So…! This week I bought a drawing tablet for a laptop. Im mainly a traditional artist, and only use digital art for sketches and drafts, so it wasn’t a huge priority to get one. But since I did receive some money for Christmas, I thought might as well.

So the tablet I bought was actually recommended by a friend, it is a Veikk Viola L.

As someone who has previously used a Wacom Intuos Touch, Wacom Bamboo, and An IPad with an Apple Pencil, I have to say this tablet tops all of those. It feels far more sturdier than those Wacoms I used, its far more tactile feeling than an Ipad (maybe all of them, even), and it just feels extremely smooth and responsive and just feels nice - all for the price of under £40.

The shortcuts, I actually like using them, and I use them religiously. There is a dial, and four mechanical keys. Not only are they customisable in its input, but the keys are mechanical keycaps, meaning that you can remove them to customise it slightly! I don't own mechanical keyboards, but it does make me smile a little bit, maybe I’ll even one day buy some custom keys for fun, hehe…..

But anyways, this tablet actually makes me want to draw now, it feels great. Heres a sketch I made on clip studio. Super nice to do.

Oh by the way!! Sorry if my writing in this blog sometimes seems off…I’m not a writer really, the best I can do is analytical writing and the worst I can do is creative writing. Plus the added dyslexia and ASD does make the SPAG and just the general voice of it may sound weird…because of this I might start to read more about general writing!! It’s definitely a thing I want to get better at.

A few hours ago, me and my siblings were talking to each other at 1am after we had dinner at a restaurant, where they all drank. And despite the fact that I didn't drank any alcohol, I was having so much fun that I started to unmask, and I had so much energy that my legs were shaking and I had no volume control, so I was still asked numerous times if I was ok and maybe I should drink some water instead.

When we came home, we talked a lot. First it was about how my brother loved TikTok, then it turned into how I hated TikTok, then it turned into a debate on how different social media work differently and which one is the most effective and accessible for the consumer, and it just escalated more and more.

But keep in mind: my sibling in that room were older than me, as I’m the youngest, and they both worked in corporate jobs as digital designers and marketers in fields where the mission of the product was to make its design addictive to the consumer, so their point mostly consisted on how social media is effective in that. I am an “artist”, especially one who tried to make some mark on the internet. And the jobs I’ve done as I’m writing this is, besides a few art based self employed works, retail assistant, another retail assistant, and multi job roles in a venue. So my points were more in the perspective of someone who uses certain social media themselves.

To end the whole conversation we had, I said, “the-be-all-end-all for these companies is to make money”. Then, my brother immediately said, “What do you go to university for? What do you go to medical school for?”. In my head, I thought to myself, he makes want to say to get a job. He wants to say that everyone wants to make money, and thats the sad reality of the world. I said “Because I want to learn about it because I loved learning about medicine in high school.” He said, “What are you going to do with what you learn? What are you going to gain with that?” And I said, “I’ll just know it. I like learning things because I like knowing things.”

It shocked them. And I don't even think it was in a bad way; they actually liked what I said. I think it was to the point that they thought it was a borderline radical reason behind what I am doing. But, it just made me feel…hopeless.

They both argue about the disadvantages of capitalism, and talk about how things would be better if there was less of it, but the fact that what I said was mainly just “I don’t want to do it for the money” was extremely shocking to them, it just made me think about how ingrained that sort of thing is. I respect my sibling a lot, look up to them, they have encouraged me to make certain life choices. But it makes me think in what ways would people learn if they didn’t have to worry about making money in the end? Would more people learn? I’m not good when it comes to thinking of these things and this is more just a 3am ramble as I hope my medication to kick in anytime soon, so I’m not good at all when it comes to that.

