the same song and dance as the crowd moved on with their day. A few of them tossed some yen their way but otherwise it was time for them to regroup for their next performance. Yuta knelt down by the hat with some coins and bills sticking out of it, counting their earnings thus far.
“Hey aniki! We might be able to eat well tonight! There’s like 3,000 yen in here!” Yuta exclaimed. The idea of a filling dinner made Hinata’s mouth water. Oh what he wouldn’t do for even warm noodles not from a cup.
Hinata turned to grab the iPod from its place on the speaker, choosing the next song to play. He put the phone back and turned the volume up a little more to play over the evening rush. The music started and he and Yuta moved in unison around their little stage, taking in the crowd. There were some regulars that Hinata recognized, the businesswoman who was perpetually tired but always stopped for their performances and a few kids who looked up at them in awe as their parents were trying to usher them away. There were always new faces too, of course people traveled across the country all the time or took new trains or moved cities, but there was something different about the boy with the bright red hair at the back of the crowd. His sky blue eyes pierced straight through to Hinata’s heart and made him stumble when their gaze connected with his own.
“Hey, aniki focus! We’re almost done, don't fail on me now!” Yuta whispered, carefully shielding Hinata from the crowd as he regained his footing. Yuta was always so quick thinking. Hinata got back to his position and finished up the routine, eyes looking for that boy he had spotted earlier. He half hoped the boy would come talk to them afterwards while they were packing up for the evening, but when he finally saw that shock of red hair, it was moving away with the rest of the crowd.
Hinata sighed, disappointed. Maybe that boy would come back someday. There was something about him that drew Hinata in.
Someone bumped his shoulder, drawing him from his thoughts. “Hey, aniki, are you alright? You seem out of it today.” Yuta’s hand rested on his shoulder and Hinata couldn’t help but smile. Wasn’t it supposed to be the other way around, the older brother checking in on the younger one?
“Hey hey everything’s fine Yuta-kun, don’t worry about me. I was just thinking about that delicious dinner you’re treating us too~” He playfully pushed back on Yuta, the red haired blue eyed boy all but forgotten now.
“Hey! It’s technically our money so I’m not treating you to anything!” Yuta scowled but the smile in his voice was obvious to Hinata.
“Hehe, then dinner’s on me! Say ‘thank you aniki!’”
---
It was a week before Hinata saw the red headed boy in their audience again. He had all but slipped his mind, but those striking blue eyes were impossible to forget. Yuta was introducing their next performance which allowed Hinata to take a better look at the older boy who had made his way to the middle of the audience. He was tall and what Hinata could see of his outfit seemed ill-fitting at best, along with a headband holding his hair away from his eyes.
Hinata scrambled to his position as the music queued up and let his instincts take over. Every so often he found himself glancing at the red haired boy, trying to see what he thought of their performance, but his face revealed nothing.
Why was he so focused on this one boy? It’s not like they didn’t have strangers who watched them sometimes, and none of them had caught Hinata’s attention quite like this boy. He really couldn’t be much older than Hinata, maybe 17 at the oldest. Was he an older brother too? The boy’s eyes made contact with Hinata’s and it took everything in him to not look away.
Once again however, Yuta snapped him out of whatever trance he had been in and everything was forgotten.
“Are you really okay aniki? You’ve been out of it a lot recently…” Oh how it pained Hinata to see the concern on Yuta’s face. Nothing was even really wrong per se, but Hinata was distracted nonetheless.
“I’m fine, Yuta-kun. Geez, can’t your older brother have some peace?” His mouth ran faster than his brain and he immediately regretted it. Yuta’s face flipped through several emotions; hurt, confusion, exhaustion. It wasn’t like him to hide things from his brother, so why was he doing it now? “Whatever, let’s get some dinner. My treat~”
“It’s our money!”
---
The boy continued to make appearances at the twins’ performances on the street, becoming something of a regular but disappearing before Hinata could flag him down. Hinata wasn’t even sure what compelled him to want to talk to the older boy, but he wanted to say something. He had even noticed that the boy seemed happier and his clothes fit a little better, not like they were just the first thing he grabbed out of a donation pile.
Finally, after almost a month of trying to say something to the boy, Hinata saw him walk up to their hat on the ground and drop a few coins into it.
“Thank you!” He said, walking up to the boy. “Hope you enjoyed the performance!”
