minimalexertion - Tumblr blog

minimalexertion · 5 years

Text

Chapter 5

On Your Own

Chapter 5 - On Your Own

Step 8 - Do Your Job

Congratulations! You have finished the basics of dimension traveling, and now you must pave your own path. No doubt that it will be fraught with danger and near-death experiences, but you have mastered the basics so now nothing can step in your way! The rest of this book will be filled with tailor-made tips and tricks from your protector eorum on what to do in a couple of strange situations specific to your dimension.

With that, we, the council of infinitum, bid you good luck on your mission.

Tazuna, the bridge-builder whose name I suddenly remembered, then burst into a monologue about the situation his town was in, and being the type of person with an attention span of a 7 year old child, I immediately zoned out, fiddling with my fingers as if they were the most interesting thing to ever exist. There were more important things to think about that Tazuna's sob story, like how to stop Zabuza and Haku from dying, how to brush off accusations from Sasuke, Sakura, Naruto and Kakashi, and most importantly, how to make it to the end of the story-line.

I blanched as I realised Naruto's face was right in front of me, his nose a few millimetres from mine, as he asked, "Yo, [f.name]. Can you see if I become Hokage with your fortune-telling? I'm totally the Hokage in the future, right?" There were several things that happened after Naruto asked that:

1. I screamed. 2. Naruto screamed. 3. I slapped Naruto in the face. 4. Naruto screamed louder. 5. I screamed. 6. Sakura screamed. 7. Kakashi sighed.

Sasuke could feel his eyebrow twitch in frustration at the sight of the [colour] haired girl apologising profusely to Naruto, the latter sporting a large red hand-print on the side of his face. His usual scowl painted on his face, Sasuke slouched further into himself, wanting for this mission to be done and over with, as if he was the only one that wished for that.

You had stopped apologising to Naruto after the 15th time, before pondering whether or not to answer his question, 'If I tell Naruto that he will be Hokage, would he still work as hard as he did in the anime series? Or will he slack off?' Deciding that you liked, and I quote, 'A little sprinkle of drama in your life,' You just replied with a vague, "Eh, maybe. Maybe not. The future can change and the spirits haven't told me that, yet."

Naruto looked a bit too pleased at your vague answer, Sakura was struggling to keep a neutral face after nearly spluttering out a 'what', Kakashi merely looked amused, whilst Sasuke still had that annoying smirk on his face. You swore that one day. One day. You would wipe that condescending smirk off his face.

"Oh yeaaaahhh! Did you hear that, Sasuke?! I going to be the Hokage in the future." Naruto bragged, jumping around excitedly. Your [colour] eyes widening as you thought, 'I think I can see his ego inflating.'

"[f.name]-chan literally said maybe, Naruto!" Sakura interjected punching said boy in the back of the head, which then instantly halved Naruto's ego.

Just before Naruto was about to retort, no doubt with his phrase 'believe it', Sasuke quickly cut in, his voice cold and mocking, "If anyone is going to be Hokage, it's going to be me, you idiot."

"That's not true, you bastard!"

You turned to Sakura, "Does this usually happen? Or is this like a once in a blue-moon sort of thing?"

Sakura only replied with a tired sigh, and by doing so, answered your question. With a teary face, you pat Sakura on the shoulder reassuringly, "I'm sorry, Sakura. I don't know how you live with this. But, now. I'm here to help you live through this. Let's get through this together."

Thus, the greatest friendship between two people was born, out of the necessity to live and survive with the idiotic rivalry between their two teammates.

"Thank you for taking us this far." Tazuna said, as the 6 of us disembarked from the the small vessel. The boat driver nodded, waving goodbye as he slowly disappeared out of sight.

You stretched your legs, the cramps from sitting down for too long finally getting to you. You sighed in content, feeling the satisfying crack of your shoulders and knees as you elongated your limbs and contorted your body into weird shapes. Sakura giggled at your antics whilst Sasuke and Naruto continued to butt heads.

Walking down the dirt path, Sakura and you bonded over training techniques as she taught you about the basics of being a ninja. In other words, it had been a few months since you had arrived in Naruto's dimension but only now had you started to learn the basics of being a ninja, Ninja 101 if you will. Apparently, the fact that Naruto had done nothing in the past attack weighed heavily on his mind, as he mindlessly threw kunais in a couple of directions in an effort to not be outdone by Sasuke.

"Hey, Naruto! Stop trying to show off!" Sakura berated.

"Don't use kunai knives so carelessly, Naruto!" Kakashi added.

But to your amusement, Naruto immediately threw another kunai knife in another direction only to find a petrified white rabbit. As you stood there nonchalantly, watching Naruto cuddle this terrified poor bunny, you looked at one of Naruto's kunai knives that had struck the ground next to your feet, missing out on Kakashi's warning of, "Get down!"

You bent down slowly to pick it up, thinking, 'Huh, these don't look that hard to throw. But, you know what would be cool to have in this world? A gun. I would like a gun.' Feeling the sudden rush of air fly above you, you stood back up, only to jolt at the sight of a massive sword stuck in a tree with a half-naked, masked man perched on top of it. 'Wait, what the fuck did I just miss?'

"Ah, if it isn't the Rogue Ninja of the Hidden Mist, Zabuz-"

With absolutely no tact in mind, you spoke cutting off Kakashi's introduction of this peasant secondary character, "Having leg-warmers and arm-warmers without a shirt is just a contradiction you know. Make up your mind, are you cold or what?"

"[f.name]! This isn't the time to joke around." Sakura hurriedly whispered out.

"Nevermind that, just get into Manji battle formation and protect Tazuna!" Kakashi ordered, his hand reaching up to unmask his other eye. Sakura, Sasuke and Naruto quickly formed around Tazuna.