But even then with the initial thought of me thinking ill go to medical school to gain nothing (financial) from it, I sadly have fallen into that trap. Now, I do have a medical career in mind: a research lab technician. A good job if you don’t like interacting with scared people who think they're going to die, seems just like a job where you get told to do things then they leave you to it. I like that sort of thing, I’m less of a people person and more of a doer. But the fact I had to make that choice either way…I scares me just how much of that mentality will infest other aspects of my life, and the other things I like to learn at a cost, and just how far I’ll go to make that money…

Im so sad that because the way our anatomy works we cannot exactly sleep in a circle like how some quadrupeds (like cats) do. It just looks like a hug they give to themselves…it looks so cute….

A (more polished) stamp print i made. Its called…”Paranoia Bunny” :]

Outfit worn on my way back home for the holidays : >

Im far more confident to wear this in the city then I am in my home town/village. I like to call it “business swag”

im just gonna get a medical degree so i can go “um. I have a medical degree. I know what im talking about :)” and then purposefully lie about everything

Wip - lino print of a paranoid bunny

I sewn an apron [smiles]

[thumbs up]

I loved my (non school related) life when i was aged 13-16. However. If I posted any photo of me I still have during that time, I don't think any of you would live it down for as long as I live.

In a small way, I’m glad I have a job where I meed a lot of people per shift. Not only because I earn money from it so I can make more art, though that is my #1 priority. But you also see so many other different types of people.

You see old people, young people, children, even my coworkers change per shift and theres slight variation with them too. You see how people act with people they know, and then how they act with you, for better or for worse. Its far better than an educational setting, where it’s usually 30-100 people of the same age range and then maybe max 2 people who are older than you.

As an artist, its pretty much a reference dream. What I do sometimes is whenever I’m serving one every few people, I just concentrate on the way they look and act, trying to look at the larger identifiers. Of course, you can do it too much or else it will look weird, but it’s something I’m starting to do more of as I have another shift.

I miss the reception of Undertale when it was only released for a few months. I dont think people really understand or remember how much of a big thing it was.

I was 12 when I first experienced that game. And though it is indicative of me being 12 of that time, playing undertale for the first time was like playing a video game for the first time, despite the fact I have played plenty of games before. Listening to the Undertale soundtrack was like hearing music for the first time ever, and I’ve listened to music constantly back then, but this? This felt like a new kind of music, music 2.

To me, every track was iconic. Every new moment, new character, new chapter, new joke, felt like opening a new kind of present. Seeing all of the secrets, easter eggs, and other hidden things in this game and outside of it from scouring the internet felt like urban legends. Though it wasn’t the first, it was an early and the most popular example of using video game meta, fourth wall breaking, and character awareness as an essential part of its plot. Reception from that game gotten to the point where common, old methods of storytelling, music, and others used in the game were hailed as never seen before works of genius, which I think is a testament of how well utilised they were. In such a short game compared to, say, larger non-indie games, it was jam packed with so many meaningful things in such small volumes, it was like punch after punch after punch.

Undertale is undoubtedly inspiring, both in and out of the game. Its reception was huge, and has a spotlight in mainstream video game media, despite being an indie video game with visuals initially giving it the perception of being a lesser game for its time. But I believe that added to the game, looking like a typical classic, pixelated RPG game despite being a anti-RPG that has much of the likes to Moon RPG Remix Adventure, which was possibly the first of its kind and more explicit in its deconstruction. The sheer simplicity of its visual style and then suddenly getting hit with the head with what the game is actually probably what made playing the game for the first time such a shocker to most, thus making it even more popular. But even with it being mainstream and a household name for fans of video games, its message was about love.

Many view relationships as “bases”. Theres talking, friendship, dating, and in some cases, sex. But most forget about the secret yet still very important base: you telling the other guy to kill themselves and it being treated an an endearing thing.

Do any of you remember when you were a child? Sometimes, you’d see a dead rat on the ground, and then all or your activities of the day just had to do about looking at this dead rat. Just standing there, looking at this dead rat for an hour. And then someone would come up to you and say, “hey, do you wanna wrestle each other onto the concrete floor like what we do every day?” And you’d go, no, sorry, I’m staring at this dead rat for the whole day. Remember that?