The boy froze as if he wasn’t expecting to be greeted like that. There was a slight flush to his face. “I-it’s nothing, don’t worry about it. You uh…you were great?” The boy seemed unsure of how to reply, though Hinata was happy with the compliment nonetheless. Maybe…
“What brings you here? I mean--agh, sorry! I just mean…I noticed you don’t have a regular schedule?” The words were practically falling out of his mouth and Hinata wasn’t really sure what they were doing. “Like you show up a few days in a row but then go three weeks without stopping by at all!” He was just digging a bigger grave for himself! Great!
“Ah uhm…I’m not from around here.” The boy scratched at the back of his neck. Maybe Hinata should back off.
“O-oh, yeah of course. Duh. Are you visiting family or something?”
“Not quite. I really should get going though. See you…later?”
“Yeah, see you later.”
“Hey Aniki, are you coming or not? The food’s gonna get cold!”
“Coming!”
---
It was almost a month before the boy appeared again. In the time between, Hinata had come up with a million different ideas for what his life was like. Was he a delinquent who skipped school to hang out on the street with gangs (how scary! But he looked strong enough to fit in)? Or was he a runaway from a city far away, somewhere Hinata only dreamed of visiting like Okinawa? Maybe he had a bad relationship with his dad and ran away, a thought that Hinata hated to admit had crossed his mind more than once. Or maybe he just passed through the city on the way to somewhere else. That seemed to be the most likely option, especially if he couldn’t come very often.
When the boy did finally show up again, Hinata had to hold himself back from practically jumping him after the performance. Something looked…different about him though. His eyes seemed more tired? Like he hadn’t been sleeping well. Hinata thought of a fight he had with his dad a few weeks ago that made it hard for him to sleep and thought maybe this boy was the same as him in that regard.
Hinata decided to wave him down after the performance, hat in hand (they had done pretty well! It felt heavier than normal and even without counting everything, they’d probably have enough for breakfast too).
“Hey! You look tired, are you--did you want to get something to eat?” Please say yes please say yes please say yes--
The boy’s mouth opened, then closed, then opened again. Did Hinata mess up? Oh he overstepped and now there really wasn’t any chance of getting to know him. Why was he so interested in talking to the boy anyway? Hinata had been asking himself that for a while now and he still had no answer.
“I…I can’t. I need to go.” The boy turned and ran off before Hinata could ask more. He just kept messing up, didn’t he? Maybe he really was just a burden to Yuta and their dad and the restaurant owner. He shouldn’t have been born and Yuta would’ve been better off--
“Aniki! Sheesh, get your head out of the clouds. How much did we make?” Yuta grabbed the hat out of Hinata’s hand and quickly counted out the coins and bills. “Woah! We could eat a whole five course meal with this…”
“Think with your head a little Yuta-kun. We’ve got breakfast paid for if we don’t blow it all tonight!”
Yuta nodded before handing the hat back to Hinata. “So, my pick tonight?”
---
Hinata signed the note, trying his best to keep the tears from dripping on it and smudging the ink. After his blunder with the red haired boy, he hadn’t shown up to their performances for over two months. Hinata was certain that he had messed up and was too forward. He didn’t even know the kid’s name! Why did he think the two of them could ever be friends?
And on top of all of that, Yuta had become more and more distant from Hinata, as if Hinata just existing was dragging him back from his full potential. Yuta would have been better off as an only child and maybe Hinata deserved this life. Thirteen years living with their father, who had treated them as nothing but monsters, blaming them for their mother’s death and everything bad that had happened since, Hinata had resolved to run away. He’d make his way to the mountains and maybe he’d find someone willing to help him or maybe he’d slip into an endless sleep.
Dear Yuta-kun, the letter had started. I’m sorry that I’m leaving like this, but I know that I’m just a burden to you. I’m sorry for that. I wish I had more to say but I just want you to be happy and maybe father will treat you better without me. I love you.
The other letter, already folded and placed on the table, was much shorter, addressed to his father.
Dear Father, I’m sorry I couldn’t be a better son. Please don’t take this out on Yuta-kun, it was my decision.
The less words he spent on that man, the better. Hinata folded Yuta’s note and placed it on top before quietly exiting through the front door.
---
Everything was cold. Hinata slumped against a tree, head between his knees in a last ditch effort to keep warm. Sleep should come soon and he could painlessly move on, at least that’s what he hoped. He barely registered someone approaching him, but didn’t look up.
“Hey.” The voice was vaguely familiar, but where did he remember it from? A warm hand shook at Hinata’s shoulder.
“‘M fine.” The words were barely a whisper. The other voice grunted before walking away. It was another minute before Hinata felt something drape around his shoulders and a cup shoved in his hand. Whatever was in it was steaming, warming his fingers.