You blinked slowly, before whispering to yourself, "They don't teach you this Manji formation shit in college." As you turned to protect the rear, continuing on to say to the others, "I've got all your backs, because no one has the heart to tell me where to stand."

Slipping off your footwear once again, you ignored Sakura's exclamation of, “[f.name], this isn't the time to worry about your shoes!" Placing the shoes next to you, you got into your own battle stance, closing your eyes to try and focus on the vibrations through the earth.

In other words, you attempted to pull off Toph's seismic sense. Granted, your were not that great at it, but if could help in this situation where you knew this half-naked man would create a thick fog in an effort to blind all of you. As you closed your eyes, you feel Zabuza leave his perch on the tree, and Sakura gasping out a, "Where did he go?"

Sighing, you opened your eyes to the sight of a thick fog before praying quickly in your head, 'To whatever higher being exists, I beg of you to please let this shit pass quickly. Please.'

My prayers were apparently not heard, as there were a few expositional points we had to get through, like what is the Sharingan, what is Zabuza's fucked up back story, what Kakashi's Sharingan could do, what the bingo book is, etc..

Zoning out for most of it, I jolted when Zabuza's voice cut through the mist, "Eight points."

"Huh, what's that?" Sakura asked, her green eyes flickering around trying to place down where Zabuza was.

Zabuza's reply was calm, "The larynx, the spine, the lungs, the liver. The jugular and the subclavian arteries. The kidneys, the heart. Now then, which vulnerable spot would be good?"

Piping up, I quickly cut in, "Uh, not to be such a Debbie downer, but I prefer literally none of those. I think any of us prefer those methods. I would like to die peacefully in my sleep, thank you very much."

I was ignored to the nth degree.

Visibly drooping, I started to only focus on keeping Zabuza far away from Tazuna, which was rather successful since the ground just happened to get super slippery whenever Zabuza got too close, or when a random wall of earth popped out to force Zabuza to change directions, or the fact there just happened to be a ball of fire staring him straight in the face when he nearly succeeded.

I watched with a blank look on my face as Zabuza and Kakashi played a game of 'Which one of us is the real one?' Blinking slowly, I observed Kakashi get stuck in a ball of water, snickering quietly at the distortion the ripples created of his face. As Naruto and Sasuke teamed up to attempt to take down Zabuza's water clone as Sakura and I kept an eye on Mr President [Tazuna's new nickname which I came up with in the past 10 minutes], I turned to Sakura, "Sakura, what I'm about to do is very dangerous. So first of all, do not try this at home. Secondly, please make sure that Zabuza doesn't decide to go ape shit on us and kill me from behind. Got it?"

When Sakura gave me a quick nod, I stepped forward and took a deep breath. Focusing on the water prison that Kakashi was in, I tried to find a way to grasp onto it, just a sliver of water just so I can break this prison open. I could feel a grin split my lips, as I chuckled. 'There it is, my opening.'

Earth-bending skills: 8 out of 10

Knowledge of ninja basics: 2 out of 10

Probability of survival: 46.32%

#wishful thinking volume i #naruto x reader #naruto various x reader #x reader #reader insert

5 notes · View notes

minimalexertion · 5 years

Text

Chapter 4

What to do When Attacked

Chapter 4: Defending Yourself (Physically and Mentally)

Step 7 - Priority of Lives and Basic Defence

Always put your life above others as a dead dimension traveller will not be able to save lives. Never purposefully put yourself in danger, unless it is to save a salvum hominem or the injuries and damage that you will experience due to that action are not over 10% life-threatening, i.e. if you have a 10% ~ 100% chance of survival, take the action.

Your protector eorum will train you according to your assigned powers when you are asleep or alone. However, it is up to you to maintain and further better your own skills so as to increase your probability of survival. If possible, try to spar with fellow 'friends' in your new dimension, however this is only physical defence.

Mental defence requires you to be always aware of your surroundings to be able to fend off mental attacks, such as hypnotism. Your assigned protector eorum will assist in this, but yet again it is up to you to further strengthen the skills that are taught to you.

Handy Tip #11: Meditation and yoga tend to help in your mental defence.

Handy Tip #12: If attacked, physically or mentally, always remain calm. Panic will cloud your mind, limiting the number of possible decisions that you could make which may then lead to unfavourable outcomes.

You awoke 15 minutes later to find yourself on the ground of the Hokage's office, a blanket covering you and a make-shift pillow made from a folded jacket under your head. Groaning, you sat up and looked around the room sleepily, barely managing to notice Kakashi move to your side to slowly help you up.

Clearing your throat, you asked in the most nonchalant tone (which probably did not suit this situation), "So, what did I miss?"

Naruto and Sakura were quick to fill you in on the details, whilst Kakashi hovered around you, checking your temperature. Zoning out for most of the explanation, you caught the important details. You, and your newly appointed team members, had to escort this one guy back to his home. This sounded easy enough, but due to your new found 'psychic' abilities, you knew that this mission would not be a good time.

It was going to be a bad time.

A really, really bad time.

The sound of someone clearing their throat snapped you out of your gloomy thoughts, forcing you to turn your attention onto the people in the room. Kakashi, with a stern look on his face (well as far as we could tell since at least 90% of his face was covered), inquired, "What were you talking about before, [f.name]? About this mirror maze and the death of Sasuke."

Oh boy.

Nervously scratching the back of my neck, I barely managed to stutter out my response, "W-well, sometimes. N-not really s-sometimes, more like most of the t-time? I get this massive headache and then, I wouldn't really call it the future, but I would kind of see glimpses of the future?"

I'm a paid actor, by the way. Thanks for asking.

Letting out a nervous chuckle, I continued, "Just then, I think I saw what was going to happen? I'm not to sure though. Because most of the time I am wrong." Everyone looked confused at this statement. I gulped, before adding quickly, "Like, one time last month, I had a vision that I was going to get put into a group with a duck, a fox and a flower, but that hasn't happened yet. I think?"

It was so easy to lie straight through my teeth, as if I was made for this acting life. Step aside Meryl Streep, [f.name] [l.name] is coming for this year's Oscar for best actress. As I cackled in my brain, whilst feigning an embarrassed look on my face, I continued, "So, I saw um... Sasuke being surrounded by these mirrors? And then he basically keels over dead in the next second, so I don't know what happened?" I say, noticing that the Hokage and Kakashi shared the look.

You know. The look.

The look you give your friend when someone mentions one word that relates to an inside joke that only the two of you know.

Yeah, that look.

Except for the fact that the look the Hokage and Kakashi shared was not one where it felt like a, 'It's an inside joke!' But, more like a, 'She knows too much and now we must eliminate her,' one.

The office was too quiet after I had answered, until Naruto yelled out, "Wow! That's so cool! You can see the futu-"

Which was promptly then cut off by Sakura telling him to shut up followed by a slap. This might be fun, after all.

After resting for a while, the four of you met at Konoha gates to depart on this new journey of friendship and love. Well, that was what you wanted to believe. You sighed, as the 6 of you walked out of Konoha, Tazuna (the man who you had to protect) shooting snarky comments every now and then to Naruto, who (much to the amusement of both you and Kakashi) got quickly riled up.

"You want me to believe that this kid is able to protect me?! Ha! It's more probable for me to drown in concrete than that ever happening!"

"Hey! Shut it, you old geezer!"

"You noisy little brat!"

Before Naruto could lunge at this old man, Kakashi once again (for the sixteenth time in the past 15 minutes) yanked Naruto away from the ground by the scruff of his neck. Naruto grumbled as Sakura reprimanded him, before apologising again and again to the 'poor old man'. Sasuke hadn't spoken a single word

This was then repeated again when we passed a random puddle in the middle of the dirt road.

You sighed, slouching a little as you walked past this puddle, slowing down just so you could walk right next to Kakashi, and inevitably receive front-row tickets to whatever was going to happen next. Stopping in your steps, to Kakashi's confusion, you bent down to take off your shoes, feeling the whoosh of air pass right above you and hearing the screams of Naruto and Sakura.

Shoes off, you came face to face with the saddest battle scene in the history of battle scenes. In other words, Naruto was freaking the fuck out, Sakura looked like she had lost her mind, and Sasuke.

Well, Sasuke was team carrying.

But, this battle was taking a bit too long for your liking.

Sighing for the umpteenth time of this day (you noticed that you had been sighing a lot recently and you blamed it on 'stink bag'), you dropped your shoes and immediately stomped the ground, raising a chuck of earth the size of Sasuke's ego - for those that don't know, it was just a large piece of rock. Stepping forward and punching it with both hands, this massive piece of earth began to fly towards the unexpected visitors (at an unexpectedly high speeds), smashing one of them through several trees and surprisingly also demolishing the chain that linked the both of them.

Uh, hello? Mou here. I just want to break it to our fine reader here, but I think you just straight up murdered that guy, nothing wrong with a bit of murder, but did you have to do it in front of the kids? No, you didn't. But you went through with it anyway. Do you know how much paperwork this is going to be for me? Surprisingly, not a lot.

Turning to face the other surprise visitor, you quickly summoned a red-hot flame in both of your hands before rushing towards them, a bored look on your face. Throwing fiery balls of hatred, you managed to get close enough to kick him where the sun doesn't shine, but Sasuke had managed to not only get in your way, but also pin attacker number 2 to a tree with a couple of kunais.

Skidding to a stop by digging your heels into the dirt, you looked at Sasuke as he nonchalantly shoved both of his hands into his pockets and walked back to the main group.

'This guy. This guy is an A-grade asshole. I actually cannot believe he gets worse, like you would think that right now, this is scraping the bottom of the barrel. But, no. He just happens to exceed my expectations and become an even bigger asshole.' I thought, barely managing to keep my eyebrow from twitching in amusement. A short silence had fallen on your small group, as I turned to face a shocked Naruto, a shaking Sakura, a nonchalant Sasuke, a terrified bridge builder, and an indifferent Kakashi. Oh, Kakashi is alive?

Zoning out, I walked back to pick up my shoes, dusting my feet off before slipping them back on. Looking up, I nearly snorted at the sight of Naruto waving his arms around as Kakashi attempted to bandage Naruto's hand. Before we could continue on our way to our destination, Kakashi turned to me and asked, "So, [f.name]. What is the name of that jutsu you just did?"

Shooting him finger guns, I smoothly replied with, "I don't kiss and tell, sir. But, if you must know, it's called a secret."

Kakashi sighed.

Earth-bending skills: 7 out of 10

Fire-bending skills: 6 out of 10

Acting skills: 1000 out of 10

Probability of survival: 68.47%

#wishful thinking volume i #naruto x reader #naruto various x reader #x reader #reader insert

21 notes · View notes

minimalexertion · 5 years

Text

Chapter 3

Lives Worth Saving

Chapter 3: Identifying the most Valuable People

Step 5 - Finding Valuable Lives

Every single character that displays the characteristics of a main character or important side character (e.g. strangely coloured/styled hair, overly-determined about a single goal, somehow inspires others because of that goal, makes everyone like them through actions etc.) will often have a tragic back story. However, you cannot save all of these lives. Some deaths are pivotal in the story to motivate other characters and drive them to accomplish things they would have never dreamed of.

The lives worth saving must tick off the following 5 requirements, known as 'The 5 Principles of Hasamelis':

Must have an important part in the story for the future;

Saving their lives will not, in anyway, impact the progress of the characters around them;

Their existence must contribute to the better good of the collective;

If a villain, they have shown remorse and/or guilt for their previous actions; and

The dimension traveller must not have, in anyway, have saved their lives because they were important to the traveller on a personal level.