“Drink.” The voice said. And he did, the tea was very, very bitter. That voice…
Hinata looked up, meeting a pair of bright, sky blue eyes. That’s where he recognized the voice from. Did he…live? In the mountains? The boy seemed to recognize him too. He was wearing a headband and what looked like very warm clothes that Hinata wished he had. Hinata finished the tea, trying not to focus on the flavor. It helped at least, in warming him up a bit.
“Why are you here?” The boy finally spoke again. It sounded like he was unsure if he should be mad or concerned, or both, but he offered Hinata another cup of tea, which he accepted if only to warm his fingers up. He pulled the blanket closer around his body.
“I…ran away.” Hinata looked downward, as if admitting this out loud was a cardinal sin. The boy gestured for him to continue. “I guess I just…I was dragging my brother down. I’m not really talented at anything like he is and I’m the reason our dad sees us as monsters. He shouldn’t have to deal with a brother like me.” Hinata wasn’t really sure why he was spilling this so easily. The boy was a good listener though, hanging on every word Hinata spoke. Was he shaking? He’d never admitted this out loud before and it felt oddly freeing to say it to someone.
He waited for a response, anything to chase away the uncomfortable silence Hinata had created with his confession. He really fucked up, didn’t he. He should have just kept that to himself like he always did instead of burdening a stranger like this!
“I…” The boy started, barely audible above Hinata’s racing heartbeat. “I’m glad you’re alive.” He sounded unsure of his words. Was he just trying to be nice? Of course he was, how else do you respond to a kid telling you something like this?
“You don’t have to pretend.”
“I’m not. When I saw you singing and dancing…I think I realized something--” The boy cut himself off, the suddenness of it making Hinata look up. A moment later he heard his brother calling out from the woods behind him.
“Aniki! There you are!” Yuta tackled him to the ground, squeezing Hinata like he might just blow away in the wind if they weren’t careful. “You scared me! I can’t believe you’d do something like that!”
Tears pricked at Hinata’s eyes again. “I’m sorry, Yuta-kun. I’m really sorry.” He buried his face in Yuta’s jacket. His nose started to run, from the cold or the tears he couldn’t tell.
“You aren’t a burden to me. I don’t know what I’d do without you around Aniki!” Yuta pulled back, hands gripping Hinata’s shoulders. “Promise you won’t do something that stupid again.”
Hinata wiped the tears from his eyes, sparing a glance where the boy had been. It was as if he had never been there at all and Hinata had just hallucinated the whole interaction. He looked back at his twin brother. “I promise.”
“Now let's get you home and warmed up. Where’d you get this blanket anyway? It doesn’t look like one of ours.”
“I…” The boy had been real, and he told Hinata he was glad he was alive (even if his explanation was cut short by Hinata’s brother rushing in). “I guess I just found it. There must be people living nearby or something.”
---
The chatter of the night club died down for the night as everyone was getting ready to go home. Hinata’s feet were sore from running around, but it was satisfying to be back in a restaurant like this. It reminded him of his childhood working for the Chinese restaurant with Yuta.
Rinne, the leader of Crazy:B who had wanted to get closer to Hinata, and by extension 2wink, slid a drink down the bar. It looked like a horrible mix of syrups and club soda, but one sip was all it took for Hinata to drink it all down.
“Great job tonight Hina! You’re a real natural at this stuff.” Rinne was washing the other glasses behind the bar now as Hinata finished the rest of his soda.
“Yuta-kun and I used to work in a restaurant so it comes pretty naturally to us!”
“That so?”
“Mhm!” Hinata slid the empty glass back to Rinne, who quickly dumped the ice and washed it before tossing the towel over his shoulder. The entire week they’d been working the club together, there had been something bugging Hinata at the back of his mind. “Hey, Rinne-senpai…did you ever watch our shows?”
“Huh? ‘Course I have, vice prez wants us to work together so I’ve seen a few of ‘em.”
“That’s not what I mean. I mean like…back when Yuta-kun and I did street performances.”
Rinne paused for a moment. “Why’re you askin’?”
“Oh, it’s nothing. You just reminded me of someone who used to watch them.”
“Well I’m sure whoever it was is proud to see you singin’ and dancin’ on stage.” Rinne had come around the bar and stood next to Hinata, ruffling his hair. “Let’s get goin’ or I’m never gonna hear the end of it from Niki-kun.”
#srb#good morning gamers!!!#no wip wednesday this week but i actually managed to finish something#so im calling that a win
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