Once the person has ticked off all 5 requirements, they are deemed as a 'salvum hominem' and their lives are now under your protection.

Handy Tip #7: Although we love redemption arcs, some villains will not be able to experience this despite your best efforts to push them in that direction. It is better to finish them where they are instead of wasting time listening to their tragic backstory.

Handy Tip #8: Try not get too attached to characters, which will hinder your abilities to perform this step. Instead, try to become friends with the characters that have a 90% ~ 100% chance of surviving until the end of the story {see the character profiles given by your assigned protector eorum for more information}.

Handy Tip #9: If you know the name of the "show" in which the new dimension exists, then the chances are that the show is named after the main character.

Note: Even though the main character is important, it is very rare that they will die, so you do not need to worry about their lives as much as you need to.

Opening the door to the Hokage's office with a quiet, "Pardon my intrusion," You slipped through the door, only to come face to face with 5 'strangers'. Well, you could recognise everyone there, but how creepy would it be for someone (who you don't know) to approach you and suddenly say, "Hey, kid. You don't know me but I know you, and you're going to be a raging psychopath hell-bent on revenge which will get your ass whooped more times than you would like."

Yeah, definitely not creepy at all.

The Hokage seemed to brighten up at your appearance, whilst the other 5 (2 adults and 3 children) looked baffled at your arrival. "Ah, [f.name]! Nice of you to join us at last." The Hokage said, his smile kind and his voice gentle.

Your eyebrow twitched, "No offence, Gramps. But, you literally made me wait outside for 1 hour just so we could have a a dramatic entrance where they'll think that I'm cool, so we'll all get along." You shot back snidely, the smirk dancing on your lips the only indication that it was a jest. Walking right up to the Hokage, punching his shoulder gently as a greeting (which would hopefully defuse the sudden appearance of strange tension in the room). The Hokage only shook his head, chuckling, as the adult with a scar across the bridge of his noise completely lost his mind.

'That man, I feel like I should know him. I knew I should've read those character profiles that 'stink-bag' [your 'guardian angel' was now currently demoted to insulting nicknames] gave me.' You thought, your eyes narrowed and finger scratching your chin as you stood there thinking about his face for a bit too long.

The familiar feeling of the Hokage's hand ruffling your [length] [colour] hair drew you back into the present, as he mockingly asked, "So, are you going to introduce yourself, [f.name]?"

"Oh yeah. Forgot about that." You replied, snapping back to reality. Turning your attention to the 3 kids and single adult in front of you, you quickly bowed, "I apologise for my rude behaviour. I am [f.name] [l.name], feel free to call me [f.name]. I hope we can all get along, like back in middle-school - not like any of you know what middle-school is. I just moved here a couple of weeks ago and I'm here for a good time, not a long time." You stood straight, a large smile on your face.

A small silence followed after your introduction, before the masked man with silver hair (which was, honestly, a little frightening at its apparent disregard for physics) waved, his one visible eye closed, and introduced himself, "I am Kakashi Hatake, your new teacher," He then gestured to the 3 kids, "And this is Naruto, Sakura and Sasuke. We're glad to have you on our team."

Your [colour] eyes scanned over a blond boy, a pinkette, and a gloomy dark-haired boy. I mean seriously, the third kid could probably suck out all the light in a room. Before dismissing them as some random 'side-characters', you jolted, a nervous sweat breaking out on the palms of your hands. When you heard the name Naruto, you could feel the remains of your soul attempting to escape. You were on the team. The team with the main character, which will also mean the team with the hardest work. You had a suspicion that the blond child was Naruto, but now you were sure.

Great, chances of surviving past the age of 15 is probably now dwindling in the single digits.

I narrowed my only visible eye at this [colour] haired girl. She didn't look like she was strong, but she wasn't weak either. I let out a resigned sigh as Naruto immediately thought that it would be a good idea to start rambling about his 'skills' and ambitions, even going as far as to shove his entire body into the poor girl's personal space. Feeling the beginning of what would be the 15th headache of the day, I quickly stepped in as I saw Naruto start to roll up his sleeves.

"I'm going to be the Hokage one day, believe it!"

"Sure, buddy. Don't know why you have to scream it into my face, but you do you, boo."

"You don't believe me, do ya?!"

"Uh, you asked me if I believed you and I said sure, so I have no idea what you are screaming about."

"I'll show you!"

"Uh... okay?"

Swiftly grabbing Naruto by the collar of his orange jumpsuit, I sigh quietly, shooting the new girl an apology over Naruto's constant yelling, "Sorry about Naruto, [f.name]."

She just shrugged carelessly, finger gunning as she replied with a, "It's cool. Kid must have not had a good support system if he says stuff like that. I get it," Before casually strolling out the doors.

'She knows something.'

The moment I had exited the room, I felt the tension in my shoulders disappear. About to walk outside to bask in the sunlight before it became dark, I felt a hand grasp my shoulder. Hearing the Hokage's eerie voice, I shuddered, "Ah. [f.name]. Leaving so soon? We're just about to discuss mission details."

Snapping to attention, I quickly replied with a frightened screech and a salute before making my way back into the office, palms sweaty, knees weak, and arms heavy, as I gulped at the forced smile on the Hokage's face. Closing the door quietly behind me, I let out a nervous laugh as I met Sakura's quizzical gaze.

Turning my attention back to the Hokage, I quickly caught the next sentence out of his mouth, which made my jaw drop to the floor, "You will all be bodyguards on this C-rank mission."

Now, I know I haven't seen any episodes of Naruto, but I did read the episode synopsis of the first 20 episodes, so I sure as hell know that this is going to be a hard time for me.

Sweating slightly, I heard Sakura ask, worry evident in her tone, "[f.name], are you okay? You look a little pale."

Gulping slightly, I decided this would be the best time to pretend I was a fortune teller and thus put my excellent acting skills to use. Swooning slightly, I let out a groan as my eyelids fluttered quickly. Sakura quickly grabbed me in an attempt to hold me upright while I grasped onto her, looking her right in her bright green eyes with my own wide [colour] eyes, before muttering urgently, "Mirrors are dangerous. There's no way out!" Before collapsing onto the floor and into Sakura's arms.

"Sensei!!"

Sakura's piercing shriek made me aware of the credibility of my acting skills, which was only further strengthened by Naruto also screaming, Kakashi looking into my blank eyes, and the sound of the chair screeching as the Hokage rushed to my side.

"[f.name], what's wrong?! Are you okay?" The Hokage asked, his voice panicked and urgent. "What do you mean mirrors are dangerous and there's no way out?"

I let my body slump weakly onto the floor, before looking at Sasuke. Weakly raising a finger, I pointed to him, much to his displeasure (which I didn't necessarily care for since I was reveling in the look of disgust on his face) and quietly croaked out, "You will die in the mirror maze, Sasuke Uchiha."

With Sasuke's black eyes widened in shock, I remained a steady eye contact with him as I slowly lowered my arm, before closing my eyes for a quick snooze. If I wanted this to be realistic and say I have an overpowered ability, then there has to be major drawbacks, and the only thing I can think of right now is falling asleep right after a 'prediction.'

Ignoring the exclamations of the people around me, I let myself take a 10 minute nap, and to be completely honest, after all the shit I have been through and the stuff I have yet to experience, I think I deserved it.

Step 6 - How to Gain Trust

Just be "honest" and hardworking. Have the type of personality that everyone likes to be around. But you must have a few believable flaws, such as never being on time, always forgetting to wear socks, never eating breakfast, bringing dishonour onto your family name, etc.

When this part is done, start to build a meaningful relationship with the people, remembering their likes and dislikes, important dates and people in their lives, and overall just being a really good friend.

Handy Tip #10: The quietest people are often the most interesting and easiest to get along with.

First impressions: 8 out of 10

Acting skills: 15 out of 10

Fortune telling abilities: 9 out of 10

Probability of survival: 43.49%

#wishful thinking volume i #naruto x reader #naruto various x reader #x reader #reader insert

10 notes · View notes

minimalexertion · 5 years

Text

Chapter 2

Blending into the New Dimension

After that whole fiasco of waking up, passing out, then waking up once again, only to pass out again, then finally waking up and being able to stay awake, the Hokage (bless his heart) had allowed you to stay with him.

You had a small room to yourself, a couple of belongings that he had given you, such as clothes, a bed and a couple of small bits and pieces, and most importantly of all, your privacy. You lay, slumped on the comfy bed, staring angrily at the small black handbook. Unsurprisingly, step 3 of chapter 1 was 'Finding a Place to Stay.'

Step 3 - Finding a Place to Stay

This will, most likely, be the hardest step to complete. Finding a place to stay is often difficult due to the fact that you are an anomaly. However, the best people to ask for a place to stay are in fact, no offence, old and single people. Especially women.

If you appeal to the motherly or fatherly side of people, you will increase your probability of surviving and therefore the success of your mission to saving valuable lives.

If you are without parental figures, or a guardian, in this new world it is probably best to befriend a few of the popular locals. This is mainly to create a bond between you and the place in which you have been dropped off at. Undoubtedly, you will get attached and most likely refer to them as your parental figures the longer you stay, but it is nicer to come back to a warm bed and friendly faces, than a cold house. Just a tip, by the way.

Handy Tip #4: If possible, try to find a temporary guardian who is not essential to the plot, as you may put them into danger just for harbouring a stranger.

Handy Tip #5: Find a temporary guardian who won't ask too many questions about your past, what you know etc.

You growled angrily, before grabbing your pillow and screaming into it. After letting out your pent up anger at your so called 'guardian angel' you returned to the notebook to quickly read through chapter 2: 'Blending Into your New Dimension'.

Step 4 - Assimilate the Culture

Take some time to learn about the cultural differences between this new world and the one you were previously in. It will take some time but by doing so, you can 'blend' into the crowd and not (as some people say) stick out like a sore thumb. Try to learn the culture from mature people/beings, it will help you understand what is acceptable and what is not, making your reputation credible and as a result, statements you will say in the future will be believable and trusted.

To do this, observe the every day lives of a few locals and try to pick up some slang that is appropriate for your age.

Handy Tip #6: Try to befriend the 'protagonist', i.e. the main character of the dimension you are in. Not only will you learn the culture quickly, but you will also be on good terms with the winning side and therefore have, "plot armour".

Note: Observing does not mean stalking.

Step three sounded easy enough, but step 4 made you want to rip out all the hair on your head, make a wig out of all that hair, then rip it out once again. You, a responsible 18 year old adult, have to be friends with an annoying 12 year old child?!

You glared at your reflection in the mirror, as one thing that Dara [you had revoked your guardian angel's right of formalities and respect] forgot to mention was that you had to live out the rest of the timeline starting from the age of 12. Which just means, that not only would you have to experience the beauty of puberty again, but you would have to deal with a bunch of other kids, who had not experienced puberty, experience puberty for the first time.

The sound of your door bursting open and a small child screaming, "I have you where I want you!" Which was promptly followed by your body being tackled to the floor by an 8 year old boy. You sighed, as Konohamaru began laughing as he stood over your limp body.

You regretted not watching at least 10 episodes of Naruto when your friend had shown you the first episode. Heck, they would be laughing at your predicament right now, probably mocking you by cackling, 'Look at who's laughing now, [f.name]! Look at who's 'meaningless' hobby is suddenly super important!'

On the upside, one could call Konohamaru [the Hokage's grandson] your minion. Strangely, Konohamaru had taken an instant liking to you, following you everywhere (when possible) and trying to teach you the customs of Konoha. In return, you thought of him as a younger brother who you would kill and seriously maim people for.

Konohamaru was quiet, confused at your still body, edging closer bit by bit until he was close enough to poke you in the face with his finger. "Hey, [f.name]?"

As quick as lightening, well as quickly as your 'frail' 12 year old body would allow you, you leapt forth at Konohamaru with a playful growl. Instantly, he let out a loud squeal, giggling as you scooped him up in your arms. "Who has come forth? Who demands to speak to the beast?" You growled out, channelling your best lion-from-the-cave-of-wonders-in-Aladdin impression, squishing Konohamaru's cheeks playfully between your hands, as he laughed and squirmed in your grip.

Wriggling his way out of your hold, Konohamaru sprinted out of your room, laughing the entire time. Chuckling quietly, you shoved the small notebook safely into your pouch and chased after him, making weird dinosaur noises all the while.

"Sir, can we really trust this [l.name] girl?"

The Hokage stared at Iruka blankly before replying, "I don't see why not?"

Iruka looked baffled, his eyes wide, before he managed to stutter a comprehensible answer, "W-well, she could be a spy? Or even worse, a human weapon?!"

The Hokage lay one hand reassuringly onto Iruka's shoulder, "I know about your fears, but I need you to trust me when I say, she poses no harm for Konoha and its people. In fact, I truly believe she will be a formidable Shinobi."

Iruka only gave the Hokage a grim smile. Before jolting quickly as he realised, "Wait, Sir! Shinobi! Are you going to train her to be a Shinobi?! All the teams have already been finalised and they've already gone on their first few mission!"

Chuckling, the Hokage merely nodded his head, "Don't worry, Iruka. I know what I'm doing, she'll be ready to join a team, and I think I know which one I have in mind."

Dear Diary To Bob this weak-ass journal that I've decided to keep so I know that I won't go insane,

A few months have passed since I first came to this dimension. I found out I had a knack for fire-bending, or as good-old Gramps said, "Your chakra nature seems to be fire," whatever that means.

Gramps (something that I referred to the Hokage as since I decided that he would be my adopted guardian in this universe) had an Anbu member train me on simple hand to hand combat, weapon handling, as well as some simple jutsus. Jutsus which I immediately forgot right after the poor Anbu taught me. Sorry, but it's just takes too much time to remember those hand symbols. Also, I couldn't really do those jutsus anyway, so who cares.

And, if I was to be honest with the characters, I spent way too much time trying to be as cool as Azula or Toph from the TV series for someone who was trying to catch up to the other kids.

My fire-bending skills was passable, my earth-bending tolerable, my water-bending skills were kind of there, and my air-bending skills were completely non-existent (which was pretty dumb considering that the main character of the fucking TV show was an air-bender, but whatever). Dara comes to speak with me in my dreams, which is a little weird, at least she's telling me how to control these weird-bending powers, Toph made earth-bending look so easy.

Konohamaru had shown me around the town and introduced me a few nice people in return for the stories I keep telling him. It won't be long before I run out of Disney plots to talk about. Other than that, I kept eating out at this ramen place which will not only put a dent in my wallet but also my health, something I'm not ashamed of, by the way. It's not my fault that their food is so god dang delicious. I also learnt a few customs, like how it's apparently "offensive" to fling oneself out of windows in the hope that I can air-bend.

Anyway, haven't met the main character yet, but I found that the notebook also has pages on the synopsis of this show in the back, so guess who's becoming a fortune teller?

I am, bitch.

Talking about the future, and the main character, the Hokage said he was going to have me skip the "graduation exam" (which sounds very important) and chuck me onto a team already. I'm supposed to meet them later today, so hopefully they all turn out to be, at the very least, tolerable, and considering my situation they'll probably be the main characters too.

Great.

Sighing, I closed the small journal that I was given by the Hokage and promptly hid it in the underwear drawer of my dresser. I cannot deny that I have gotten used to this new life of mine, training and learning new things every day. Amazingly, I haven't gotten anyone killed or seriously injured yet, which is probably a testament of my ability to not give a single fuck, but who knows?

Getting up and stretching my legs slowly, I wondered out of my room and found myself face to face with good-ol' gramps.

"Are you ready to meet them, [f.name]?"

Air-bending skills: 3.4 out of 10

Number of fucks given: At least 1

Probability of survival: 87.63%

#wishful thinking volume i #naruto x reader #naruto various x reader #x reader #reader insert

7 notes · View notes

minimalexertion · 5 years

Text

Chapter 1

New Dimension Basics

I awake to the sterile smell that reminded me of the GP I always avoided and the sights of blinding lights and a spotless white interior. I could feel the small notebook safely tucked away into the band of my underwear, and a bandage wrapped firmly around my head. A quiet gasp and almost indistinguishable mutter of, "She's awake," Let me know that there was another person in the room, before the sound of a chair screeching across a linoleum floor and light footsteps that faded slowly alerted me of that person's disappearance. I let out a loud groan and lazily took out the small black notebook, my eyebrow twitching as I read the title printed in obnoxious racing-car red: 'A Comprehensive How-to Guide for the Newly Initiated Dimension Travellers.'

Letting out a resigned sigh, I turned to the first chapter, which was conveniently titled, 'Chapter 1: New Dimension Basics.' Before reading the first couple of passages:

Step 1 - Regain Your Bearings

It is always best to orientate yourself first, i.e. to 'place yourself on an imaginary map', before considering any other actions. The easiest way to do this is by asking people (what a shocker) where you are instead of pretending to know. It might also be a good idea to ask, what year is this or what the current date is.

It might be tempting to say, "My time travel machine worked!" But this may place unnecessary expectations onto yourself, which will surely 'bite you in the ass' in the future. This statement may also cause grievous bodily harm and/or death. An example is the tragic demise of dimension traveller #24012000, when she was sent to the dimension A110 - time point 1426. Though it was #24012000 18th time saving valuable lives, they were unable to meet the required target [Joan of Arc] as #24012000 was sentenced to death for witchcraft and their body was unable to be recovered.

Handy Tip #1: Ask for map of the land and/or country/city you are in.

Handy Tip #2: Don't reveal or say anything that may jeopardise your health, well-being and, most importantly, life.

After reading the passage, I felt my stomach drop. The revelation that people have died because of this so called dimension travelling made me sick.

Death was permanent. There are no do-overs, no second-tries. You don't get a second chance.

I could feel the tears welling-up in the corner of my eyes as I let this new information sink in. Taking in a few deep breaths, I continued to read:

Step 2 - Establishing an Alibi

It is a bad idea to disclose information on how you came to be where you are now. If anything, the truth will make them suspicious and paranoid, however a lie will break the trust you will build with them later on. Therefore, it is easier to just pretend you have a 'sixth sense' and amnesia. It will be easier for all characters involved, and most importantly yourself, in the future that you do not indulge them to the facts of your origin.

If pressed to establish where you came from, it is just easier to say, "I don't know." Or, "I don't remember." Or any other variant of the two.

Handy Tip #3: The more tears you put into your performance, the more believable you will be. Tears will trigger a human's (or other highly intelligent being if the world does not have humans) empathetic response. That is, be as convincing as you possibly can.

Note: lying about whether you know a language or not will dampen your chances of survival by at least 30%.

The sound of footsteps approached the door to what I now deemed as my, 'Let's throw [f.name] a pity party', room got louder. Fighting back the waterworks, I quickly shove the little guide back into my underwear and glance at the door expectantly.

The Hokage didn't know is he should be worried or suspicious of a strange girl that Izumo and Kotetsu had found at the Konoha gates. The girl was ice-cold to the touch and barely breathing when they brought her in, and after some thought, he settled for worried.

The nurse had quickly informed him of the girl's awakening and he took it upon himself to discover where she was from. Shaking his head in amusement as he heard the laughter of children outside, he quietly opened the door of the girl's temporary room, his soft gaze landing on the wide awake [colour] haired girl.

"My child, do you know where you are?"

I blinked slowly, letting the old man's words fly completely over my head. I might die in this world, but I'll be damned if I don't go down in history as the world's best actress.

Willing for the tears to well up in my eyes once more, I promptly burst into tears in front of the two people who had made their way to my bedside. Covering my face with both of my hands, I just wailed as if everyone I knew and loved disappeared. Which was, most likely, not a lie.

Wailing loudly, I felt fat crocodile tears slide down my cheeks as I cry out a barely distinguishable, "I miss my parents." A hand pet my head soothingly, as if prompting me to give more details. Keeping both step 1 and 2 of the handbook in mind, I sobbed out a fake scenario that would put fake YouTube apology videos to shame.

"I don't know how I g-got here. I c-can't remember how. I don't e-even know where I am! It was just supposed to be a game of hide-and-seek with my friends, b-but now I'm here? I don't even know where here is?!"

I wailed and continued to bawl my eyes out for a few more minutes, before I let it die down slowly to a couple of sniffles and tearful hiccups. Muttering a quiet thank you as the old man passed me a few tissues, I asked in a whispered, "What is this place?"

"You're in Konoha Hospital, my child." The old man replied, a kind smile on his face. "I am Hiruzen Sarutobi, the third Hokage."

'Hm, okay. A man of power and influence. That's nice to know, but what year is it?' You thought to yourself, your brain operating at least ten times quicker than it would when you would take a mathematics test. You blinked slowly, before turning to face the Hokage with a small and quivering smile, "This may sound strange, but ah, can I ask what the date is?"

The Hokage chuckled, "No question is too strange, and it's the 5th of January."

Was it strange to say that the Hokage reminded you of your grandmother? Old. Wise. Gentle. Could kick your ass when needed to? God dang, the thought of your family made tears well up in your eyes again, at least you can say that if you burst into tears once more that it was method acting. You were too busy caught up in your thoughts to realise that the nurse had checked all of your vitals and that the Hokage was asking a question.

A hand ruffling your [length] [colour] hair startled you out of your daze, as he asked, "What's your name, small one?"

A small smile wormed its way onto your face as you replied in probably the softest voice you could muster, "[f.name]. My name is [f.name] [l.name]."

First impressions: 8 out of 10

Acting skills: 11 out of 10

Probability of survival: 48.32%

#wishful thinking volume i #naruto various x reader #x reader #reader insert #naruto x reader

10 notes · View notes

minimalexertion · 5 years

Photo

Have a look at my ‘most-likely’ chapter titles for the next few chapters of Wishful Thinking.

I’m proud. *sniffs*

Also, I ain’t dead and I promise to post what I currently have of Wishful Thinking to Tumblr soon, instead of just having the prologue here.

Thanks for being patient.

#wishful thinking volume i

1 note · View note

minimalexertion · 5 years

Note

Do you take requests? K, thanx

Salutations, friend.

I do not take requests, I’m not that great at writing them at all. In fact, I’m quite terrible at it. Sorry.

0 notes

minimalexertion · 5 years

Text

Prologue

A series of Strange, yet somehow perfectly explainable events

As you look back on what had just occurred in the past 30 minutes, by all means, it was improbable that you could have gotten yourself into this mess. But then again, it was not always clear to how you got yourself in this situation. Maybe it was not your fault in the first place. After all, was it really your fault that you decided to return the package at your door, for the single reason that it did not belong to you but to Ms Dara, the nice old lady next door who always made an excuse to gift you with freshly baked goods, her macadamia and white chocolate cookies were pieces of heaven in bite-sized pieces that - you were not embarrassed to admit – you would kill for.

It was definitely not your fault when the package exploded in your face when you reached the nicely painted white door of Ms Dara, which you yourself had just painted 2 weekends ago in return for the buttery goodness of Ms Dara’s famed apple pie.

Hence, by proof of common sense and the need to not be the one to blame, you have concluded that it was not your fault. Which, surprisingly, made a whole lot more sense than it should.

If anything did not make sense, it was the fact that your face had not been blown off or your eyes blinded by the brilliant flash of white when the package did explode. But here you are, unharmed, dazed, and surprisingly not dead. Well, not dead, yet. Considering the fact that you are currently suspended at least 200 metres in the air, over a nice green and luscious forest, but it was most likely that you – according to the ancient laws of physics in cartoons - will not be floating any longer. The sound of wind whooshing past your ears and clothes did, in fact, prove you right of the falling to your death hypothesis.

Nice.

You get to fall to your death. At least it will quick and painless.

Well, hopefully.

Hurtling towards the ground at an acceleration of 10 metres per second [thank you high school physics teacher for this useless, yet surprisingly, insightful fact] you wondered if you would ever get to taste Ms Dara’s rich and decadent triple-chocolate cake with strawberries ever again.

As your body rushed towards a small clearing in the forest, you came into terms with your imminent death, even daring to do a couple of somersaults and silly poses on your descent.

Just as you were about to hit the tree line, you could feel your body slow down gradually until you were gently placed upon the grassy ground softly. This strange occurrence allowed to think, ‘Huh. I’m either going insane, or there is some strange shit going down,’ Before the appearance of a bright light and Ms Dara’s glowing form appeared before you. Which then gave way to the thoughts, ‘Ms Dara either gave me pot brownies, or I’m suddenly the main character of a new story who is about to gain seriously overpowered powers.’

Ms Dara, as stated before, was your kind neighbour. She was an old woman, who gave off a loving grandmother vibe, further accentuated by her flowery, woolly cardigans, her gold-rimmed round glasses and her perfume [which was Chanel No. 5]. She always seemed to have a small knowing and warm smile on her face, with twinkling kind hazel eyes that sparkled cheerfully when she smiled bright and wide, accentuating the deep crows feet at the corners of her eyes.

In conclusion, she looked like a harmless old lady.

But that conclusion was quickly dashed when Ms Dara turned into a beautiful, youthful woman right in front of your eyes. It’s official. You’re definitely dead and there is something resembling an afterlife. Well, you believed all that until Ms Dara spoke in that sweet voice of hers.

“Hello, [f.name]. I’ve watched you for a while, and you are definitely someone who will do a lot of good. Especially in this world. Come, let me fill you in.” M. Dara said, reaching out her hand to take yours, a warm smile still plastered on her face.

‘What the fuck?’ You thought to yourself, before reaching for her hand. Your [colour] eyes puzzled, as you stood up. Just as Ms Dara was about to lead you who-knows-where, you froze, effectively stopping Ms Dara from walking any further. She sent you a quizzical stare and had opened her mouth to speak when you interrupted her with, “Wait, what is happening? You were old-looking around a minute ago, and not to offend you or anything, but that transformation thing you did. Yeah, that was hella creepy.”

You even had the audacity to slump back onto the ground, your hands gripping your head in confusion, whilst you rambled on. A lilting laugh, made you raise your head and watch as Ms Dara chuckled. ‘Okay, a little rude, Ms Dara. Yeah, let’s go laugh at the girl who is suffering from ‘what-the-fuck-is-this-itis.’ You thought before Ms Dara spoke in that gentle tone of hers, “My child, [f.name]. I am, what you may call, a benevolent guardian angel. I have taken you out of your world into another because I believe you can change the fate of some of the people around here in this world.”

Resigned to your fate, you gingerly stood back up again, and brushed the dirt off your pants. Shoulders slumped, eyes tired, you asked, “And what world would this be?”

“Oh, it’s Naruto. I have heard that your friend has shown you a couple of episodes?”

Ms Dara’s prompt response made you freeze. Great. Your probability of surviving was probably dwindling in the single digits at that revelation.

“Don’t worry. I will be giving you a few tools to help you along the way.” Your ‘kind’ guardian angel added before she grabbed your hands in hers. “I know how much you like Princess Azula’s fire-bending power in that little cute T.V. show. So, I’ll give you elemental bending powers.” Ms Dara grinned, before quickly adding, “Oh, I’m also giving you this handy handbook that has tips and tricks on what to do when you’re in another dimension!”

And before you could protest, a small book was shoved into your hands and a bright white light blinded you once again.

Out of every fictional universe your 'guardian angel’ could have dumped you in, she chose the one you had the least knowledge of? The only knowledge you had were the following dot points:

Naruto was the main character.

Something about ninjas?

And if you tried to think very hard, you could remember another couple of dot points:

A duck-but?

There’s some strange evil shit going on, like some demons or something, and

This was playing out exactly like that fanfiction your friend made you read.

You awoke, curled up on the cold, hard ground. Blinking your eyes quickly to get rid of the black spots that danced in your vision, you sat up slowly, wincing at a pounding headache that thrummed in your ears. Taking a quick look around you felt the handbook your lousy guardian angel gave you safely tucked away underneath your clothes, and you also noticed two people looking at you as if you were some weird anomaly.

But, to be fair, you were just some random person they found passed out on the ground so you could forgive them for that. Groaning, you stood up slowly, walked a couple of metres towards the two figures – who looked like they were ready to cut your head off – croaked out a measly, “Where am I?” before passing out once again as you collapsed.

First impressions: 6.5 out of 10.

The probability of survival: 38.24%

#wishful thinking volume i #naruto x reader #x reader #naruto various x reader #reader insert

14 notes · View notes